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Articles by Catherine Weingarten
I’m That Fixer-Upper House in an Up-and-Coming Neighborhood, But Beware, I’ve Seen a Lot of Orgies
Hey! You! Prospective homebuyer! Wander no more, because I am the perfect fixer-upper home of your dreams! Three bedrooms, two-and-a-half baths, plenty of yard space, and I’m super close to the city! But there is one catch: I’ve seen a lot of orgies and I have the scars to prove it. I have an antique and rustic charm; my bones are solid! I was built with real conviction in the 1950s for servicemen returning from the Korean War. And they came back home in more ways than one.
List: Kindergarten Missed Connections
You were at the lunch table next to mine today. Your mom forgot to peel your grapes, mine forgot to take the slimy skin off my chickpeas. Our mutual disgust hung in the air like a kitten trying to fly a kite. Want to go to the animal shelter and look at kittens sometime? I’m not allowed to have another one just yet. Or another kite. I saw you last weekend at the park. You were picking dandelions, I was picking my nose.
Issue #3: The Great Grape-Nuts Shortage True Crime Documentary
by Catherine Weingarten “Feeling buyer’s remorse for that $100 box of Grape-Nuts? Help is on the way. The maker of the cereal has pledged to reimburse shoppers who paid exorbitant prices for black-market boxes during a months-long supply shortage.” NY Post BARBARA (39, Friend): I didn’t know he had a problem. I thought he preferred Trix for breakfast like a normal person. Or, like, croissants. I didn’t think he was capable of anything like this.
Rusty Audience Member Practices Clapping in Room Alone
by Catherine Weingarten. @sarahkaneissexy (Twitter), @cwweingarten (Instagram). NEW YORK, NY - As the lights of Broadway prepare to shine once more, theatre lover and former audience member Rufus Johnston has made sure to shake off any rust by actively clapping in his room alone, sources confirmed. “I’m known as a truly top notch audience member,” said Rufus, whose bedroom is strewn with photos of his face taped on famous Broadway posters.
Is Your Writing Career Fledgling, Emerging or Buried Under Ground Like a Lost Treasure?
As a writer, it can be very hard to know exactly where you stand career-wise. Are you emerging? Fledgling? Or buried waaaaay underground like a lost treasure. It’s such a fine line, believe me I know. If you want some help, take this quiz to find out where your career stands. Have you had any work published lately? a) Yes, I had one piece published in my alumni magazine about my experience hooking up with a hot dog vender. It was a heart-breaking expose about meat-making and meat-loving.
Brad Pitt on Being Hot And OMG He Legit Talked To Me I Can't Believe He's Doing This Interview
Brad Pitt has starred in many hit movies including Oceans Eleven, Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Fight Club. So get this: the very hot actor sat down with me, little old ME and we talked about, I dunno like being hot and I can’t even remember because that face. Plot Twist: So, when did you first realize you were hot? Brad Pitt: Wow, that’s not actually a question I get often. To be honest, I expected this interview to be about my acting career and process. PT: No, exactly.
List: Ice Cream Flavors That Accurately Represent a New York Summer
Greetings new customer and welcome to Hot Garbage Cones, NYC’s first ever ice cream store that accurately reflects a NYC summer! We know you’re tired of insanely pretentious ice cream popups with flavors like rosemary lime and gem stone (bleh!), and we thought we’d give you something new inspired by our summers in the big city.
Verdant VenuesUna diversión verde
There is a new festival among the flowers. In collaboration with New York Restoration Project (NYRP), the Motor Company will host “Communal Spaces: A Garden Play Festival,” a series of short plays in local gardens throughout East Harlem. The pieces are presented one after the other in the same afternoon so that audience members are able to attend consecutive plays in the same neighborhood as they move from one garden to another.
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