web editor @cosmopolitan.com, debut book from @workmanpub out 2018; i didnt choose the #basic life, the #basic life chose me

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@tessie_the_mess — 13,109 followers, 8,303 tweets

Sep 25, 2017

hey i've been off twitter for a few days has anything happened in the world LoLolOLLLLOOLOL

Sep 22, 2017

my husband's mariah-level shady reaction to the kylie pregnancy news: "who? i only know kim and kendall"

Sep 21, 2017

i am unequivocally and totally fucking obsessed with the work my alma mater's paper is doing (cc: @Concordiensis, ilu) https://t.co/FjBe59oDVv

Sep 20, 2017

i've been to hell and it is the annual train ride home for the jewish holidays with at least 3 boys you made out with in high school

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