Stephanie Fairyington
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Articles by Stephanie Fairyington
Çocukken Çirkin Sanıyorlardı, Yanıldıklarını Biliyorum
Stephanie Fairyington, 10 yaşındayken bir komşusunun annesine “Bu kim?” diye sormasıyla ilk kez çirkin olduğu söylendi ve bu deneyim onun güzellik algısını derinden etkiledi. Annesi onu güzel olduğuna ikna etmeye çalışsa da toplumun dayattığı güzellik standartları nedeniyle kendini hep çirkin hissetti. Lezbiyen olduğunu kabul ettiğinde ise ilk kez kendini çekici hissettiği bir topluluk buldu. TOPLUMUN ÇİRKİNLİK TANIMIYLA YÜZLEŞME Fairyington, 10 yaşında ergenliğe girmişti.
People considered me ugly as a child. Now, I know they were wrong Original
Learning to love your appearance can be a lifelong journey. Curly_photo/Moment RF/Getty Images See all topics Email Link Copied! EDITOR’S NOTE: Stephanie Fairyington is a journalist in Brooklyn, New York, and author of a new memoir and aesthetic social history called “Ugly: A Letter to My Daughter.” This piece is based on her book. A pseudonym is used for a family member to protect her privacy. I was 10 years old the first time I was basically told I was ugly.
People considered me ugly as a child. Now, I know they were wrong
Stephanie Fairyington, CNN EDITOR'S NOTE: Stephanie Fairyington is a journalist in Brooklyn, New York, and author of a new memoir and aesthetic social history called “ Ugly: A Letter to My Daughter .” This piece is based on her book. A pseudonym is used for a family member to protect her privacy. I was 10 years old the first time I was basically told I was ugly.
What Our Ideas About Ugliness Reveal About Our Anxieties Surrounding Gender
I was assessing my face against my mother’s from my earliest memories, or rather the world around me was, and it was consistently communicating—in a quizzical glance or a compliment withheld or a hostile blank face—that I was falling short, way short. In fact, I remember the exact moment my ugly sense of self went from a hazy half thought to a bright hue of certainty.
The Challenge—and Joy—of Defining and Setting Healthy Boundaries
Figuring out (and asking for) what we need or want can be uniquely challenging, especially for women: We’re socially and culturally conditioned to place our desires beneath those of others. Whether it’s with family members, friends, or colleagues, we don’t want to impose, hurt feelings, or incur displeasure, no matter how uncomfortable or unhealthy a situation is.
How the Owner of an Upscale Family Shop Uplifts the Entire City of Chicago Original
Ellen Stirling, the 73-year-old CEO and owner of The Lake Forest Shop, a local fashion institution in the Chicago area that’s celebrating its 100th anniversary this year, always planned to use her ample advantages to uplift her beloved city of Chicago. Her first major foray into philanthropy and improving the lives of Chicagoans started in 1972 after she graduated from Wheaton College in Norton, Mass. with a B.A. in art history.
Sylvester Stallone's Rocky Has Lessons Every Dreamer Should Heed Original
Forty-five years ago this year, Sylvester Stallone donned a rented tuxedo and went to the Oscars, where his movie Rocky had garnered 10 nominations and ultimately won three, including Best Picture. It was such an unlikely turn of events, like a jackpot lotto win, that every time I hear it, I’m re-inspired and set back on course to live the life I really want. Two years earlier, Stallone was living in a scabby apartment in Hollywood with a mere $106 in his bank account and a dog he couldn’t feed.
Why One Woman Launched Wandering Moms to Help Single Moms Travel Original
Libryia Jones, a remote-work maven and I.T. project manager, wants would-be globe-trotting mothers (and fathers) to know, “You’re not grounded when you have kids. You can travel with them. It’s just figuring out the logistics.” Jones, a single mom and world traveler who has been to 32 countries (including favorites like South Africa, Colombia, and Thailand, which she’s visited multiple times) cofounded Wandering Moms, a travel group for single parents.
