Melissa Kite on Muck Rack

Melissa Kite

Verified
London
As seen in: The Spectator, Daily Mail, The Guardian, The Telegraph, The Catholic Herald, Mail+, The Spectator (World), British Veterinary Association - BVA, Spectator US, The Spectator Australia, Taki's Magazine and
Spectator columnist. Horsey woman. Views expressed my own
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Articles

Once we Brexiteers get our Irish passports, we can go anywhere

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By Melissa Kite 
| The Spectator Australia
‘There’s a flat rat under the mat!’ I shrieked, and wondered whether that was the sort of jaunty phrase that could be used for elocution lessons. I had lifted this mat by the main staircase to hoover the floor beneath it and there it was, a perfectly flat rat in the shape of a cartoon dead rat beneath this mat. I began laughing uncontrollably, because if you’ve ever seen a flat rat under a mat you will know that it is intrinsically funny, whatever your views on rats.
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All good holidays start with a border checkpoint

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By Melissa Kite 
| The Spectator Australia
What a treat it was to escape to Cyprus for some sun and a last-minute mini-break. I left the builder boyfriend and the cleaner with strict instructions about a booking for a honeymooning couple, and they promised to put flowers in the room. ‘Go, get some sun,’ said the BB, for I was becoming peevish in the Irish rain. I chose Northern Cyprus because it was cheap and because all good holidays surely start with a border checkpoint.
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We’ve lost our only anti-vaxxer friend in the village

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By Melissa Kite 
| The Spectator Australia
‘Can I go now?’ said the farmer I was talking to over my gate, and he looked so scared I felt a bit ashamed of myself. I had flagged him down as he went by in his rickety blue tractor that’s so old it looks like Noah used it to load hay onto the Ark. I told him I hadn’t seen him for a while. He usually waves or comes in for a chat. He has been our favourite neighbour since we moved to West Cork. As he owns the land above us where our water well is situated, that’s all to the good.
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