Author | Founder of TheHelpHUB.co | Crisis Counselor @ The Trevor Project | 3x survivor of suicide loss | Storyteller with NAMI | Mental Health Advocate
Articles by Lisa Sugarman
WE ARE WHO WE ARE: Navigating the holidays when we’ve lost someone
Warning: This column mentions suicide and may be triggering for some readers. Losing someone we love changes us. To our core. It changes everything from our perspective on life and our relationships to our sense of purpose and our priorities. It can also have a profound impact on our ability to find joy when the person we’ve lost isn’t there to experience that joy alongside us. And one of the times we feel that loss most acutely is when we’re celebrating milestones and holidays.
WE ARE WHO WE ARE: Let’s trade FOMO for JOMO
As human beings, we’re innately social creatures who are designed to form and cultivate new connections and live together as a part of a greater community. It’s just the essence of who we are. I mean, sure, in the veeeeery beginning, our social nature was driven by our need to survive, so, we relied heavily on each other just to exist.
WE ARE WHO WE ARE: September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so let’s look out for each other
These days, it seems like every month (or week or day) we’re encouraged to honor, recognize or acknowledge a different cause. Whether it’s cancer or domestic violence or ALS or Pride, these days are critical in helping to rally support, push powerful stories out into the mainstream, and encourage a deeper understanding of the issues that affect our day-to-day health and wellness.
WE ARE WHO WE ARE: Talking about death is hard, but we kinda have to
AUTHOR’S NOTE: What I’m about to say isn’t designed to put you in a panic, yet it very well might. So let me just apologize up front and suggest that if you’re not in a headspace to talk about death, this might not be the read for you. At least not today. But it’s a truth we all need to face at some point or another, so I’m here for it and I hope you are, too. I’ve lost a lot of people in my life.
WE ARE WHO WE ARE: Facing our own limitations can be hard
I’ve always been an active person. Like super active. To the point where sitting still isn’t really part of my top-tier skill set. (Or any tier for that matter.) But that’s just how I’m wired. And I know I’m not the only one. But what happens when we can’t be active in all the ways we’re used to? Like when either our bodies or our minds — or both — start to fail us.
WE ARE WHO WE ARE: And I’m proud to be queer — Lisa Sugarman
In full transparency, I was terrified to acknowledge that I was somehow different. Because being different can be scary as hell. And for a young person who’s not only trying to fit in but also trying to find themselves at the same time, that place of questioning and uncertainty can be a terrifying place. In my case, though, one of the big reasons why I stayed hidden was because the language just didn’t exist for me to make the connection to who I truly was on the inside.
WE ARE WHO WE ARE: And I’m proud to be queer
Well, if you read my column’s headline, then the proverbial cat is outta the bag. Because when you combine the title of this piece with the timing of Pride Month, you should have all the context clues you need to know where this conversation is headed. Yup, you guessed it. I’m not straight. In other words, I’m queer. What you don’t know, though, is why, exactly, I’m sharing this ultra-personal factoid with you, especially in such a public way.
WE ARE WHO WE ARE: Running is the perfect metaphor for mental health
Back in the winter of 2018, in the early years of writing my original column It Is What It Is, when I was running lots of marathons and up to my eyeballs raising my daughters, I wrote a piece titled, “Here’s why running is the perfect metaphor for parenting.” And you know what, it really was. At the time, I drew so many beautiful parallels between raising kids and running.
WE ARE WHO WE ARE: How do we offer lifesaving help to someone who wants to die?
OK, friends, I think now is as good a time as any to have one of the harder conversations I’ve been wanting to have here in this space. Honestly, I feel like we can’t afford not to. But it’s going to be a tough one, so I want you to know exactly what you’re getting into if you choose to keep reading so you can make the best choice for your personal mental well-being. Because today, I’m talking about what to do when someone we love is having suicidal ideations and wants to die.
WE ARE WHO WE ARE: We can’t run from grief because we’re not supposed to
I make no secret of the fact that I’ve spent most of my life accompanied by grief. Because I have, since I was 9 years old. That was when I was introduced — all too personally — to loss when my 18-year-old cousin died by suicide. And grief and I have been together, whether I’ve liked it or not, ever since. Surprising as it may sound, though, I’ve come to appreciate grief for the unexpected gifts it gives us, despite it being one of the hardest human emotions to allow ourselves to feel.
