Dan Duddy
As seen in:
The Bachelor Zone,
Cracked
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Articles by Dan Duddy
Sauna Time on Apple Podcasts
It's the dog days of mid season Bachelor as the show goes to Tallinn, Estonia and the boys are here to cover the insanely steal heavy week that not only saw possible rise of Charity and Ariel who are nipping at the heels of front runners Kaity and Gabi, but also the dramatic self implosion of of Jess over not getting a one on one date, and the convenient covid induced bye week enjoyed by possible dark-horse-wild-card player: Greer. Support the show
Pip, Pip Cheerio-vid on Apple Podcasts
London bridge is seemingly doing fine, but with positive Covid tests, and negative vibes surrounding the remaining who are not named Gabi we got a lot to cover. The Bachelor Zone 3 triumphantly reunite to break down all the action from Week 5 of Zach Shallcross's season of The Bachelor. Support the show
"I Gave Up Everything to Be Here!" w/Aunt Mary on Apple Podcasts
It's Valentine's Day and what better way to celebrate than to recap a tear filled episode of this season of The Bachelor with our very own Aunt Mary! Who returns to the pod to give her blazing hot takes on Zach's season and to show us just how to carpe diem the hell out of a Bahamian vacation. Support the show Top Podcasts In Comedy
Men's Tell All on Apple Podcasts
This week's Bachelor Zone coverage of the Men's Tell All is brought to you by OUAI, and the concept of gratuitous product placement on network television! We get into how last night felt weird in more ways than one, and what the guy's time on the couch told who could be a contender (or contenders) for the role of the next Bachelor. And of course give kudos and fully dissect Meatball's savage body tackle of Billy Eichner. Support the show
'The Bachelorette' Has Completed The Transformation Into A Sport
The Bachelor(ette) is a sport. It is something we've always known, but damn if this season's finale didn't prove it. From opening night to almost the final whistle, we watched as Katie poured her heart out to Greg, reassuring him that he was the frontrunner, telling him that this was his thing to lose. If The Bachelorette had an AP Poll as they do in College Football, then Greg would be Alabama, coasting at the top while everyone else jostled for second place.
Seems Like Nobody Wants To Win This Season Of 'The Bachelorette'
The Bachelorette seemingly has a simple premise. 30 or so men show up to a mansion to win the heart of one woman. This lucky lady, the Bachelorette, is given a finite number of roses that she is able to hand to the dudes that she wants to keep, with the rest being forced to awkwardly shuffle past the girl who broke their heart as they find their way out the door. This sacred process happens every week until we get down to four and then three and then two and then one.
'Bachelorette's 'Kiss' Was Fake Even By Reality TV Standards
PICTOFACT PICTOFACT We all should know by now that reality TV is "real" in the same way that it was definitely "Mickey Mouse" who hugged your kid at Disney Land, not some underpaid theater kid in a foam suit. So last week on "The Bachelorette Men-Tell-All," when a random woman from the audience stood up to kiss Conner B. the Cat Guy in an effort to rehab his image as "world's worst kisser," it should have been obvious that this, like nearly every other instance on this show, was a staged event.
We've Reached The Most Awkward Moment On 'The Bachelorette' Possible
We've reached the most awkward moment in Bachelorette history that ever was or ever will be. Like Loki reaching the end of time, there is no before, and there is no after. There is only the ever-present, infinite cringe of this one singular event permeating throughout the multiverse.
'The Bachelorette' Just Did 'Seinfeld's 'The Contest'
There couldn't be two franchises more different than Seinfeld, America's all-time greatest sitcom, and The Bachelor, America's all-time greatest shame. One's a comedy, and the other is … well, pretty much a comedy at this point. Okay, but one is about a single man dating loads of women in rapid succession and disqualifying them at the drop of a hat, and the other is … hmm, these two might be more similar than we realized.
