James Garside
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Articles by James Garside
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“All the world’s a stage” — William Shakespeare Another day, another page from my notebook. Something to do with Shakespeare, Pynchon, and Quantum Mechanics. The pastoral myth that we keep reaching for even though we know it’s gone. I’m pretty sure I wrote this over 25 years ago on a creative writing MA. I’ve no idea what I was going on about so I should have paid more attention. Nobody.
Chapter 23: October 2026 — I Don't Speak Emoji
Hi! Welcome to Chapter 23. Become evil. Rule the world. Maybe drink tea first and sit down for a bit. Good luck to you whatever you’re going through. “Face it, kid: unless you can be yourself, you won’t stay with anyone for long.” ― Sylvia Plath Social media these days is basically quietly scrolling on my phone, not commenting on most things because who needs that kind of unnecessary drama, and not posting anything because seriously what’s the point any more. Sorry, wrong meeting.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” — Einstein I know that nobody is listening to this. But I’m committed to reading every single thing I published on Medium over the years. Including the fragments. Like this one. Actually, I’m not that committed. But I probably should be. Nobody.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
Playback speed × Share post Share post at current time Share from 0:00 0:00 / EP0031 Hating Harry Potter (Reading) — Chapter 23 by James Garside The one where I said something nice about JK Rowling “THAT is why I like Harry Potter.” — James Garside Trigger Warning: This post contains me saying something rude about Harry Potter. It also contains me saying somehing nice about JK Rowling. Tell no-one. I once got death threats from Harry Potter fans. True story.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
Playback speed × Share post Share post at current time Share from 0:00 0:00 / EP0030 Writer's Notebook: Totally Gonzo (Reading) — Chapter 23 by James Garside Always get the name of the dog “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” — Hunter S. Thompson I’m basically reading out pages from my notebook at this point. Which, funnily enough, is how Hunter S. Thompson accidentally created Gonzo journalism. Except his notes were much better. This is something I scribbled about Gonzo journalism.
Chapter 23: Septemer 2026 — I Respect That
Hi! Welcome to Chapter 23. Become evil. Rule the world. Maybe drink tea first and sit down for a bit. Bonus points if you get the reference and tell me about it in the comments. You know how people deliberately post controversial opinions to stoke the fires of engagement? Well, here’s my hot take you can fight me on: Do you prefer tea or coffee? There’s only one right answer. Tea is better than coffee. I’m on Team Tea. We can still be friends if you’re on Team Coffee. Caffeine is a broad church.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“Be a goat, not a sheep.” — James Garside Do you remember the golden age of the internet? Do you remember when it used to be a fun place? Do you remember when you used to chat with friends from all over the world? In short: Do you remember when Twitter used to be Twitter? Well, I wrote this back then. My Twitter Rules. A little bit of silliness from a much happier time. It was a joke but I stand by every word.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“It’s ok to die. It’s ok to fail. But it’s not ok to live in fear.” — James Garside This is very short. Three sentences and a confession. Listen three times and then go write something. I fear death less than failure. This took me longer to arrive at than you might think. It’s a strange thing to know about yourself. Good to know regardless. If you’re not feeling motivated then you need to stop and ask why. I don’t have the answer. But fear of failure is often worse than failure itself.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“Forget about writing a novel. Write scenes and stitch them together.” — A Drunk Writer Wisdom shows up in the strangest places. The best writing advice I ever received was from a drunk writer who broke into their own car. If you have a minute I’ll tell you what they said. Worth every second. The advice he gave me that night is the most useful thing anyone has ever said to me about writing. Alcohol may have had something to do with it. Who was this mysterious writer? I’ll never tell. Nobody.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“The Universe is made of stories, not of atoms.” — Muriel Rukeyser Three paragraphs and a quote. Quantum Mechanics, The Bible, and what you hide from. I’m not sure what any of this has to do with writing but it sounds about right. Do these ideas belong together? I report. You decide. Nobody.