WE ARE WHO WE ARE: Why we need to be sharing our stories
In my debut We Are Who We Are column from last month, I talked at length about the importance of getting vulnerable as a way for all of us to resolve to be more transparent with our feelings and emotions as we head into the new year. Well, this month, it felt like a natural continuation of that conversation to encourage everyone to go one step further and start sharing our stories of loss or trauma or grief or mental illness or whatever challenge(s) we’ve faced that have tested us.
Surviving Grief After a Suicide Loss – TWLOHA
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day is an event in which survivors of suicide loss come together to find connection, understanding, and hope through their shared experiences. This year, International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day is Saturday, November 18, 2023. Learn more through our friends at AFSP. The first time my dad Jim died, it was August 1, 1978.
“White or pumpernickel?” — Lisa Sugarman
And until recently, those words lived on an old cassette tape that I’d used to record family and friends the summer my dad died. Now, over four decades later, I’ve been struggling to decide whether that simple sentence is just a big fat tease, or, if it’s one of my greatest possessions. See, my dad died back when capturing something as intimate as someone’s voice wasn’t easy for the average person. Not like today, when most of us have that technology in the palm of our hands.
How to Embrace Your Perfect Imperfectness as a Parent with Lisa Sugarman on Apple Podcasts
Out of love for your kids, do you try to control life? Do you have a hard time letting things happen? How can you release control and build resilience in yourself while modeling it for your kids? In this podcast episode, I speak about embracing your perfect imperfections as a parent with Lisa Sugarman. We reflect on how you can let go of control, and build empathetic relationships with your children. Thanks for listening, I'd love to connect with you over on Instagram and Facebook.
Please, say their name. Please. — Lisa Sugarman
Why there’s great comfort in saying someone’s name after they die By Lisa Sugarman *Author’s Note: This article deals with suicide, grief, and loss and may be triggering to readers. The first time my dad Jim died, it was the first of August, 1978. His death came with no warning. On Monday night he tucked me into bed, said he loved me, kissed my mom, and went downstairs to watch his Red Sox play a late-evening summer game.
When mom comes out: A mother’s journey to celebrating her own queerness
By Lisa Sugarman Anyone who knows me knows I’ve always worn my feelings and thoughts and emotions right out in the open, basically dripping off me for everyone to see. Not in an annoying and over-sharey kind of way (I hope), but because I’ve always wanted to be as transparent as I can be in my life, especially over the past 25 years since becoming a mom. I’ve done that for two reasons. First, it’s who I am at my core, so it’s just always been my default setting.
Helpen
Did you know that being more selfless can actually lead to being a happier human? Well, it can. But what, exactly, is selflessness, and why should we be teaching it to our kids? Well, in its simplest terms, selflessness is our ability to put someone else’s needs ahead of our own without expecting a single solitary thing in return. Nada. Zero. And that’s a critical gift to add to our kids’ toolbox of life skills as they learn to navigate a world where the focus isn’t always going to be on them.
Helpen
6 Ways to teach resilience to our kids In such a volatile time in human history, when important things like kindness and compassion and resilience have been overshadowed by news flooded with disease, political uncertainty, and civil unrest, parents are challenged every day to find ways to instill those values in our kids so they can pay them forward as they become the adults. Because they’re the ones who are going to steer us into the future.
The year that didn’t go as plan-(demic)ed
By Lisa Sugarman Welp, it’s been a helluva year! Probably the most perfectly imperfect year that nobody ever expected. And man, has our resolve been tested as parents! But, in spite of all the challenges and sadness and loss, we made it through. We did that. We’re still here. And so are our kids.
This New Year, don’t let fear stand in your way — Lisa Sugarman
By Lisa Sugarman Here we are, on the outermost edge of another new year. A fresh, unspoiled runway of time and space for us to forge ahead in new directions and take risks and make things happen. And I don’t know about you, but I’m excited and inspired and ready to do all the things. Because the New Year is a crisp, clean, blank canvas, and we each get to paint it as vividly as we want.
