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Articles by Yaakov Barr
Me First, AI Second
“Your understanding is very good,” a client told me recently during a therapy session. “You’ve said the same thing as ChatGPT and Gemini.” After nearly 20 years as a psychotherapist, it was one of the more unusual compliments I have received. I wasn’t sure whether I had passed AI’s test or AI had passed mine. We laughed, but the compliment exposed an uncomfortable reality: This young person had already consulted two artificial therapists, and I, the human, was being brought in to settle the matter.
Easy Access - Mishpacha
Rabbi Tovia Singer has over 100,000 subscribers who want hear how he helps Jews get out of the church and return to their Jewish faith. Rav Gav Friedman, who gives shiurim that get recorded and uploaded by others, says that “you don’t know where they’ll end up, but Hashem’s in charge.” Rabbi Uri Lati’s shiurim in Arabic reach sheikhs and imams in mosques across the Middle East. In Israel, where it’s become cool to be traditional, Sivan Rahav Meir’s channel is the first stop in Jewish identity.
Slow-Cooking Poison
Q: I’m 52 years old. My father passed away when I was 17 and my mother passed away last year. Although I have three siblings who live within a 20-minute drive from my mother’s home, they are all “very busy” people. My two brothers have many business and community responsibilities, and my sister is the principal of a high school and the mother of 12 children.
Inbox: Issue 1118
No Comparison [Inbox / Issue 1117] The letter called “Is It a Coincidence?” comparing the plight of illegal aliens in the US to that of chareidim in Israel who are legally considered draft evaders left me genuinely confused at the comparison. Consider the following points: 1) Breaking into a country is obviously different than being persecuted by your own country.
Calm Down - Mishpacha
My sister-in-law calls me back. “The kids are okay.” She makes a dismissive motion with her hand. I slow my step, they with the grown children have it together more than I do. But I need to do this. My chest tightens when a kid goes AWOL for more than six minutes. My jaw cracks open each time a kid wobbles five inches from the curb.
Ten Reasons I Want to Get Married
“Why do you want to get married?” Well, I’ve compiled a list of reasons Well, I’ve compiled a list of reasons. Now I just need to hand them out along with my résumé. Stopping those segulos: People, or should I say married people, have a need to share their proven segulos with me.
A Note to the Graduates of 2026
Dear Graduates, You’re living in a very interesting world. Interesting and unsettling, because a lot of givens have been reversed, a lot of wisdom overturned. I think that one of the biggest changes of our current reality is the upending of hierarchy and the devaluing of experience. America has always been a place of opportunity, where small people with big ideas can hustle and actualize their dreams.
First Things First
There’s something extra special about firsts. The Jewish Nation is compared to Hashem’s firstborn, and we bring Him the first fruits of the Land. But firsts can be difficult, as well. The first year of marriage, shanah rishonah, has its challenges as well as its charms. First drafts need revision. First responders can be in danger — but first aid saves lives! Whether a first is exhilarating or alarming, fabulous or fearsome, one thing is clear: Firsts remain fixed in our memory.
For Posterity - Mishpacha
It was the quiet. His wife was many things, but pensive didn’t usually make the list. Dovi’s heart lurched a little when he noticed the faraway look in her eyes as he reversed out of the driveway. Nail in the coffin: She didn’t even reach to turn off 100 Years of Outstanding Chazzanus as they headed down the street. “Spill it, Chumie. Am I in for mess or money?” he asked, kamikaze style.
Sublime Spiked Apples ’n Cream
No way can I wait till Yom Tov knowing I’ve got this dessert hanging around. It’s just that good. When warmed, spiced apples, vanilla ice cream, and a honey crunch get drizzled with a liqueur combination, an explosion of flavor that’s just out-of-this-world is created.
Teenage Chesed - Mishpacha
THE TOPIC Our teenage girls have so many opportunities to help others, between babysitting and school chesed programs. But should they? THE QUESTION Should teenage girls help out in other people’s homes? Teenagers helping in other homes is… … a hard no for me. For young teens, that is. And for older teens, it’s a no as well, unless I have a reason to say yes. For example, if we’re talking about close family or friends where I’m fully aware of the home situation.
