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Articles by Dan Abramson
Consonance Capital Partners Closes Oversubscribed Third Fund at $1.35 Billion Original
- The Fund Reached Its Hard Cap in Under Four Months, Demonstrating Significant Investor Confidence in the Firm’s Long-Term Strategy NEW YORK--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Consonance Capital Partners (“Consonance”), a leading U.S.-based healthcare private equity firm, today announced the closing of Consonance Private Equity III, L.P. (“Fund III”), with commitments totaling $1.35 billion.
The 10 toasts you'll hear at weddings 1. Best Man Who Thinks Tales of Debauchery = Good Speech 2. The Standup Routine 3. Friend Clearly in Love With the Bride 4. Friend Clearly in Love With the Groom 5. The Maid of Honor Who Won't Stop Crying 6. The Fathe
Wedding season is almost behind us guys. That means you've had to sit through lots of drunken toasts. Here's a primer a guide to help categorize, identify, and be ready for more when next spring rolls around. Awesome! Way to embarrass the groom, yourself, and everyone in attendance! I can't wait to hear how this couple begins their marriage now knowing about the ladies of the night you two picked up seven years ago. Which is worse?
Precera Medical Acquires Additive Metal Services, Establishing Integrated Metal Injection Molding and Additive Manufacturing Capabilities Original
Precera Medical Acquires Additive Metal Services, Establishing Integrated Metal Injection Molding and Additive Manufacturing Capabilities Transaction expands Precera’s ability to support medical device customers in developing and manufacturing complex precision components from prototyping through automated production BIG LAKE, Minn.
Juniper Landscaping Expands into Aquatic Maintenance with Acquisitions of Compass Environmental and Aquatic Weeds Original
Juniper Landscaping Expands into Aquatic Maintenance with Acquisitions of Compass Environmental and Aquatic Weeds FORT MYERS, Fla.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Juniper Landscaping ("Juniper" or the "Company") today announced it has acquired Central Florida Lake Management, Inc. (d/b/a Compass Environmental) ("Compass") and Aquatic Weeds Inc. ("Aquatic Weeds"), two Central Florida-based providers of aquatic maintenance and related shoreline restoration services.
SK Capital Acquires Brothers International
SK Capital Acquires Brothers International NEW YORK & ROCHESTER, N.Y.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--SK Capital Partners ("SK Capital"), a New York-based private investment firm focused on the specialty ingredients, material sciences and life sciences sectors, today announced that its affiliates have completed the acquisition of Brothers International Food Holdings ("Brothers" or the "Company"), a leading global provider of natural fruit ingredients and products for the food and beverage industry, from...
CenterOak Partners Acquires Grismer Tire & Auto Service Original
CenterOak Partners Acquires Grismer Tire & Auto Service DALLAS--(BUSINESS WIRE)--CenterOak Partners LLC (“CenterOak”), a Dallas-based private equity firm, today announced that it has completed a majority recapitalization of Grismer Tire & Auto Service (“Grismer” or the “Company”), a leading operator of tire and automotive service centers. Terms of the transaction were not disclosed.
Union Capital Associates Closes Oversubscribed Fund IV at $450 Million Hard Cap Original
Union Capital Associates Closes Oversubscribed Fund IV at $450 Million Hard Cap GREENWICH, Conn.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--After just four months in the market, Union Capital Associates (together with its affiliates, “Union Capital”) today announced the first and final closing of its fourth fund, Union Capital Equity Partners IV, L.P. (the “Fund” or “Fund IV”) at its hard cap of $450 million of Limited Partner commitments. The fund was significantly oversubscribed.
BayHawk Capital Announces Final Close of Inaugural Fund at Over $600 Million Original
BayHawk Capital Announces Final Close of Inaugural Fund at Over $600 Million BOSTON--(BUSINESS WIRE)--BayHawk Capital (“BayHawk”), a Boston‑based private equity firm focused on investing in founder-owned technology and essential services businesses, announced the final close of its inaugural fund, BayHawk Capital Fund I (“the Fund” or “Fund I”) at $616 million in total commitments.