Artist J P Brings Us Into the Den of Judy Chicago's Groundbreaking Wo/Manhouse
J P 제피 (formerly Jen Pack / 백희숙 ), the bicultural, Korean-American, bigender, queer artist who goes by s(he) and (he)r pronouns contains multitudes, like the 19th century poet Walt Whitman who famously wrote in "Song of Myself," "Do I contradict myself?/Very well then I contradict myself,/(I am large, I contain multitudes.)" (He)r multitudinous self-articulations are in a state of perpetual tension and discord.
How to Get Through the 5 Stages of a Relationship Breakup
Ending a romantic relationship, whether short-term or long-term, can be a withering and life-draining experience. If you've been with your partner long enough to have built a home and a family together, their absence can feel, quite literally, like a missing limb. There's a kind of fusion that happens in love relationships that makes the severing of the unit excruciatingly painful.
How to Turn Your Positive Mental States Into Long-Lasting Traits
My 6-year-old daughter, Marty, has a book her aunt Mary gave her called In a Jar, by Deborah Marcero. In the story, a little boy rabbit named Llewellyn explores beautiful natural settings—the sea, a forest, a sunset, a snowy hill. Then he bottles the things that bring him joy—rainbows, hot cocoa by the fire, scenes of ice skating, snowball fights, fields of flowers, and shells—and puts them on display on rows of shelves in his house.
How the Founder of the OpEd Project Amplify Marginalized Voices and Changed History
Oprah Daily’s series Good People Doing Great Things highlights everyday heroes who see a need and are stepping up to help. Want to celebrate a local leader who’s making an impact? Email us at OprahDailyStoryIdeas@hearst.com and we may feature them in an upcoming column.
What We Can Learn About How NOT to Lead From Elon Musk
A Yale leadership scholar explains how you — and Musk — can up your management game. Wired’s exposé of the inner workings of Tesla and the combative leadership style of its infamously mercurial leader, Elon Musk — titled “Dr. Elon & Mr. Musk: Life Inside Tesla’s Production Hell” — starts with a harrowing anecdote.
How "Should," "Ought," and "Must" Beliefs Hurt You
I live in a dizzying swirl of “shoulds” that often leave me disappointed with myself and others: I should have studied X in school. My mother should behave X way. My spouse and I should have X amount of money saved. My friends should have X response to X problem. It’s a cruel carousel that never stops. But one day, my spouse, Sabrina, a social worker who enriches our lives with her Dalai Lama levels of wisdom, showed me a way to stop the cycle of failed expectations.
Stephanie Fairyington
Stop “Should-ing” on Yourself Does nobody—including yourself—ever seem to live up to your expectations? Here’s how unrealistic ideals can harm your well-being and ho… By Stephanie Fairyington
Find Your Lightness of Being by Caring a Little Less About Everything
The medical technologist administering my sonogram to look for any masses the mammogram machine may have missed in my dense breasts keeps riding the jellied probe over a specific location like she’s detected something, something alarming. “Do you see anything?” I ask nervously. She waits a few beats to respond while she maintains her iron focus. “The radiologist will have a look,” she says finally—a comment so vague and inconclusive, I can fill it with my imminent demise, and I do.
How to Stop Feeling Bad About Saying Sorry and Learn to Apologize Well
My sorrys are chronic and most often unwarranted. I express contrition for things like lightly brushing someone’s shoulder on the subway, for accidentally dropping my own pen or wallet on the floor, for taking a day to respond to an email, for declining a social invitation, for sneezing. The list, literally, could scroll on and on. It’s a tick I could never seem to kick.
How to Know the Difference Between Lust and Love
The swirl of emotions and chemicals that runs through your body when your eyes land on someone you desire can send your head spinning. One minute you’re fully anchored on the ground—measured, calm, rational—the next you’re a helium balloon, floating into another stratosphere, wild with elation. Only the poets (and psychoanalysts) truly know why one person moves us and another leaves us cold, but when it happens, its power—equal parts pleasure and pain—is undeniable.
Revitalize Your Love Life by Rebuilding Your Emotional Bond
Creating and maintaining a strong emotional bond with your significant other can be challenging, especially in the age of Covid, which has added even more obstacles to cultivating a healthy love life: social isolation, scary health issues or risks, financial difficulties, and honestly too much time together. With extra stress and struggle comes more conflict, less intimacy, and an ever-expanding chasm.