Five Minutes Here and There
When I first arrived to learn in Eretz Yisrael in 1974, I asked the Rosh Yeshivah when I should learn halachah, which wasn’t part of the yeshivah’s curriculum. The Rosh Yeshivah asked me how long my lunch break was, and when I told him it was an hour and a half, he told me, “You don’t need more than half an hour for that; use the other hour to learn through Mishnah Berurah.” I countered that if I followed the Rosh Yeshivah’s suggestion that would mean I’d have to learn without a chavrusa.
Helping your teenager with anxiety surrounding Exams
By Psychotherapist and Jteen Founder, Yaakov Barr “I’m so worried about my exams- I can’t concentrate on my revision” “I revise so well but when it comes to the exam my mind goes blank” “I can’t do this, I just want to give up” I wonder, as a parent, if you have heard these types of exclamations from your teenage children who are now sitting their exams? Jteen has received lots of contacts from anxious teens who are struggling with the pressure and anxiety of the exam season.
Family First Inbox: Issue 938
Second Time Lucky [Words Unspoken / Issue 936] I’m responding to the Words Unspoken where the writer explained why children of divorced parents should be taken more seriously. A few years ago, a friend of mine mentioned that her husband had a friend who got married, but the marriage was unsuccessful, and they divorced. Eventually, he remarried a girl whose parents were divorced. A while after he remarried, my friend’s husband saw him and asked him how things were going.
Software Savvy: Part 21
“Shloimy’s on his way to Deal, Menachem’s doing drop-offs in the Catskills, Avrumi’s dropping someone off at JFK, and Shimmy… honestly, I can’t keep track anymore!” Heshy, the owner of Swifty, a heimish car service company, threw up his hands. “I just need someone — anyone — to pick up Mrs. Lefkowitz from her daughter in Lakewood and get her back to Boro Park. Why does this feel like an advanced Sudoku puzzle?” Mendy, Heshy’s ever-patient assistant, cut in. “Listen, Hesh.
A Song Remembered
His piece of cake was bigger and had more cream on it. She was sitting on the big chair but really it was her turn to sit on the bench. And so on and so forth. I could practically see the middos alerts in outer space. All we needed was the requisite spilled drink… and there it was. “Everyone out of the succah! No! I’ve had enough. Eat your cake in the kitchen.” I was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. Finished. Done.
Hamantasch Challah on a Stick
Styling by Esther Ottensoser Photography by Chay Berger Everything is better on a stick! Here’s a Purim shtick idea on a stick to make your day feel more like Purim. It’s also a cute idea to use for mishloach manos. You will need: 1-oz (30-g) pieces of challah dough egg, beaten toppings skewers cellophane bags ribbon Shape the dough into triangles. Brush with egg and sprinkle with seeds. Bake challos and allow to cool. Thread 3 mini challos onto a skewer.
New book helps teens overcome mental health struggles
After years of working directly with teens and analysing data from our support line at JTeen, I wanted to write a book which offers a fresh perspective on adolescent mental health. I believe that prevention is key, stopping challenges before they become crises, by employing cognitive-behavioural techniques to help reframe negative thoughts, manage emotions, and develop healthy coping strategies. The book looks at friendships, managing stress, coping with life challenges, and building resilience.
Changing Lives - Mishpacha
Our father, Rabbi Hillel Belsky, was born in Brooklyn in 1946, to a rich mesorah. Despite his litvishe roots, our father’s grandfather, Reb Yehuda Leib Tzireles, frequented the Slonimer Rebbe’s tishen in Mush, Russia. The Rebbe urged him to become a melamed, but the Zeide resisted; he didn’t want to support himself through Torah, preferring instead to try his hand at business.
Three-Pronged Prayer
Many people have difficulty davening with kavanah, because they can’t imagine their tefillos are precious to Hashem. They aren’t great tzaddikim, so why should Hashem listen to them? The Yerushalmi says that when a Yid prays, Hashem, kiveyachol, places His ear next to the Yid’s mouth. Can there be a closer connection than this? But people have difficulty recognizing this reality and therefore don’t put all their efforts into tefillah.
