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Articles by Michelle Tillis Lederman
Harness the Public Speaking Butterflies
Last May, I told you about my children’s amazing, first public speaking experience in my article The One Biggest Influence On Your Future, which made me flashback to mine. I was a junior in high school and took public speaking as an elective. I don’t know what I was thinking because I was absolutely terrified of speaking in public.
Do You Ask Yourself These Questions?
Michelle Tillis Lederman · Follow 3 min read · -- Who knew that last week’s newsletter would cause such a response! Some of you loved it and the twist in language created an entirely new perspective. It was their ‘Ah-Ha’ moment. A few felt a little perturbed by the shift from attributing reasoning to things out of our control back to yourself. Specifically, when there was, as they put it, “just cause” for that perspective. I don’t deny that other people and our environments have an impact.
Always Be Sharing
I may be an over-sharer. Though, in many ways, I am not sure there is such a thing. I actually wrote a post about why I share, back when my youngest was sick. If you’ve ever emailed me when I’m out of the office, you’ll be treated to a robust auto reply message telling you exactly what I am up to. You may hear about what group I am speaking with, what program I am delivering, or the destination of my latest vacation. A few weeks ago, you all heard about my first college drop off.
Want To Up Your Influence? Try Applied Interpretation
I like coming up with names for the concepts I teach. You may recall my concept of Relational Equity from this post. Today’s concept is Applied Interpretation. I came up with the phrase to explain the concept that people will step into interpretations that you project on them, if and only if, they are positive interpretations. A great example of that comes from one of my CHRO coaching clients. She worked for a financial firm that was in a steep growth phase, acquiring multiple companies in one year.
Set Your Own Definition
Michelle Tillis Lederman · Follow 2 min read · -- I had to change the newsletter I planned for this week after hearing the most kickass response by VP Harris on the Call Her Daddy podcast. I have written about over-apologizing and how and when to apologize. You can see those articles here: How To Apologize And When You Shouldn’t Do you say ‘sorry’ too often? Do this instead… Alex Cooper, host of the podcast, asked Kamala Harris about Sara Huckabee Sanders’ comment, “…my kids keep me humble.
The Power Of Choice
A while back I asked people for quotes that resonated with them since many of my newsletters have been inspired by quotes and sayings. Today’s inspiration comes from Barb Keefe. Thanks Barb, this one really made me think. “You’re responsible for the choices you make.” She then added, “or in my mother’s words, it’s nobody’s fault, but your own.” I could truly hear my own mother using that line! I kept playing with this one on my morning walks, the word choice.
How To Lead When You Think Differently
I am in the parenting zone. Just back from parents’ weekend at Michigan. It was wonderful to see my oldest thriving in his new environment. It also provided a short respite from essay reviews for the approaching application deadlines of my high school senior. In the book, Quiet, the author wrote about extroverted parents parenting introverted children. Well, that’s me and my youngest. They have often told me that they think I’m yelling when my voice is simply animated.
A New Twist On Performance Reviews
I definitely bring my work home and I am sure I am not the only one. My youngest once said to me, "you talk to me like I am your client." When my husband tells me about a work challenge, I have learned to ask if he wants an ear or a coach. One of the other ways I have brought work home is with goal setting and performance reviews. Stop rolling your eyes at me! As a family, we have an informal conversation about what we are working on and how we are doing with the goals we set.
A Habit All Leaders Should Adopt
I really love getting emails out of the blue, from people I do and do not know, who have been impacted by my work. I just received this awesome email from somebody who took my class at least 6 years ago, possibly more. I wanted to reach out with you one-on-one. I wanted to tell you that I participated in your Management for Excellence and your participation and guidance in that session I still use and share with others to help them. It was a moment in time, but impactful.
Is Social Media Bad For Us?
I am in a love hate relationship with social media. I am guessing most of us are. Either as users or parents of young users. This has been more on my mind since the Surgeon General suggested warning labels on social media. On the one hand, social media can help strengthen your impact, your influence, and your connections. I love how it keeps me in touch with the people I went to elementary school and summer camp with.
Similarities between parenthood and management
My baby bird has flown the coop! I can't believe I have a son in college. We drove out the 10+ hours, moved him in, stuck around for orientation, and flew home. I am a mess and reflecting a lot! I have long written about the similarities between motherhood (parenthood) and management. When listening to the book Grit, I learned that the word parenting is actually derived from Latin and means to bring forth. I am bringing him forth into the world.
Tone is everything... Look What You Did!
As you read those words, what tone (or punctuation) did you impute on them? Did you hear them spoken to a child that just made a mess? Or an employee that did something wrong? I find this phrase interesting, because you often associate the phrase with saying something after a mistake, where you point to the spilt milk or the broken vase and you say, "look what you did!" You can hear the tone of voice, the criticism, the judgment, and the reproval of your actions.
