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Articles by Helen Hunt
The Power of Dialogue: How Feeling Heard Transforms Relationships
Have you ever felt truly heard in your relationship? Not tolerated, corrected, or analyzed—but deeply listened to by your partner, without interruption, judgment, or defensiveness. Dialogue makes this possible. How Dialogue Helps Couples Navigate Conflict In the Imago Dialogue Process—a structured communication practice for couples—you agree to slow down. One speaks, the other mirrors—reflecting back what was heard, not what was assumed.
2 Questions Highly Intelligent People Ask To Always Get What They Want
It probably goes without saying, but when you're in a relationship (especially with someone that you love and trust), being able to ask for what you need is incredibly vital. Seriously, there is no question that the trust that comes with having your needs taken into consideration can make or break relationships; in fact, your wants and needs are arguably two of the biggest things that you should discuss with your partner.
Psychology Says If You Can Master This Cat-Like Quality, Your Marriage Will Be More Than Fine
Couples trying to revive the romance they felt in the early stages of their relationships sometimes turn to big, headline strategies to demonstrate their affection for their mate. They take vacations, buy expensive gifts, or make elaborate Valentine’s Day or anniversary efforts in the hopes that with intensive, regularly scheduled maintenance, love will trundle on. If relationship stress has reached a saturation point, they count on efforts like these to solve problems.
The Common Assumption That Will Throw A Great Relationship Into A Tailspin, Says Psychology
If you are still waiting and wishing that your partner would see the light and behave as you think they should, then you are living a fantasy. Idealizing a figment of our imagination — rather than living with and accepting the real flesh and blood person who is our partner — sets us up for failure. Here's the common assumption that will throw a great relationship into a tailspin, says psychology: And here’s the rub: when you remove the banner to “improve” your partner, you eradicate them.
Psychology Says If You Follow These 4 Rules, You'll Have A Happy Marriage For Life
If you are still waiting and wishing your partner will see the light and behave the way you think they should, then you are living a fantasy. Most of us see our partners through our image of what we think they are rather than seeing them as they are or as they see themselves. And here’s the rub: when you take up the banner to “improve” your partner, you are annihilating your partner. You are wishing the real person to be gone and your image of them to take their place.
The Twist On The Golden Rule That Can Save A Failing Marriage, According To Iconic Couples Therapist
The time-honored golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” is a profound instruction for relationships. But in intimate partnerships, we need to take this admonishment further. Our partner’s preferences are usually very different from our own, no matter how much we might have in common. Unfortunately, partners often feel upset when they don’t get their heart’s desire, but we cannot read each other’s minds.
We've Worked With Couples For 40 Years - Our Top 10 Tips To Build A Dream Marriage
In our 40 years working together to help couples achieve their dream relationships, we have learned ten key tips to make a marriage last — and not just last but thrive. We haven't just educated couples; we've been a couple for 44 years and built multiple programs and businesses together, from developing IMAGO 43 years ago to our latest passion project, Safe Conversations, which aims to teach every individual the transformative dialogue process.
The Sneaky Psychological Bias That Undermines Even The Best Relationships
Imagine scripting a perfect day with your partner. On a beautiful Sunday morning hike, you take a dip at a refreshing waterfall and have a snack while feeling connected and energized. You head back home, and they say, “Why can’t we do this all the time?” The words alone are innocent enough, but you hear something else. The tone of their “never-ending” complaint says you work too much.
We've Worked With Couples For 40 Years - Four Urgent Things To Do If Your Marriage Teeters On Divorce
Hurtful words in a relationship are like a drop of red dye in a glass of water, and they quickly turn the whole glass pink. What starts as a slip of the tongue sets a process in motion that permeates a relationship and defines its tone. We think of criticism as a constructive process — one person feels they know the other in and out and makes suggestions for how the other might improve, they're merely helping the other overcome their flaws and deficiencies. Sometimes this works.
Psychology Says If You Can Master These 4 Skills, Your Marriage Can Survive An Affair
When it comes to relationships, there's a reason why one of the hardest obstacles to overcome is infidelity. There's nothing worse than being hit with betrayal, that loss of trust — especially when you never saw it coming. We get it. If you can master these four skills, your marriage can survive an affair: So many couples come to counseling wounded, but after doing the work, they have a stronger marriage.
3 Quiet Reasons People Have Torrid Affairs, According To Psychology
Divorce is a reality. Some marriages won't work, and being in a happy and healthy monogamous relationship doesn't always feel like the norm. Rather than work out their issues, some couples just throw in the towel and put their relationships and marriages behind them. Avoiding conflict or failing to talk about problems in a marriage can lead one or both spouses to have an affair.
It’s Still Sex Even if You Don’t Have Intercourse
It’s Still Sex Even if You Don’t Have Intercourse All the answers clinicians need to work effectively with LGBTQ clients. A therapist who treats LGBTQ clients often must be more than “gay friendly.” Clinical experience, scientific research, and cultural understanding are advancing rapidly, and the task of being LGBTQ informed is ever-changing in today’s world.