How This Young Man Came Out to His Evangelical Mother
Parker Cunningham, a 32-year-old cisgender gay man, grew up in an evangelical home in Oklahoma, a state LGBTQ+ advocacy group Human Rights Campaign (HRC) identifies as "high priority" for securing even "basic" rights for its queer residents. But years before Parker began grappling with the legal ramifications of being gay in the red state, his church continuously hurled toxic dogmas at him about his future damnation should he act on his most tender affections for other boys.
Our Step-by-Step Guide on How to Find Happiness
Happiness may seem more elusive than ever—a quest as impossible as climbing Kilimanjaro on broken legs—with Covid variants jeopardizing our long-awaited return to normalcy, overtaxing our healthcare system, putting far too many of our lives at risk, and sending us back into dreaded social isolation.
A Meditation Practice for People Who Can’t Sit Still or Quiet Their Minds
yangwenshuangGetty Images The classic image of a modern-day meditator looks something like the calming figure of the Buddha–a man or woman sits with their legs crossed in the traditional lotus position, palms facing up on their knees, a perfectly erect posture, and a facial expression of sweet placidity. To some, it looks like an enviable state of serenity, but for those afflicted with a monkey mind and a spazzy bodily tempo, it looks like a triple root canal at a sadistic dentist’s office.
How to Connect to Your Higher Self and Improve Your Life
Grasping the notion of a “higher self” can seem like a tricky exercise, a challenge better suited to meditators and spiritual gurus. But it’s not as esoteric and abstract as it seems—and the life-changing rewards in store for those who learn to access it are innumerable and invaluable. “You will go through life in a much lighter, more joyful way,” says Scott L. Rogers, the director of the Mindfulness in Law Program at the University of Miami and author of The Elements of Mindfulness.
The Challenge-and Joy-of Defining and Setting Healthy Boundaries
The Joy of Setting Healthy Boundaries PM Images - Getty Images Asking for what we need or want can be challenging, especially for women: We’re conditioned to place our desires beneath those of others. Whether it’s with family members, friends, or colleagues, we all too often don’t want to impose, hurt feelings, or displease–no matter how uncomfortable or unhealthy a situation is.
The Ultimate Guide to Getting the Most Out of Couples Therapy
Falling in love is sweet and easy—a ride of exquisite thrills we're all eager to get on—but sustaining a long-term relationship is challenging. Over time, the freshness can fade, the sex can become less electrifying, and the mind-numbing tedium of domesticity can set in—the dirty laundry, the unwashed dishes, the overflowing garbage bin. Throw in the all-absorbing task of raising kids and opportunities for connection and closeness grow fewer and far between.
What It Felt Like to Show Myself Physical Affection for a Week
On a recent fall night, I forgot my jacket in the car as I headed to an outdoor hangout. To hike up my heat, I ran my hands up and down my arms, intermittently hugging myself with a passion I’ve rarely shown my spouse of 13 years. I began to notice a few quizzical glances when a thought floated through my mind in Larry David’s indignant voice: If I were lavishing my love on someone else, nobody would find it strange. Why isn’t physical affection toward myself legitimate?
Ron King on Leaving Media to Help Donkeys at Oscar's Place Sanctuary
With his knee deep in the dirt and surrounded by dung, Ron King starts his day "at the crack of dawn.” There’s a long list of tasks he must complete before the day ends at Oscar’s Place, the animal sanctuary he cofounded in response to the enduring plight of donkeys: Their worldwide population is projected to be cut in half by 2024, as their hides continue to be used for a medicinal Chinese herb called ejiao to treat anemia, insomnia, and blood circulation problems.
These “Food Cultivators” Are Changing the Way America Eats
There’s power and healing—for yourself, the planet, and every living thing on it—in giving thanks for the blessing of having a full plate. There is no day of the year on which Americans are more united in our reverence for the food on our tables than Thanksgiving. As we take our seats, many of us—nearly half, according to a Washington Post and Kaiser Family Foundation poll—will bow our heads to say grace before the first bite.
Perspective | As a queer mom, I raised my kid on ‘It’s Okay to Be Different.’ But why did the inclusive book rub me the wrong way?
