Guardian columnist

Brad and Angelina’s divorce for dummies

theguardian.com — Congratulations to Madame Tussauds, which has released this week's most surreally creepy video. Following certain news in the world of celebrity, Tussauds has formally separated its likenesses of Dannii Minogue and David Spade. Or "Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt", as its official press release has it. But really: look at the evidence.

Blac Chyna: so ambitious the Kardashians can’t keep up

theguardian.com — Back in the day, there were probably people who were informed that a carpenter's fiancee was having another entity's baby in a stable, and greeted the news with the already timeworn zinger: "Sorry, who are these people? Why is the Bethlehem Bugle printing this rubbish? If I wanted this, I'd read the Nazareth News.

Trump and Brexit add yet more spice to Ryder Cup’s theatres of cultural war

theguardian.com — Even in more placid recent times, the Ryder Cup has always been the fiercest culture war in all sport. America versus Europe. The individuals versus the team. Lone wolves versus the pack. Unabombers versus cells. Sex addiction versus sex.

Always be Trump: that’s all he needs in this post-fact world

theguardian.com — All real Donald Trump press releases sound like they were composed of lines cut from satirical Donald Trump press releases. Even by those standards, however, you have to admire how his campaign's latest effort on the enduring non-mystery of Barack Obama's birthplace ascends to its point: "In 2011, Mr Trump was finally able to bring this ugly incident to its conclusion by successfully compelling President Obama to release his birth certificate," this hallucinates.

Who cares what Tess Daly and the Bake Off stars are paid?

theguardian.com — At last, a price comparison more wantonly imbecilic than discussing how many nurses a Premier League footballer's commercial contract would have bought. It is the confected outrage that someone or other is paid "more then the prime minister's salary". Latest to deploy it is Karen Bradley, who has risen without trace to become secretary of state for culture, media and sport.

Uefa’s new broom more reminiscent of Fifa’s new dawn than a revolution

theguardian.com — Once more to Fifa, the Chinatown of sports governance, where you always end up just having to forget it. Dark and terrible things happen, but you have to move on unsatisfactorily. There is no resolution. The only thing you gain is cynicism.

The likes of Mark Zuckerberg already rule the media. Now they want to censor the past

theguardian.com — Oh dear. Many will have hoped it would be at least a year between the Facebook board member Peter Thiel covertly closing down an entire media company because he didn't like it and the firm's boss, Mark Zuckerberg, actually censoring the history of the Vietnam war.

Why Zayn Malik thinks Simon Cowell no longer has the X factor

theguardian.com — There is affecting news of the Karaoke Sauron, who is not taking the diminishment of his powers as well as he might. Time was Simon Cowell bestrode the Atlantic like a telly colossus, as at home insulting teenagers on ITV as he was floating the idea of taking Las Vegas by storm with a permanent residency for The X Factor.

Shia LaBeouf, Tom Hiddleston and Daniel Craig reveal the toll of the role

theguardian.com — It was cinema's Gerard Butler who once observed: "There's no one in this world I think works harder than me." It's true. Although a UN report found their daily toil sufficiently backbreaking and hazardous to rank them as among the very poorest of the poor, there are Filipino fishermen who come home and almost collapse after 18 hours on the waters, only to rally themselves when their wife sniffs: "Tough day?

Smaller Sam, Big Wayne and another perplexing week for the England team

theguardian.com — Have you recovered from another idiosyncratic international week for the England football side? Like a visit from a demanding relative or a night on base speed, it all tends to go on a couple of days longer than it should.
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Sep 26, 2016

@IrvineWelsh hahahaha. The form is one small remove from the journalistic open letter (which Whittam Smith rightly called a sign of madness)

Sep 26, 2016

This is defo the biggest embarrassment for Allardyce since he lectured me about cricket till I had explain Warne bowled legspin not offspin

Sep 26, 2016

@rwilliams1947 @owen_g @suttonnick hahahaha. Whatever happened to Craig Allardyce, of whom I am suddenly reminded? Is he still "in the biz"?


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