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Articles by Will deFries
Sunday Confessions: 4-5-26 — Sunday Scaries
I’m in love with my best friend who is in love with her boyfriend. My friend added her Amazon account to my fetch rewards account so I could bank more points. Now I’m actually just obsessed seeing what they order on Amazon. I save my broken off acrylic nails and mail them anonymously to my brother when they fill a teeny ziplock, like the ones I imagine coke being in. I’m a graduate from an SEC school.
Sunday Confessions: 3-29-26 — Sunday Scaries
I started drinking a nice bottle of wine at 5 am on Palm Sunday. Whenever my hot boss’s boss asks me to do something, I always respond “yes daddy” in my head… it’s so natural now I am afraid I’m going to slip and say it out loud. Reading smut has given my back my will to live. Accidentally started hooking up with my ex’s friend since childhood and I’m way more attracted to him than I ever was to my ex. Sometimes I fantasize about being alone — no husband, just me and my kid.
The Long Way To Como
As I peeled my head off of the flattened pillow, I knew I had made several mistakes. The sun had only just risen yet I already knew I couldn’t wait for it to go back down. As one does, I began recounting the drinks I had the day before. Champagne-filled spritzes at the pool all afternoon. Pre-ceremony Negronis. Post-ceremony Negronis. Bottles of Tuscan red wine.
47 New Yorkers Share Their Favorite Martini in NYC
Whenever my wheels touch down at JFK, I get a craving for a hotel bar martini. Given my usual itineraries when I go to New York City, it only makes sense that my habits revolve around those two things. After a long work day last year, the only thing I cared about—outside of crawling into my bed at The Bowery—was having a Gibson in the bar beforehand. Needless to say, it did not disappoint.
Sunday Confessions: 3-8-26 — Sunday Scaries
On this foggy Monday morning, I sit at my desk with bags under my eyes while wearing an outfit that I wish I could immediately change out of. Am I considering heading home around 2 o’clock today to remedy these things? Maybe. Here are all of this week’s confessions. I’m only doing the early hot yoga class to stand behind the guy who looks like JFK Jr. I think about my therapist every night while I fall asleep. Her voice is the only thing that keeps the scaries away.
Sunday Scaries | Will deFries | Substack
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Sunday Confessions: 11-9-25
Welcome to Sunday Confessions. Each Sunday through Sunday Scaries Instagram stories, readers submit their totally-anonymous confessions. Because sometimes it just feels good to get off your chest. It’s 8:26 a.m. and there’s no coffee in my hotel room. I’ve spun this into being a good thing because if we did have coffee in here, I may not leave until lunchtime. Here are all of this week’s confessions. I just learned that I am a direct beneficiary of a massive inheritance that hit my account this week.
Postcards: TWA Hotel
Welcome to Postcards, the photography side of Sunday Scaries. After upgrading my film camera in 2023, film has overtaken my iPhone as my camera of choice. Here you’ll find photos from travels, home, and anywhere in between. To see more, check out the Postcards section of this Substack. If you enjoy my photography, consider purchasing our zine, Scenes of Note. From my experience, sleeping at an airport hotel normally means that something went catastrophically wrong. In this case, that was true.
Postcards: The Masters
Welcome to Postcards, the photography side of Sunday Scaries. After upgrading my film camera in 2023, film has overtaken my iPhone as my camera of choice. Here you’ll find photos from travels, home, and anywhere in between. To see more, check out the Postcards section of this Substack. If you enjoy my photography, consider purchasing our zine, Scenes of Note. My love affair, like so many other love affairs, began in 1997.
Sunday Confessions: 11-24-24
I’m coming to you live from the living room at my parents’ house where I’m staying for Thanksgiving. Being in my hometown always brings up a lot of memories that I forgot I had. Not bad memories, though. If anything, it’s always somewhat soul-cleansing to just sit down in the chairs we had in our house years ago and feel that comfort. Both physically and emotionally. Yeah, I get sappy when I’m here. I’m sorry. Here are this week’s confessions. A small item was in the bottom corner of the cart.
Washed Weekly: Penguin & Vibe Shots
Welcome to Washed Weekly — a weekly newsletter that will feature original columns, quick reads, exclusive product drops, and an offering of some of the best content we’ve created throughout the week that was. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts. by Dave You read that correctly, but that’s only half the story.
Washed Weekly: Horror Film Survival & Front Street: Washed Employees
Welcome to Washed Weekly — a weekly newsletter that will feature original columns, quick reads, exclusive product drops, and an offering of some of the best content we’ve created throughout the week that was. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts. by A few nights ago I watched the original Friday the 13th (1980). I hadn’t seen it in probably 15 years so I decided to run it back.
