Kayley Bryson

Senior Madyson Pendle describes herself as “a Tar Heel born and bred.” She dresses exclusively in UNC t-shirts and sweatshirts, and knows every single cheer. What she did not seem to know, is that UNC also has a football team. “Since freshman year, I’ve done victory laps down Franklin Street every time we beat Duke, when we were Natty Champs, and even that one time we weren’t,” bragged Pendle. “My most prized possession is a piece of cloth I tore off of Joel’s jersey.

After a strange beginning to the fall semester has made it difficult for first years to adjust to life at UNC, Michael Bockson, has summoned the ghost of the university’s first student, Hinton James, to help comfort his through his experience. “I was in Davis studying for my first midterm, when I found this book with super old writing in it that said you could summon Hinton James by saying his name three times in a bathroom mirror in the HoJo dorm,” says Bockson. “I thought, might as well.

As Hurricane Florence prepares to destroy the Carolinas worse than UNC has been beaten in football this season, students have been given the next few days off from classes in order to remain safe, and like, party and stuff. “Yeah, I’m pretty scared,” claimed freshman Kendall Baison, when asked about Hurricane Florence. “Not of the storm, but that I’m still going to have a bio exam Monday.