If You Want To Find A Measure Of Peace In This World, You Must Become Curious
“How” we talk, more than “what” we say, creates communication issues that can cause breakdowns in relationships that detract from the quality of our lives and our work. This is a prime example of vertical talking, which we call monologue, and the calming effect of a lateral way of talking, which we call dialogue.
Erin Moriarty Tells Helen Hunt Why The Boys is For the Girls
What if I told you that The Boys is for the girls? In a world where morally ambiguous bros masquerade as superheroes, Erin Moriarty saves the day—and passes the Bechdel Test— as Annie January slash Starlight, the good-girl-turned-baddie in Amazon Prime’s gleefully violent send-up of celebrity culture and comic book tropes. In the series, one of Amazon’s most popular originals, Starlight has the ‘supe’ power of harnessing electricity from the energetic pulses around her.
2 Questions To Ask To Get Every Single Need Met In A Relationship
It probably goes without saying, but when you're in a relationship (especially with someone that you really love and trust), being able to ask for what you need is incredibly vital. Seriously, there is no question that the trust that comes with having your needs taken into consideration can make or break relationships; in fact, your wants and needs are arguably two of the biggest things that you should discuss with your partner.
Couples Who Accept This Simple Truth Are 98% Happier Than Everyone Else
If we no longer feel the same kind of love for our partner as we did at the beginning, if we fight continuously, or if we live together in mutual silence, why shouldn’t we call it quits? Although research supports the economic, emotional and physical health aspects of being in a committed partnership and the adverse consequences of divorce on the partners as well as their children, research seems meaningless when we are suffering.
Couples Who Accept This Simple Truth Are 98% Happier Than Everyone Else
Experts Claim Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck’s Divorce Rumors Were Fabricated to ‘Distract’ Fans From This Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck seemed as in love as ever at the beginning of the year, but in the past few weeks, they have been at the center of …
If You Really Love Him, You'll Make This Move Before You Divorce
Whether you've been together for five months or five years, maintaining a happy and healthy relationship or marriage takes some serious work. From never-ending shouting matches to giving silent treatment, fighting all of the time can be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. There's no question that all relationships need maintaining, but figuring out how to do it is sometimes easier said than done.
There Are Only Two Ways People Respond To Conflict
People react to conflict in one of two ways: minimizing or maximizing. In Imago Relationship Therapy, we call the Minimizer the Turtle and the Maximizer the Hailstorm. It is derived from our most primal instincts to protect ourselves — when we don’t feel safe, we fight, flee or freeze. And of course, given the reality that “opposites attract,” Hailstorms and Turtles fall in love. At first, the opposing qualities are a source of attraction.
Why People Choose Mismatched Partners And How To Make It Work
When we met Margaret and Sam, the contrast between them was obvious. He was dressed in a pin-striped suit with a red “power tie.” She was wearing an elaborate, colorful, frilly dress trimmed in lace, a stylish hairdo, and impeccable makeup. He looked like a soldier from Wall Street; she looked like an actress from Hollywood. She was talking a mile a minute: he was the epitome of restrained silence. Her first words were: “We are not meant for each other.
Listening is the First Act of Love
Seasonal Staff and Greeter Positions Are Now Available! Apply Now March 13, 2024 Share By Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt Harville Hendrix, with his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, cocreated Imago Relationship Therapy and developed the concept of “conscious partnership.” Listening is the first act of love, says Harville. Listening leads to collaboration, cooperation, and co-creation. When we accept that other people are different, we can connect beyond our differences, he says.
5 Loving Ways To Save Your Relationship From Toxic Negativity
There is a lot of negativity happening in our society today. It almost seems that a Pandora’s Box was ripped open somewhere and there’s an untethered freedom to hurl a barrage of angry, hurtful, and unfiltered words and behaviors. Many might want to blame the media, politicians, or some sort of cultural shift. But to us, what is reflected in society is mirrored in our psyches. What shows up on a macro level is an expression of the micro level.
5 Ways To Lean On Your Partner When It Feels Like The World Is On Fire
Relationships are one of life’s most beautiful offerings. But, what may feel like a gift on some days can feel more like a labor of love — with emphasis on the "labor" — on others. Relationship stress is a part of life and can stem from a myriad of reasons — including times of distress around the world. While relational tension may be the default effect during times of distress, it doesn’t have to be.
Why This Mom Doesn’t Plan to Stop Breastfeeding Her 4-Year-Old Son —and It Makes Total Sense - NetWorthyNews
The World Health Organization states that children ought to bebreastfed according to their need, from 6 months to “up to 2 years of age or beyond.” When it pertains to reporter Allison Yarrow, she is identified to continue nursing her 4-year-old child, and her description is remarkable. It assists her develop a strong bond with her kid.
Curiosity Killed the Cat — But It Can Save Your Marriage
Couples trying to revive the romance they felt in the early stages of their relationships sometimes turn to big, headline strategies to demonstrate their affection for their mate. They take exotic vacations, buy expensive gifts, or make elaborate Valentine’s Day or anniversary efforts in the hopes that with intensive, regularly scheduled maintenance, love will trundle on. Alternately, if relationship stress has reached a saturation point, they count on efforts like these to solve problems.