For parents, the gift of ‘holding space’ for our kids is more important than ever
By Lisa Sugarman As human beings, we represent a lot of different things to a lot of different people over the course of our lives. Often, we’re a combination of parents or partners or spouses or co-workers or siblings or friends or children. Or, in some cases, all of the above. And in each of those very different roles, one of the greatest gifts we can give to any of those people is to hold space for them. You know, to just, in the purest and most profound way, be there for them.
Even in This Moment, We Can Raise Our Kids to Find the Good
If embracing My Perfectly Imperfect Mom Life has taught me anything, it’s that perspective matters. As the mom of two grown daughters trying to navigate a very New Normal— while also trying to ensure that my family stays optimistic in these weird, unsettling times — here’s what I know… the power of positivity is every parent’s secret weapon. In fact, it’s every human’s secret weapon.
There’s No Such Thing as a Perfect Parent
My Perfectly Imperfect Mom Life isn’t just the name of this column. It’s an acknowledgment that perfect is never the goal. As I look around me at what’s happening in the world and see how hard we’re working to get life right every day — especially parents — I feel like this is the perfect moment to send out a reminder that it’s OK if we don’t. It’s not even possible to get everything right 100 percent of the time. So stop putting that kind of crazy pressure on yourself to achieve the unachievable.
Just remember, we’re in this together
By Lisa Sugarman Well, here we are. Over a month in. You. Me. All of us. Everywhere. Living a veeery different life than the one we expected to be living this spring. Each of us dealing, in our own unique way, with the same epic situation that’s leveled the global playing field of life in a way that it’s never been leveled before. And now, all of us, regardless of who or where we are in the world, are equal. Kind of ironic, isn’t it? And sort of comforting, too, in a weird way. Everybody working together.
It Is What It Is column: Just remember, we’re in this together
Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Monday Apr 13, 2020 at 3:28 PM Apr 13, 2020 at 3:28 PM Well, here we are. Over a month in. You. Me. All of us. Everywhere. Living a very different life than the one we expected to be living this spring. Each of us dealing, in our own unique way, with the same epic situation that’s leveled the global playing field of life in a way that it’s never been leveled before. And now, all of us, regardless of who or where we are in the world, are equal. Kind of ironic, isn’t it?
IT IS WHAT IT IS: Just remember, we’re in this together
By Lisa Sugarman Monday Apr 13, 2020 at 12:54 PM Apr 13, 2020 at 12:54 PM Well, here we are. Over a month in. You. Me. All of us. Everywhere. Living a veeery different life than the one we expected to be living this spring. Each of us dealing, in our own unique way, with the same epic situation that’s leveled the global playing field of life in a way that it’s never been leveled before. And now, all of us, regardless of who or where we are in the world, are equal. Kind of ironic, isn’t it?
Parents, Now's the Time for Self-Care, Screens, and Cutting Some Slack
We’re facing a pandemic in survival mode, so it’s OK to lower your standards and let expectations slide. Welcome to My Perfectly Imperfect Mom Life. Life is perfectly imperfect, even on the best of days. I say that a lot. In fact, I write about it all the time in my syndicated humor column and my parenting books. And I remind my two daughters of it almost daily, because it’s true.
Make this holiday season about presence, not presents
Perfectly Imperfect Parenting Expert, Nationally Syndicated Columnist, and Author at Familius Publishing Familius Publishing Lisa Sugarman lives just north of Boston, Massachusetts.
IT IS WHAT IT IS: An exclusive excert from 'How To Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids And Be Ok With It'
By Lisa Sugarman, with Debra Gansenberg, MSW, LICSW Friday Sep 20, 2019 at 1:28 PM Survival Tip 5: Get Cozy with the Word “No” It doesn’t feel great saying “No” to our kids, but it’s important for kids to hear it sometimes. From the time our kids are little, they want what other kids around them have. No big surprise there, I’m sure.
We’ve GOT to Teach Our Kids to Be Responsible
If we don’t teach our kids to do things for themselves, then they won’t have a clue how to manage their life when they’re on their own. I’m not sure who said it first or why (not that it matters), but whoever it was that came up with the line “there are no free rides” is my hero. Because it’s true in every aspect of our lives, especially where kids are concerned.