Maybe 'The Bachelorette' Doesn't Need A 'Villain' Anymore
Kevin Feige must be overseeing this season of The Bachelorette. That's the only explanation for how there could be more villains on Katie's journey for love than there are in the entirety of MCU. We're in week 5 of this season, and already we've seen three villains - Cody, Karl, and Thomas - come and go, and the season is setting us up for two more in Hunter and Blake. Their crimes? Hunter got too rowdy and tackle-y during a game of Rowdy Tackle Ball (which you can watch below), and Blake is new.
'Fast And Furious' Connection To 'Better Luck Tomorrow' May Run Even Deeper
The ninth Fast and Furious film is (finally) out. Which, if you've seen the movie or just the trailers … Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below … means you know that Han is back. But that's not the first time Sung Kang's character has been brought back; as fans may know, according to director Justin Lin, Han can be traced all the way back to Lin's 2002 debut film, Better Luck Tomorrow.
How 'The Bachelorette' Is Turning Into 'Survivor'
There aren't too many more famous maxims from The Bachelor franchise than "I'm not here to make friends," but if week 4 of this season's The Bachelorette taught us anything, it is that you absolutely need to make friends if you want to last on this show. It hasn't always been this way.
5 Animals Whose Bathroom Habits Are A Sci-Fi Movie
We all of course know about Sir Mix-a-Lot's posterior preferences, but Mother Nature isn't nearly as particular when it comes to butts. Why, she likes them in all shapes, sizes, and colors: big, small, round, flat. Blue? Hell, why not. Oh, but she doesn't stop there. Once Mother Nature is alone, she closes the blinds, locks the doors, goes to her secret sub-basement, shotguns a sixer of Lionshead, and starts to get cheeky.
6 Famous Cartoon Characters That Started Out In The Weirdest Places
Where do our favorite shows come from? From the dreams of writers? The cocaine-fueled nightmares of producers? From books, from comics? Sometimes though, they come from something worse—from other TV shows. The dreaded backdoor pilot. "The Farm" episode of The Office, the one episode of Supernatural that was set in Chicago that no one remembers.
Marvel Studios Next Cap ... Came From A Mobile Game?
One doesn't normally expect free mobile matching games to be heavy on plot, never mind character. And yet Marvel Puzzle Quest routinely does both, fusing strategy and role-playing sensibilities with Candy Crush addictiveness and comic book storytelling. The game's so good at it, in fact, that a few years ago, they introduced their own version of Captain America – an alternate-reality Peggy Carter that got super-soldiered instead of Steve Rogers – and Marvel Comics went ahead and made her canon.
Don't Actually Admit You Came On 'The Bachelorette' To Be Famous, Dummy
There are many unspoken rules for being a contestant on The Bachelor/Bachelorette, but there's one so ingrained into the collective conscious that you probably already know it even if you've never seen a minute of the show before.
How A Nation Of Crazy Cat Ladies Declared War Upon Dogs
If you were under the impression that humans were the only ones who fared terribly under Joseph Stalin's watch, think again. Centuries of Russian history shows the nation has long had it out for man's best friend, to the point of issuing doggie death orders for them in preparation for the 2014 Olympics and the 2018 World Cup.
4 Crimes From History That Made Absolutely Zero Sense
Everyone loves a good wacky crime story, which is why we keep accosting you with more of them. Over the years, we've covered strip club cocaine subs, gigantic mystical crime pearls, the Manson Family's LSD hamburger, gigantic mystical crime emeralds, fake countries waging dream warfare on the US, and a disappointingly non-mystical gigantic crime diamond. And trust us, this well is nowhere near dry yet. Just consider ...
Black TikTok Creators Are Striking Over Appropriation of Their Content: 'Give Credit Where It's Due'
Bad news for older millennials who planned on learning a TikTok dance to Megan Thee Stallion's “Thot Shit” in a desperate attempt to cling to the remaining shreds of their youth despite the slow, terrifying passage of time bringing them closer and closer to to the big 4-0: Unlike every other Megan Thee Stallion song that has graced our ears over the past several years, there will be no official dance to her latest single, the deliberate product of Black creators on the app striking over the...
