The grief covers me whole, like a blanket draped over my body. At times, it feels like if I could just shake myself hard, like a dog when it comes in from the rain, I could get rid of it. Like I could be my old self again. But I can't. Because my mother just died, and that's not something, it turns out, you can simply shake off. My mother's death has been hard. Isn't everyone's? But my mother's death has been hard in a way that most people can't understand.