Chapter 23: August 2026 — Don't Look Up To / Down On Anyone
Hi! Welcome to Chapter 23. Become evil. Rule the world. Maybe drink tea first and sit down for a bit. I saw a Dinosaur in town. It was right next to the cafe. I think it was a Tea Rex. “One of the most striking - and to the novice surprising - features of magic is its meticulous precision.” ― Kathleen Raine So many magicians are armchair occultists who give off the vibe of someone who played too much Dungeons and Dragons as a child.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“What’s the message of encouragement you most wish to hear? Go shout it from the rooftops.” — James Garside This is a very short piece. The show notes are longer than the original post. That might tell you something but I’m not sure what. The idea is simple: Those words of encouragement you wish someone would say to you? Make them your message to the world. If you need to hear it then someone else needs to hear it too. Say it. Write it. Post it. Don’t whisper it to strangers on the bus though.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of the rest, because Aunt Sally she’s going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can’t stand it. I been there before.” ― Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn Light out for the Territory. Practical advice for writers who are drowning in the internet. The internet is a glitterball of distraction. You know how much you like shiny things. It’s a wonder you ever get any work done. Unplug. Disappear. Turn off the news. Come off social media.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“We’re all just space-monkeys, really.” — James Garside Ultra short off-the-cuff review of an obscure recording about a legendary occultist. I enjoyed it way more than I let on at the time. It’s a little more about Hyatt than Regardie but still worth your time. What to expect? Aliens, magick, the Golden Dawn. You know. The usual. It might help if you know who Israel Regardie is. But if you don’t know then listen anyway. Then you will know. You see how this works. Nobody.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“I’ve got sand in my dreamcatcher.” — James Garside This is a short review of a book that I didn’t like very much. Barely a few lines and an insult. I feel bad about it. But not enough to read the book again or write a longer review. To be honest I wasn’t sure whether to bother reading it out. But I’ve committed to reading everything out loud at least once so here we are. Am I being unfair? Is the book any good? Read it and make up your own mind. I’m not your mom. Nobody.
Chapter 23: July 2026 — Ask Me Anything
Hi! Welcome to Chapter 23. Become evil. Rule the world. Maybe drink tea first and sit down for a bit. STRANGE GAME. THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS NOT TO PLAY. HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF… CHESS? “Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one’s courage.” ― Anaïs Nin I accidentally said “I love you” to someone when I didn’t mean to. But that’s enough about my relationships. Just kidding. It was a bus driver. Sorry, wrong meeting. This is the not-so-secret post that goes out to subscribers on the 23rd of every month.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“The worst thing to do is put your whole life into one drawing.” — Dave McKean Dave McKean is a legend. Illustrator, photographer, filmmaker, musician, and artist. He’s also responsible for the album art for a suspiciously large number of bands that I loved as a teen. Here’s a handful of quotes from him that lived in my notebook for many years. That’s it. That’s the post. He doesn’t believe in talent so much as hand-eye coordination, hard work, and showing up. He worked nights in the middle of nowhere.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“If I hear one more person who brags about their trips with Terence McKenna or Timothy Leary I might become what people refer to as evil.” — Rachel Haywire In the early noughties I read Generation Hex: New Voices from Outside Reality. It was a magick antholocy edited by Jason Louv and published by Disinformation. Back when I was still young, beautiful, and hopeful. Well, at least one of those things. I mean kinda. This is where I first encountered James Curcio and Rachel Haywire.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“Words are like sweets.” — Jane Oakshott Notes from a presentation skills workshop I took with the wonderful Jane Oakshott. Taken years ago when public speaking used to give me full-blown panic attacks. Now I never speak to anyone. Problem solved. Hold for laugh. Thank you, I’ll be here all week. This workshop included the most useful advice I’d ever received about public speaking. Practical advice on breathing, posture, and voice. How to stop fear from eating you alive in front of an audience.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
This was the closest I ever came to writing a mission statement. It was a long time ago, I promise! What do you write? Why do you write? There are questions no writer wants to answer. File next to: “Where do you get your ideas from?” “Have you written anything I’ve heard of?” And “Do you like Harry Potter?” I want to show the world its own dreams. That’s the phrase I came up with when forced to explain why I write. I know how it sounds. But I said what I said.