Ringo Starr Drops Trademark Lawsuit Against Makers of Ring O Adult Toy
Well, folks, it seems the world's luckiest average drummer, Ringo Starr, has finally heeded the famed advice of his good pal and former Beatles bandmate, look-alike Paul McCartney, deciding to “Let It Be” in the long-running legal battle with a sex toy company attempting to trademark their Ring O dick rings.
Zelda's Timeline Will Be Even Messier (Thanks To Breath Of The Wild 2)
We finally got a trailer at E3 for The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Still Unnamed Sequel, and the only thing that can adequately express our joy is this sound right here: Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below Yes, we're all super excited that this eventual and inevitable Game of the Year will be coming at us in 2022, but hold on to your Deku nuts for just one moment because as hyped as we are about this trailer, we need to talk about just one thing, Zelda fans.
15 Weird Early Versions Of Movies And Shows We Love
The initial idea for the Belcher family in Bob’s Burgers was to make them a family of literal cannibals. Seriously.
It Turns Out That, Yeah, It Doesn't Matter Who Hosts 'The Bachelorette'
The latest season of The Bachelorette premiered on Monday, and it's the first-ever not to be stewarded by 20-year warhorse of the franchise Chris Harrison. In February, Harrison stepped aside from the show after a controversial exchange with former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay over race, and on Tuesday, it was announced that Harrison would be permanently leaving -- though we had all seen it coming for a while now after he engaged in a lengthy legal battle with the network.
4 Respected Groups That Seem Sure That Aliens Are Coming
Aliens are coming because it's just kinda that type of decade. There have been nine other Apocalypses; why not get this one over with too? We're not saying you need to run for the hills or start scanning the skies in dread, but that's mainly because this is all a bit misleading -- aliens aren't coming; they're apparently already here.
Reminder: Stormtroopers Are the Bad Guys, Guys
At a recent Space Force swearing-in – yes, Space Force is still real, and we are going ahead with it – DeAnna Burt, outer space’s newest Major General, was surrounded by stormtroopers, as well as Boba Fett and Darth Vader, as she took her oath of office. Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below This, of course, follows the previous administration’s nepotistic mannequin twins dressing up their child as a First Order stormtrooper and drawing the very confused wrath of the internet.
5 Ridiculous Ways Real Spies Got Caught
At any given moment, several intelligence agents are currently hiding in your house, undetected. You don't notice them because they excel at stealth. Thankfully, however, not everyone's such a master of the trade, and so we managed to bring the following spies to justice, due to their bumbling incompetence. 5The Nazi Spy's Bumpy Landing During World War II, people in Britain were scared that secret Nazis were going to drop in by air, parachuting into quiet villages to wreak Nazi havoc.
What 'Fast And Furious' Can Learn From Its Bollywood Counterpart
The "rule of cool" is when a film stretches the limits of disbelief in exchange for doing something awesome. There is no greater devotee to the altar of the rule of cool in American cinema than the Fast and Furious franchise, which will gladly shatter the boundaries of reality in exchange for letting us watch the Rock redirect a torpedo with his bare hands. Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below Does it make sense? Not in the slightest. Is it awesome? You're damn right it is.
14 Weird Things Animals Can Do That You Can't
We're not talking about flight, or metamorphosis, or shooting boiling acid out of butts. Most of us are incapable of those things, sure, but some animals are so fundamentally different than us, their abilities don't seem to make logical sense.
Cool Dads Carry Cool Things In Their Pockets
This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there. If there's anything dads love more than their children, it's carrying stuff in their pockets. Don't wait until June 20 to find the perfect item to fill Dad's truly massive pockets -- just scroll through this great list of everyday carry items that he will love breaking for no reason. And then order something. That part's important.
Tell Us Now: 18 Sequels That Ruined The Original Movie
We asked Cracked readers on Facebook, “Which sequel ruined the original movie?” Many of you are of the opinion that a sequel can't destroy the integrity of its predecessor, but we beg to differ, such as with these 18 examples… 18 17 Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below 16 15 Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below 14 13 Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below 12 11 Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below 10 9 Continue Reading Below Continue Reading Below 8 7...