“It’s Okay to Be Different” turns 20 this year. The beloved children’s book is among the most popular works by Todd Parr, the author of kid classics such as “The Family Book,” which features a wonderfully diverse array of kinship configurations, and “The Feelings Book,” an ode to our sweet mess of emotions. Like Parr’s other works for young readers, “It’s Okay to Be Different” features comic line drawings and bright colors that belie its seriousness of purpose.
Opinion | If you want a world where our sons and daughters are equal, stop doing all the housework Original
Some — usually straight — women I know turn themselves inside out to set a feminist agenda for their children: They refuse to let their kids watch Disney movies and eschew all things pink and princessy for their daughters; they adopt gender neutral wardrobes for themselves and their children; they carefully purchase books starring strong female protagonists.
Why I'm nobody's 'wife:' Queer culture deserves identifiers that look forward, not backward
Queer women who use the word “wife” to signal their marital status completely confound me.
Inside the Growing Asexual Community
Lisa met Derrick when they were both extras on the set of Amy Poehler's Parks and Recreation. The two exchanged numbers, and Lisa made the first move. But as much as she liked Derrick, she was reluctant to let herself fall for him. At some point, she knew she would have to reveal the secret that had unraveled several of her former relationships: She's asexual.
Katie Couric’s Microstep for Better Sleep
As an award-winning journalist, Katie Couric is fully entrenched in social media as a means to learn about and connect with her audience. The Stand Up to Cancer co-founder, New York Times best-selling author, and founder of Katie Couric Media has learned to set limits, though, so she can protect her time, well-being, and sleep. Like so many of us, Couric struggles to moderate her use of social media. “It’s very addictive.
Mellody Hobson’s 5 Tips to Stay Healthy in Work and Life
Mellody Hobson, the president of Ariel Investments, believes that speed doesn’t necessarily win in business. “Slow and steady wins the race,” she tells Arianna Huffington on the Thrive Global Podcast, in partnership with iHeartRadio and Sleep Number. “There is no finish line,” Hobson admits. Here, Hobson shares how she and her team thrive in work and in life.
The Gay Option
I came out to my mother in a letter. I was 28. “I was born this way,” I wrote, following with the most shattering high note of self-loathing I can think of: “If there were a straight pill,” I lamented, “I’d swallow it faster than you can say the word gay.” I didn’t mean either of these things. I said them because I knew they would elicit pity and absolve my mother of the belief that her parenting was to blame for my same-sex attractions. It worked.
Compelling speakers do these 4 things every single time
Former U.S. President Barack Obama speaks during a Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee rally at the Anaheim Convention Center on September 8, 2018 in Anaheim, California. (Photo by Barbara Davidson/Getty Images) The ability to communicate effectively can make or break a person's assessment of your intelligence, competence, and authenticity.
I Never Expected to Love Full-Time Motherhood
A queer woman who once shunned tradition discovers domestic calm in uncertain times. During the pandemic, Stephanie Fairyington has embraced being a full-time parent to her daughter, Marty, 4. June 29, 2020, 5:00 a.m. ET In my early adulthood I fully absorbed the queer ethos that being different was a strength, not a weakness. I imagined living a life that would challenge rather than conform to social norms, and harbored no hope (or wish) to become a wife and mother.
I Love You, Kid, but Please Get Off Me
If your child is extra clingy right now, here’s why — and what you can do about it. Credit May 27, 2020, 5:00 a.m. ET My 4-year-old daughter Marty’s propensity to spill into my space is nothing new: I frequently find her on my shoulders, in my hair, draped over my limbs in impressive contortions, just to be close to me.
Compelling speakers do these 4 things every single time
Former U.S. President Barack Obama speaks during a Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee rally at the Anaheim Convention Center on September 8, 2018 in Anaheim, California. (Photo by Barbara Davidson/Getty Images) The ability to communicate effectively can make or break a person's assessment of your intelligence, competence, and authenticity.
6 Things That Drive Day Care Workers Crazy
Here’s what you can do to make a caregiver’s life easier, and improve things for your family. April 19, 2020, 3:07 p.m. ET This story was originally published on Aug. 13, 2019 in NYT Parenting. A few days ago, a mother at my 3-year-old daughter’s day care center labored over a long goodbye with her toddler. Every second that passed seemed to heighten the drama and tighten the child’s clasp.