Is your leadership aligned?
I write a lot about leadership because there is so much to say about it. Afterall, it is such a complex idea to understand what it means to be a leader, how to be a good leader, how to be a connected leader. Here’s the crux of it…Leadership is an alignment between your beliefs, your values, and your behaviors. It seems simple but at the end of the day, the people that we are leading only see our behaviors.
How do you keep an open mind?
Nearly 19 years ago I was pregnant with my first child while a participant in a leadership program. I brought a serious attitude along with the chip on my shoulder to the three-day event. So much so that the leader leaned over my shoulder and whispered in my ear, "I am the only bitch in the room." I thought to myself, "No you're not." That program is the root of my three words exercise on defining your personal brand. We had to embrace new words and one of the words suggested for me was, open.
Do you have a "Not To Do" list?
My clients inspire me! I love to see them implementing their action plan and the obvious pride on their face when they share the impact it is having. One client exemplified this experience. As the CEO of a large organization, she has more demands on her time than most. She also has the tendency to work herself silly to get it all done. On a recent call, she had a "cat who ate the canary" look on her face. She was excited to share a story about how she actually said no.
What Simone Biles can teach us about leadership
I've been watching the Olympic trials and am so excited to start watching every night. I love the Olympics, the dedication, the perseverance, the crying moms in the stands. A little-known secret, I had dreams of trying out for the 1984 women's Olympic gymnastics team. The only problem, I wasn't anywhere close to good enough. These athletes are amazing though there is one that truly stands out for more than the obvious reasons of her skills and my envy, Simone Biles.
4 secret steps to connected communications
Ever wondered why some people seem to effortlessly connect and inspire, while others struggle to get their message across? Here's a little secret: It's all about connected communication. Think about it. Have you ever been in a meeting where someone's words just clicked? Or read an email that made you feel understood and valued? That's the magic of effective and connected communication. And guess what? It's a skill you can master too! Story time...
Grab Your Next Great Read for Just 99ยข
SALE is my favorite 4 letter word (of the four-letter words I use professionally) ! Last year on Black Friday I got together with fellow author and Super Connector, Robbie Samuels, to launch his idea for a kindle cross promotion campaign. We spread the word, and it quickly grew enabling us to bring our audiences dozens of books for under $1 each. This Amazon Prime Day - we are doing it again! And because even more connectors are sharing the opportunity, even more books are included.
Do you know how to say "No"?
I admit it, I'm not great at saying no. But I'm getting better. I realized it was an issue when I would enter a work week with over a hundred items on my calendar. I felt like a gerbil in a wheel, always running but never getting to a finish line. My husband noticed too. So, he took out a blue sticky note and wrote "NO" in marker, and stuck it on my computer monitor. It was his way of reminding me that saying no is an option.
What would you do if you lost everything?
I don't relate to the childhood my kids have experienced. They live a charming life with two parents who love each other and never fight, a stable home with financial security, and a family vacation every year. I didn't have any of those things growing up. On the one hand, I envy them. On the other hand, I worry. Did I build resilience in them? Will they be able to handle adversity? There has been so much extreme weather with devastating results to people's lives and livelihoods.
Do you know if you are a good leader?
As a leader, you are the topic of your employee's dinner conversation. What are they saying about you? Are they venting and complaining? Or are they sharing about a funny or encouraging exchange? If you don't know the answer, it is worth finding out! Here are two ideas to help you do that. Check out this Newsweek post about 20 Areas of Reflection to Improve Your Leadership. I, along with several other leadership thinkers, shared our advice on how to do just that. My tip...
Best questions to ask on an interview
I can't believe my first-born graduates tomorrow! I am a proud mamma. All these graduating kids are entering the next phase and stepping further into "the real world." For those graduating from college, they are now trying to figure out the right job for them. That is no easy task for anyone. So of course, I had many thoughts when Newsweek asked me to comment on their article about what Interview Questions to ask to find the right fit.
Do you over leverage your strengths?
"I don't like being bad at things." That was a quote by my son that I shared back in my newsletter titled Why You Should Try And Be Bad At It. I get it. It feels good to do something well and there are many things each of us do very well. That mindset may be behind a phenomena I see in doing 360 feedback assessments for my coaching clients: over indexing on our strengths. When we are good at something we attribute our success to it. I have clients who are praised for...
How to disagree with respect
I originally recorded the ideas in this post in February 2023, right after returning from our trip to Israel. Funny how the ideas are even more relevant now. I would actually call my family's trip to Israel an educational journey. We met with people from the Anti-Defamation League, listened to a Palestinian journalist who wrote for The Jerusalem Post, and visited Neve Shalom.
