Jade Barrett

Life’s milestones like graduation, getting a new job, or buying a home can bring straightforward gifts, but sometimes when you’re least expecting it, gifts can arrive on the doorstep of loss. I had a beautiful son at an early age who was a grown man at the time I decided to begin the journey again with my husband. Our journey was cut short by pregnancy loss. I was stunned and devastated by the experience of two miscarriages.

Infertility sucks. It’s an emotional rollercoaster full of unknowns that drains the very vitality needed to conceive. When I struggled to get pregnant, I plummeted into the dreaded cycle that you probably know so well. I stressed over ovulation sticks, charts, and fertility apps. During a small window of every month, I demanded daily sex from my husband and then wanted nothing to do with it for the rest of the month. I felt like my life was on hold.

We all have moments or periods of our lives that we wish we could take back or do over. Here’s mine: My husband and I began IVF because he was diagnosed with severe male factor infertility—low sperm count, poor morphology, low motility…the whole nine yards. I blamed him for our problems because it made me feel better (read: less ashamed) about having to go through IVF. It was a side of myself I wasn’t proud of, but I couldn’t help myself.