Opinion Nov 23, 2025, 11:23 PM Editor's note: Though this piece is labeled "satire," all included quotes are real. Dear Reader. Over the last weekend, eight moderate Senate Democrats cut a deal to end the federal government shutdown. What the Republicans get is this: everything they want. What the Democrats get is this: a vote in the Senate without a commitment that it will pass. My political illiteracy aside, getting everything one wants sounds pretty good. What about what the Democrats get?