How to increase your likelihood of a promotion
I have been getting a lot of emails lately about being passed over for a promotion or feeling invisible and seeing no signs of advancement. I have to admit, it has been a while, actually 20 years, since I was working for someone else. So, I had to give this one some thought. One thing I realized is that it was almost all women who were emailing about this challenge. That sparked my thinking around some of our communication tendencies along gender lines.
Networking While Introverted - Thrive Global
One of the most frequent questions I am asked, whether I am in front of an audience, on a podcast, or via comments on LinkedIn, is about doing all the things I talk about as an introvert. My response is always, "Lucky you." Some of the best connectors I know are introverts.
Are one of these habits your downfall?
The other night my husband, Mike, made an innocuous claim about how long a drive he had to do alone was. He overestimated. I knew he had the number of hours wrong, but let it be. My son, James, didn't let it be, he corrected him. Mike then googled it to uncover that he was incorrect. I said to James, I knew he was wrong, but it wasn't important enough to prove myself right. Sometimes it is good to just not have to win. He definitely struggled with the idea when it was factual, irrefutable, information.
What you know is not enough
It's springtime! Mother's Day is approaching. The weather is warming up, and I'm back to my morning walks. It's a peaceful time when I reflect on things I hear (and then share my musings with all of you!) Today's inspiration comes from a story about an art teacher who was arbitrating an argument between two of her students. One student was annoyed because another student was using "her color palette." I thought the teacher's response was brilliant. She said, "The colors are free.
Why you should try and be bad at it
Last week, I asked what makes you better. As someone who believes in continuous learning, this is something I think about a lot. I wrote about two communities that challenge me: the National Speakers Association and a conference I attended last July. But more than the conferences, it was the people that truly inspired me. One such person was the compelling Dr. Delatorro McNeal. He gave a mainstage talk and poured out his heart and energy.
What Makes You Better?
Last July was a very busy month with two different community events; the MG100 and the National Speakers Association (NSA). I have written often about the Marshall Goldsmith community, and how inspiring all the members are and what they made me think about. I love that they broaden the way I think and push me to stretch myself. The MG100 is such an amazing group I thought about letting go of the NSA. Afterall, going to two major events in one month is exhausting. Spoiler alert, I didn't.
Decisions are hard! - Thrive Global
It's official! I have a wolverine. My son, James, has accepted his admission into the Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan. I am having all the feels. I am kvelling, extraordinarily proud, excited for all that is to come, and a little sad and anxious that he will be so far away. I am also relieved that he finally, FINALLY made a decision. Sometimes having too many options can make a decision even harder.
Do you make a strong first impression?
Studies suggest that it only takes about 7 seconds to form an opinion about someone. Yikes! As an intelligent species, we quickly absorb information and form conclusions. The challenge arises when, once formed, additional data points are filtered through that lens, and we seek to prove ourselves right. After all, who doesn’t want to be right? But that’s essentially confirmation bias in action. That is why the first module of The Connected Leader Courseis Determine and Drive Your Leadership Brand.
What do you need to reframe?
I hate selling. I admit it. I have actually been incredibly uncomfortable promoting The Connected Leader Course in every newsletter the last few weeks. I even went to the backend to check and see if there were complaints or a huge spike in people unsubscribing. Since I rarely go into the backend myself, I wasn’t sure I was reading it correctly for a moment. But I was definitely relieved to see ZERO complaints! Phew! Yes, there were some unsubscribes, but no more than usual.
You Control Your Interpretations
Years ago, I launched a course based on my book, which evolved over time and is now part of the foundation of The Connected Leader Course. I'll never forget this one woman who was in the pilot program. Loving a small world moment, we figured out that she knew someone who lived in my neighborhood and whose son was in the same class as my son. I didn't actually know her well, but I did know her.
Starting something new is hard!
I can't live without my iPhone. I love the functionality and how efficient it can make some communications. But I will never forget, rather my husband never lets me forget, when I first got one. I HATED it! I loved my blackberry and the tactical feedback I got from the keyboard. I was good at it. I was used to it. I actually got so frustrated attempting to type on my new device that I threw it on the floor. Fortunately, it was carpeted 😊. Trying something new is hard. Change is hard.
Sometimes the answer to your problem is right in front of you
I admit it, my partner Lou came up with that subject line, but I loved it! It made me think about all the times that what is obvious to the rest of the world is something we just don't see for ourselves. Just one more reason we created the Connected Leader Club. Sometimes we need those around us to open our eyes to what it is we are not seeing. In a funny way, that is how Lou and I got together. Last summer the two of us attended a conference run by the organization where we met in the first place.
Do You Have the Key Relationships You Need to Advance?