Chapter 23: June 2026 — Happy Birthday to Me
Hi! Welcome to Chapter 23. Become evil. Rule the world. Maybe drink tea first and sit down for a bit. Used to be a tree. Could have been a contender. Today I’m 49 and poetry is hard. “I often want to cry. That is the only advantage women have over men — at least they can cry.” ― Jean Rhys Hail Satan! Say it with me. Hail Satan! One more time. Hail Satan! Can I get an Amen?That was a trick question. Sorry, wrong meeting. This is the not-so-secret post that goes out to subscribers on the 23rd of every month.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“A non-writing writer is, in fact, a monster courting insanity.” — Franz Kafka There’s a specific misery of wanting to write and not writing. What that does to a writer. If you know, you know. If you don’t, you will. Kafka said it better than I ever could. I only quoted him so that you’d keep reading. This is a handful of fragments. Post-it notes from inside my head. It isn’t a polished piece. That’s sort of the point. What do you mean lazy? I’m not lazy. I’m efficient. There’s also a monkey.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“I’d gladly trade a long life for a life well lived.” — James Garside Fear is the only thing standing between you and the life you want. Hesitation in the gap between knowing what you want and having the nerve to go after it. This is a list post. Which I hate. Ok it’s less a list and more a confession with line breaks. I mean that in a good way. Written years ago. Back when the gap between who I was and who I wanted to be was so wide you could lose a horse in it. Several horses even.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“Typing up old notebooks is a bit like injecting heroin into your eyeball — addictive, painful, and not very good for your eyes. Fun though!” — James Garside This was a list post. Back when I laboured under the false assumption that Medium was like a blog and that people read my work. It’s about as much fun as it sounds. It wasn’t worth writing. It isn’t worth reading. I don’t even recommend listening to it now. But I’ve committed to reading everything that I published on Medium out loud at least once.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
How can you spot them? Don't worry, they'll tell you. Hi! Welcome to Chapter 23. Become evil. Rule the world. Maybe drink tea first and sit down for a bit. Just trying to live my best life. Hold for laugh. “There are limits to the power of laughter and though I may hint at them from time to time, I do not propose to step over them.” ― Angela Carter 99% of writing is rewriting shitty first drafts and failed attempts. I mean that in a good way. A bit like meditation is about repeatedly trying to meditate.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
I’ve got a film script stuck in a drawer. It’s only been there for about 30 years so I could finish it any day now. That’s how well my writing’s going so don’t even ask. I’m a working class writer from Yorkshire. I watch films and want to write film scripts. Americans watch movies and write these fancy things called screenplays. It took me longer than you’d think as a kid to work out that they’re the same thing. Chapter 23 by James Garside is a reader-supported publication.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
Hi! Welcome to Chapter 23. Become evil. Rule the world. Maybe drink tea first and sit down for a bit. At what level do you want to have this conversation? Just kidding. Don’t talk to me. “The best way to do this is to rise half an hour, or a full hour, earlier than you customarily rise. Just as soon as you can—and without talking, without reading the morning’s paper, without picking up the book you laid aside the night before—begin to write.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“Then I read my blog and realised that most of it was shit. Luckily, I have no shame.” — James Garside This episode is the sign-off for the original home of my writing on the net. It’s a self-deprecating bumper index of every post I ever wrote there — prefaced with the admission that most of it was shit. The definitive guide to the archives of my old blog. Dead but dreaming — and still out there on WordPress if you know where to look.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“Ask me anything. Over to you.” — James Garside Back when the internet was a much friendlier place I put out an open invite to ask me anything. It went better than you might expect. This episode is proof that sometimes the best way to figure out what to write next is to chat with your friends. I returned to my blog after a hiatus and threw open the doors to questions about writing and whatever else people wanted to know.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
Sometimes life knocks you flat on your arse. You hit the ground hard. Usually you dust yourself off but it can take time to get back up. This book is for anyone hit so hard they woke up on the floor.