Industry Veteran Deanne Nixon Joins KCC Leadership Team Original
Industry Veteran Deanne Nixon Joins KCC Leadership Team BOSTON--(BUSINESS WIRE)--KCC is pleased to announce that long-time industry veteran Deanne Nixon has joined the KCC senior leadership team. As Senior Vice President, Ms. Nixon will be working directly with insurers and reinsurers to ensure KCC’s advanced modeling technology and applications continue to deliver high value as the market needs evolve. Ms. Nixon is well known and respected in the (re)insurance industry.
CenterOak Partners Announces Sale of Turf Masters Brands Original
CenterOak Partners Announces Sale of Turf Masters Brands DALLAS--(BUSINESS WIRE)--CenterOak Partners LLC ("CenterOak"), a Dallas-based private equity firm, today announced the sale of Turf Masters Brands, Inc. (“Turf Masters Brands” or the “Company”), a leading provider of residential recurring lawn, tree, and shrub care services, in a transaction with ExperiGreen Lawn Care. Terms of the transaction were not disclosed.
Windjammer Capital Expands Senior Investment Team with the Addition of Evan Klebe and Beth Lesniak; Meredith Stein Joins as Head of Investor Relations Original
NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. & WALTHAM, Mass.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Windjammer Capital ("Windjammer"), a national private equity investment firm focused on control equity investments in middle-market businesses, announced today that Evan Klebe and Beth Lesniak have joined the firm’s investment team as Managing Director and Principal, respectively, while Meredith Stein has joined as Head of Investor Relations.
Ecosystem Investment Partners Nears $1.5B Raised with $400 Million Fifth Fund Original
BALTIMORE--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Ecosystem Investment Partners (“EIP”), a real asset, private equity firm, announced the final close of Ecosystem Investment Partners V, L.P. (“EIP V”) with over $400 million of capital commitments to EIP V and its related entities.
KCC Announces the Release of RiskInsight® Version 4.15 Original
BOSTON--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Karen Clark & Company (KCC) is pleased to announce the release of RiskInsight® Version 4.15, the latest advancement of the open loss modeling platform. The new update introduces major performance and system enhancements, increasing the speed, scalability, and computing power of the leading risk modeling application. The update enables faster and more efficient loss analyses, particularly for large hurricane and severe convective storm portfolios.
Stone-Goff Portfolio Company JSI Acquires LogicomUSA Original
BOSTON & NEW YORK--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Stone-Goff Partners (“SGP”), a lower middle-market private equity firm investing in technology-driven business-to-business service companies, today announced the acquisition of LogicomUSA (“Logicom”), a premier provider of voice, network, and 24/7 contact center services to broadband providers and electric cooperatives nationwide, by SGP portfolio company JSI.
Better human health starts with smarter supply chains
By Dan Abramson, Senior Vice President and Head of Sales at FourKites. In terms of high-value goods, it doesn’t get much more precious than the drugs and devices that support human health.
10 Lady Gaga Pics That Make Me Want To Drink Her Bath Water
I didn’t become obsessed with Lady Gaga until only a few weeks ago and I am deeply ashamed of myself. How did it take me this long? Shame, shame, shame. I always incorrectly assumed that she tried too hard without actually listening to her music. I even saw A Star Is Born and, to be honest, I wasn’t impressed right away either. And then it happened. I woke up the day after seeing the film and it hit me like a motherfucking truck. I WAS OBSESSED. I couldn’t stop thinking about Lady Gaga.
4 Reasons Google+'s Failure to Dominate Should Reassure You About Society
Google Has Not Taken Over the Worldâ¦Yet It's fair to say that everyone on earth loves Google and knows it has a vital role in the future of technology. But how many of us actually trust Google? Eight people in the world, probably. The rest of us sort of treat Google like that lifelong friend who, despite having your back 99% of the time, you know would sleep with your girlfriend if he had the opportunity. And then tell you the details.