Washed Weekly: My Absolute Boys
Welcome to Washed Weekly — a weekly newsletter that will feature original columns, quick reads, exclusive product drops, and an offering of some of the best content we’ve created throughout the week that was. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts.
A List of Retail Therapy-Approved Golf Brands
I don’t remember when I learned the game itself. What I do remember is my mom taking me out on Sunday mornings to the course closest to our house, the lessons in middle school that had me thinking I was Tiger Woods, and spending hours in our back lawn hacking away with my lob wedge much to my father’s dismay. Golf has been a hobby of mine for (clearly) as long as I can remember, but it’s also been a game that pains me from a style standpoint more often than not.
Washed Weekly: DF Nation & the Summer of the Chainsmokers
Welcome to Washed Weekly — a weekly newsletter that will feature original columns, quick reads, exclusive product drops, and an offering of some of the best content we’ve created throughout the week that was. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts. by “Closer” by The Chainsmokers was released on July 29, 2016.
Washed Weekly: Pod News, 11 Things, & Our Twisted Coworker
Welcome to Washed Weekly — a weekly newsletter that will feature original columns, quick reads, exclusive product drops, and an offering of some of the best content we’ve created throughout the week that was. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts. by The following is based on a true story.
The Sunday Digest 081
Welcome to The Sunday Digest — a free Sunday newsletter featuring long (and some short) reads, original columns, things I’ve saved over the last week, relaxing playlists, episodes releases, exclusive product drops, and more. Yes, you can reply to this email. I’d love to hear from you. Or, if podcasts are more your speed on Sundays, we’ve got that too. A tortured poet, some noise cancelling headphones, and heavy eyelids.
My Application To Go On Your Group Golf Trip
To whom it may concern, I am writing to express my enthusiastic interest in a position within your friend group as it pertains to future golf trips. With a passion for the game and a dedication to reversing the concerning statistics surrounding male friendship after 40, I am confident in my ability to contribute effectively to your squad.
Washed Weekly: Cocaine, Salsa, Pookie, Jett, & Cereal
Welcome to Washed Weekly — a weekly newsletter that will feature original columns, quick reads, exclusive product drops, and an offering of some of the best content we’ve created throughout the week that was. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts. by Dave If you know anything about me, the original D-Man, then you know I’ll order some breakfast tacos.
Washed Weekly: Smokers, Acorns, & Confessions
Welcome to Washed Weekly — a weekly newsletter that will feature original columns, quick reads, exclusive product drops, and an offering of some of the best content we’ve created throughout the week that was. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts.
Washed Weekly: El Glizzadente, Ol' Jeffrey Gene, & 11 Things I Consumed
Welcome to Washed Weekly — a weekly newsletter that will feature original columns, quick reads, exclusive product drops, and an offering of some of the best content we’ve created throughout the week that was. Read it, enjoy it, and pass it on to anyone you think will enjoy it, too. You can also check out the Washed network of podcasts. by Please know that these words come to you from a beaten down, dark, lonely, hopeless place. I typically like to use this platform to try and entertain.
Stop Doing It For The Instagram
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== You wake up. CBS Sunday Morning is on as you pour yourself a cup of Starbucks Blonde Roast. You sit down on the couch and prepare yourself for a slow Sunday by mentally scheduling out your day.
Touching Base, Episode 38: Your Fall Style Sucks
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== Barrett Dudley joins us to answer some listener questions surrounding how they can improve their fall fashion game, what you need to wear to a tailgate that isn’t a jersey, and what shoes you need to replace your driving loafers with.
Shell Of A Man Delays Proposal Because His Girlfriend’s Hair Apparently Wasn’t Right
This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Insufferable Marriage Announcements by visiting the archive. ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== The Washingtonian’s wedding section is like the Diet Coke version of The New York Time’s vows section, which is a 42-ounce Coke spiked with rum and an extra cup of sugar added in for good measure.
Why I’ll Never Be Happy For You
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== I’ve recently learned the difference between jealousy and envy. While neither are desirable traits to have, both are unavoidable unless you’re that altruistic jerk who everyone hates because you’re good at everything.
This Girl’s Inner Thoughts Are Haunting Me
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== For the last year, I’ve had a to-do list of column topics to write about. The topics range from “Fuck Your Oversized Portions” to “The Benefits Of Hooking Up With A Cougar” to “The Inner Monologue Of A Dude Who Just Spilled His Jamba Juice.” But one topic that I’ve had in front of me has completely escaped me because I feel clueless to it.
