J.H. Lynn
San Francisco
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Articles by J.H. Lynn
‘Witchcraft Trickeries’ and Presidential Mind Games
I don’t know about you, but I still trade the stock market and crypto from time to time. I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember. I may not be as aggressive as I was in my younger years, but even now, the financial turmoil under Donald Trump is impossible to ignore. “Wild Highs and Lows” The highs and lows haven’t just been wild—they’ve been entirely unpredictable. A $5,000 Cash Payment Consider the baseline reality of a proposal made at the Republican midterm convention in Texas.
The Operational Cost of Being the Strong One
There is a danger in being good at holding everything together. People start to believe you don’t need holding. Competence becomes camouflage. Reliability becomes a cage. And one day, you wake up realizing you’ve become the infrastructure of a life that no one is helping you carry. For those who thought they could carry everything alone, there comes a time when a “foreclosure notice” may occur, when a person’s system has absolutely no backup.
Perpetually Single Men: I’m Good Being Alone, Thanks!
Ahhhhh, the dreaded single man. The single‑guy phenomenon is so frustrating it might make you want to go to a men’s monastery and renounce women for good. Of course, there are married men who are lucky enough to never experience this side of life anymore. But is it really so bad? It really isn’t a big deal when you stop trying entirely. There’s a growing number of men who are choosing to be single, and they love it. The Rise of Chosen Singlehood It’s not surprising.
His Ex Stole the Air Fryer
The first man I matched with on the dating app didn’t say hello. He said, “My ex stole my air fryer,” and then sent a photo of a lasagna he could no longer make. I wasn’t prepared for this. I had only just downloaded the app, still believing in romance, serendipity, and the possibility of meeting someone in the produce aisle while comparing avocados. Instead, I was now the emotional support stranger for a man grieving a countertop appliance.
The Widower
“You know, when you go, you go. You just don’t know,” a friend used to say to me. Mortality is the one truth we all share, whether we admit it or not. And yet, how we live with that truth varies. “John,” a recent widower I knew, had his own way of facing it — by keeping the promises his wife left behind, as if honoring them could hold together what grief had undone. Before Writing About His Late Wife, He Wrote About Football He began journaling when a friend suggested it shortly after her death.
The ‘Superman’ Myth: Is Work-Life Balance All Bullsh*t?
Wouldn’t we just love to “have it all”? In our culture, there’s an endless debate over what “work‑life balance” actually means. We are sold a picture‑perfect world where we can cleanly divide our time and energy into equal halves, ensuring career and personal life never conflict — a constant narrative we hear on repeat. Sure, that would be quite nice to live in harmony for the rest of our lives. At least, it sounds wonderful. Unfortunately, welcome to the f*ckin’ real world.
‘I, Me, Mine’ Masculinity
In the Beatles’ late era, George Harrison wrote a widely considered underrated song “I Me Mine” to reflect his frustration with the clashing egos of John Lennon and Paul McCartney during tense studio sessions. However, he was also diagnosing a worldwide human struggle. The Understanding of the Ego George Harrison’s song actually has an interesting history. Harrison first took LSD—aka “acid”—in 1965 with John Lennon.
Blood Crisis: Where Are All of Us?
It’s sad but it’s true: No one cares until people bleed. We have engineered a world where we rarely have to rely on anyone for anything. We carry devices in our pockets that hold more data than the ancient libraries of Alexandria. We edit human genes to cure hereditary diseases, design autonomous vehicles that navigate our streets, and trust artificial intelligence to write our code. Yet, we live with an elephant in the room: a massive national blood shortage.
Men Who Can’t Live Without the Grind: When Insecurity Drives Success
Well, I have another friend. The “Insecure Overachiever” He is a self‑proclaimed “insecure overachiever.” The words come straight from his mouth, not mine. Literally. “Matt” doesn’t say it humorously, cockily, or whatnot. I’ve known him for many years, and practically every time I see him in person, he self‑admits this insecurity title. I really don’t know why he proudly wears this as a badge of honor. Because he’s insecure? TBH, I never thought anything of it.
‘She Wasn’t Feminine Enough.’
I didn’t know much about this guy from the beginning — just that he seemed articulate, ambitious, and surprisingly open for a stranger. I used to have a habit of talking to all walks of life, so that’s how this person entered my orbit. Our early conversations were light, harmless, the kind that make you think, Maybe this person is interesting to get to know. He kept things neutral, almost polished. It wasn’t until our third conversation that the surface began to crack.
