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Articles by Yaakov Lieder
The Blogs: The 30-Second Secret to a Fantastic Day
Dedicated in the merit (zechus) of Ari Elan ben Rochel Gittel ארי אילן בן רחל גיטלfor a refuah sheleimah — a complete and speedy recovery. On September 15, 1981—just two weeks before Rosh Hashanah—I arrived in Sydney, Australia, to begin a new mission: to lead the Jewish Studies program at Sydney Yeshiva College, a responsibility entrusted to me by the Lubavitcher Rebbe. My first and most important task was to connect with the students and their parents.
The Blogs: G-d’s Symphony: The Note Only You Can Play
Dedicated in the merit (zechus) of Ari Elan ben Rochel Gittel ארי אילן בן רחל גיטלfor a refuah sheleimah — a complete and speedy recovery. Part 1: If You Have 30 Seconds The Torah begins with a profound statement about human dignity: “G-d created man in His image; in the image of G-d He created him” (Genesis 1:27) This means that every human being is unique and irreplaceable, and carries within them a spark of the Divine. A man once came to a rabbi, broken in spirit.
The Blogs: Loneliness: A Torah Response to a Modern Challenge
Dedicated to Simi and Getzy Zeiler in celebration of their recent wedding If you have one minute… The Torah’s first use of the phrase “It is not good” does not refer to sin or failure but to isolation: “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). This profound statement underscores that even in the perfection of paradise, emotional solitude remains both painful and contrary to human nature. Loneliness runs through the stories of our ancestors.
The Blogs: Purpose, Torah, and Psychology
Please note that the posts on The Blogs are contributed by third parties. The opinions, facts and any media content in them are presented solely by the authors, and neither The Times of Israel nor its partners assume any responsibility for them. Please contact us in case of abuse. In case of abuse, Report this post. E19/2025 By Rabbi Yaakov Lieder If you have one minute… The Power of Purpose: Torah and Psychology Why am I here?
The Blogs: Scrolling, Comparing, Coveting: The Silent Crisis Within
If you have 30 seconds… The Torah’s View – Why “Just Thinking It” Still Matters In today’s culture, many people say: “It’s just a thought. I’m not acting on it. So, what’s the problem?” The Torah offers a radically different view. In the Tenth Commandment — “You shall not covet” (Exodus 20:14) — we are warned not to desire what belongs to someone else. Not to take it, not to speak about it — just not to want it. This is a profound moral stance.
The Blogs: The “However” Effect: How One Word Can Build or Break Confidence
If you have 30 seconds… In my early years as a principal, before every parent-teacher night, I would gather the teachers and give what I thought was a crucial piece of guidance: “Always begin with the positive.” When discussing Johnny with a parent, start by saying, “Johnny is doing very well in maths” before addressing areas where he may be struggling. Why? Because first impressions matter, and what we say first sets the emotional tone for what follows.
The Blogs: The Torah’s Timeless Insight: Love Takes Time-A Torah Take on Emotional Generosity
This publication is dedicated by Rabbi Sruli Schochet from Los Angeles, California, in memory of his late father לע”נ הרב יעקב עמנואל בן הרב דוב יהודה ע”ה If you have 30 seconds The Torah tells us (Deuteronomy 15:8) to help the poor person with “whatever he is lacking.” The Sages go even further — if he once had servants or a horse to ride, and they were essential to maintaining his dignity, we are obligated to restore those too. It’s not just about his survival. It’s about his humanity.
The Blogs: The 16-Minute Marriage: What Torah and Psychology Say about Time and Love
This publication is dedicated in honour of Liora Kremnizer on the occasion of her 13th birthday If you’ve got 30 seconds… In Exodus 21:10, the Torah lays out the husband’s obligations to his wife — “Her food, her clothing, and her onah he shall not diminish.” The word onah is often translated as conjugal intimacy, but its root — עונה (onah) — means time or season. This subtle word choice carries profound wisdom: a thriving marriage is built on the regular investment of time.
The Blogs: Why Your Morning Needs a Rudder—and Where to Find It
This publication is dedicated to Mr Albert Dadon AM of Melbourne, Australia, in heartfelt appreciation of his enduring friendship and generous support. If you’ve got 30 seconds… Each year, millions are spent on research trying to explain human behaviour: why we do what we do, think what we think, and feel what we feel. Some findings are groundbreaking. Others? Well, your grandmother could’ve told you.
