Marni Feuerman
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Articles by Marni Feuerman
10 Loving Phrases That Can Keep You and Your Partner in Love
Saying "You look great" can keep your physical attraction strong over the years. Remember to say "Thank you" to show that you notice and appreciate your partner. Saying "We'll get through it" shows your partner that you are a team and will face challenges together. When a relationship is new, both of you are seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. Everything is fresh and new. As you look at each other, you see someone who is exciting and perfect.
Emotionally Focused Therapy: How It Helps Couples
SDI Productions / Getty Images Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) helps people understand their attachments to others to improve their relationships. EFT helps couples see how their fears affect their relationship and learn to be more empathetic and engaged. Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is a type of short-term treatment used to improve attachment and bonding in adult relationships. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg developed EFT in the 1980s.
Porn in Marriage: Is Pornography Destroying Your Marriage?
Porn can harm relationships by causing secretive behavior and reducing intimacy. Some people use porn to cope with stress or loneliness. If porn is a problem, talk openly with your partner and consider seeking help. The question of whether porn in marriage is okay or destructive is a common concern for many couples. Since pornography's migration from magazines and videos to a digital format, it is readily accessible, easily kept private, and anonymous.
The One Thing You Should Never Say to Your Spouse During an Argument
Threatening divorce during an argument can harm your marriage by creating insecurity and distrust. Instead of saying "divorce," express your feelings using statements like, "I'm so angry or hurt." Making a pact to avoid using the D-word can help build trust in your relationship. Marriage is hard, and arguments are inevitable. When there is tension in your marriage, unspoken or unresolved hurts may build up and minor disagreements can easily escalate into full-blown fights.
Help! My Spouse Just Asked for a Divorce (and I Don't Want One)
Key Takeaways Show your spouse you want to save the marriage by being patient and listening to them. Avoid arguing with your spouse and respect their space by not questioning them about their whereabouts. Get professional help and read self-help books to improve yourself and the relationship.
How to Leave a Toxic Relationship in 6 Steps
Key Takeaways Build a safety net and make a plan before leaving a toxic relationship. Get professional help from therapists or attorneys to safely leave. Stop all communication with your partner except for necessary co-parenting. A good relationship can elevate your life in ways that you never thought were possible. A bad one can leave you heartbroken, depressed, and listless. Toxic relationships are more common than you might think, and their effects can often be crippling.
Coping With an Insecure Attachment Style
You can learn to change insecure attachment styles by working with a therapist. Insecure attachment styles begin in childhood but can be improved in adult relationships. Relationships are hard enough as it is, add in difficulty with feeling secure and it gets even trickier. Research has shown that our attachment patterns are set in early childhood and persist throughout our lifetime. The patterns are either secure or insecure.
Living With Someone With Mental Illness
If a person you live with has been diagnosed with a mental health disorder, there are steps you both can take to maintain and even improve your relationship. This involves prioritizing your well-being as individuals as well as within your relationship. It can bring challenges and stresses, but learning more about their condition, being supportive, and maintaining boundaries can also help bring you closer.
The Little Moment That Makes People Suddenly Second-Guess Divorce, According to Psychotherapist
If learning how to save your marriage is not working, perhaps it's time to figure out when to get a divorce and give up. A married couple, Erin and Ben, came to me a few years ago for a process called Discernment Counseling, a counseling process developed to guide couples who are on the brink of divorce. Usually, one or both partners are strongly considering ending the marriage.
12 Character Traits That Make Someone Really Hard To Be Around
In my practice, it is common for people to come in and complain about their spouse or significant other. It is more of a challenge to take a true inventory of your behavior and gain insight into how you might be contributing to the state of your relationship. Certain character traits you might not be aware of can quickly drain your partner of all energy, make you hard to be around, and make resolving conflict only a distant possibility.
Marriages That Become Emotionally Draining Over Time Often Have These 4 Things In Common
Well-trained marriage therapists who look for the signs of divorce have most likely studied the work of Drs. John and Julie Gottman. The Gottmans have done the most extensive research on marriage, what makes marriages emotionally draining, and what predicts divorce. He discovered four main predictors, which he terms the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Marriages That Become Emotionally Draining Over Time Often Have These 4 Things In Common
9 hours ago You’re gonna want to go ahead and put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door. It’s no secret that vacation sex has a reputation for being some of the best sex there is. As far as I’m concerned, that’s pretty much the entire point of booking a getaway. This is basically what PTO days were invented …
7 Problems People With Poor Relationship Skills Have That Drive Away Potential Partners
If you don’t know why you continue to push people away, you may find it more difficult to change your behavior, because you're not sure what you're doing wrong in the first place. Identifying possible reasons can be an important first step toward regaining intimacy in your relationships. While it's important to cultivate self-confidence and demonstrate genuine interest in others, most don't recognize the behaviors to avoid unintentionally driving away potential romantic crushes.