Cut For Time: 13 Hilarious SNL Sketches That Never Made It To Air
In the early days of SNL, a sketch cut because the show was too long meant it was probably lost forever. These days, cut-for-time sketches are nearly as likely to go viral as the bits that make it to air. Here are 13 examples of axed comedy that became Internet-famous.
4 Weird Celebrity Stories We Sort Of Forgot About
All too often, a spate of weird headlines can overshadow everything else an artist does, which is why Ben Affleck is known as much for being an extremely divorced dad as for being Batman. Sometimes, though, a celebrity story goes completely off the rails and then just ... vanishes from public consciousness. Well, we're not letting them get away with it anymore.
The Gay Electro-Ronin: Meet Hiraga Gennai, the "Da Vinci of Japan"
Having been born the third son of a low-ranking samurai far from Japan's cultural and political centers -- in a time when the country closed itself off from the outside world -- Hiraga Gennai (1728 - 1780) did not have the greatest start in life. But Fate took a liking to him. Fate put one hand around Gennai, outstretched the one holding a cigar into the sky and told him: "I like you, kid. You got moxie. I'll make you a star. Just tell me what you want to be: A physician? Inventor? Copywriter?
'Avengers: Age of Ultron' And 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are The Same Movie
Avengers: Age of Ultron, also known as Avengers: Not Anyone's Favorite, has famously been criticized for spending its runtime setting up a half-dozen other films and kind of ignoring itself as a singular work. It's also, more recently, had its reputation burnished slightly by people pointing out all the good things it accidentally did, too. We're not going to talk about either of those things here.
Thousands of WWII POWs Escaped Thanks to ... Monopoly?
This probably goes without saying, but being held prisoner by Nazis is no one’s idea of a good time. So, during World War II, the Allied forces did their best to get soldiers out from POW camps – by sneaking in maps, money, and escape tools, via various board games and sports equipment. And everyone’s favorite stolen IP Monopoly was the undisputed heavyweight champion of them all.
Don't Stop At A 'Fast And Furious'/'Jurassic Park' Crossover
There was once a time when the Fast and Furious franchise was grounded in a thin layer of reality with the first four movies exploring the humble street racer on his or her quest to drive real fast and vroom real loud. Then Fast Five came along, and so began a series of movies that took that layer of reality, chopped it up, and jettisoned it into space.
FB Ending Special Treatment For Politicians Following Ban Of You-Know-Who
While likely to his chagrin, former President Donald Trump will most definitely not regain control of the Oval Office come August, there is one locale where 45 will soon restart his reign of conspiracy-pushing terror – good ‘ol Facebook. On Friday, the social media platform announced that the ex-POTUS's Facebook and Instagram accounts will remain suspended until January 2023 at the earliest, at which point site officials will reevaluate the temporary ban.
13 Fascinating Now-You-Know Facts About Cicadas
At first glance, cicadas may look horrifying. But the more you learn about them, the more you realize: yeah, wow, these are some f*ed up little critters.
5 Characters That Should Be In Other Shows: 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' Edition
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the longest-running live-action sitcom ever, which means the characters of It's Always Sunny have been through a lot. There have been so many episodes at this point that there isn't a situation we couldn't imagine them being in. So it got us to thinking, "What if we stretched our imaginations a little bit?
This Weather Alert Radio Is Like Having A Robot Sidekick In The Wild
This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there. Well, summer is more or less here, despite Memorial Day being a thunderstormy jerk, so it's time to gear up to get outdoors. You'll make your trip to REI, no doubt, but do they really care about you? Last time we went -- you know, in 2017 -- the clerk wouldn't even give us a hug. Well, we care, and that's why we'd like you to consider the Sidekick Weather Alert Radio with Bluetooth (R).
