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Articles by Jay Cronley
November 11, 1974 Table Of Contents
Buy the Cover Browse the Magazine Shopwalk THE COST MIGHT BE A BIT HAIRY, BUT WHAT PRICE NOSTALGIA? By Jay Cronley Yesterday He Really Did Break the Bank at Monte Carlo Paunchy and middle-aged, Charles Deville Wells was not quite as debonair as the old song about him suggests, but for a while anyway he did succeed in outwitting the odds By J. A.
The Golden State of Rick Barry
On the court his facial expressions range from pure Buster Keaton to the tortured look of an opera buff at an Alice Cooper gig, and they all serve to disguise the fact that this is the happiest of all his nine pro basketball seasons for Rick Barry of the Golden State Warriors. Of course, things have never been quite what they seemed with Barry, the 6'7½" forward with radar-accurate shooting skill.
The Plains Tornado Outbreak of April 26, 1991
Broadcast media play a critical role in the weather warning process. A broadcast meteorologist's on air coverage during severe weather provides the public with the warning and hazard information verbally and visually. The latter is especially helpful for anyone who may be process information better when he or she can see it presented rather than just hearing it. On April 26, 1991, the television severe thunderstorm coverage across the Plains was perhaps unprecedented.
Good-bye take: What makes a good columnist? Reading - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
My father was the sports editor of the Daily Oklahoman for about 35 years. His columns were seldom first-person writings. It was considered to be writing yourself into the story, making yourself as important as the players or events being covered. Column writing during his time was more like reporting. It was by definition more descriptive. Then gonzo journalism became popular. Hunter Thompson stuff.
Jay Cronley: Experience necessary to be an expert - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Few can figure out why Donald Trump is doing so well. That’s because most of those trying to understand the big surprise are the ones who caused it. Political hatred of Republicans is what turned Letterman into a stay-at-home dad and flushed him into slightly premature retirement. Late-night TV isn’t much better without Leno and Letterman. Jimmy Fallon is the cocker spaniel of late-night talk and seems to like just about everybody semi-famous on the face of the earth.
Jay Cronley: Catching and releasing a foreign concept to terrible fishermen - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
Everything you need to know about the festivities is contained in a special 40-page section that comes with today’s newspaper. According to some estimates, about two trillion dollars will be added to the local economy. For some reason visitors seem to spend more here than in places like Rome or London. According to still more estimates, the weather for the week of big tournament will either be perfect or horrible.
Jay Cronley: Puppy tips on how to train your human - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
Dogs are very communicative. Let the writer know how you feel. Then make him or her write it. You can make a person do anything by putting your chin on his knee and watching a ball game together. My name is Zeke: Dog’s notes: My name is Zeke. That’s my picture. I like that name fine. Even though it’s very old-school, it still works today. Before coming here, my name was Blue Collar Male. Not good at all.
Jay Cronley: Use of this product could cause ... - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
You should not operate light machinery. You should be supervised when operating anything as powerful as a food processor. Some users have tried to hop freight trains after taking the prescribed dosages. People using this drug after having taken aspirin in the last six months should be supervised by a trained professional. Use of this medication when combined with fish sandwiches has caused severe stomach cramps.
Jay Cronley: Begging pays off for some - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
This city can be a little rude that way. We’ll help the unlucky, unless you’re unlucky by birth or by choice. Then we’ll help you to the city limits headed out. There are all sorts of people who spend a lot of time on the street. There are the hopeless ones, the hungry ones, the addicted ones, the sick and the unemployable. Begging pays off: I pulled into the gas station one afternoon the week before last and had a $5 bill left over after filling the tank with cheap fuel. And you know what they say.
Jay Cronley: The family that shops together naps together - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Work in the store: There were three children in the van next to me in the parking lot of the big all-purpose store, a group of five, all told, with an adult male and an adult female leading the pack. The woman unloaded all the children from the van and had them stand close to the vehicle to keep them safe from bad drivers. The children knew the drill and joined hands for the walk to the electronic doors.