6 Habits Of Couples Who Grow Gracefully Into Old Age Together, According To Psychology
Healthy relationships in which couples age gracefully into old age together are balanced and reciprocal. There should be a feeling of equality regarding the effort you each make to create a successful union. For instance, you should both take an interest in each other, show gratitude for each other, and hold each other in high regard. If your partner isn't bringing out the best in you or you can’t count them, alarm bells should go off.
10 Habits Of Resilient People Who Heal The Quickest After Divorce
Learning to heal after a divorce is a long-term process with both positive and negative outcomes. It is helpful not to view your divorce as a complete failure but as a legitimate solution to some marital and family distress that became unhealthy or intolerable. A study of reaction and adaptation to divorce showed that "people who will divorce are less happy than those who stay married, even before either gets married.
20 Undeniable Signs Something's Really Wrong In A Relationship You Thought For Sure Was Love
Abusive behavior isn't always as obvious as physical abuse, like being hit or shoved, or verbal abuse such as being called degrading names or cussed out. Abuse can often be underhanded and subtle. You may find yourself feeling confused about your relationship, off balance, or like you are "walking on eggshells" all the time. This is the kind of abuse that often sneaks up on you and occurs more often as you become more entrenched within the relationship. All abuse takes a severe toll on self-esteem.
If You're Ready To Divorce, These 7 Questions Are Your Final Gut Check
Saying "I do" is a big deal, but saying "I don't" can be just as life-changing. While marriage signifies a new chapter of shared life, divorce marks the end of that chapter and the beginning of a new, often challenging, journey. We asked experts, psychologist Dr. Joyce Fine, couples therapist Marni Feuerman, and marriage coach Lesli Doares, what questions and considerations to gut-check before signing a divorce decree. Have you thoughtfully considered them all?
5 Signs Your Partner Is Marriage Material
Marriage isn't just a romantic milestone; it is a serious commitment intended to last a lifetime that will shape your future in countless ways. If you are dating with marriage in mind, it is essential to look beyond surface traits and focus on qualities that would make someone a good life partner. The person you marry can have a major impact on your well-being, happiness, stability, and personal growth.
“I Wish Her The Best”: Man Gets Accused Of Violence, Learns His GF’s True Colors The Hard Way
Blame-shifting, unreasonable jealousy, and drama-baiting are among the long list of toxic relationship traits that people typically experience. They may be tolerable for some and an instant dealbreaker for others. A man ticked all three boxes with his girlfriend, who seemingly had a massive problem with him going on a night out with friends. It initially ended with him sleeping on the couch, but the situation quickly escalated to a point where he could potentially face criminal charges.
The Factor That Makes People Fall In Love The Quickest, According To Research
No question falling in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world. But that doesn't mean that it can't get complicated from time to time. Even if you love someone, there's no guarantee that person will ever return your feelings, and oftentimes, many relationships end up ending in heartbreak. It makes you wonder why so many people want something that isn't even guaranteed to last.
Stonewalling in Relationships: Signs, Types, and How to Cope
Stonewalling involves refusing to communicate with another person and withdrawing from the conversation to create distance between the individual and their partner. Intentionally shutting down during an argument, also known as the silent treatment, can be hurtful, frustrating, and harmful to the relationship.
The #1 Sign You're Being Emotionally Manipulated In Your Relationship, According To Master Therapist
"Becky" came into my office a wreck. She had been experiencing a roller coaster relationship and lots of heartaches. She was "madly in love" with "Alex" but knew something wasn't right. After listening to her story, it dawned on me quite clearly that she was in love with a "sociopath." A sociopath is someone who lacks empathy and is manipulative, deceitful, and even aggressive sometimes, according to research. He was highly intelligent, charming, and sophisticated.
Lui/lei è emotivamente non disponibile: segnali da riconoscere e cosa fare
La persona che frequentate da qualche mese non ha ancora risposto al vostro messaggio dopo 10 ore? Sapete che non potete assolutamente mandarne un altro, ma volete solo vedere se vuole ancora bere qualcosa al più presto. Se lo schema di chi fa da guida e poi vi molla vi fa chiedere cosa abbiate fatto di sbagliato, sappiate che potrebbe anche non avere a che fare con voi.
10 Critical Ways To Have A Healthy Post-Divorce Adjustment
Learning to function after a divorce is a long-term process with both positive and negative outcomes. It is helpful not to view your divorce as a complete "failure," but as a legitimate solution to some marital and family distress that most likely became unhealthy or intolerable. Valuable divorce research and guidance are abundantly available to assist you, and despite the many nightmare divorce stories, there are undoubtedly helpful ways to adjust and move forward post-divorce.
