Pottymouth, overeater, underachiever. #newmom

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@eefarris — 2,269 followers, 6,993 tweets

You don't get what you want unless you ask, right? Looking for a contractor in #KansasCity who would be interested in trading purely cosmetic work for marketing services (design, copywriting, etc.)
All I want for Christmas is an angry orange poop emoji so I never have to write @realDonaldTrump’s name ever again.
Me, at new job: "Please don't put my phone number on my business card." Work: Puts THREE phone numbers on my business card. #phonephobic #forreal
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