web editor @cosmopolitan.com, debut book from @workmanpub out 2018; i didnt choose the #basic life, the #basic life chose me

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@tessie_the_mess — 13,092 followers, 8,298 tweets

Sep 19, 2017

honestly, i'm such a fucking wordsmith that this is the first time i've ever had to do this https://t.co/tecGLPVKu6

Sep 19, 2017

turns out watching donald trump call kim jong un "rocket man" first thing in the morning is not, in fact, a funny way to start the day!

Sep 18, 2017

i'm told only old people write indignant yelp reviews, but guess what, assholes, it's done

Sep 18, 2017

the kind of day where you come thisclose to writing a yelp review so angry it goes viral in a bad way

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