Last week's announcement of The Connected Leader Club and Course was exciting and terrifying. We have worked so hard to bring this amazing idea to life. Then, I had to hold my breath and see how people responded. * Exhale* We can breathe! You are as excited as we are. I couldn't do this alone. Actually, in business today, NO ONE can do it all alone. It's the relationships and connections we make that empower us to tap into our greatest potential and bring out the best, connected leader within us.
How can we disagree and still get along?
In May, I had a great time working with New York City public schools. We did a Connected Leadership Program, which incorporated a lot of the concepts from my Collaborative Communications Program. This is probably one of my favorite things to teach. We learn about ourselves and how to interpret the actions and behaviors of others, so that our assumptions, misconceptions, and natural friction are minimized, and our potential collaboration and relationship maximized.
What Is Culture? - Thrive Global
Based on your response to last weeks' newsletter, you are interested in this topic of culture. You are not alone. I've been doing a lot of culture work. I think the pandemic had a huge impact on culture and shifted the culture in many organizations.
How Do You Create Culture?
In this return-to-work hybrid, post pandemic world, organizations have been reaching out about culture. How do we maintain our culture in this hybrid environment? How do we maintain culture as we grow and expand? And the funny thing is that people use the word, but nobody knows how to define the word. I take my definition from my friend Rebecca Friese, author of The Good Culture. Culture is simply how we get our work done together.
My trick to keep myself present
I was at services recently and they handed out some sayings and some readings. This one really struck a chord with me so I'm going to share it with you. "We long to change the world, but we rarely appreciate things as they are. We know how to give, but we don't always know how to receive. We know how to keep busy, but we don't know how to be still. We talk, but we don't often listen. We look, but we don't often see.
What do you value?
I'm still listening to the book, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***." Even though I was completely turned off within the first chapter, I was able to realize that behind the attempt at being controversial and contrary, the author wasn't really saying not to, he was saying, be selective about what you care about and what you care about is really your values and to choose your values.
Embrace the suck - Thrive Global
While listening to Mark Manson's "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***," I was struck by the concept of "embracing the suck." His observation that we've become increasingly uncomfortable with imperfection resonated deeply. Clearly that has been my theme for the past few weeks! We are constantly bombarded with images of seemingly perfect lives on social media, creating a distorted perception of reality. My social media has often shown the imperfections of life.
Lessons from a recovering perfectionist
Don't do it! Don't fall into the trap so many of us do at the start of the year. Set "resolutions", go gung-ho, and then as soon as you falter, completely give up. Sound familiar? A common emotional response to the backslide is to tell ourselves, "If I can't do it perfectly, don't bother doing it at all." I get it. You all read how upset I was when I missed a day in my 10,000 steps a day commitment. It took a long time to break myself from the easy out and give up.
Does it really matter?
In early August, I planned a day off with my friend to go see a Broadway show. We were very excited, discussing what restaurant to have lunch at, reviewing the train schedule, and of course, what to wear for our girls' day. We had a lovely lunch and then walked a block and a half to get to the back of the line to queue up to see Six. Well, we finally got through security and into the theater.
Mental Health at Work
One of the things that has been loud and clear over the last few years is that we have a mental health crisis in this country. During the MG100 weekend we heard about the exponential and frightening increase in mental health-related emergency visits. I can't help but think about how mental health is often misinterpreted, sometimes leading to tragic results as in the case of Elijah McClain, an autistic man, who died after a violent police encounter.
Managing a Micro Manager
It is hard to work in isolation. We are usually head down, getting work done. Often, we have no idea how that work is landing. That is why I am so grateful when I receive replies back, comments to my posts, and especially when you pose tough questions that make me think. That's feedback. And you all know I view feedback as a gift. Your questions are also a gift as they make for great topics. Here is a recent question sent my way...
What's your relationship with work?
People inspire me. They talk. I listen. Then something I hear just sparks me thinking. I jot down that phrase or concept in my newsletter ideas list. I did that all weekend long in Nashville at the MG 100 Community Gathering as you probably noticed from my recent posts. The idea that got me thinking and writing this week was...
How to Get (and Be) A Mentor
I had a great time earlier this summer delivering my Get Known, Get Connected, Get Ahead talk to development officers from over 100 universities. In the middle of the program, I share the types of relationships we want and need. Without exception, when I mention mentors, it results in a plethora of welcome questions. It seems everybody is in search of a mentor. Makes sense since you are 70% more likely to get promoted when you have an active mentorship relationship.
What's Your One Word?
At the MG100 gathering this past summer, one of the presenters did an exercise similar to something that I do in my talks, These programs are about determining and driving how others see you. First to gain clarity and then to convey your personal brand. Brand is a funny word. Often people associate brands with logos, font, and colors. But a brand is so much more than that. I see brand as a promise. The promise of the experience you will have interacting with that person or company.
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