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Articles by Jesse Shamon
Potential Slogans for J. D. Vance’s 2028 Presidential Campaign
This Time I Mean It Down to Be Memed The Tariffs Weren’t as Bad as People Expected, and Also I Wasn’t Involved Not in the Epstein Files, I Don’t Think We Had Some Wins—We Didn’t Go to War with Uruguay! Don’t Worry, My Supporters Aren’t Nearly as Passionate as His Ready to Pretend the Past Four Years Never Happened As I’ve Proved Again and Again, I Can Be Whoever You Want Me to Be The Adults Were Never in the Room, But, if They Were, I Wasn’t One of Them
Why I’m Actually Inviting You to My Party
This won’t be fun, but it will be expensive.
I Was Birding Before It Was Cool
Wassup Northwest Maine Southwest Regional Birders, Welcome to our April birding newsletter, mothercluckers. It’s Paul, your birding president. The Peak Of The V, the alpha chicken. The pandemic has been a frickin’ dope year for birding since it’s the only safe activity in the entire world. Which also means it’s been a shitty year for everything else. Birding > everything. So punk rock. Just wanted to send a solid “wassup” to our 4000 new members who joined during the pandemic.
Corporate Team Building or “Saw” Trap?
Let’s play a game… a mandatory game… or rather, not mandatory, but an “attendance highly encouraged” game. You and your colleagues have now found yourself trapped in a meeting with no way out but through. The stakes are high, and survival may not be imminent unless you can score 10/10 on deciphering the following activities. A Three-Hour Corporate PowerPoint Presentation with Required Participation We’ll start with an easy one here to get this going.
Mom Announces Tissue Is Clean, It’s Just Been In Her Purse
After her daughter sneezed twice at lunch Saturday, Massachusetts mom Mary Hurler offered a tissue, clarifying that yes, it was clean, it had just been in her purse. “She started earnestly waving this crumpled-up memory of a tissue at me,” recounted daughter Ellie Hurler.
What's in the book nooks of your favorite characters' dreams
Gift Guides, Movies, Books What’s in the book nooks of your favorite characters’ dreams A guide to the great books they would live and pitch-perfect accessories Attribution: Design credit to Clara Echeverria-Ng, Property of The Tempest, Inc. [Image description: A collage of images featuring characters from Scandal, Legally Blonde, Jane the Virgin and The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina with books, wine glasses, mugs.
The aftermath: how one community is recovering post #metoo
In January of this year, the tight-knit but insular community of The New Movement theater was upended. It began with an allegation that a member of the community was sexually assaulted by another member months earlier. The victim’s subsequent complaint was mishandled by the co-owners Chris Trew and Tami Nelson, a married couple, prompting a town hall on January 14th that lasted for over six hours.
Apps that will keep you occupied this holiday season
We’ve all been there: You’re at a holiday dinner or event with family members whose opinions about front page news, feminism, or your personal life are too much to deal with at the moment. So you open your phone and just start scrolling and scrolling until there’s nothing new left to save you from this agony. Now every fiber of your being, including your thumb, is unoccupied and you have no idea what to do with yourself or how to escape your situation.
21 Things you'll get if you've moved far away from where you grew up
[image description: photo of woman from lips down on a moveable walkway in an airport holding a purple bag and wearing a sweater with a raccoon on it.] Five years ago, I moved from my home outside of Boston to go to college in the South. There are so many things about my life now I never could have predicted then, and there are so many ways my life has changed because I left home. For one thing, I never expected to experience such culture shock.
May the odds be ever in your favor: what I learned from group interviews
Group interviews should be illegal. Okay, maybe that’s extreme, but they certainly are cruel and unusual. The application process sucks, no matter what it is you’re applying for, but group interviews are on a whole other level. I’ve luckily only been on a few, but those have been enough for a lifetime. My first experiences with group interviews were while I was still in college. My freshman year, I applied to become part of the on-campus EMS at my university.
Call your girlfriend(s): phoning a friend is the best mood boost there is
Phone calls are the number one way I improve my mood. When I’m feeling down or confused or alone, I pick up the phone and call a friend. It doesn’t really matter what we talk about, as long as I get to hear their voice for a few minutes my mood improves. It’s for this reason that I also save voicemails from loved ones regardless of their content. It turns out, something I believed to be true has now been proven by multiple studies.
The emotional rollercoaster of applying for jobs
I distinctly remember being in my junior year of college and seeing people older than me start to struggle through the job application process. I, a fool, thought to myself, “That won’t be me. I’ll be qualified and apply for a bunch of jobs and definitely be employed when I graduate.” Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out that way. The past year and a half I’ve applied to jobs on and off, which is completely draining in ways I never expected.