Elastic on Defence Cyber Marvel 2026: A Technical overview from the Exercise Floor
• An overview of the Elastic Security and AI infrastructure deployed to support the UK Ministry of Defence's flagship cyber exercise, Defence Cyber Marvel 2026. Where to begin. For the fourth consecutive year, Elastic has had the privilege of serving as a trusted industry partner on Exercise Defence Cyber Marvel - the UK Ministry of Defence's flagship cyber exercise series.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“A little stubbornness goes a long way, but I wish that I had more.” — James Garside Consistency is more important than inspiration. This episode is short and sweet. It sings the praises of Jerry Seinfeld’s “Don’t Break the Chain” productivity method. It’s genius in its simplicity. It works — even when you don’t. It also features virtual hugs, sexy wall calendars, and stubborn goat energy. Metaphorically I mean. Nobody.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash Hey, how are you? What did you do today? Please don’t tell me. That was a rhetorical question. I don’t care what the answer is. I’m trying to fake engagement online like everybody else does. Judging by the constant self-help and productivity garbage on my social media feeds. When did the Internet get taken over by hustle culture tech bro types? I ask for a friend.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“If it’s funny in your head, that’s probably the best place to keep it.” — James Garside Back in the day I was unfriended on social media for defending NaNoWriMo by a published writer I admired. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. It had nothing to do with me being rude about their shed. Nothing at all. You’d be a liar and a Communist for suggesting otherwise. This episode is a light-hearted cautionary tale about how jokes can backfire. I was trying to be witty and start a debate.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
Photo by Acton Crawford on Unsplash Don’t label yourself or others. “People will try to label you. Don’t make it easy for them. Don’t put labels on yourself.” A gay friend gave me that advice about 30 years ago and it has stuck with me. Now, you could say that to mention that my friend was gay is of course to label them. But I swear to you that this minor detail was irrelevant to the discussion we were having at the time. I only mention it because it’s relevant to what I’m trying to say right now.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“The biggest obstacle to writing well isn’t a lack of talent, it’s a fear of ‘writing badly’ so crippling that you don’t write at all.” — James Garside Does anyone remember when NaNoWrimo was a thing and also fun? That’s when I wrote this. Good times. This episode is a gentle well-intentioned rant about professional writers who shit on NaNoWriMo participants. It’s a dispatch from the front lines of the madness. Why do it, why it’s worth it, and why it’s mostly harmless.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
Photo by Romain Vignes on Unsplash If you don’t know what to write, think about what you love and hate in fiction. Be honest, what you really love — then that is a rough guide to what you veer towards. Also look at your morning pages, what form they take, what you are naturally inclined towards. You will be naturally inclined towards certain things, attracted by certain types of stories. That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t experiment and try other things.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
Hi! Welcome to Chapter 23. Become evil. Rule the world. Maybe drink tea first and sit down for a bit. Sounds like you’ve got plans for the weekend. Thank you for explaining them to me in excruciating detail on a Monday. “My mind is a neighborhood I try not to go into alone.” ― Anne Lamott I appreciate the witchiness of the Queen of Wands. I appreciate her main character energy. Like the goddess Hecate. She is not to be trifled with and she gets things done. Sorry, wrong meeting.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“People won’t disturb a typing monkey — at least not if they know what’s good for them.” — James Garside The infinite monkey theorem suggests that given enough monkeys, and enough time, a monkey hitting typewriter keys at random will eventually produce the works of Shakespeare. You’re that monkey. Writing is the process of turning tea into words and words into money. A writer is just a typewriting monkey who hasn’t had their big break yet. This episode started as a joke.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
People say nice things about me and about my writing. When someone says something nice about me, I’m utterly baffled. Even if I like, admire or respect the person. ESPECIALLY if I like, admire or respect the person. That says more about them than it does about me. Even more so if people know me in real life: they should know better. This says more about me than it does about them. Chapter 23 by James Garside is a reader-supported publication.
Chapter 23 by James Garside
“It is the Evil Pixie’s job to guard the chests and stop you from looking inside of them.” — James Garside A novelist friend once told me that in order to write she has to outsmart her Evil Pixie. I think that she’s a genius. I’ve been telling this story ever since. Your head is a room filled with treasure chests containing all the novels you’ll ever write. An Evil Pixie guards them. You have to outsmart it. This episode is all about how to outsmart your Evil Pixie. Everyone’s Evil Pixie is different.