Clouds of Embrace
One of the great mysteries of the Yom Tov of Succos is that the Torah never quite explains what we are celebrating. The pesukim tell us that we shall dwell in succahs to remember what happened in the Midbar.“Ki b’succos hoshavti es Bnei Yisrael — for I placed Bnei Yisrael in succahs.” The question that naturally arises is why is this something so miraculous that we commemorate it for generations?
Beyond the River: Chapter 1
All the Jewish communities were living in utter terror because of this one, atrocious sorcerer. Something had to be done, but who could fight this powerful enemy? 5121, Worms, Germany The sky was dark, and bats screeched as they flapped through the night air. A strange fog obscured the full moon and an ominous roll of thunder sounded in the distance. A Jewish boy walked through the muddy roads, stumbling through holes and fallen branches. He walked with his head down and his shoulders slumped.
Appetizer Tower - Mishpacha
› Before Shabbos, I lay out some defrosted wonton rounds (Gefen makes them frozen) on a parchment-lined baking sheet, spray some oil on top (you can sprinkle some spices for flavor), and bake them at 350°F (175°C) for a few minutes until crispy. (Watch them carefully so they don’t burn.) I store them in a zip-lock bag to stay fresh. › On Shabbos day, I take a plate and brush or squeeze dots of dressing or sauce for design onto it. In the middle, I place a scoop of egg salad.
The Lion Roars Back
A man walks into an Israeli polling station, takes a blue envelope, and heads behind the partition. With his jeans, polo shirt, and bare head, he could be any secular, middle-class Israeli, but his darker skin hints to a Sephardic background. His fingers hover over the white voting slips. “Shas” reads one, but the man continues as if unsure, glancing first at the “Machal” of the Likud, and “Tes” of Itamar Ben Gvir.
Chestnuts - Mishpacha
From Soup to Chestnuts Go Nuts Despite their soft texture, chestnuts are indeed a nut, and should be avoided by those with tree nut allergies. X Marks the Spot When roasting at home, make sure to score each chestnut so it won’t explode due to pressure buildup inside the shell. Make a Point Edible chestnuts come to a point at one end. Horse chestnuts, their poisonous cousin, have no point, and will cause gastro distress and other issues if ingested.
Plants - Mishpacha
Let’s find out how plants can actually improve our health, and which plants to try. Allergy attacks. Fatigue. Asthma. Headaches. Tickly coughs. All unpleasant. And all can be caused by different triggers. For some people, one of those triggers could be chemicals lurking around the home, silently affecting those who are breathing them in, all day, every day.
Close to Home: Chapter 11
Nechama Norman with Batsheva Berman One of the nicest compliments I ever got was from my cousin Fraidy.* She lived in Seattle, but had property in Lakewood, and after the prices skyrocketed, she wanted to sell. She called and offered me the listing. I worked hard, showing the property to many potential buyers, and, Baruch Hashem, I was able to get her a good price. After the closing she told me, “Honestly, I used you just because you were family, but I was blown away by your professionalism.
Inbox: Issue 923
Right Messages, Right Tone [The Forum / Issue 922] As Tishah B’Av ebbs away and I reflect on my thoughts of the day, I feel very grateful to Mishpacha for the meaningful, insightful and inspiring Tishah B’Av-related articles in the magazine this past week.
Shawarma-Inspired Fish
Food Prep and Styling by Chef Suzie Gornish and Chaya Surie Goldberger Photography by Z by Zeelum Here’s a fun twist on a traditional Middle Eastern dish.
A Recession Starts to Look Real
At the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, the Fed cut interest rates to zero, trying to encourage as much consumption as possible at a time of unprecedented uncertainty. The cheap credit also helped employers keep their businesses running. On top of that, the Trump administration provided generous stimulus checks to most Americans, which the Biden administration doubled down on, adding more stimulus checks and ramping up government spending, printing trillions of new dollars.
Plus Seven Minutes
Plus Seven Minutes Chasi Shochet The clocks in our house were always wrong. My parents are sticklers for time. We showed up to l’chayims long before the chassan and kallah, and would stand outside the hairdresser’s shop before the secretaries were there to open the gates. To be that on time, you actually need to be early. And in order to be early, the clocks need to be wrong. Every glowing time-teller in our house was set at least seven minutes fast.