‘Heather Has Two Mommies’ Is Still Relevant 30 Years Later (Published 2020)
This story was originally published on June 26, 2019 in NYT Parenting. Three years ago, when my daughter Marty was born, a queer friend gave me and my spouse a copy of Lesléa Newman’s iconic lesbian children’s book, “Heather Has Two Mommies.” It was meant as a joke about how heteronormative I’d become, getting married and having a child after years of firmly identifying as queer and aspiring to a life that challenges the norm.
Good sleep starts the moment you wake up
Who hasn’t had the experience of lying awake while an endless series of thoughts — regrets, unfinished tasks, goals — churn in your brain? It’s the worst feeling because sleep isn’t something we can actively do; it’s something we must surrender to and that requires calm. But most of us persist in thinking getting quality sleep starts right before going to bed, and while pre-bedtime routines are key, it actually starts much sooner than that — the moment you wake up.
6 Things That Drive Day Care Workers Crazy
Work & Money Here’s what you can do to make a caregiver’s life easier, and improve things for your family. Image A few days ago, a mother at my 3-year-old daughter’s day care center labored over a long goodbye with her toddler. Every second that passed seemed to heighten the drama and tighten the child’s clasp. Soon a train of grumpy parents began lining up behind them, the caboose of the duo’s unending embrace (complete with a steady stream of tears).
The problem with co-opting 'queer'
Stephanie Fairyington (@Fairyington1) is a journalist in New York City who writes on gender and sexuality. The opinions expressed in this commentary are hers. Read more opinion on CNN.
‘Heather Has Two Mommies’ Is Still Relevant 30 Years Later
Relationships My daughter started asking for her daddy, so I turned to Lesléa Newman’s classic picture book and it changed everything. Image Three years ago, when my daughter Marty was born, a queer friend gave me and my spouse a copy of Lesléa Newman’s iconic lesbian children’s book, “Heather Has Two Mommies.” It was meant as a joke about how heteronormative I’d become, getting married and having a child after years of firmly identifying as queer and aspiring to a life that challenges the norm.
Here's Why Everything You've Heard About Gen Z's Work Ethic Is Actually Wrong
Carrie Viohl, the co-owner of The Square, a restaurant in Moultrie, Georgia, manages a team of Gen Zers (those born between 1997 and 2012, the oldest of whom are just entering the workforce). But she wasn’t optimistic about hiring them at first. “Restaurant life is hard. It’s demanding work. We went through hundreds of employees in the first year of the restaurant — people would show up and not even finish their shift,” she tells Thrive Global.
Good Sleep Starts the Moment You Wake Up, So Follow These 4 Tips From Sleep Experts
May 15, 2019 4 min read This story originally appeared on Thrive Global Who hasn’t had the experience of lying awake while an endless series of thoughts -- regrets, unfinished tasks, goals -- churn in your brain? It’s the worst feeling because sleep isn’t something we can actively do; it’s something we must surrender to and that requires calm.
Do These 4 Things During the Day to Ensure Quality Sleep at Night
Who hasn’t had the experience of lying awake while an endless series of thoughts — regrets, unfinished tasks, goals — churn in your brain? It’s the worst feeling because sleep isn’t something we can actively do; it’s something we must surrender to and that requires calm. But most of us persist in thinking getting quality sleep starts right before going to bed, and while pre-bedtime routines are key, it actually starts much sooner than that — the moment you wake up.
The Essential — and Easy — Guide For Meditation Virgins
Meditation is as ubiquitous as avocado toast. The ancient practice, long considered “New Agey,” has gone thoroughly mainstream, with new guided meditation apps and studios popping up constantly, more and more CEOs coming out as meditators, and a study on its benefits released seemingly every week.
Boredom Isn't Something to Run From — Here's How It Can Actually Refuel Your Creativity
Boredom can feel scary. To fight it off, you probably feel a near-compulsive need to seek out stimulation and distraction. But research shows that those empty moments in our day, when our minds can disconnect and wander freely, actually boost creativity. Albert Einstein, appropriately enough, recognized the benefits of ennui long before there was science to prove it.
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