Twitter: where journalists pretend they're celebrities and celebrities pretend they're journalists. Digital Editor, @EsquireUK. Also: @Queue_Reads. Pitch me.

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@samparkercouk — 6,050 followers, 27,402 tweets

Sep 19, 2017

There's a special kind of look people reserve for lone men eating the second scotch egg from a two pack of scotch eggs.

Sep 18, 2017

@Justindecerous Should all be preserved exactly as it was when were 12 for nostalgia purposes. Outrageous, really. (Hi to your Mum).

Sep 18, 2017

@Justindecerous More depressing news from Alnwick. The Duke's school has closed down and the field where we played footy is grown over! Becoming a hotel!

Sep 17, 2017

@TomWardWrites Which one would you most like to be? Me: probs Hitch

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