14 Ways To Tell If The Real Problem In Your Relationship Is ... You
In my practice, it is common for people to come in and complain about their spouse or significant other. It is more of a challenge to take a true inventory of your behavior and gain insight into how you might be contributing to the state of your relationship. There is always room to improve throughout a long-term relationship. Here are 14 ways to tell if the real problem in your relationship is you: This means you can empathize, listen, and respond emotionally to your partner.
4 Tiny Signs Marriage Therapists Use To Predict Divorce
Well-trained marriage therapists who look for the signs of divorce have most likely studied the work of Drs. John and Julie Gottman. The Gottmans have done the most extensive research on marriage and what predicts divorce. He discovered four main predictors, which he terms the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Psychotherapist Reveals The Tiny Sign That Means Your Marriage Is Done
If learning how to save your marriage is not working, perhaps it's time to figure out when to get a divorce and give up. A married couple, Erin and Ben, came to me a few years ago for a process called Discernment Counseling, a counseling process developed to guide couples who are on the brink of divorce. Usually, one or both partners are strongly considering ending the marriage.
5 Good And Bad Ways Your Dad Affects Your Relationship With Men
If you're struggling with love or repeating unhealthy patterns in relationships, it will serve you well to explore your specific relationship with perhaps the most influential man in your romantic life — your father. Some of you reading this have been lucky. You’ve had an overall positive relationship with your father. He was reliable, consistent, and stable, someone you could easily count on and talk to and who gave you the sense of security you needed. Other women have not been as fortunate.
The Most Functional, Healthy Relationships All Have 3 Tiny Qualities
If you're one of those people who never seem to have healthy, fulfilling relationships, it's possible you may not even know what having one looks like. Perhaps your parent’s marriage wasn’t good, and you have no positive relationship role model to draw from. Maybe your relationship with both of them wasn’t the best either, causing you to form some insecure attachment patterns that keep playing out over and over.
If You Continually Attract Bad People, You May Have This Unhealthy Childhood Attachment
A 2013 article in the Daily Mail reported on how common it is, in relationships, for people to "settle". This article — and the data contained inside — has stuck with me over the years. The article cited research which found that, of 2,000 adults polled, 73 percent have "made do" with their partner because their "true love" slipped through their fingers. In essence, the survey respondents are settling for less than they dreamed of — less than true love — in their romantic relationships.
The Tiny Difference Between A 'Healthy' Vs 'Unhealthy' Narcissist
"Narcissism" is a term that gets frequently thrown around, but the way it’s commonly used in modern dating and relationship advice is often unclear or inaccurate. The word certainly conjures up a negative image! However, we all fall somewhere on the scale between pure selflessness and complete arrogance.
The 7 Most Painful Dating Problems - Solved
Technology, including online dating apps and social media websites, has drastically changed the cultural landscape to find true love. The quest for true love and a lifelong partner hasn’t changed a whole lot over time. But the ways we go about accomplishing this goal have evolved tremendously. The channels in which you communicate are also more varied than ever before. You can text, snap, and follow to demonstrate interest. Something utterly foreign to Gen Xs and older.
The Simplest Way To Tell If A Guy Likes You Enough For A Relationship
If you're constantly falling into the rut of being intimate but not having a relationship, then you may be caught in an "almost relationship" loop. Almost all relationships are what happens when you meet a guy, and have great chemistry, and even though you're sure he likes you, he never seems to want more out of his time with you than just intimacy — no love. Let’s take a look at a common scenario. You meet a guy, you've got a lot in common, and maybe even an expressed desire for a relationship.
The Attachment Style That Invisibly Sabotages Your Relationship
If you have an insecure attachment style, you might just be self-sabotaging your love, intimacy, and relationships. But what is an insecure attachment style? Attachment theory, one of the most substantiated theories in psychology, tells us that patterns of relating to others are formed in early childhood and generally hold stable throughout our lives. You develop a "secure" pattern or an "insecure" pattern.
The Painfully Honest Reason You Continue To Attract Toxic Men
Narcissistic people are everywhere, but does it seem like you keep finding them all and getting caught in one toxic relationship after another? If you want to know the rules of attraction that will net you, someone, without narcissistic behavior or have you noticing signs of a toxic relationship a few short months after you meet a new man, then there are some patterns in your love life you need to pay attention to.
'Breadcrumbing' Is A Horrifying Dating Term - And It's Probably Happened To You
If you’re single and looking for love, there's a good chance you've been on the receiving end of some bad dating behavior, like ghosting.
The Most Important Question To Ask Yourself After Your Spouse Cheats
Many people in long-term relationships and marriages live in fear of infidelity. They stay on constant alert for signs of cheating with another woman or man. Many sources explain the reasons why men and women cheat, as well as tips on how to fix your broken relationship or save your marriage after finding evidence that your husband or wife is having an affair. But how do you decide what to do about it and whether you should get a divorce or forgive your spouse not they've been caught cheating?
