Som Dutt

Most people don't realize they've been in a toxic relationship until they're already out of it. Or worse, they don't realize it until years of quiet unraveling, until they look at themselves in the mirror and barely recognize who they've become. That's how narcissistic abuse works. It doesn't announce itself. It creeps in through small humiliations, love that feels like it has to be earned, and a slow erosion of your sense of reality.

Your covert narcissist sister silent treatment lasted three weeks this time. Your parents didn’t notice. She still called them every Sunday, posted “grateful for family” on Instagram, showed up to your mother’s dinner with flowers and a hug. You were the only one sitting in that silence. And when you mentioned it to Mom, you heard what you’ve heard your whole life: “She’s probably just busy. You’re reading too much into it.” You’re not reading too much into it.

Ever heard of the covert narcissist sister darvo tactic? If you’ve ever confronted your sister with clear evidence of her behavior only to end up apologizing to her, you’ve experienced it firsthand. You walked away replaying the conversation, wondering how you went from holding her accountable to comforting her. That disorientation has a name: DARVO. Psychologist Jennifer Freyd coined it in 1997 within her betrayal trauma theory. It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.