Snap Out Of This Common Assumption About Your Partner Before You Wreck Your Relationship
If you are still waiting and wishing that your partner would just see the light and behave in the way you think they should, then you are living a fantasy. Idealizing a figment of our imagination — rather than living with and accepting the real flesh and blood person who is our partner — sets us up for failure.
The Tension When Opposites Attract And How To End It — The Turtle And The Hailstorm
People react to conflict in one of two ways: Minimizing or Maximizing. In Imago Relational Therapy, we call the Minimizer the Turtle and the Maximizer the Hailstorm. These two distinct responses are derived from our most primal instincts to protect ourselves — when we don’t feel safe, we fight, take flight, or freeze. Given the reality that “opposites attract,” Hailstorms and Turtles often fall in love.
The Relationship-Saving Way Happy Couples Flip The Script On The 'Golden Rule'
The time-honored golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” is a profound instruction for relationships, in general. But in intimate partnerships, we need to take this admonishment a step further. Our golden rule for couples is: “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” Instead of treating a partner like we would want to be treated, we need to treat them how they would like to be treated.
The Simple Rule That Keeps Relationships Happy For Life
If you are still waiting and wishing that your partner will just see the light and behave the way you think he or she should, then you are living a fantasy. Most of us live with a figment of our imagination rather than the real flesh and blood person who is our partner. We see our partners through our image of what we think they are, rather than seeing them as they are or as they see themselves.
5 Complicated Non-Romantic Relationship Dynamics & How To Handle Each One
What happens when you spend four decades working with couples to teach them a different way to talk with one another? Ultimately, they become more connected. But romantic relationships aren't the only ones that can become complicated. There are many scenarios in which communication challenges and adult relationship dynamics play out and could use support.
How To Turn The 'Power Struggle' Stage Of Your Relationship Into A Lifetime Bond
How To Turn The 'Power Struggle' Stage Of Your Relationship Into A Lifetime Bond If we no longer feel any love for our partner, if we fight continuously, or we live together in mutual silence, why shouldn’t we call it quits? If we are convinced that we are with the “wrong” person (different values, different goals, different parenting styles, different everything) why bother trying to work it out?
How To Turn The 'Power Struggle' Stage Of Your Relationship Into A Lifetime Bond
If we no longer feel any love for our partner, if we fight continuously, or we live together in mutual silence, why shouldn’t we call it quits? If we are convinced that we are with the “wrong” person (different values, different goals, different parenting styles, different everything) why bother trying to work it out?
Why People Choose Mismatched Partners - And 4 Ways To Make It Work For You
Two legendary couples therapists guide couples who feel like they're not meant to be together. By Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt — Written on May 30, 2023 Photo: simona pilolla 2 / shutterstock When we met Margaret and Sam, the contrast between them was obvious. He was dressed in a pin-striped suit with a red “power tie.” She was wearing an elaborate, colorful, frilly dress trimmed in lace, a stylish hairdo and impeccable makeup.
10 Marriage Lessons We've Learned In 40 Years Working With Couples
In our 40 years working together to help couples achieve their dream relationships, we have learned ten key tips to make a marriage last — and not just last, thrive. We haven't just educated couples; we've been a couple for 44 years and built multiple programs and businesses together. From developing IMAGO 43 years ago to our latest passion project, Safe Conversations, which aims to teach every individual the transformative dialogue process.
The Real Reason It's Hard To Keep Disagreements From Turning Into Fights
People react to conflict in one of two ways: minimizing or maximizing. In Imago Relationship Therapy, we call the Minimizer the Turtle and the Maximizer the Hailstorm. It is derived from our most primal instincts to protect ourselves — when we don’t feel safe, we fight, flee or freeze. And of course, given the reality that “opposites attract,” Hailstorms and Turtles fall in love. At first, the opposing qualities are a source of attraction.
The Unconscious Bias That Undermines Even The Best Relationships
Imagine scripting a perfect day with your partner. You set out on a hike on a beautiful Sunday morning, take a dip at a refreshing waterfall with no one around, and snack on the fruit salad and sandwiches you prepared together. Feeling connected and energized, you head back home. And then one of you says something. Maybe your husband says, “Why can’t we do this all the time?” While the words alone might seem innocent enough, you hear something else.
The 3-Step Process That Turns Major Fights Into The Deepest Bonds
The question we are asked most often is: "What do you do if your partner doesn't ... (do any imaginable thing!)" or "what if you are married to someone who is ... (any imaginable bad trait or behavior)." In the past, we have responded to these questions with answers addressed to the specifics. However, as we listened to the answers, we found that whatever specifics we responded to, the pattern was always the same. The answer was, "Stay in the process". So what is the process? It is Imago Dialogue.
The #1 Way To Save A Marriage That's On The Brink Of Divorce
Hurtful words in a relationship are like a drop of red dye in a glass of water. It quickly turns the whole glass pink. What starts out as a slip of the tongue or a small slight from one person to another sets a process in motion that slowly (or quickly) permeates a relationship and begins to define its tone.
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