Dignity
Okay, so I yelled a little too loudly when I yelled at my daughter. Okay, so maybe she didn’t deserve as much of my anger as I let out. But, she did deserve some of it, didn’t she? I mean, after what she did, could I just let it pass? Not say anything? Pretend it didn’t happen? Who would she become, then? Should I just tolerate everything for the sake of not getting angry?
The Blogs: Adar's Joy Formula: Stop Chasing Happiness and Start Living It
The Joy Formula: How Adar Teaches Us to Stop Chasing Happiness and Start Living It Embed from Getty Images If you have 45 seconds Every year, as the month of Adar rolls in, David—your average person, always on the hunt for happiness—finds himself puzzled. People excitedly proclaim, “Mishenichnas Adar marbin b’simcha!” — “When Adar enters, we increase in joy!” But David turns to me and asks honestly, “What does that even mean? How can I just choose to be happy?
The Blogs: The Power of Small Choices
If you have 30 seconds Last week, after dropping my wife off at the airport, I encountered an unexpected lesson in decision-making on my drive back. As I approached a fork in the road, I faced a split-second choice—remain in the right lane towards the M1/M8 or merge left onto the M5. At first glance, the difference appeared insignificant. I chose the left lane, and to my surprise, it led me straight into a tunnel.
The Blogs: Rules, Regret, and Redemption: A Teacher’s Reflection on Discipline
At my teacher and parenting training seminars, I share the following story—a moment of personal reflection that profoundly shaped my understanding of discipline, leadership, and the human heart. In 1998, during a visit to New York for a conference, I had the opportunity to reconnect with former students from my 1978 class. They were now grown men, and our reunion was filled with warm greetings and shared memories. However, one student gave me the cold shoulder.
The Blogs: Yitro’s Wisdom: Turning Criticism into Solutions
If you have 30 seconds Whenever someone offers me feedback, the first thing I do is ask: Is this guidance meant to help me improve, or is it simply criticism for its own sake? A powerful example of this distinction comes from Exodus 18:13–23. Yitro observed the people standing from morning until night, waiting for Moses to resolve their disputes. Recognising the crushing workload Moses bore, Yitro told him: “What you are doing is not good. You will surely wear yourself out.
The Blogs: Ancient Wisdom: Keep One Eye Closed-The Secret to Stronger Relationships
“Do not try to see him at the time of his disgrace.” — Ethics of Our Fathers 4:18 If you have 30 seconds: In 1976, a year before I got married, my mother shared a piece of advice about marriage and parenting that I didn’t fully grasp at the time. She said, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open. After you’re married, it’s wise to keep one eye closed.” It wasn’t until I was 5 years into my (so far) 48-year marriage that her words truly resonated with me.
The Blogs: Ancient Wisdom: Stretching Beyond - Pharaoh's Daughter's Lessons
If you have 30 seconds: Pharaoh’s daughter wasn’t just stepping into the Nile; she was stepping into history. Picture the scene: her attendants chattering, a gentle breeze rippling the water, and then, a faint cry breaking the serenity. She spotted a basket, far out of reach. Most would have dismissed retrieving it as impossible, but her determination defied logic. The Rabbis’ interpretation suggests that she stretched out her hand and, miraculously, it extended far enough to grasp the basket.
Pointing Fingers or Taking Charge: A Path to Growth
If you have 30 seconds: Reflect on the moment when G-d asked Adam, “Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” (Genesis 3:11). Adam, rather than taking responsibility, replied, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate” (Genesis 3:12). When G-d turned to Eve, she too deflected, saying, “The serpent enticed me, and I ate” (Genesis 3:13).
The True Measure of Wealth: Tzedakah Over Charity
Please note that the posts on The Blogs are contributed by third parties. The opinions, facts and any media content in them are presented solely by the authors, and neither The Times of Israel nor its partners assume any responsibility for them. Please contact us in case of abuse. In case of abuse, Report this post.
12 Tips for Jewish Public School Parents in Today's Climate
In these times, when Jews and Jewish values are threatened in public spaces across America, it has unfortunately spilled over into high- and even middle-school classrooms. Jewish parents sending their children to public schools (and often private schools as well) cannot be there to protect them from every nasty remark or sanctimonious staff member—including well-meaning but uninformed individuals. But they can do a lot to inoculate them and supply them with the knowledge and strength they need.