What you should actually consider when looking for a roommate
When people are looking for roommates, they often compare the same few preferences or lifestyle traits: cleanliness, noisiness, and price. These questions all only cover the what of the matter, without paying much attention to the how or why. However, if you’re living in close quarters for more than a few weeks, the whys and hows will start to add up. Living with another person is always a learning experience. You’re confronted with your own habits when you see them through someone else’s eyes.
5 DIY tech-inspired Halloween costumes for the last minute costumer
Design Credit to Property of The Tempest, Inc. [Image description: A laptop is seen with a jack o lantern on screen. Surrounding the laptop are an assortment of crafting supplies.] My best Halloween costume ideas always come in around June and by the time October comes around I’ve completely forgotten them. I blink and it’s a week til Halloween and all I can think of are lame puns or something involving my tiger print unitard. I love costumes, especially ones that are funny, interactive and DIY.
Living up to my full pitential: one year of hairy armpits and counting
During Mardi Gras, conventional rules of behavior are thrown out the parade float. In the early carnival season, known in most parts of the country as “winter,” my shaving habit had faltered. As stubble turned to scruff, I decided to take the advice gleaned from the first hour and a half of the audiobook version of Sheryl Strandberg’s famous work and lean in: I grew out my armpit hair.
Talking to a dating coach about dating apps, breaking bad habits and how to actually meet people
Courtesy of Cora Boyd [image description: Cora Boyd sitting at a table with one foot up with laptop phone and notebook in front of her, laughing] We’ve all had a friend sit with us as we write a text to a crush or get ready for a date. You might have even referred to that friend as your dating coach. Meet Cora Boyd, professional dating coach.
5 tech-y costumes that are spooky good
My best Halloween costume ideas always come in around June and by the time October comes around I’ve completely forgotten them. I blink and it’s a week til Halloween and all I can think of are lame puns or something involving my tiger print unitard. I love costumes, especially ones that are funny, interactive and DIY. It can be hard to find a funny Halloween costume where the joke will land across audiences, but I’ve figured out a solution: tech.
Pizzas and The Patriarchy: Everything I learned in my year as a delivery driver
Design Credit to Aysha Samrin, Property of The Tempest, Inc. [Image Description: An illustration of a red pizza truck, with images of pizzas and pink balloons with the words 'It's a girl!' on them.] Delivering pizzas was completely new territory for me. My previous jobs had all been through people I had known for a long time, and included babysitting, teaching skating lessons, and working as a camp counselor.
CGI meets IRL: a brief history of the virtual models who are taking over social media
Photo by Brud [image description: CGI model laying on her side in a sunlit spot with a direct gaze] It’s widely known that what people post on Instagram should be taken with a grain of salt. Candids are actually planned, users edit in apps before posting, and people’s lives often are not as glamorous or abundantly joyful as they initially seem. However, further blurring the line between real and fake is the increasing presence of virtual models.
The craving for nostalgia is now encorporating the tech world
Looking back is nothing new. Fashion repeats trends all the time, musicians sample to create new hits, and every movie ever made is now being remade by Disney. However, in the past few years, I’ve noticed that more and more trends seem to be looking back at our technological pasts. It seems to me that we’re suffering from, or maybe basking in, a sort of tech nostalgia. I first heard about Vaporwave from a friend who is hilarious, hip and chronically ironic.
8 Phenomenal things you didn't know you could do with your library card
The ways people engage with information and entertainment are changing. However, two things remain true: there’s nothing that can beat old book smell (yet) and having fun isn’t hard with a library card. Libraries across the U.S. are ramping up their tech game to stay relevant and useful to the communities they serve. Two things remain true: there’s nothing that can beat old book smell (yet) and having fun isn’t hard with a library card.
7 ways to turn your Iphone notes app into the perfect sidekick
[image description: hands with red nails holding phone in one hand and pen in the other about to take notes] Shrek has Donkey, Lizzie McGuire has tiny cartoon Lizzie and I have the Notes app. It’s where I keep half of my brain, most of my feelings and all of my ideas. I’ve loved Notes for a long time, but in recent years it’s improved exponentially.
5 amazing artists who are using technology in their work
Two challenging fields to make it in as a gender minority? Tech and the arts. Tech culture is infamously toxic towards women, as shown by the brave women who spoke up about their working conditions as #MeToo gained momentum. Womens’ artwork is also consistently undervalued in the art world and underrepresented in major institutions. Despite these barriers, there are many female artists incorporating technology to create interesting and innovative work.
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