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Articles by Craig Samuel
Warm 2024 holiday greetings to Everyone!
FESTIVE LETTERS Names have been scrubbed to protect the named. About the adult kids and grandkids – Our son B and his wife C are still living in South America and doing well. B is doing some remote work in programming, and C is working on formal certification in coding. Our son M, his wife N, and their daughter R live in California and are also doing well. N has her own consulting business as a Senior Community and Engagement Strategist.
Dying In A $hithole Country
Short, sweet and valuable stories told in less than 300 words. Follow publication I voted, but not for this Diving face first into the outhouse It saddens me that along with all the voters who opted for a departure from democracy, I descend headfirst into the swirling cyclone in the toilet the president felon is flushing. Maybe the sound of rushing water will drown the frustrated screams of his erstwhile supporters, but so far, I am just being engulfed in stinky swirling brown goo.
The Crumbling Republic
Chaos’ rules Sounds a little too familiar, but it could be fiction, at least for a little while Craig Samuel · Follow Published in Writers Alternative · 7 min read · -- Photo by Matt Briney on Unsplash Up until the early years of the 21st century, the Republic had been a beacon of hope. It was supposedly founded on the idea of equality — a land where anyone could rise to greatness through hard work and perseverance.
Non-Binary Nomenclature
THE FISH MIGHT NOT BE A SHE How non-binaries should be pronoun-ed Growing up in a complex culture My son’s teenage daughter is uncomfortable being referred to as “she” or “her,” or people using the possessive “her” or “hers” when referring to her. This is something we’re not used to! I’ve lived 70 years with “he/she” and “her/him” in the English language. We tend to forget, and constantly get corrected.
Fourth of July Bidet
BOOM! baby We were flushed with success Long, long, ago, in a state far away We used to buy things like cherry bombs and M80s. These innocent-looking fourth-of-July celebratory devices were useful in many ways. Devastating anthills with M80s was one of our favorite ways of repaying those biting insects for being — well — biting insects. Most of the time they just made noise. Another poorly documented use for these devices was the creation of the instant Fourth-of-July Bidet.
Green Hostages
IT'S A JUNGLE IN HERE Too many "children" to go on extended vacations We would love to come visit you in Nebraska, or Texas, or even Florida. We have all the accouterments and equipment necessary for an extended vacation to An RV Park Near You. Travel trailer The Airstream trailer is rarin' to hit the road. The freshwater tank is full. The waste water tanks are empty. The new batteries are charged. The tires are aired up. All I need do is hook it up and hit the road.
Proper Penmanship
By Craig Samuel ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT Doing it correctly by plume instead of digitally Pen and ink - Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash In the beginning The proper environment must be established before any creative endeavor can commence. Every artist knows which drugs they require to accomplish their art. I know my required dose of caffeine and aspirin to achieve my peak performance.
Organic Almond Butter Religion
By Craig Samuel Photo by dhanya purohit on Unsplash We believe in almonds, and we like almond butter more than peanut butter. Almond butter is quite expensive, even when it's NOT organic. The premium for the ORGANIC label makes it even higher. DIY We make our own organic almond butter from organic raw almonds.
Pun-ishment
By Craig Samuel WAIT FOR IT Putting the pun back into punishment The daily menu - Photo by R.D. Smith on Unsplash A visit to the coffeeshop We stopped into the restaurant, my brother and I. This was a place that really worked at putting the rest back into restaurant. We picked a booth and rested with our phones until the wait ress noticed us.
Retirement Socks
By Craig Samuel SOCK IT TO ME What do you say when there's nothing to tell? Naked legs clothed in socks and shoes, only - Photo by Erwans Socks on Unsplash Dear Bro, I thought I'd send you a message. I sat down at the computer and cranked up the email program. I got as far as the Dear Bro part above before I realized I didn't have anything to say.
Be Still My Still
By Craig Samuel Family gatherings are great places to remember things. Photo by Mathew Benoit on Unsplash At the annual family reunion, we got into reminiscing about our teenage years back in the 1960s. Our conversation drifted onto the subject of our early experiments with alcohol. "Do you remember when the still exploded?" I asked my brother, passing him another beer.
What’s Your !Q. What’s Your !Q
I am !Q Is it possible to identify if Q really exists? We Need a !Q Test We have intelligent tests that measure Intelligenzquotient — did you know that’s what IQ stands for? Ja, ist Deutsch! Maybe we can develop a test to prove there is, or is not, such a person as Q, as in Qanon. I think I would call it the !Q Test, and assign a !Q Score. The lower your score, the less likely it is you are Q, and the more likely it is that you are !Q. !So?
The Worst of the Wurst
THE WORST VERSE ON WURST Write the wurst poem, I must Liver pizza What kind of meat would I meet on a pizza? How vegetarian could it get? We could opt for one that’s all cheese and veggies. You wouldn’t get much wurst I’ll bet. If wurst is something that’s made from liver, Vegans avoid eating something like that. Even the cheese comes from robbing the cattle Of milk that could make their babies grow fat. Omnivorous animals eat all kinds of things, Even the salt of the earth if they durst.
An Introduction
Avast, swabbie, look alive or walk the plank I am not who I think I am, but then, none of us are who we think we are. We just have this image in what we call our mind which is what we think other people see. I’ve been around since 1951, but parts of me still think I’m only 29 years old. A couple years ago, one of those parts led me to believe I would not fall from the deck beams to the concrete ten feet away.