In Between Kegs And Kids
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== This summer, I tweeted: My best friend just got engaged and into law school, and I got rip-roaring drunk from Friday to Sunday. To each his own, I guess. — Sunday Scaries (@ScaryScaries) August 3, 2014 After revisiting this tweet, I decided to review my American Express charges between Friday, Aug. 1 and Sunday, Aug.
These Minnesota High School Hockey Players’ Interviews About Their Hair Are Incredible
Everyone knows hockey is a “look good, play good” sport. If your jersey isn’t somewhat tucked in and your tongues aren’t out, you might as well just call it a day and hit the lockers. But above all, it’s really all about the lettuce you’ve got under the bucket that separates the contenders from the pretenders.
Power Ranking Every Single “Mighty Ducks” Player
When my parents gave me D2: The Mighty Ducks on VHS the day it came out, I didn’t leave our living room for an entire weekend. There I sat, watching it over and over and over, only taking breaks to go outside to strap on my blades and play some street puck. I was obsessed. Anyone that says The Mighty Ducks franchise didn’t affect their life in some way, shape, or form is a flat-out liar. We all wanted to be the District 5 Ducks, Team USA, and The Eden Hall JV squad.
Seven Simple Adult Tasks That I Have No Clue How To Do
By definition, yeah, I’m an “adult.” I pay my own bills, I work a job that requires me to sit in a comfortable office chair, and I own Tupperware. Unfortunately, at my core, I still don’t think of myself as an adult. While I can get by in life doing just fine, there are certain tasks that escape me day-in and day-out.
The Sunday Scaries Panic Room Breakdown: Long January
January has a way of rearing its ugly head when you least need it. The post-Holiday hangover lingers from January 1st until you get that first glance of warm weather starting to creep in. The cold wind drags on and makes your head spin. Last night, it was full-Scaries mode. It’s rare that I tweet my own account looking for light at the end of the tunnel.
That Time Bekah From ‘The Bachelor’ Was A Missing Person In California
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== You know Bekah. She’s the free-spirited 22-year-old pixie who has complete and utter mental control over 36-year-old Arie on this season of The Bachelor. On the surface, we know that she enjoys rock climbing, art, and “binge-watching reality TV and eating bags of popcorn in place of meals,” per her Bachelor profile on ABC.
Six Telltale Signs Your Friends Officially Party Like Adults
You sift through the engagement parties and wedding showers. It’s too cold for wedding season to begin but cold enough that you’re plagued with cabin fever. The regular bar circuit has grown stale and you don’t want to sit at home flipping through the Apple TV menu trying to find something to watch. They’ll start few and far between. No one really wants to surrender their place to the torment of their closest friends. Vacuuming sucks. But eventually, it becomes easier than going out.
The Craziest Date I Ever Went on Started With a Blog Comment - Man Repeller
It was like a first date, but not. Instead of matching on a dating app that I mindlessly scrolled through at a bar while ignoring my friends, Sally and I met through the comments section of a blog (“Sunday Scaries,” as it was titled), which hardly any of my friends knew I created. Rather than showing up 10 minutes early to the restaurant to have a glass of wine to cool my nerves, I sat at a kitchen island wondering if I’d already had too much to drink.
This D.C. Hipster Had The Most Cringe-Worthy Weekend
Making a diary of everything I eat and spend during any given weekend is enough to give me heart palpitations. My girlfriend brought up my credit score on Sunday night on our ride home from dinner and I nearly ejected myself from the car and a mountainside shanty in Wyoming.
All These Photos From The Hunt Will Redefine Your Fall Squad Goals
Not sure what The Hunt is? No problem, you’re not alone. Here’s a quick synopsis: The Far Hills Race Meeting (aka “The Hunt”) is a horse race that takes place in Far Hills, New Jersey where a bunch of WASPy northeastern post grads spend the entire day getting hammered in LL Bean Boots, camel cable knit sweaters, plaid buttondowns, and sunglasses that cost more than an iPhone without a data plan.
After Getting Fired, AT&T Employee Goes Rogue When Told He Has To Work The Rest Of The Day
Imagine getting fired from your job but then being told, “But you still need to work for the duration of day.” Fuck that, right? Like, I’d probably just walk out and have an existential crisis in my car in the parking lot. But luckily for the rest of the world, this AT&T employee decided to stick around and document the rest of his day after getting the ax.
The Publix Sub Is Hands Down The Best Sandwich In The Country
There are a lot of things that divide us. Politics, sure. Religion is a big one. Favorite Bachelorette contestants can always spark a lively debate when you get tired of talking about abortion. But one of the hardest hitting topics that it’s time we put an end to isn’t about who should be president, who we should pray to, or who should get the next rose. The thing that divides us the most is none other than a sandwich. And I’ve just about had it.