‘Bitchy’ Women and Rich Finance Bros
Are some women really looking for a man in “finance,” with a “trust fund,” and who is 6’5” tall? Maybe or maybe not. So then, how are modern trends confusing men about what it takes to be a good partner? Obviously, I over-hyped the stereotype about women who are perceived to use a “difficult” personality to attract high-net-worth men. But after having a recent encounter, I was curious. I came across a man who submits to this subjective stereotype.
Madness of the Competitive Alpha Male
I used to know this guy, he was a broker for a financial securities firm. He was a top performer, one of the best they had. Until one day, he decided to hail a taxi in Midtown, Manhattan and get dropped off at Lexington Ave. He walked down the sidewalk a block to his office building, rode the elevator up to the CEO’s office, and decided that today was the day he was going to quit his job. And so he did. He wanted to start his own brokerage business. They begged him for minutes upon minutes to stay.
The Ovarian Lottery: When You’re Born to Be That 1% or Sh*t Out of Luck
Warren Buffett once said his greatest investment wasn’t Berkshire Hathaway—it was winning the ovarian lottery. How much credit do we truly deserve for success that began with circumstances we didn’t choose? He famously coined this concept the “Ovarian Lottery.” It was Buffett’s thought experiment to describe life’s ultimate game of chance. It’s the stark reality that the trajectory of your life is largely decided before you even take your first breath.
Trauma Dumping Is Not a Public Service—It’s Screwing Our Relationships
“Trauma Dumping” is a casual boundary-blurring these days in real life and even in the highest echelons of modern male sports culture, most notably with Max Verstappen. During his marathon practices on “rainy days,” he casually discusses his relentless training and mentioned how his father would force him to stay out on the track driving in freezing downpours of rain when every other race car driver competitor had retreated back indoors to warm up. Max Verstappen tells all of it like it’s banter.
The Alchemy of the Forbidden
“I know it’s sick, I know…” He calls himself “sick” before anyone else could. When your baseline desires are classified as a sin, fantasizing about the forbidden stops being just about pleasure; it becomes an act of psychological survival. It’s rarely about sex — it’s about the parts of ourselves we were taught to fear. It’s a profound, overlooked purpose behind why forbidden themes carry such immense weight in non-conforming sexual expression.
Moneyism and Vices
“Let thy vices die before thee.” — Benjamin Franklin When one has virtues, does one have vices? I had a guy friend who was really into money. Every morning, he would look forward to getting into his car and driving a few minutes down a couple streets in his neighborhood straight to the bank to withdraw a large amount of cash. He was a bit further out of left field than most. He wasn’t necessarily in pursuit of money anymore, in our competitive society; he had plenty of it, and he clearly enjoyed it.
Dystopia Is Male Isolation: Kill the Calcified Alpha. Bury the Survivalist Before Your Bunker Becomes Your Tomb
It’s safe to say that everyone living on our entire planet has had a bad day. Some more than others. All the chaos of our world, our modern lives, the political divides, and the constant stress make one question: Are we already infected monsters living in a dystopia today? Some even go further to describe society as hell on wheels. We don’t necessarily need another global catastrophe to see the kind of masculinity that reveals itself when everything collapses.
Digital Dopamine Addict: Why a VP’s Son Can’t Do Anything Else After 5 Hours of Gaming on Twitch and YouTube
I worked with a cybersecurity tech client not too long ago for a long project, maybe a couple of years. Toward the end of our agreement, the VP pulled me aside. At first, I thought I was in trouble or something. But for some reason or another, he wanted to speak with me by phone. Of course, I made time to talk with him after work. Right away, he told me this was more “personal.” I literally scratched my head and had no clue where he was going with our conversation.
The Blueberry Syndrome: Why Some Men Spend Decades Feeding the Wrong Hunger
It was a nice day today. The sun was shining, upper‑70s weather, and I’d just gotten back to my residence after a relaxing day. I was thinking to myself, a bit about my “lonely, successful, real estate friend.” “Barry.” Suddenly, I’d come to an epiphany. For some reason, I was really questioning the true “loneliness” again of this man and I am now 100% convinced he’s the “blueberry!” To further clarify, Barry is the actual blueberry girl from the Willy Wonka movie.
When Suffering Becomes the Only Way a Man Knows How to Survive
Particularly the points that center around the loneliness epidemic in men today — and shame. K Felt Ashamed Losing His Company. The Moment He Broke In this case, K, who is a successful man, literally and admittedly confessed his business failure. Likely, I drew it out of him a bit because I sensed something was off or abnormal. Naturally, I questioned it. Shockingly, he became vulnerable and spoke his truth. Really, I didn’t expect that.