Chapter 23 - Healthy, wealthy, and wise
When does health appear to be illness? When your body is trying to tell you something. When your body is reacting healthily and therefore you appear ill. Symptoms are not the illness. Don’t deal with the symptoms; deal with the source of irritation. When does wealth appear to be poverty? When having nothing is an asset. You are rich without money. Having a little money and using it well is better than having lots of money and spending it poorly.
EP0007 Pictures of Scratched Vinyl (Reading) - Chapter 23 by James Garside
“Sleep deprivation is a wonderful thing.” — James Garside Music sounds best at three in the morning. I will die on this hill. What can scratched vinyl teach you about writing in the hour of the wolf? This episode is a sleep-deprived look at the hidden mechanics of creativity. How to get your brain to shut up. How to get into flow. How to use pressure, weight, and rhythm to move past the scratches in your head. It’s all about the needle, the groove, and the click. Nobody.
Chapter 23 - Writer’s Notebook: Totally Gonzo
Photo by Jan Kahánek When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. — Hunter S. Thompson Write fiction as journalism and journalism as fiction. use scene by scene construction (write the story as a traditional narrative). You get your stories by hanging out, observing, not interviewing use dialogue. It engages the reader and reveals character 3rd person POV. Get inside their heads. Record everything. 5 senses. Background noise. “get the name of the dog” (Recording Angel).
EP0006 Graffiti Living - Write to Live, Live to Write (Reading) - Chapter 23 by James Garside
Playback speed × Share post Share post at current time Share from 0:00 0:00 / 0:00 Transcript EP0006 Graffiti Living - Write to Live, Live to Write (Reading) - Chapter 23 by James Garside Writers write, right? “If you throw enough shit against a wall, eventually some of it will stick.” — James Garside Long ago, I taught creative writing to young people on residential courses. I called it graffiti living. This episode is my original manifesto for graffiti living.
Chapter 23 - We Are Full of Humans
I dreamt that a guitar-playing band of puppets had a hit single rock-ballad extravaganza called ‘We Are Full of Humans.’ They were basically an evil, pretentious and hipsterish gang of muppets. The song was about how in their life someone else is always pulling the strings or they’ve always got someone’s hand stuck up their arse. And that, right there, is why I need to quit drinking. I’m not sure why I shared that with you — but nobody reads this anyway, so I don’t really care.
Chapter 23: February 2026 - One Step at a Time
Hi! Welcome to Chapter 23. Become evil. Rule the world. Maybe drink tea first and sit down for a bit. This is exactly the sort of grumpy sarcasm that gets me into trouble whenever I write — or open my mouth. “If Americans thought music and art belonged together, they wouldn’t have the Grammys.” ― Kristin Hersh If I make someone laugh then my work here is done. Between you and me, 99% of the time that’s all I really want. To make someone laugh. And maybe tea and biscuits. Sorry, wrong meeting.
Tracker: SEND reforms (schools white paper and consultation)
Looking for more detail on how the SEND reforms will affect you? This tracker is designed to give schools, trusts and colleges a practical, up-to-date view of the Government's SEND reform programme and what is changing and when. The proposed restructuring of the statutory SEND framework remains subject to further policy development and legislation. However, implementation of some elements of the wider reform programme has now begun.
EP0005 Sparky - Creative Visualisation (Reading) - Chapter 23 by James Garside
“It has roots in myth and magick. From shamans walking between worlds and stealing fire from the gods, to writers hunched over their typewriters at four in the morning.” — James Garside Everyone is born with a spark inside them. Show me your light. This episode is a creative visualisation about nurturing the spark of creativity in yourself and others. Art is a shamanic act and a survival tactic. These should not be thought of as separate things. You’ve got to tend the flame.
Chapter 23 - How Random is Random?
Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash “Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go. And don’t worry too much about security. You will eventually have a deep security when you begin to do what you want.” — Natalie Goldberg Compost everything. Random inputs. Stimulus. Ideas as they come to you. Thoughts. Suggestions. Overheard conversations. What people say. Things you see. Requests for work. Sparks. Flames. Chapter 23 by James Garside is a reader-supported publication.
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