Tess Lynch
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Articles by Tess Lynch
Citizen Framed
It seems fitting that Meltdown May should go out with Andrew Frame, CEO of Gladys Kravitz’s favorite app Citizen, exposed by leaks to Vice in a full shouty-Slack frenzy trying to spur vigilantes to catch a supposed arsonist that he couldn’t even bother to make sure was actually guilty. A guy named Frame accusing someone innocent? What am I even supposed to do with that, comedically?
Survivor: Caramoan, Episode 11: Bow Down Before Lord Cochran!
After last week’s crazy tribal council, there was a Grantland e-mail chain during which all of the office Survivor fans discussed Malcolm’s strategy of letting Stealth know that the Three Amigos (if I’m embarrassed to type that, why are they not embarrassed to refer to themselves as that?) were voting for Phillip. A good question was raised: If Malcolm hadn’t named the Specialist, would the favorites’ alliance have started voting for each other out of fear?
5 Moms Who Didn’t Smoke Weed and Listen to Pearl Jam Tonight
Moms typically have to “do it all” – take the kids to school, pick up the groceries and also balance a full-time career. However, there are certain things most moms definitely don’t do, and one of them is smoke weed while listening to Pearl Jam tonight.
How SOPA Would Kill Fun
The Stop Online Piracy Act asserts itself so broadly—it aims to regulate everything from counterfeit prescription drugs to intellectual property rights—that it’s difficult to begin to imagine all the ramifications. The only thing I know for sure about SOPA is that it would be a very bad thing for people who frequently use the internet—so, everyone—and that it would sit its big, weighty body on the fragile skeleton of free expression and crush it into a million little splinters.
Who You Are and Who You Say You Are - The Morning News
A Norman Rockwell painting from 1995: You can almost hear the modem connecting over the course of 90 screeching, howling seconds. A man’s back is framed by a desk chair—because he’s at a desk, the only place he can use his computer, a 16-pound beige rectangular desktop model with a loud fan that has three plugs connecting it to various electronic conduits.
American Horror Story: Coven, Salem, and TV’s Impending Witch Obsession
Yesterday a new trailer was released for American Horror Story: Coven, the third season of the show I live to recap. It’s brief and spooky, as teasers are meant to be, and features roughly half a dozen women in nightshirts stuck to the walls of a stark white room with a big chandelier. A white cat chills in a corner, and in the center of the back wall is a black fireplace with a (Siddhartha?) statue placed on the mantle.
Astroturfing: Rendering the Entire Internet Meaningless, One Fake Post at a Time
Yelp, besides being a nice place to read porny food prose and find mechanics, is a great website if you feel like becoming a paralyzed, paranoid lump. All you wanted was to choose a place from which to purchase your takeout dinner. You sat down and searched for hamburgers in your area, and then you clicked on the top-rated result.
Who’s That Guy? Glenn Fleshler, a.k.a. Errol Childress of ‘True Detective’!
WARNING: Spoilers from Sunday’s season finale ahead; proceed at your own risk. Who is Errol Childress? By now, we know: He’s True Detective’s serial killer, the white whale responsible not only for dozens of grisly homicides, but also for giving Marty and Rust a headache that lasted a decade and a half.
But That's What Happened, Man
Idivided my childhood between three different states. When I was eleven and had just begun to establish a New York-based identity (Knicks fan, stealthy listener to Z100’s “Love Phones,” eater of Charlie Mom potstickers, buyer of shoes on 8th street), my family moved to rural Connecticut, and I had to start all over. It was like relocating to another planet where people ate venison unflinchingly, owned canoes and had passionate feelings about junior high soccer games.
Issue 5: Halloween
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Mean Girls | Carrie (1976)
When I was in high school, there was a hazing ceremony that was in the final stages of its existence. In it, some senior girls would choose girls from the junior class, lead them down to the beach, blindfold them, and torture/humiliate them (mildly, like making them fellate a banana). Later, I heard of this same stuff going on in my friend’s sororities in college.
Weird Internet Gift Guide: Murderabilia for Your Last-Minute Holiday Shopping
If you celebrate Christmas, you’re probably deep in the throes of online shopping right now. Perhaps you’re looking for gift ideas for your loved ones. That’s dandy. Here’s some inspiration, and here’s some more. (Shameless plug!) Now you know. But what don’t you know? You don’t know what you absolutely, positively shouldn’t buy someone for Christmas. That’s why I’m here to tell you: Skip the murderabilia aisle. What is murderabilia?
Wait for It: Norway’s Slow TV Revolution
Last Friday in Norway, 1.3 million people watched strangers knit on television. For four hours they tuned in as people talked about knitting, and then they stuck around for eight and a half extra hours of actual knitting. I’m serious. National Knitting Evening is not the first program belonging to a genre called “Slow TV”: Norway’s public TV company, NRK, is responsible for several.
How simulation and virtual reality technology are changing the way we experience movies.
My seat rumbles as Jennifer Lawrence plummets downward into the bowels of District 13. Later, as she walks through what remains of her former home, the smell of burning rubble lingers in the air.
Afternoon Links: Scranton Ads, Death Cats, and CUMBERBATCH!
Here is a crowd-sourced Dunder Mifflin ad that will air during the Super Bowl in Scranton, and only in Scranton. • Oh, and hey guys, got any hot sexy plans this weekend? Maybe gonna eat some poached veal with Larry King? Wear something trampy on your date with a pickup artist skeeve in a rape van? No?
We Went There: Behind the Scenes at the ‘Jeopardy!’ Battle of the Decades Tournament Finals
It had been, by all accounts — Alex Trebek’s included — the most trying and exciting Jeopardy! tournament ever, and now it was almost over. Ken Jennings, Brad Rutter, and Roger Craig were standing at their podiums, the last remaining Battle of the Decades contestants competing for a $1,000,000 grand prize, the final three survivors from an all-star field of 15 of the greatest champions of the ’80s, ’90s, and ’00s.
‘True Detective’ Season 2: What’s the ‘Secret Occult History of the U.S. Transportation System’?
Most of what we know about True Detective’s second season is a one-sentence statement creator Nic Pizzolatto gave to HitFix nine days ago: “This is really early, but I’ll tell you (it’s about) hard women, bad men and the secret occult history of the United States transportation system.” On the one hand, this is a tough riddle: The USDOT is an umbrella under which fall 12 agencies, and Googling around for conspiracies and historic supernatural freeway headlines will lead you to boring and...
Jason Russell, Kony 2012, and the Viral Boomerang
The “Kony 2012” video and its responses hit the Internet like asteroid 2011 AG5. Even if you didn’t watch it, there was no way to passively avoid absorbing its super-heavy gist, which was exactly the intention: to make Joseph Kony so famous that his crimes against humanity became embedded in the parts of our consciousness comprised of skimming Facebook feeds.
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