Geoff Kirsch

Break out the white shoes and cabana wear and don’t hang them back up until September — it’s Memorial Day again. Of course, there’s more to Memorial Day than a valid excuse to drink beer on a random Monday (seriously, try cracking open a tallboy on Flag Day and see what your boss says). A distinctly secular national observance — like New Year’s Day, Independence Day and Oscar Night — Memorial Day is a federal holiday honoring the many men and women who gave their lives in military service.

It’s no secret Alaskans tend to be extremely casual when it comes to personal appearance. Think about it. Does your concept “evening wear” include rubber knee-boots? In fact, does your shoe collection contain anything other than rubber boots? (Okay, Crocs, fine). And when was the last time you wore a suit that wasn’t an immersion survival suit? Or a skirt that wasn’t insulated with PrimaLoft?

Now, I’m bald… or, as some of us prefer to be called, a “Hairless-American.” In fact, I’ve been bald for decades, long before Samuel L. Jackson made it cool. Ah, I’ll never forget that night, summer after junior year of high school, when a girl I’d improbably been making headway with abruptly stopped running her fingers through my hair and said: “What’s this little missing patch back here?” Man, that evening took a sharp turn. You see, like millions of men, I suffer from male pattern baldness.