Jay Cronley: Blooper Bowl Sunday full of fake experts - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
About all that most experts know is somebody in charge of handing out jobs. Most people who earn their livings watching football laughed at Denver's chance of winning and said the Carolina quarterback was the new face of pro football. Self-proclaimed experts are chained to the obvious. That's because upon losing, they have plenty of company and, later, somebody to blame.
Jay Cronley: Doggie day-care means a night's sleep for owner - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
Something magical happens at a place like Pooches, where dogs are taken by their owners to come to their senses — a doggie day-care setting where overnight boarding and grooming and specialized training are available. It’s a place where dogs can socialize and learn things such as what puppy teeth feel like clamping down on their own ears. Nobody ever hears of a doggie day-care experience not working.
Jay Cronley: Movie business not always so glamorous for the writer - Tulsa World: Homepagelatest
Soon after the novel, “Quick Change,” was published, a film company took an option on it. Options mean nothing. You get a little money. The film company gets a period of time to conjure up a screenplay. The film company with my novel went bankrupt. This also means nothing, particularly in Hollywood. But my agent thought the film company was kaput and made overtures to option the story to somebody else while the first contract was still in place.
Jay Cronley: Hollywood just not funny anymore - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
There is a protest waiting for the Academy Awards on Feb. 28 because of two straight years of all-white acting nominations. Lots of big stars of all colors plan to boycott the fashion show, gossip-fest and celebration of a few halfway decent movies. This protest will greatly boost the chances of the next black actor nominated for an Oscar. Hollywood doesn’t like being criticized. Just not funny: It’s time some protests have been launched in the direction of the motion picture industry.
Jay Cronley: More El Nino please - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Warm Pacific Ocean water has caused winter storms to start around Fort Smith and spread their misery east to around Nashville, then fork off to the north and south. This has left us with some of the best winter weather imaginable — days and nights chilled enough to kill the weeds and ticks and fleas followed by weekends with highs in the upper 50s.
Jay Cronley: Deliver us from bad delivery service - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
I told her that one of my novels was selling for $750 online, but that I could probably get her a paperback for around two and a quarter. She was thinking more along the lines of the Wall Street Journal. “It has good features, particularly on the weekend.” So I called and got a six-month subscription for home delivery and digital service for around a hundred bucks. The person I spoke with on the phone was courteous and used good grammar. Neither of us said “No problem” during the entire transaction.
Jay Cronley: Follow the Spark - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Here’s a thought worth having: Are we out of original ideas, or are we out of people who know how to think of original ideas? The possibility that fiction has never been worse was raised at a recent talk I gave when I asked the audience who would like to write a novel. All but a few hands went up. That is a common occurrence in a downbeat economic situation. Good writers make writing look easy.
Jay Cronley: Tulsa losing more than just iconic, ritzy stores - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Utica Square, the flagship shopping venue for this state, and this part of the country, has cut its two anchors, Miss Jackson’s and Petty’s. These high-dollar stores proved that for a long while you could put a price tag on ambiance, convenience and safety. The packaging: Miss Jackson’s was primarily a women’s store often frequented by men trying to stage a comeback after misbehaving.
Jay Cronley: New puppy is an educational experience for dog and owner - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
One of the things prospective puppy owners don’t hear about is what you’re supposed to do when your pup gets sick at 2 a.m. under your king-size bed that is barely tall enough for him to crawl under. Puppies eat anything from tree bark to what the cat dragged out and left in the gutter. A pup’s tummy sounds like it’s constantly in motion to its inquisitive nature. A new dog doesn’t know something is disgusting until he eats four of them.
Jay Cronley: Re-Vision spending plan boggles the mind - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
We’re almost broke, airline tickets don’t follow the price of oil downward, there went another earthquake, we’re fighting with states like Mississippi to stay off the bottom of pitiful lists, and now they want to throw our money at the problems — $770 million and change for capital improvements, like filling the river with water, whether the river wants that or not.
Jay Cronley: Bad 'experts' are everywhere - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Here’s a problem that has slipped between the cracks in the dam holding chaos at bay: We need better experts. Pick up or turn on anything. Bad experts are everywhere. They’re on television, on pages, on the radio; and on the Internet, they multiply like stray dogs. Bad experts are found in fields like sports, politics, crime, entertainment, even medicine. Typically, a bad expert’s lead story is gossipy.