21 Power Moves You Can Pull When You Put In Your Two Weeks Notice
1. “Please forward all of my calls to (immediate superior’s name).” 2. Park in guest parking. Who will say ‘boo?’ 3. Shoot your shot with Laura in accounting. 4. Post your going away party itinerary in Slack/Basecamp. 5. “Claire in marketing? Totally hit that back in 2k13. Don’t tell anyone, though.” 6. Leave a pair of size 20 Starburys next to your desk, because they need to know…they’ve got big shoes to fill. 7. Out of office notification email set from 12-5 p.m. everyday. 11.
Movies You Can’t Help But Watch Whenever They’re On TV
These days, a majority weekend movie consumption is via streaming. Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, or flexing that big time money by renting something on pay-per-view. We’ve reached a point where even the DVD has become mostly obsolete. Despite the access to instant streamed media content directly to our TVs or tablets, for some reason on weekends, we as a society devolve by twenty years by getting sucked into movies on cable TV.
You’re Not ‘Adventuring’ - You’re Just Desperate For Instagram Likes
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== I have a very legitimate fear that I’m going to be in dire financial straits at some point in my life due to the intense jealousy I fester from Instagram. Critics can discuss how the connectivity social media gives us will lead to the downfall of society, but I don’t care about society.
Who The Hell Would Want To Get A Tattoo At A Wedding Reception?
In a land of Pinterest-inspired mason jars and burlap, brides and grooms everywhere are trying to make sure their nuptials stand out among a crowd of basic weddings. If you have money, you can throw a decent chunk of it at a live wedding painter, and if you already can’t stand your new spouse, you can invite all of your closest friends along on a buddymoon to break the ice.
Millennials With College Degrees Are All Flocking To These Cities
If you’re a Millennial with a college degree (and you’ve already paid your dues as a waiter or receptionist or bartender or legal assistant or….), you’re probably looking for a great location to accept your second job and actually start a career.
The 12 Most Painfully Basic Dog Names, Ranked
Choosing a name for your dog is arguably one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make, right behind choosing to get a dog and exactly how much you plan to hate yourself in the morning when you’re drunk at Taco Bell. A dog’s name is even more important than a child’s name. People like dogs from the moment they’re puppies to the moment you post the “I’m so sad _______ passed away last night” Instagram. Kids, on the other hand, stop being cute the second they start annoying people.
The Diary Of A Little League Dad With A Serious Gambling Problem
Tryouts concluded today. Another year of Lake Travis Little League baseball is upon us and it just feels like great things are on the horizon. Parker, my boy, was a machine out there today. An offseason of one-on-one pitching instructions and physical conditioning seemed to be well worth it. He was a dominant pitcher last season and put on a solid three inches since then. A 6-1 record while throwing upper 50s cheddar. That’s straight moving for a 10-year-old.
This Is A Cheeseburger Topped With Mini Corndogs
My friends, it seems each day we reach a pinnacle of innovation. You would think the biggest and best example of that would be the landing of a spacecraft on a comet it’s been chasing for 10 years, but it’s not. Someone has finally gone where humankind has never gone before. The human race has achieved something that has been staring us in the face for centuries. We finally realized we can put mini corndogs on cheeseburgers. That’s the “First Grader” at Bleu Burger in Lee’s Summit, Missouri.
‘Friends The Musical’ Is Headed To NYC To Dethrone ‘Hamilton’
Hamilton is the biggest Broadway phenomenon since ever. Personally, I think you’re a looney tune if you wait in grocery-store-before-a-snowstorm type lines just for a chance to drop several hundred dollars on tickets for a musical, no matter how dope Hamilton is supposed to be. But kudos to Lin-Manuel Miranda, dude came up with a pure heat concept and now he’s got millions and millions of bingo dingos in the bank. He’s just rolling in it.
Two Surfers Plead For Their City Council To Build A 12-Foot Paul Walker Statue
There are only so many ways to describe the cause that these two men stand for. In a world of hatred, war, and political uncertainty, these two men have banded together for something that we can all stand behind. Something we can look at as the centerpiece for our world’s ideologies. Something we can turn to during times of devastation and turmoil.
Things Girls Do After Graduation: Apple Store
This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Things Girls Do After Graduation by visiting the archive. If you’re having trouble keeping up with the characters, take a look at the character map.
New York Trying To Stake Claim In The BBQ War Is Hilarious
I was looking forward to saving all my food takes for my eventual Facebook Live show where I destroy every single idiotic recipe video Buzzfeed puts out, but Eater went and poked the bear. They went and done it with this dumbass tweet: It is absolutely OUTRAGEOUS to declare New York City the new barbeque capital of America when the damn subhead says a new restaurant is serving TEXAS-STYLE BEEF.
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