Coley Mick

This is abhorrent. Disgusting. Despicable. I need someone to tell me where this establishment is posthaste so I can give the manager a piece of my mind while enjoying a tall, frosty brew in a warm mug. I'll spend as much time as I have to in order to bring the change this world deserves.

Zach Schwartz may have just blown the lid off the least important NFL story of the decade. And I don't say that as a shot to him. We're just talking about scoops, man. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Scoops. Not even scoops, but about a grown man calling out another grown man for potentially stealing scoops from a third grown man. On a day where Antonio Brown was allegedly farting in his doctor's face, a story like this feels mundane in comparison. But it's a story nevertheless.

I hate this era of take making. Fucking despise it. Everyone has every stat for every scenario available on the same internet and you're not allowed to just let a take fly without 50 "Well, actually" dipshits trying to jam stats down your throat. In the words of Twitter philosopher Kevin Wayne Durant, "Who the fuck wants to look at graphs while having a hoop convo?" The true essence of giving takes has nothing to do with facts or data.