Talking to your teen about the tragedy in Ukraine.
Mar 10, 2022, 2:29 PM Please note that the posts on The Blogs are contributed by third parties. The opinions, facts and any media content in them are presented solely by the authors, and neither The Times of Israel nor its partners assume any responsibility for them. Please contact us in case of abuse. In case of abuse, Report this post.
All Joking Aside
Now, you know I can never resist a good joke myself, so I went into a quiet room, called my good friend Bunny Freedman, who I still consider to be the undisputed king of practical jokes, and told him I had to get these guys, for real. He didn’t need any further instruction from me; he took it from there, on his own. I walked back into the thick of the hubbub and joined the group. About two minutes later, the Neginah phone rings and Steve Levine, the receptionist, picks up.
Follow Me: Chapter 50
The main course was finally served, and everything was perfectly hot. Three cheers, Mr. Berkowitz, Pessie thought with a touch of pride. But the food wouldn’t stay hot for long. Where was Yochi? She didn’t see him anywhere in the succah tent. He was probably still in the kitchen, or talking to Binick, or to Berkowitz, or to any one of the tour staff, who knew? She picked up her fork and ate a few bites. Filet mignon, what could be bad?
Is History Repeating Itself?
If Trump indeed runs against Biden again, in a rematch of the 2020 presidential election, it will be rare occurrence — but not unprecedented. In 1836, Vice President Martin Van Buren, a Democrat, won in his race against William Henry Harrison of the Whig party, and was elected America’s eighth president. But just four years later, Van Buren found himself facing the same opponent. Harrison made the economy the focus of his campaign, mocking the “Van Ruin” administration for the 1837 economic crisis.
From A to Z: Chapter 15
The weeks now are a hazy fog of metallic sounds in my earphones, memorizing bits of unimportant information that I will forget the minute I am out of the small exam room, Miss Symons’s friendly help, and exhaustion. So, so tired; I never thought I could be so tired and still function. My friends are having the time of their lives, sleeping over with other girls, pretending to read textbooks while consuming piles of nosh… Nechami just did her third “study night” this week.
Light Years Away: Chapter 37
When insiders in the world of frum journalism want to describe a boring article, they joke that “even the censor can’t get through it.” But Gedalya hasn’t heard of those jokes. He sits in his little room at the newspaper office, going over every word. In the middle of the most monotonous article he’s ever read, his phone rings. It’s Shifra, or as his screen informs him, nevas beiso.
Going for “Shock & Awe”
He watched his predecessor squander half a year before bringing one of his signature campaign promises — repealing Obamacare — to the Senate, only for John McCain to kill his hopes of revoking the 44th president’s health insurance policy at a blow. For this reason, Biden is going for “shock and awe” tactics. Before the opposition has time to organize and regroup, the incoming president is signing as many executive orders as possible. He came prepared.
Rites of Passage?
At a private Shabbos spent on “vacation” in the northern town of Chatzor, Rebbe Yisrael Hager of Vizhnitz had company — 44 boys, all of whom have lost their fathers. In addition to listening to the children say the Va’ani for him, the Rebbe made time to speak privately with each boy over Shabbos. (Originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 843)
Sowing with Tears, Reaping with Joy
There was no denying it on that Hoshana Rabbah morning this past October 9: the machlah was back. Two of our neighbors were in the hospital fighting for every breath, and even on this joyous Succos Yom Tov, we had been ending each tefillah with heartfelt Tehillim. And now, the gabbaim of our local shul faced the last days of Yom Tov and Simchas Torah with important choices to make. Our small kehillah had taken the precaution of splitting up.
Hold the Phone - Mishpacha
Longtime readers of this column will recall that over the years, I’ve written quite a bit about what many gedolei Torah have called the “challenge of our generation”: how to battle the effects of digital technology on our spiritual and moral lives. My sense is that with the passage of time, the understanding that a Jew needs to filter his phones and computers has gained ever-widening mainstream acceptance. That’s not to say that everyone, or even most frum Jews, filter their devices.
