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Articles by E. M. Caris
Rock Timeline: From Classic Rock to Modern Crap [COMIC]
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The 7 Most F***ed Up Real 'Choose Your Own Adventure' Books
This book opens with the entirety of the world's oil disappearing, which the CIA addresses by waiting for two kids who've Scooby'd a few mysteries to show up and take care of the situation for them. One of those kids is you, and the other is your brother, Ned, who is psychic because "he can feel the knowledge." Yes, that is the only explanation you will ever get.
5 Famous Pro- And Anti-Trump Personalities With Shady Pasts
In the last couple of years, our screens have filled up with innumerable names and faces claiming to be able to make sense of the bizarro political situation we're in. Some are opposed to the current presidential administration, while others are helping to run it. But sometimes these pundits have pasts much more interesting and/or shadier than anything they're reporting. Take a look at how ...
6 Present-Day Locations That Look Like The 30th Century
This is the future. We should be living in funky, surrealist cities by now. Yet here we are, still surrounded by the same old boring chunks of concrete. But not everywhere! While we were distracted complaining about our near-total lack of robot maids, some places are getting off of their collective asses and making the future happen today. Like in ... El Alto is Bolivia's second-largest city, and the world's highest major metropolis.
The 5 Ballsiest Acts of Undercover Journalism Ever
From the moment they walked in, the hard sell would never cease. The usual progression moved from being kind and understanding to pointing out which homemade class or program would cure the particular weak spot the cult's adviser had "identified." Courses turned to essays, essays turned to tests, tests turned into questions and questions turned into outright interrogation. Then it got weird.
6 Movies and Shows That Clearly Ripped Off Video Games
Because video game movies tend to be as well-received as a handshake from an on-duty proctologist, most studios don't want to touch game properties with a ten-foot-pole. But that isn't stopping some movies and TV shows from peeking over the shoulder of the game industry and sneakily copying certain looks, ideas, and even plots (spoiler alert) from games, all while hoping that nobody will notice. We noticed.
7 Reasons Ants Will Inherit the Earth
We've covered ants before, but everyone in the country didn't immediately start smashing every ant they came across, so obviously you didn't listen. And we'll all pay for it. When the empires of man finally fall and the memory of our hubris has faded to dust, ants will still be here, running shit. Like they have been for millions of years. And this is why ... Make a list of the people in your life for whom you would take a bullet. Would that list include your spouse? Your kids? Definitely.
The 6 Most Pathetic Attempts to Get Super Bowl Tickets
What do you do? You post a sad, desperate plea on the Internet. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. But either way, Cracked will make fun of you. So you're a football fan who's desperate to get your hands on some Super Bowl tickets. You can't afford to buy any without selling your car and two major organs, and you have absolutely no other useful possessions, or even skills, to offer the world. There are some fantastic wives in this world, and then there is Jennifer Gordon.
5 Movie Costumes That Had Hidden Messages You Totally Missed
From Marty McFly's red vest to Cruella de Vil's fur coat to Batman's urine-filled rubber singlet, movie costumes are often as iconic as the characters themselves. Sometimes, though, those seemingly random pieces of clothing can offer subtle hints to larger themes.
The 5 Most Blatantly Corrupt Lawyers in History
Lawyers unfairly have a bit of a bad reputation. Yes, some lie for a living and defend murderers for money -- but the system simply doesn't work without them. No doubt most are honest folk who do their jobs within the code of ethics all attorneys work under. It takes a special type of personality to be a divorce lawyer.
The WTF Story About Tarantino's 'Death Proof' You Never Knew
Remember those sweet, innocent days when the creepiest thing about Quentin Tarantino was his fondness for feet? Now we know better, thanks to Uma Thurman reporting some shocking revelations about QT in a New York Times article. But those revelations shouldn't have been that shocking, because Tarantino made a whole damn movie about them.
7 Simple Questions You Won't Believe Science Just Answered
One advantage of living in the information age is learning new things every day. Even more interesting is when we learn stuff that we thought we already knew but apparently didn't, like the fact that the sun is a sphere. Yep, science just found that out in February 2011. Next they're going to tell us that they just figured out whether the chicken or egg came first. Actually ....
4 Creepy Ways Everyday Life Is Turning Into Sci-Fi
The goal of any good dystopian story is to warn us about the future that we could end up with if we're not careful. But they're usually inspired by something that's happening right now. Which means that while most of us are watching some cool new show in which future people live in pods and are haunted by cyber ghosts, a few unlucky SOBs are out there already living it. Much like America, Japan's middle class is shrinking thanks to the upsurge in contract-only and temporary work.
6 Everyday Products That Almost Nobody Realizes Are A Scam
There are certain items that we keep around because of their perpetual usefulness. For instance, most of us probably have a flashlight (in case the power goes out), or a broom (in case you accidentally break something after the power goes out), or a hammer (in case you need to hammer something after the power goes out, or you are the one who has cut the power and need a blunt object to facilitate your home invasion).
5 Real Princesses Too Badass for Disney Movies
It started when Edward, Isabella and their entourages were mucking around after a failed battle in Scotland, and Edward decided to split. With his army. While the Scottish army was heading in her direction. Before you knew it, Isabella was surrounded by hostile forces and it took a couple of her knights stealing boats to get her out of the jam. So, that was bad.
5 Cultures With Bizarre Mating Rituals
There's no right way to find a mate -- happy couples have met on the Internet, at orgies, and in prison cells. So when we point out the thoroughly bizarre dating rituals you see in far corners of the world, we try not to pass judgment.
5 Priests Who Turned Badass When Things Got Critical
Starting off as a Lutheran pastor in 1920s Germany, Dietrich Bonhoeffer traveled to Italy and the United States to expand his learning, building up knowledge and tolerance of people of all races and creeds. He landed back in Germany in the early 1930s, just in time to see Charlie Chaplin impersonator Adolf Hitler get "elected" as chancellor. Despite Bonhoeffer's efforts, the church leadership was filled with Nazis supporters, making the mild-mannered Bonhoeffer just a mite angry.
8 Species That Are Threatening to Swarm the Globe
As human beings, if there's one thing we're really, really good at, it's driving species to extinction. You're probably doing it right now, without even trying. So it's paradoxical that there are some species out there that we just can't exterminate, and not for want of trying. These creatures breed out of control and march steadily forth, taking human territory miles at a time. So while you're sitting there, calmly reading things on the Internet ...
The 9 Most Racist Disney Characters
These old Disney movies are a little bit like your aging Uncle Frank. Honestly, he means well when he points out that Will Smith is "well-spoken." It's just that he, like the assemblage of clips below, dates from a time when people were unfairly characterized by their ethnic background (the acceptable methods are, of course, religion, geography, sexual preference and income).
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