The (Continuing) Baffling Battle For Rotten Tomatoes' Top Movie Spot
Remember when Paddington 2 overtook Citizen Kane in the Divine Grand Rankings of Movie Excellence … erghm, we mean Rotten Tomatoes. A review from over 80 years ago was discovered that skewered Orson Welles' magnum opus right in the rosebud, leaving Paddington 2 as the sole champion of the 100% fresh club. (At least 100% with the requisite number of ratings.) Well, it was a fun month while it lasted for the bear from Peru. Paddington 2 got a bad review.
How The 1990s Almost Killed Superheroes
It's 2021, so there are only two possible places where you could be reading this article: sitting at home or waiting in line to buy Pokemon cards.
'Army Of The Dead' Should Have Been A Video Game
The reviews are in, and Zack Snyder's new movie, Army of the Dead, a tale about a casino heist in the middle of zombie-infested Las Vegas, is being hailed as … so so. Critics say "the story is bloated and amorphous" and call it "a brainless zombie flick" and "demand they release a Snyder cut!" (Oops, that last one was the wrong movie.) But even though Army of the Dead only reached a middling 70% critic and 76% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes, it'll be Snyder that is getting the last laugh. Why?
Bring Back 'Star Wars' Snot Vampires, You Cowards
Disney's acquisition of the Star Wars franchise necessarily trimmed some of the more bonkers fat from the edges of that galaxy far, far away. Whether or not you enjoy this new streamlined experience is entirely up to you, but I think we can all agree that there was one wholly egregious excision from the canon, the inglorious removal of characters so vital and wonderful that it's bordering on an actual crime that they have not yet been reintroduced into the new stories.
5 Behind-The-Scenes Stories That Prove James Cameron Is A Maniac
In the coming years, we’ll either be treated to the most epic line-up of science fiction sequels of all-time or discover that, thanks to some creative bookkeeping, James Cameron’s new fleet of luxury yachts are named Avatars 2 through 5. And though he’s certainly made some of the most successful, imaginative movies of the past several decades, James Cameron is also a goddamn maniac.
15 'Star Trek' Episodes That Got Science Embarrassingly Wrong
“I wanted scientists to be able to watch our show, believe it, enjoy it and not laugh at it,” Gene Roddenberry is reported to have said. How successful he was remains to be seen -- in fact, we’ll get down to seeing it right now. Now, we’re not saying that these are bad episodes. Some are actually very good. And unlike some nerds out there, we aren’t saying that getting the science wrong is a huge problem, either. We’re not scientists, but we love Star Trek -- we do watch, believe, and enjoy the show.
Tell Us Now: 20 Childhood Movies And Shows That Still Hold Up
Looking for a nostalgic watch? We asked Cracked readers on Facebook, “What show or movie from your childhood still holds up to your adult standards?” Here are 20 reader responses that'll have us on a deep binge.
20 Relatively Tame Movies And TV Shows That Our Parents Banned Us From Watching
We asked Cracked fans on YouTube about the weirdest media their parents banned when they were kids. It turns out, parents' biggest fears in the 80's were hippies and wisecracking spikey haired li'l scamps. Check out some of the tame movies that were considered taboo below. And check out our deep dive into movies that turned out to be straight-up propaganda.
Why Are All 'Future-Sports' Movies About Death?
If we were to ask you to predict what sports look like in the future, you'd probably say something along the lines of "A bunch of robots playing football," or "A bunch of nerds playing video games," or "Screw you, I'm not taking your dumb online survey. I've got masturbatin' to do." But, if you were to ask that same question to screenwriters, especially screenwriters of the '70s, '80s, and '90s, they'd paint you a vastly different (yet still masturbatory) picture.
Want To Feel Old? Watch The 'Friends' Reunion Trailer
So no one told you a Friends reunion was on the way? (clap? clap? clap? clap?) Well, allow us to rectify that for you. After years of fans clamoring for a Friends reunion and even more years of false rumors and failed attempts, the gang of Central Perk is finally getting together on May 27th courtesy of HBO Max.
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