Guardian columnist

Boris Johnson, David Davis and Liam Fox as the Three Brexiteers? Dream on — Another week in Brexit, another seven days in which the tickers along the bottom of the news channel screens may as well have been changed to a continuous loop of the inquiry: WHAT JUST HAPPENED????? Matters that would have added to the gaiety of the nation for days are relegated to news-in-brief items that really are far too brief.

Shock news. Boris Johnson’s #massivelegend status doesn’t travel — Take me back to the glory days of international life, when we crashed out to Iceland. I'm kidding, of course! Who could fail to be thrilled by the news that Boris Johnson is BACK. And not only that, he's the actual foreign secretary.

That final David Cameron PMQs in full: everything is awesome! — "As I leave today," reflected David Cameron, "I hope that people will see a stronger country." And I hope to open the batting for England in the first test against Pakistan at Lords tomorrow.

Eyes down, apocalypse bingo players: Labour’s Jedi council has spoken — The rules for the Labour leadership ballot are the most incomprehensible thing since Fizzbin, the card game Captain Kirk invented to play with Spock and McCoy while being held hostage on Sigma Iota II, with the specific intention of distracting their guards.

Leadsom was fresh meat in the Tories’ orgy of political homicide — Like Cougar in the opening scenes of Top Gun, Andrea Leadsom has turned in her wings. At high altitude, Leadsom has found the pressure of the Russian MiG up her backside simply too tough to take. Theresa May is going to Miramar.

Andrea Leadsom is the leader of an am-dram peasants’ revolt — As a ferociously keen Bible student, Andrea Leadsom will know whether she is predicted in the Book of Revelation. For those of us operating on a lower plane, condemned to pick through the entrails of the past fortnight, the portents are not hugely encouraging.

So farewell then, Michael Gove. You were right about one thing — The Conservative party doesn't do carriage clocks for people like Michael Gove. They just get a note reading "You have outlived your usefulness" and a five minute head-start on the hounds. Still, let's fire up Walkaway by Cast and watch a montage of Gove's best bits.

Toto has pulled back the Brexit curtain to reveal - oh dear! - Oliver Letwin — People have always called David Cameron a pragmatist, but the morning after the referendum he must have become a nihilist. Nothing else can explain the appointment of Oliver Letwin to lead the United Kingdom government's Brexit unit.

There ain’t no resignation like a Nigel Farage resignation — A Nigel Farage resignation is for Christmas, but not for life. Even before the Ukip leader finished the event announcing he was stepping down, Nigel was already softening his stance so much it feels more prudent to cast this as a sabbatical. Think of it as Glenn Close going under the bathwater in Fatal Attraction.

Britain’s unlovable face at EU — In a crowded field, I think it was the flag that was the killer. The absolute state of that flag. United Kingdom Independence Party (Ukip)leader Nigel Farage's desktop Union Jack, with its little sucker pad leeching obnoxiously on to the unlovely beech of the European parliament chamber.
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Jul 20, 2016

Says the guy who answered @RupertMyers complaint about blatant lies in the leave campaign with "Suck it up whiner" 

Jul 19, 2016

@owen_g @seaningle so convivial. given their thing for decoy walls,hope they had a doping speakeasy behind one where they could all hang out

Jul 19, 2016

To believe what I'm seeing this Olympics, my baseline cocktail intake will be at Ieast eight Duchesses a day 

Jul 19, 2016

@oliverbrown_tel yes I completely agree. Doing it in public office is a different league though

Jul 19, 2016

Ministers who retweet praise trouble me.

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