6 Tiny Things You Must Know To Make Marriage Counseling Work
Many people consider going to marriage or couples counseling sometime during their relationship. Sadly, marriage counseling has a questionable success rate. This is for various reasons that can be mitigated when you understand the following facts about this type of therapy. Here are 6 things you must know to make marriage counseling work: This is because marriage counseling deals with problems within the "system" and dynamic of the couple.
How We Fall In Love & What Makes It Last, According To Research
No question falling in love is one of the greatest feelings in the world. But that doesn't mean that it can't get complicated from time to time. What's interesting is that there is a science to love — how we fall in love, as well as why some relationships are more successful and more fulfilling than others. Love can be a significantly mind-altering feeling! It comes with highs and lows, happiness, and yes, even that butterfly sensation you get in your stomach at the sight of your new beau.
7 Tough Questions You Must Ask Before Getting Divorced
Saying "I do" is a big deal, but saying "I don't" can be just as life-changing. YourTango asked relationship experts Dr. Joyce Fine, Marni Feuerman, and Lesli Doares what questions and considerations to keep in mind before signing a divorce decree. Have you thoughtfully considered them all?
Man Child: Signs and Coping With an Immature Husband
A man who lacks emotionally mature responses and behaviors is sometimes referred to as a man child. People married to these individuals might complain about having an immature husband who does not behave like an adult in their relationship. Read on to learn more about the term 'man child,' including how its history, what it means, and why this label is harmful. We also share signs of an immature partner and how to cope when in a relationship with someone who is acting this way.
What Can You Do If Your Partner Has Boundary Issues With His Mother
"Momma's boy" is a term sometimes used to describe a man who lacks self-reliance and is overly dependent on his mother. While it has traditionally been used as an insult, shifting attitudes have led to changes in how the term is used today. For younger generations, the term is often used to describe men with a healthy respect and appreciation for their moms. Being married to a momma's boy isn't always a bad thing. A man who is close to his mother is not a momma's boy in a negative way.
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
Though most have experienced it in their lives, defining love is challenging. Few researchers have put forth a viable theory on the concept of love. One exception is Sternberg's triangular theory of love, developed in the late 1980s by psychologist Robert Sternberg. This theory suggests that people can have varying degrees of intimacy, passion, and commitment at any one moment in time. Research has emerged to confirm the value of Sternberg's theory.
Signs the Person You're Dating Wants to Get Married
During the dating phase of a relationship, we get to see all aspects of our partner's personality. One of the things we'll notice is how eager our partner is to get married. For those of us who are not ready to get married or make a long-term commitment, this eagerness may be a turn-off. Though, if we're looking for a lifelong mate, a high interest in marriage could be encouraging. When it comes to dating and relationships, everyone has different expectations.
Does an Infidelity Postnuptial Agreement Prevent Cheating?
If your spouse has cheated on you, and you are attempting to reconcile and rebuild trust, you're likely facing one of the most difficult challenges a married couple can experience. One strategy that is sometimes used to dissuade further infidelity is to have the unfaithful spouse sign an “infidelity post-nuptial agreement". This means the partner would consent to some specified financial payment (or another significant item of value) to be paid if they cheat again.
10 Harsh-But-True Facts About Being In Love With A Married Man
If you're in love with a married man and hope he'll leave his spouse for you, I have some bad news to share. Being in love with and attached to an already committed man is difficult, especially when most people view a woman they know is having an affair with a married man as a heartless homewrecker. There isn’t a lot of scientific data on these types of extramarital relationships, but what we do know appears to be reliable.
How Couples Can Improve Their Marriage Before It's Headed for Divorce
Marriage isn't always easy, and all relationships have ups and downs. According to relationship experts, there are certain signs to watch for that serve as important predictors of divorce. John and Julie Gottman are psychologists, relationship experts, and the founders of the Gottman Institute. Based on their years of extensive research, they have identified four primary predictors of divorce.
Why Do I Only Like Guys Who Don't Like Me Back?
Falling in love is blissful when the feeling is reciprocated, but what about when it isn't? As much as we may wish it to be otherwise, some people may not want to be with us in the way we want them to be with them. Yet some women find themselves facing the harsh reality of unrequited love not just once, but in a pattern of attraction and toxic relationships that repeats itself over and over and over again. Why do some women keep falling in love with men who don't return their feelings?
21 Warning Signs Of Emotional Abuse In Relationships
Domestic violence seems to be at the forefront of the media more and more frequently these days. This is in part due to abusive incidents involving sports figures or celebrities coming to light, as well as YouTubers and public figures speaking and sharing their own personal experiences in emotionally abusive relationships as a precautionary lesson for others.
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