High Stakes Poker Playing With Your Soul
We fell for each other — We also fell for the stakes. I didn’t realize I was walking into it until much later, when the cards were already on the felt and the blinds were rising faster than either of us could keep up. Yet, we decided to play the game. Las Vegas Whale Table Playing at a table where the blinds were incredibly high. In high-stakes poker, it’s not just about the cards; it’s about the psychology of the players — in this case, it was me vs. him.
The Problem With ‘Nice’: What Men Get Wrong About Why Women Sometimes Choose the A**hole Instead
There are many kinds of a**holes in the world — the self‑obsessed a**hole, the selfish a**hole, the lying a**hole, the passive‑aggressive a**hole, and the player a**hole. Endless is the list, but the idea is the same: a fundamental disregard for other people’s feelings. And yet, somehow, these are the men women are perceived to choose over the “nice guy” in relationships. It’s a thing — everyone talks about these different kinds of a**holes that women should avoid like the plague.
The ‘Winner or Nothing’ Fallacy
“All or Nothing” Could the tension be real or simply a false dichotomy? I’d say we all know men who disappear at some point, in some way or another. Some men don’t fall apart when they lose. They disappear because all of a sudden they stopped caring. A remarkable Houdini act right after the applause stopped — and without it, as a result, they no longer know who they are. This type of man vanishes for a quieter, more complicated reason.
A Post‑Divorce Performance: When ‘Livin’ It Up’ Makes Some Men Crumble Behind the Act
Some men don’t grieve a divorce. They perform their way through it. I have a friend — let’s call him “Jerry.” He recently finalized a divorce after twenty‑five years with his second wife. A long time to be intertwined with someone, even if the paperwork wrapped in a year. About six months later, he started “dating again,” to say the least. It’s a short runway to reenter the field, but to each his own. What I can say is that my friend has been through quite a performance ever since.
The New Masculinity Double Bind: Be Stoic. Be Soft. Be Perfect.
I spent years mentoring brilliant girls in STEM, pairing them with women from major tech companies like Google to help push them forward. We taught them to be confident, to connect with others, to be brave but not perfect. Just do the best they could. We poured everything into helping these girls step boldly into spaces that weren’t exactly built for them. The Hidden Consequences of How We Raised Boys But when I look at where we are today, I can’t help noticing the contrast.
Looksmaxxing: Inside the Aesthetic Pressure Shaping Men Today
It began with a scroll. I had just finished dinner, watching my favorite comedy podcast on YouTube, mindlessly letting the algorithm show me whatever came next. Then “the word” popped up on the right side of my screen: Looksmaxxing. Curiosity got the best of me this time around, and suddenly I found myself watching an influencer explain — in innumerable ways — why a man’s facial and physical appearance is, in his view, the single most important factor in determining his value.
A High-Level Stayer’s Story: Loving a Man as He Fell Apart
I didn’t expect to fall for him. Not after twenty years of a relationship that left me emotionally threadbare. Not after rebuilding myself to find courage to “date” again. Not after combing through 50,000 dating profiles, narrowing them down to the top one percent, and convincing myself that I had finally found someone who was what I thought the “perfect” match. But I did. I fell quickly, and then I fell deeply. He was the first man in years who made me feel something real.
The Camouflage of Abundance: Why ‘Successful’ Men Are Often the Most Solitary
My friend Barry has money galore that makes people assume he shouldn’t have any problems at all. He runs a thriving real estate business, owns multiple homes, collects cars, spends weekends on his boat, comes from a family most people would envy, has friends, and can buy expensive tchotchkes — little throwaway things he could replace without a second thought. On paper, he has everything. But every time I saw him, he looked like a man quietly drowning.
The Silence Is a Wall, Not a Grave
A man in shame withdraws—not from me—but from himself. When a man I met stopped initiating, reading my texts, and started deleting messages, it felt like he was erasing me. But I’ve come to find out that he is actually trying to erase the mirror. If you’ve ever loved a man who retreats into himself, you can understand that ache of trying to reach a person who’s basically drowning in their own shame. I was that woman who saw his potential, his “1%,” and his greatness.
The Entrepreneur’s Love Language
This language—what I would call an entrepreneur’s love language—not because it doesn’t exist—but because it doesn’t sound like what we’ve been taught to recognize as love. In the real world, we tend to separate two distinct languages. In business, we are expected to be calculated, composed, and unemotional. In relationships, we are expected to be warm, fuzzy, expressive, and vulnerable. But sometimes, those worlds don’t stay separate.
J.H. Lynn
How to handle dishonesty in dating and protect your time, safety, and self-worth
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