Jay Cronley: Irresponsible drivers create the need for defensive parking - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Upon hearing of chaos in the neighborhood, the first thing I thought was that my 3-month-old puppy had kicked open our back door and had eaten his way through some fences and had tried to ride somebody’s hover board to a fast-food place for a snack. Smashed: According to the next-door neighbor, what had happened was that a vehicle coming from the south at a high rate of speed had blasted into a car parked at the curb, nearly obliterating both machines.
Jay Cronley: Bowl fans deserve gift bags - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Instantaneous reactions are based on raw emotions. It’s probably why so many people use fake names on the Internet. They don’t care to be known as consistently hysterical. So before getting to the dreary Orange Bowl football game, I will write this opening and then wait a day to see how things look in a more reflective light. My wife and I swore off Orange Bowls in 1988 when we had seats on the very top row of the stadium and almost cried while watching OU lose to home team Miami.
Jay Cronley: Drinking just enough is more safe and just as fun - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Once home, I got the new puppy and I tried to hide under the bed for the remainder of the night. But there was no room. What had the pup dragged under the bed? Besides the puppy bed? Three remote devices. Three bones. Four stuffed animals. Two puppy pads, one used. And a pillow. Getting away with it: Driving under the influence is the simplest thing in the world as long as you continue to miss curbs by six inches and posts by four inches and bridges by two inches and traffic stops by a block.
Jay Cronley: Children playing outside a rarity - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
I drove in widening circles this Christmas, starting at my house in the real midtown at 2 p.m, looking for signs of life. Midtown is defined as the area where houses are usually done over once and have retained the original architectural charm. A drive each Christmas afternoon is made in search of children playing outside — no drones, no hover boards. My neighborhood is Florence Park.
Jay Cronley: Puppy luck - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
You do learn to appreciate the quiet quarter-hour. As the famous Dog Whisperer would have told you before he had a nervous breakdown, the process is actually owner training. I got my puppy a week before Christmas and have learned the following: You need to get really lucky with one of the above-mentioned three categories. Some might call it a good bloodline. But it appears to me to have been pure fabulous fortune: My pup loves to go in the exact middle of dog training pads.
Jay Cronley: Giving can be inspirational - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Some people are so angry, they complain about the most unlikely hypothetical. The reader responses on the website to our story about Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz speaking here contained so much name-calling and hatred, it almost soured the holiday spirit. Here’s how you quit complaining. Only talk face to face with those you hate so much.
Jay Cronley: Tulsa has its high points and its ditches - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
I sat down over coffee with two families new to our city. This is what they thought. All were impressed with what came first to the eye — this city’s leafy contours and natural pockets, its museums, its river, the new park in progress, its varied entertainment venues, its surprisingly creative restaurants, the revitalization of the downtown area, and the comparative lack of traffic after places like Nashville, where rush hour can last an hour and 45 minutes each way in most directions.
Jay Cronley: 'Star Wars' is fiction minus emotion - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
I haven’t seen any of the “Star Wars” films, not the first, not a single sequel. Wait. Please don’t seek psychological assistance for me. I’m OK. Certain science-fiction staples just don’t register. Obviously fake computerized battles have no meaning. Transformer-type characters that are blown to bits transmit no feeling. Inhuman figures evoke no sympathy. Yes, I know that the actors in some of the best realistic films ever made do not really die.
Jay Cronley: Shepherd's hook needed for Christmas puppies - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
Puppies are like robotic garbage disposals with scissors attached. They eat almost all of what they sniff, which is most everything. Leashes teach pups how to sit down, dig in and back up. Taking off a leash teaches a dog how to run. A previous skirmish in the leash wars featured a dog spinning around and around and around until he became almost mummified and rolled down a steep hill. Something is usually in there but you never know what until you pry open the jaws.
