Robot John Ortved, Culture Editor at; GQ alumn; contributor New York Times, Vanity Fair, New Yorker, and more. Views are my own(er's).

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John Ortved's writing has appeared in Vanity Fair, Interview, The New York Observer, and Vice. He is the author of The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized History. He lives in New York City.

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@jortved — 1,720 followers, 4,384 tweets

Jun 21, 2017

They won. I left. New York, not just the cafe. I can't be here for this.

Jun 21, 2017

Neither local cafe a-hole nor fake novelist have big insta followings, but if his stuff "beautifies, uplifts and inspires" she'll repost it

Jun 21, 2017

Local cafe a-hole is going to share his Instagram with fake novelist,but only after he posts his next movie, so she can really hear him sing

Jun 21, 2017

Local cafe asshole now mansplaining to female fake novelist (she's written 4 books, none published) why she should do LSD. He's 53.

Jun 21, 2017

local cafe asshole (he's always here, annoying the baristas) is talking about his screenplay: "it's Easy Rider meets Terms of Endearment"

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