Coachella For Dads
Sign up for the Funny Or Die Newsletter Your weekly fix of the funniest stories, videos, and more First Name Last Name Email (required) Psst...do you like extremely cool shirts? Dope, cool shirts from Funny Or Die? I'm down to hear more By signing up, you agree to our Privacy Notice and European users agree to the data transfer policy.
10 Things You Can Do to Spoil Your Family's Thanksgiving
1. Bring a homeless man you met at the bus stop and tell your family he's the best chef you've ever met and he needs to massage the turkey before anyone eats it. 2. Show up wearing ten jackets and repeatedly ask all the guests if you can take their coats. 3. When the turkey is about to be carved, scream "MURDERER" every time the knife makes contact with the skin. Then demand you be served the first plate and talk about how much you "love turkey in your tummy." 4.
Presidential Cheat Sheet: Everything You Need to Know About Both Candidates
With the election upon us, we felt that it was important to review everything there is to know about each candidate. Here are all the key elements and issues, broken down in a handy guide.
Some 'Sexiest Man Alive' Covers You May Have Forgotten About
It seems that hordes of people are outraged about Channing Tatum being named "Sexiest Man Alive" by People Magazine. And by hordes, I just mean Ryan Gosling fans. Fair enough, he is a very attractive fellow. But let's look at the bigger picture here. Every year People Magazine trots out this cover and every year we forget who was on the last one. Go ahead, try to name the last five "honorees." How about the last two? Hell, who was even last year's?
God: The Original King Of Viral
It may have taken just seven days to create the universe, but it’s taking God an eternity to fill it with content. God: This is great content Abraham: What’s that, God? God: Nothing, nothing. Keep going. We’re gonna get a lotta clicks on this. God: This is my masterpiece. My “Moses After The Dentist.” Jesus: Did you say something, God? You want me to come down from here? I seem to be bleeding quite a bit. God: You’re doing great. Have to hop on a call with sales in a few, perhaps we can get a sponsor.
November Rain: The Comic
In 1991, Guns and Roses completely blew their load, simultaneously releasing two albums, Use Your Illusion 1 and 2. They (Axl, at least) would then spend the next 15 years working on a piece of shit Nu-Metal wankfest that... more » In 1991, Guns and Roses completely blew their load, simultaneously releasing two albums, Use Your Illusion 1 and 2.
We’ll Let You Build A Wall On The Border But Only If It’s Made Out Of Your Guns
OK, Republican extremists, here’s the deal. You know how you’re convinced building a wall around our borders, following the lead of ancient China (who as we know is the forerunner of modern politics) is the key to halting immigration? Let’s do it. We’re in. It’s made out of the guns that are currently in the hands of Americans. The guns that are fare too easy to obtain. The guns that are killing our own people. The guns that you think make one a true American.
George Lucas Emails J.J. Abrams Saying He Changed His Mind And Wants To Direct Star Wars
Hi George. First of all, you do not need to put your email address in the body of the email. By sending the email in the first place, it tells me your email address. Anyway, while I’m glad you’re excited about the movie, it’s too late for you to direct it. The film is completed.
Kevin Love Texts LeBron James To Ask Who Won Last Night
The Cleveland Cavaliers won Game 6 of the NBA Finals against the Golden State Warriors to extend the series to a final Game 7. Below, see the leaked text message conversation where Kevin Love asks his teammate LeBron James who won the game.
Israeli co Cellepathy offers personalized navigation
Navigation was once the realm of adventurers and explorers. Voyagers on the high seas relied on the stars. Elite soldiers memorized topographic maps to reach their destination. In either scenario mistakes led to disaster. In the 1950s, mankind began launching satellites into space -- and navigation was forever changed. The information streamed from the satellites first served militaries until the consumer stage when ordinary people were offered accurate location data.