Jay Cronley: Drive home from out east like Mad Max country - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
It began with a complicated spin over back-roads Tennessee, rebel flags flapping on a few houses to create an image that seemed to suggest privacy was the best policy. It was beautiful country — rolling hills, secretive in their natural layout, possibly made more mysterious by the recent viewing of a “Moonshiners” marathon. The journey — fly out, rent a car and drive back — was made to see my daughter in Nashville, then pick up a new pup.
Jay Cronley: Garbage outpost - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
I have Tuesday and Friday pickup. Each day, my garbage is presented in the middle-sized container in a neatly tied contractor bag. I am the only one on my block with twice-a-week service, one of a few in the neighborhood. When pickups are running on schedule, containers are tended to by 8 or 9 a.m. So Tuesday evening I went to the city website and sent an email and called. I spoke to a pleasant person who seemed to be reading from a telephone technique card. I said nobody had picked up my garbage.
Jay Cronley: 'Tis the season for holiday irritants - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
The woman at the checkout point had a fistful of coupons and was sorting through them one by one. Why people wait until they get to the cash register to sort through paperwork is anybody’s guess. Some people are busy over the holiday period. Those who aren’t tend to drive those who are crazy. Here’s another puzzler: Why do people slowly write out the month of December on checks? Dec. works beautifully, and more importantly says I’m trying to reduce holiday irritations. It’s a small point, truly.
Jay Cronley: Thumbs up for sports on TV - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
It will take an extremely loyal and financially secure fan to support the OU football team on its quest to win a national football championship. To win it all, OU will have to go to Miami and Phoenix. It’s a 1,547-mile drive from Norman to Miami. Under normal conditions, you can make that run in 22 hours. Norman to Phoenix is only 978 miles. A seat near the middle of the field at the Orange Bowl goes for around $1,500. A cheap seat on the top row, from where you can see Cuba, is around $400.
Jay Cronley: Dogged determination - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Two weeks out, you get used to crawling, to moving furniture to search for decorations and teeth marks, to scrubbing and to running around in circles. The best names seem to end in vowels, so the dog won’t be confused with most commands, requests and pleas that end in consonants, suggestions like don’t, stop, and help.
Jay Cronley: Living with mass murder is the new normal - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
The new normal involves much more than looking both ways at the corner. The new normal requires that you look both ways and over your shoulder at parties, at work, at the mall, at games, at concerts — anywhere there are more than a few people appearing innocent. Now it’s important to glance up from the cellphone occasionally and take a look at what people are carrying: Is that a fishing pole in wrapping paper, or an automatic weapon? It makes you want to get farther away from it all.
Jay Cronley: Bad form pits media against those being covered - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
A professional football coach in St. Louis said to his local media last weekend, “You can kiss my (bleep).” Basketball player Kobe Bryant announced his retirement from the sport in the form of a poem on a website. Sides have lined up one against the other: Stars and star attractions versus the media. Athletic organizations make it a rule that players have to attend press conferences in the hope of creating a friendlier product. It seldom works.
Jay Cronley: The sound of victory - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Basements have a better place in nostalgic recollections than they do in the present. Many grandparents had a basement, a Ping Pong table or a pool table in the middle. It’s where you could play rougher than usual. Pump you up: The basement where I live used to be so dry, the drain was paved over and the area was converted into a spare room off the washer and dryer and hot water heater.
Jay Cronley: How do you replace the world's best dog? - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
When the best dog ever dies, the reaction is usually in the extreme: It’s such a loss, you never want to see another dog in your house for fear of revisiting the sorrow. Or you start looking for a new dog right off. Advice runs toward having a dog around at all times. That’s easy for a friend to say from a tranquil environment. Dogs are so good that it’s as though they try to prepare you for the end by slowing down in increments.
Jay Cronley: Work less, learn less - is that our new motto? - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
I looked around the page for more headlines of that nature, like: Digging our way to China: The alleged thinking behind a four-day school week is that it will solve a financial crunch and will attract more schoolteachers. This kind of thinking — if money is tight, you work less — has moved lots of business to China. People interested in improving tend to work more. And if you have lousy grades, you should study more, not less.