Tips to Create a Kid-Friendly Seder
When your Passover table is filled with boisterous youngsters who get fidgety before it's time to recite the Ma Nishtana, the evening may begin to feel longer than those infamous years of slavery in Egypt, and filled with more tears than the salt water intended. But don't fret; your liberation from bondage is closer than you think.
Episode 2: S Even when confirmation feels divine, consider a question - Yaakov Lieder
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Lessons from Genesis for Teenager Troubles
Episode 1 2024 “Building Bridges: Lessons from Genesis for Teenager Troubles” Parenting teenagers can feel like navigating uncharted waters. The wisdom gleaned from the book of Genesis unveils an evocative narrative that mirrors the challenges of the journey of parenting, particularly that of fostering effective communication with our adolescents. Picture this: A modern-day teenage Adam, in a moment of impulsivity, takes the family car without permission, leaving it with an unexpected dent.
Episode 2: S Even when confirmation feels divine, consider a question
B”H February 5 2024 Episode 2/2024 Imagine the school holidays, my wife and I attempting to entertain children of all ages simultaneously. Pure chaos, right? In the midst of that, meet Leah, my spirited eight-year-old, and Aaron, her nine-year-old brother. Leah is on a mission, convinced Aaron is sabotaging her Monopoly game. Despite numerous attempts to negotiate peace, I hit my breaking point when Leah starts sobbing again. That’s it, I tell myself. In my sternest parent voice, I let Aaron have it.
Parenting & Education - The mystery and the mysticism of raising children
Mothers and fathers tell of the love and the pain, the joy and the fears, the wisdom and the faith, the mystery and the mysticism of raising children.
Chanukah on a Dime
“Mom, can I have an iPhone for Chanukah?” Like it or not, Chanukah gifts are one of the main ways that many Jewish families try to counteract society’s attractions at this time of year. But in this year’s economic situation, buying mega-gifts for the kids is difficult, if not impossible, for many Jewish families. So what are Jewish parents to do? The basic approach I share with parents is to remember that the greatest thing we can give our children is ourselves.
Bring back the good old days. 'Ancient Source, Modern Meaning’
If you have 30 Seconds Revive the Glory of Yester years Before me stood a deeply disillusioned couple, their faces etched with anger and blame. She lamented, “He hardly notices me,” while he grumbled, “She’s perpetually critical.” Their accusations seemed ceaseless, their love, a distant memory. While some marriage counsellors might have delved into their grievances and shortcomings, I opted for a more timeless approach, one steeped in ancient wisdom yet resonating with modern relevance.
Bring back the good old days. ‘Ancient Source, Modern Meaning’ - Yaakov Lieder
If you have 30 Seconds Revive the Glory of Yester years Before me stood a deeply disillusioned couple, their faces etched with anger and blame. She lamented, “He hardly notices me,” while he grumbled, “She’s perpetually critical.” Their accusations seemed ceaseless, their love, a distant memory. While some marriage counsellors might have delved into their grievances and shortcomings, I opted for a more timeless approach, one steeped in ancient wisdom yet resonating with modern relevance.
How Not to Yell at Your Kids
Yelling Comes Naturally No one has to teach parents how to yell – it seems that this behavior comes naturally to so many of us. When we accidentally touch the hot handle of a frying pan, we yell. When a child refuses to listen, we yell. It just wells up from inside – unless, of course, we choose to put a lid on it. In order not to yell, we have to find unnatural solutions to parenting pain and frustration. We have to take care of ourselves as well as our kids.
Helping Our Son Conquer His Fear of Overnight Camp
It promised to be another frustrating summer of feeling left out for one of our precious children. For reasons known only to G‑d Himself, this child struggles with sleeping away from home. Until now, there had been day camp workarounds, but at this stage basically all his friends were going to overnight camp. It occupied not only the summer, but the weeks and months leading up to it.
Feed the White Dog - Yaakov Lieder
I was once approached by a Hebrew-speaking individual who expressed interest in a position as a Hebrew teacher at my school. When I inquired about his teaching experience, he responded, “I’ve never tried teaching before. Maybe I’ll be good at it.
Why We Yell
Some people wonder why parents yell. Here's the logic: Kids can be so maddening! You call them and call them and they don't come. You tell them and tell them and they don't listen! Sometimes you just have to yell to get them to pay attention. When you yell, they finally take you seriously. Another good reason to yell is because it lets off steam.