I’m Afraid I’m Being Too Honest Today
Honesty is such I don’t care See, I really don’t care if you read my stuff. I didn’t write it for you - I wrote it for me! I just want to tell myself what it’s like to be me in the last quarter of my three quarters of a century of life. I did not plan to live this long Think of this as something like a journal entry, providing insight into why my mood sucks sometimes. Be warned that the writing style in this piece is a bit repetitive and tedious at times. Reading this, you might learn something.
Welcome to Cliche-land
Not AGAIN! Oh NO! It’s happened to all of us Time and time again, I found myself going in circles. Spiraling down into the depths of despair, I found that nothing seemed to work. The walls were closing in as I tried one thing after another. It felt like I was losing my grip entirely. Life seemed to be nothing but a series of old cliches. It was just one damned thing after another. There’s no escaping it when it’s all one step forward, then two steps back.
Raspberry Pi, Anyone?
From Blackberry to Raspberry A la mode? Would you like it warmed up first? Introducing: Raspberry pie, made from raspberries with a real pie crust, is NOT my favorite dessert. The Arduino phase As an instrumentation engineer, I harbored a fascination for instrumentation based on tiny packages. There was a time several years ago when I owned over $200 worth of Arduino-related hardware.
I Actually Have a Twitter (now known as X) Account
People have abandoned the platform since Musk bought it and trashed how they operate. All my friends who used to work there left. I don’t post anything there. I won’t share my Twitter name with anyone. It was an accident that someone talked me into creating the account, just to demonstrate how easy it was to get an account. Since the transmogrification to X, I don’t read things there. I don’t trust anything I hear or see quoted from there.
My Niece ROCKS!
Back in 1967, I moved to a small town near the desert(ed) eastern part of New Mexico. At the local high school, I met a girl about my age, and we started dating. Roberta had an older sister, who had a girl child, so she had a niece. We called her Missy. Some funny (amusing) things happened with the niece as we completed high school. We used to take Missy downtown with us (a short walk in a small town) and visit some of the merchants in the square.
I found a new way to enjoy my …
Pancakes for breakfast! With maple surple! My favorite, with coffee and vitamins and my blood pressure meds. The problem has always been how to keep the butter and syrup from flowing off the pancakes and puddling in a circle around the edge of the plate. I solved the butter issue by putting the butter between the layers instead of on top. But the syrup still floods off the top of the cakes and threatens to drip off the plate before I get my first bite.
I Used to Think
I Used to Think My mind is all broken. The pieces are all scattered. The thoughts that blow through Are all torn and tattered Like bits of fine china, Now played by the wind, In the furrows of memory along Fallow fields where they wend. I wonder how long I can wander At the base of this long downhill, Peering back up to where I once stood So strong and erect and still. Prevailing against a swirling blast, Weathering the chaos chain.
CHAT Got Your Tongue?
While perusing an article by Jim the AI Whisperer, I was reminded of my (in)experience with AI, and prompted to wonder if I should explore it once again. I’ll admit to being a bit of an anachronism, and I’m slightly behind the times. I say (and think and write) redundant things. I’m a bit stumped on how to really get AI going, and therefore dis-inclined to bother with it.
Cold Comfort Coming
Winter's freeze coming, the frost is rolling by On the distant ocean's breeze. Trees sigh, Touching misty tendrils whirling in the air, Shedding faded leaves, their branches going bare. I didn't think I'd live this long in spring, When I, like every other living thing, Was fresh and young and green in all my health. I could not foresee the winter's coming stealthily. A lifetime softly passes.
Fluff vs. Honey
By the time I could read, I already knew The interesting story of Winnie the Pooh. I wonder these days, as my mind fills up with fluff and nonsense, how Winnie the Pooh might have fared if he had actually been a Honey Bear instead of the Pooh. Certainly, our lives would have been different. His thoughts on thinking would likely have been much sweeter and gooier if his head was full of honey, instead of fluff. His thinking might have been much slower, especially on cold days. And much heavier, too.
Rudolph The Redneck Reindeer
Rudolph the redneck reindeer Had a very shiny neck. And if you ever saw it You would say it's bright as heck! All of the other reindeer Thought his neck was way too bright. They all put on sunglasses Every time he came in sight. Then one dark and cloudy eve Santa called the barn. "Rudolph come up to house, Mrs. Claus is winding yarn. Power's been out all evening. We can hardly see a thing. If you'll stand in the kitchen, Think of all the joy you'll bring!"
Backlighting/Bias lighting for LCD televisions...Can't seem to get my Fluorescent Tube set-up...can LED do the trick?
Joined Sep 19, 2005 · 280 Posts Discussion Starter · #1 · a moment ago Hey Guys, Last time I set-up backlighting for my tv was a long time ago. I used and still have it...a 48" strip bar with two T12 40 watt fluorescent bulbs (6500K) that I plugged into a dedicated power-bar and it is great. I have a new tv that I want to capture the same bias lighting for it but here is the problem. I found the fluorescent bulbs but the strip bars were nowhere to be had.
Op-ed: In 2021, Support Restaurants and Delivery Workers
For many of us whose livelihoods revolve around food, last month felt almost like March and April again. Between rising infection rates and a snowstorm, indoor dining shut down and outdoor dining largely shuttered. Most restaurant workers were left without work, and most owners were trying to stretch every dollar to make payroll and cover expenses. Like in March, we reoriented our restaurants around delivery.
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