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Articles by Jordan Alam
Should an AI chatbot be my therapist? | The therapist is in
The Seattle Times’ Mental Health Project covers mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over all its coverage. Reader question: How can I, as a consumer of mental health, evaluate and utilize AI chatbots and app-based services? What are some pitfalls to avoid? When I received this question, I admit I hesitated to answer. I have a strong skepticism about AI in mental health care.
A therapy that’s all about ‘life force’ | The therapist is in
The Seattle Times’ Mental Health Project covers mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over all its coverage. In my last column, I talked about a personal experience of somatic therapy as a client. This time, I sat down with Rosie O’Connor, a licensed clinical social worker and somatic therapist practicing in Seattle, to talk about the theory and practice behind body-based therapy modalities.
A therapy session where you don’t even talk | The therapist is in
The Seattle Times’ Mental Health Project covers mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over all its coverage. I tend to be a talking-heavy therapist. Talk therapy has been important to me as a client, and making meaning through narrative feels intuitive to me. But a lot of traditional talk therapy comes with significant prerequisites.
Arguing during couples therapy can actually help | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. Some people stiffen up when they first come into couples therapy because they’re worried about having an audience to their conflict.
What’s it like to be in couples therapy? | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. When I started my first full-time therapist job, I thought: I’ll never touch couples work. It seemed scary, being outnumbered in the room.
What do you say when there are no words? | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. The other day, I was sitting with a client processing a personal tragedy that happened a year ago. “Outside of this room, it feels like it never happened,” she said.
You’re in therapy. Now where do you want to go? | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. “I feel lost. I don’t even know what we’re working on right now,” my client says 10 minutes into our therapy session, frustrated. They’ve been working with me for a couple of months now.
How do I share a mental health diagnosis? | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. Since writing more about mental health diagnoses, several people have messaged to ask some flavor of the question: How do I share what I’m going through with the people in my life?
How to cope when you’re surrounded by suffering | The therapist is in
A question from a reader: How do people deal with the empathetic stress and vicarious trauma of being surrounded by human suffering — such as people living on the street, often suffering from serious drug addiction — with no ability to do anything about it? When I first read this question, I felt defeat. This is a question I wrestle with in micro and macro ways every day, and one of the hardest to answer.
What counseling for trans kids is really like | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. Columnist Jordan Alam spoke with Katie Jo Glaves, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works with children and families in Washington state.
In hard times, where are your emotional outlets? | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. Renee Good’s killing by ICE officers hit me hard.
Why you shouldn’t hide from the emotional storms | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. Since writing a column on bipolar, I have received a number of messages with the same flavor of question: How does bipolar impact other people in my life?
A mental health diagnosis and its ripple effects | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. I’ve recently been writing about mental health diagnoses, and how a label might help a person better understand themself.
How much does a diagnosis matter? | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. I never wanted to know my diagnosis when I began long-term therapy.
A mental health diagnosis isn’t always negative | The therapist is in
A question from a reader: Do you ever find patients with bipolar who are proud of their diagnosis? I have bipolar 2, and it’s well-managed. I wouldn’t trade my diagnosis for a neurotypical brain because the creativity it gives me, such as episodes of hypergraphia, are a profound core aspect of my personhood. After my last column on bipolar, I received this great response. It got me thinking: How do we relate to a diagnosis?
Let’s think differently about bipolar disorder | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. A question from a reader: How can a bipolar patient get rid of “racing thoughts?” When I first sat down to answer your question, my mind instantly went to medication. What else could I talk about?
A look inside an autism diagnosis | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. Therapist Jordan Alam previously spoke with clinician Fennel Hoppe about ADHD.
What goes into an ADHD diagnosis? | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. Jordan Alam: Fennel Hoppe is a clinician who primarily works with ADHD and autistic clients, especially around assessment, and primarily adults.
I’m a caregiver for someone who resents it | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. A question from a reader: My wife is disabled. I’m her caregiver. She says she’s angry with me for keeping her alive and resents the level of dependency she has in me. How do caregivers handle this?
A therapist's advice on suicidal thoughts | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. Editor’s note: This article focuses on suicide, self-harm and other topics related to psychiatric distress. If you or a loved one is in crisis, call 988. Additional resources are available here.
A really hard conversation to have with teens | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. Editor’s note: This article focuses on suicide, self-harm and other topics related to psychiatric distress. If you or a loved one is in crisis, call 988. Additional resources are available here.
My clients are scared. How much should I share? | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. “I’m not sure I get to ask you this, but …” a client begins. I stiffen up a bit, wondering where this is going.
It’s time to think differently about burnout | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. When someone learns that I’m a therapist, they often ask: How do you handle taking in everyone’s stress? It’s a sincere question. Caring for others is labor, and it takes a toll.
Why anger isn’t a ‘bad’ emotion | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. “I flipped out big time this week,” a client says to me just moments after sitting down. They describe a blowup with their roommate, with whom tension has been simmering for months.
The big lesson to help us with emotional growth | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. In the first week of January, I walk a client through a breathing exercise.
After election, how do we process and persist? | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team.
How do you know if a relationship can’t be fixed? | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. Every other week, I meet with several therapist colleagues for consultation.
A new way to think about resolving conflicts | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team.
Why healing isn’t an individual exercise | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. When I first started working with my therapist, years before becoming a therapist myself, I viewed healing as an individual process.
Talking about mental health’s generational divide | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team.
Why your therapist doesn’t want to give you advice | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team.
Why we repeat our worst stories, over and over | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. A client recently apologized to me for talking about the same story over and over.
How conflict in your romantic relationship can lead to closeness
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. When romantic partners come into my practice, I pay attention to their body language as much as their words.
The power behind choosing your own family | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. I learned the term “chosen family” in the queer community I came into after high school.
Lonely? It might stem from your past | The therapist is in
When clients come into a therapy session wanting to work on loneliness, they often start with questions like: “Why is it so hard for me to make friends as an adult?” Or an assertion: “It’s hard for me to put myself out there.” Or: “There’s no one out there for me.” They talk to me about failed attempts — the embarrassing moment at a friends’ housewarming or the taxing date where the other person took up all the airtime — and then they talk about how that scenario made them feel about themselves.
Conviction | JOYLAND
Laila blames her vanishing libido on moving into Kasim’s apartment. She tries to remember the last time they had sex and feels guilty when she cannot recall offhand. Days pile on days and weeks on weeks. Dating a TA once felt illicit and exciting; she would take him to bed between classes and still be up for more at night.
My advice for those struggling with loneliness | The therapist is in
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. For a while now, I have wanted to write about loneliness. It is something that so many of my clients have named as a serious issue for them.
The contradictory truths my clients face when exploring gender
The Mental Health Project is a Seattle Times initiative focused on covering mental and behavioral health issues. It is funded by Ballmer Group, a national organization focused on economic mobility for children and families. Additional support is provided by City University of Seattle. The Seattle Times maintains editorial control over work produced by this team. One of my greatest honors as a therapist is when I get to join clients in their moments of self-discovery.
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