Jay Cronley: Winter is often cold - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
It’s what most of the TV weather people have been talking about. As a rule, long-range weather forecasting is about as reliable as a half-hour airline connection through O’Hare in the winter. At best, the goal of a TV weather show is to scare you into a safe environment. At worst, it hopes to scare you into watching the weather show some more. Why tune in if nothing much is going on outside?
Jay Cronley: Don't take a holiday from good excuses - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
There’s nothing like the feeling of euphoria that a good excuse can produce. A couple or three good excuses can turn the holiday season sharply away from a stressful pilgrimage and into a procession of good cheer and household peace. Where else than with a successful excuse can you go from heavy dread to light-hearted joy in the space of a couple of minutes? Having to be in too many places in a short period of time is the number one holiday season downer.
Jay Cronley: This season's cop shows are guilty of plot brutality - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
The cop show has always been an important part of Americana. From “Dragnet” and “Barney Miller” through the “Blue” shows, “NYPD Blue,” and “Hill Street Blues,” and including the best police programs ever invented, “The Shield” and “The Wire,” cops series have been reliable must-watch programming, a welcome relief from daytime rigors and routines of everyday life.
Jay Cronley: Company policy - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
That this city’s Veterans Day parade was one of the nation’s largest speaks well of our place. Fallout: I watched the last of the parade next to somebody who fought in the Korean War. This one occurred between World War II and the Vietnam War. It lasted only three years, from 1950 to 1953; “only” three years if you hadn’t been born yet or got to stay home. The Korean War was about what most wars are about: boundaries. China and Russia supported North Korea. We fought for South Korea.
Jay Cronley: Come into my crawl space, said the spider to the homeowner - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
It’s poorly represented in fiction. It’s where somebody looking into ice-cold and mysterious cases might search for evidence. No small problems: The crawl space under an old house is comprised of pipes that have endured 75 years of stress, and technology featuring joints and connections whose repairs have become lost arts over time. My crawl space is accessed through the basement and is relatively pristine as dark and tight locations go.
Jay Cronley: You can learn a lot being kept in the dark - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
Two weeks ago, there came from behind the house a grinding sound reminiscent of the time we had the power surge when wires came loose and wrapped around each other like stripes on a barber pole, sending an over-abundance of electricity into a number of houses. Upon hearing the sound, I thought: “Oh, no; the power’s going off. I only have one small candle. I’ll be in the dark for hours.” The power went off, but it came back on in about 45 seconds.
Jay Cronley: Hurry, Nashville - Tulsa World: Columnist Jay Cronley
It was built very close to the road and was a great city car. On the open road, you felt like an astronaut, it was that loud and rough. I was driving to Albuquerque to see my daughter, who was way out there in her mom’s hometown as a result of a divorce. The drive across west Texas would have made a reasonable alternative to a one-year jail sentence. On a seemingly endless stretch of dusty flats, I came upon an old truck going about 40 mph in my lane.
Jay Cronley: Here's to dogs and veterinarians - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
His eyes were always 5, his heart was always about 2 years of age. Were all the great times worth the lousy end-game sadness? Even if so, it doesn’t feel like it, probably. Her name was Ordella Geisler, and her office was across from the penitentiary in Lincoln. She was like James Herriot, who tended to all creatures great and small in England. There’s a map available of some of the places Herriot worked, including nearby inns with rooms to let.
Jay Cronley: Halloween brings first holiday season surprise - Tulsa World: Homepagelatest
Few are neutral about the holiday marathon. It’s a season of great joy with children or loved ones on hand, or a period of depression as dead people and lost causes are recollected. Even with a wide-eyed child in tow, and an Amazon account with a low balance on the books, the holiday season is hectic. It’s so busy, many have made the holidays the travel season and have turned the commercialism on themselves.
Jay Cronley: Problems of aging can hit dogs hard - Tulsa World: Jaycronley
No matter how many dogs you have had, and how long they have lived, you never stop learning and appreciating them. Dogs give you two things that go far beyond a price tag: love and trust. They trust you on a daily basis to feed them correctly, to exercise them, to protect them, to teach them. Help him up: Remember the time he jumped the hedge, jumped the dog at the dog park, jumped into the snow bank?
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