Macron’s War on Terror
A second nationwide COVID lockdown, high unemployment, and dissatisfaction with the government’s handling of the pandemic — but after two barbaric attacks by Islamist radicals in as many weeks, does France have a “clash of civilizations” to add to its fears? The country was shocked by the grisly October 16 beheading of a schoolteacher, Samuel Paty, in a Paris suburb. The 18-year-old killer, a Chechen immigrant, was angered by the teacher’s civics lesson featuring a cartoon of Muhammad.
Year in Review: Rose Report
Deal of a Century or Just 2020? Will the Trump administration’s blueprint for Arab-Israeli peace turn into a document as enduring as the Balfour Declaration, or the UN declaration of Israel’s statehood? Or will it succumb to the vagaries of Middle East politics and unforeseen geopolitical shocks? Obviously, much depends on whether President Trump wins a second term and whether Israel’s government remains stable enough to make major decisions.
The Real Test - Mishpacha
Yesterday, a slew of media headlines — including both mainstream media and at least one frum outlet — quoted Rav Chaim Kanievsky as having instructed yeshivah bochurim to avoid testing for COVID-19. Unsurprisingly, the supposed instruction provoked the angst and ire of Israel’s coronavirus commissioner Ronni Gamzu, and provided fodder for those who see chareidim as irresponsible spreaders of a potentially deadly disease.
Tall Guidepost - Mishpacha
Years ago, you crossed paths. It may have been a brief encounter, it may have been a relationship spanning years. In that meeting place, something changed. Her hands warmed your essence, left an imprint upon your soul. Seven writers sought out the women who changed them — and told them of the impact they’d had It’s not difficult for me to think of a person who has impacted my life.
Echoes of Sinai: Rabbi Mendel Kalmenson
R ABBI MENDEL KALMENSON, author of several books including Seeds of Wisdom and A Time to Heal, is the rabbi of Beit Baruch and executive director of Chabad of Belgravia, London HOW MUSIC AWAKENS JEWISH HEARTS The Baal HaTanya famously said that niggun is the pen of the soul. There is so much that can be conveyed in words, but niggun steps in where they fall short. In kiruv, where it’s not just about conveying information but offering inspiration to activate a soul, niggun is key.
Work/Life Solutions with Boruch Dvinsky
Who: Boruch Dvinsky, founder & CEO at Elaris Technologies and Managing Partner at Concentus Partners What: An experienced executive in the financial technology and quantitative hedge fund industries, Boruch now runs two hedge funds to manage his clients’ money and oversees Israel-based Elaris Technologies, an R&D employer of the technical team that creates the algorithms and manages all the hedge funds’ technology.
Annexation or Apocalypse?
Few people fancy flying roundtrip between the United States and Israel in the span of 24 hours. Yet that was Secretary of State Mike Pompeo’s itinerary, decamping from Israel after meetings with Prime Minister Netanyahu and his new coalition partners, Defense Minister Benny Gantz and Foreign Minister Gabi Ashkenazi. Pundits agonized over what urgent business prompted Pompeo’s lightning visit.
Gift of Life - Mishpacha
On April 1, Rabbi Leib Kelemen, a well-known author and rosh kollel in Jerusalem, sent out a podcast. Imagine, he told his listeners, a scene in which all the negative news coverage of chareidi Jews was suddenly replaced by images of chareidi Covid-19 survivors lining up in multitudes to give potentially life-saving convalescent blood plasma to those still battling the virus. Little did he know that the wheels were already turning that would bring his vision to pass.
LIVE UPDATES: New York Copes with Corona
(Photo: AP Images) 3.23.20 10:30 PM | ROUNDING OUT A WEEK IN QUARANTINE Tuesday marks a week in quarantine, seven days of not stepping foot out of the house, 22 tefillos recited at home. Any thought I’d had that this was a 14-day affair was dashed sometime in day two or three. We’re going to be here for a long, long time. Mayor Bill de Blasio said Monday that he couldn’t envision reopening the school system again this year. Camp registrations have been put on ice.
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