Too Nice to Say "No"
Dear Tzippora, In all the parenting books I read, and I read a lot of them, they speak about setting limits and boundaries with my kids. But I am just such a softie, that when they start to cry and plead with me, I usually give in. Is there anything really wrong with saying "yes" all the time? Can being too nice actually hurt your kids? Too Nice to Say No Dear Too Nice, Your question is such an important one. Before we indulge our children, we have to weigh the consequences of our indulgence.
Teaching Self-Control
Question: My ten-year-old is a sweet boy who is usually pleasant and polite. However, he has a habit that is driving me, my husband, and my nine-year-old daughter up the wall. My son loves calling my daughter names even though he is aware how sensitive she is, and sometimes, when he gets excited, he will grab her around the neck and squeeze her a little too hard. I know my son loves his sister. When I catch them playing nicely together, I always praise them.
Raising Good Kids Is Not Like Baking a Cake
Wouldn’t it be great if children came with a user manual? Or a recipe? Two teaspoons of discipline here, and a heaping cup of love. A few assorted homework sessions on the side. Add a pinch of lectures while mixing the batter. Put in school for 18 years and voila, you have a perfectly adjusted, well balanced child. I think we all know that it just doesn't work like that when it comes to raising children.
Bad Parenting Days
Everyone has those days — days that you wish you could just do all over again. Sometimes, it starts first thing in the morning. You get out of bed in a bad mood (having slept way too little the previous night, what with all the interruptions from the little ones). And yet, whether you have the energy for it or not, "the show must go on." You've got to get the kids out the door on time, cleaned, dressed, fed and all the rest.
What to Look for (and What to Do) When Kids Are Moody
We all have our moods, our good days and our bad days. However, some people run more or less on an even keel, while others swerve radically from high to low. Kids, too, are more or less moody, depending on their genes, their health and their stress levels. A well-rested, well-fed, happy-go-lucky child living in a relaxed home and attending a child-friendly school geared to his or her academic skill level will probably be in a pretty good mood most of the time.
The Abandoned Baby Syndrome - Who Is Loving Our Children?
A well-known rabbi once said to me, "Never write anything controversial. You'll only make enemies, and it won't help." So I hesitated to write this article, knowing that 70% of mothers work and that most will continue to do so. But if this article makes even one woman think twice about returning to full-time work before her baby is 6 months of age, then it is worth the anger which may be directed my way. I'm not opposed to women working. Many families cannot survive unless the mother works.
How A Stupid Little Ruler Saved My Life
What does it mean to be indispensable? For most of my life I’ve asked myself that question. Maybe not in those words exactly. But I’ve always had this feeling that there was some purpose to my life uniquely destined for me and me alone. I can remember, as a young man in my early twenties, sitting under a tree, my back propped against the trunk, gazing out at a forest. I was in Woodstock, New York, during what some call the “Woodstock years.” Days of pondering life and destiny.
A Jewish Mother Won’t Kill You - … and other nice things about Jewish Mothers
The Jewish mother is a personality type very common among mothers who are Jewish. If you were an unborn soul making an informed decision about what sort of mother to be born to, in any part of the world, at any point in history, you would certainly choose to be born to a Jewish mother. Here are eight reasons why: Look, all things considered, in many cases that might be the sensible thing to do. And for most of history, disposal of unwanted infants was considered perfectly acceptable.
The Donkey in the Pit - A parable on pain and gain - Jewish Tales from the Past
Once, when one of my daughters was eleven years old, she complained about a pain in her knee. Seeing nothing wrong with her knee, I suggested that it was probably growing pains. My daughter didn't like the explanation. "Why can't we grow without pain?" she demanded. Unfortunately, in real life, growth is often associated with pain.
How to Make Make Time For Your Family - Parenting
Working with families, I often think how sad it is that when a couple separates, G?d forbid, the father is prepared to pay tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees in order to win more time with his children; yet when time with one's children is freely available, some fathers are "too busy" to "make the time." Numerous studies have shown that children whose fathers played an active role in their lives are more likely to have a better self-esteem and a positive outlook on life when they...
Terumah: The Self-Made Child - Parenting
My friend shared with me her problem: “My daughter complains that ‘other mothers’ do their children’s projects for them. I will help her with the research, explain to her whatever she doesn’t understand, share ideas and guide her, but I like the actual work to be her own. How else will she learn to express her creativity? “She complains, though, that her projects are not as glamorous, her essays don’t have the ‘fancy’ words, and her homework doesn’t look as polished as her friends’.
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