What Not To Ask Famous Bands At The Governors Ball Music Festival
If you find yourself at the Governors Ball, there's no wrong way to enjoy the awesome bands, unless you ask them these questions. Mike Scollins talks to Mike Scollins, Echosmith, Noel Gallagher, Death From Above 1979, Logic, St. Vincent, "Weird Al" Yankovic, HOLYCHILD, Streets of Laredo, White Lung, Little Dragon, Benjamin Booker, Royal Blood, Priory, DIIV, The Districts, Rudimental, J.
Jillian Rose Reed Takes the #KylieJennerChallenge
Recent legislation in Missouri and other states has placed limits on what recipients of electronic benefit cards (EBT), or food stamps, are allowed to purchase, such as prohibiting the purchase of items like steak or seafood. With the so called “surf and turf” law in mind, we hit the streets to ask: what food should poor people be allowed to eat?
Dips Compilation
By: Funny Or Die Funny or Die Presents Dips for April Fools Day 2015, including Dips from: Will Ferrell Adam McKay Richard Linklater Mark Cuban Puff Daddy Britney Spears Kathie Lee and Hoda Conan O ‘Brien Hannibal Buress Judd Apatow Vince Gilligan Kevin Hart Lena Dunham Jon Hamm Foster the People Arnold Schwarzenegger Matt Lauer Savannah Guthrie Charlie Day Tom Hardy Terry Crews Ryan Seacrest Patton Oswalt and Rob Lowe Ringo Starr Billy Crystal Zooey Deschanel Lamorne Morris Fred Willard...
Office-Safety Tips for Your Soul-Sucking Desk Job
A messy workspace can easily lead to a serious accident, such as a slip, fall, or electrical fire. To make sure that your desk area is in fact clutter-free, get rid of anything that might remind you of the personal life you once had. Not only will you be safer, you’ll also be less distracted and will have much more room for actual work material. It can be difficult to throw things away, but you don’t want your diploma getting lonely in the garbage can.
Fed Up With Violent Toys? Check Out Yoga Joes!
About a year ago, I had this oddball idea for a set of everyone's favorite classic green army men toys — only these ones would do yoga instead of fight. Some friends of mine laughed at this funny concept, but when it came to mass production they gave their honest opinion — they didn't think anyone would really want them as a real toy.
Tiny Detectives with Kate Mara and Ellen Page
By: Kate Mara The internet was unhappy with the casting of 'True Detective' season 2, so the creators have started from scratch with an entirely new show.
The Conversation I Imagine Everyone Else on This Conference Call Has Before I Join
COLLEAGUE: Is Dan here? SECOND COLLEAGUE: No, not yet. I bet he has no idea what the dial-in number is, or the PIN. COLLEAGUE: He’s not very smart, is he? SECOND COLLEAGUE: Certainly not. He doesn’t even know how to use his office phone. Have you ever seen him try to connect two calls? It’s embarrassing. COLLEAGUE: When he gets here, he’ll probably have no idea what we’re talking about, but will never admit it.
If Buzzfeed Was Your Text-Happy Friend
Buzzfeed thrives on bringing sharable, consumable lists to the masses. But if it were a person, they would just get on your nerves.
Drunk History Christmas
Do you need a petsitter for your snail, slow toad, or pet rock? Well, Seth and Sarah have you covered!
The Map Of America As Seen By A New Yorker
New Yorkers have no sense of geography, which is fair, considering the world revolves around their city. As a New Yorker myself, I attempted to draw the map of the United States. As far as I know, it’s 100% accurate.
The Map Of America As Seen By A New Yorker
New Yorkers have no sense of geography, which is fair, considering the world revolves around their city. As a New Yorker myself, I attempted to draw the map of the United States. As far as I know, it’s 100% accurate.
Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Steve Carell
Episode 9: Zach sits down with from “The Office” and they quite possibly discuss “Dinner for Schmucks”. Starring: Zach Galifianakis and Steve Carell Directed by: BJ Porter Produced by: Scott Aukerman & BJ Porter Edited by: Mordecai Druitt Director of Photography: Brian Murray B-camera: Nick Moo Special Thanks: Christin Trogan, Mike Farah, and Matt LaBov
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