How to Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids and Be Ok with It: Real Tips & Strategies for Parents of Today's Gen Z Kids
How to Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids and Be Ok with It (Paperback) Real Tips & Strategies for Parents of Today's Gen Z Kids By Lisa Sugarman, Debra Fox Gansenberg Familius, 9781641701617, 240pp. Publication Date: September 1, 2019 List Price: 17.99* * Individual store prices may vary. Description Helicopter parent, tiger parent . . . lawnmower parent?
6 Ways You Can Ground Your Inner Helicopter Parent
Learn to embrace your perfectly imperfect kid… and be ok with it. By Lisa Sugarman, Perfectly Imperfect Parenting Expert, Author, Nationally Syndicated Columnist at Familius Publishing Courtesy of RJ Design / Shutterstock Anxiety. It’s one of the scariest and most challenging issues facing today’s parents and kids.
Parents: Don’t Get Caught in the Comparing Trap
Excerpt from the NEW book "How To Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids And Be OK With It" by nationally syndicated humor columnist Lisa Sugarman with Debra Gansenberg, MSW, LICSW By Lisa Sugarman at Familius Publishing Debra Fox Gansenberg at New Beginnings Counseling Service, P.C. The following is the second of four excerpts from Lisa Sugarman’s latest book, How To Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids And Be OK With It: Real Tips & Strategies for Parents of Today’s Gen Z Kidsin bookstores everywhere...
IT IS WHAT IT IS: A Mom’s Dating Advice For Her Daughters
Lisa Sugarman Wednesday Aug 7, 2019 at 12:31 PM Aug 7, 2019 at 12:31 PM Dating and daughters… it’s a delicate subject, especially between moms and our girls. Just the thought of our daughters being 'in the game' can make us feel like throwing up in our mouth. And just the mention of it to our girls can make them feel like slamming doors in our face because they’re sure they know it all. So it’s a tricky one, this whole relationship thing.
It Is What It Is: A mom’s dating advice for her daughters
Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Tuesday Aug 6, 2019 at 9:48 AM Aug 6, 2019 at 9:48 AM Dating and daughters … it’s a delicate subject, especially between moms and our girls. Just the thought of our daughters being in the game can make us feel like throwing up in our mouth. And just the mention of it to our girls can make them feel like slamming doors in our face because they’re sure they know it all. So it’s a tricky one, this whole relationship thing.
Real Tips & Strategies for Parents of Today’s Gen Z Kids
Excerpt from the NEW book "How To Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids And Be OK With It" by Nationally syndicated humor columnist Lisa Sugarman with Debra Gansenberg, MSW, LICSW By Lisa Sugarman at Familius Publishing Debra Fox Gansenberg at New Beginnings Counseling Service, P.C. The following is an excerpt from Lisa Sugarman’s latest book, How To Raise Perfectly Imperfect Kids And Be OK With It: Real Tips & Strategies for Parents of Today’s Gen Z Kids in bookstores everywhere September 1st.
It Is What It Is: The gift of holding space for others
Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Tuesday Jul 16, 2019 at 10:03 AM Jul 16, 2019 at 10:03 AM As human beings, we represent a lot of different things to a lot of different people over the course of our lives. Often, we’re a combination of parents or partners or spouses or co-workers or siblings or friends or children. Or, in some cases, all of the above. And in each of those very different roles, one of the greatest gifts we can give to any of those people is to hold space for them.
It Is What It Is: A new kind of Pride in my child
Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Tuesday Jun 18, 2019 at 10:44 AM Jun 18, 2019 at 10:44 AM So here we are. In June. Finally. (Deep exhale). You know, that month of the year that signals longer days, a slightly slower pace and a generally lighter mood. It’s the time when school winds down and summer is almost close enough to taste. It means the days are soft and easy and delicious, and we can enjoy copious amounts of vitamin D for months on end. So overall, June is pretty dope.
IT IS WHAT IT IS: A new kind of Pride in my child
By Lisa Sugarman Monday Jun 17, 2019 at 11:34 PM Jun 17, 2019 at 11:34 PM So here we are. In June. Finally. [Deep exhale.] You know, that month of the year that signals longer days, a slightly slower pace, and a generally lighter mood. It’s the time when school winds down and summer is almost close enough to taste. It means the days are soft and easy and delicious and we can enjoy copious amounts of vitamin D for months on end. So overall, June is pretty dope. But June means something else, too.
It Is What It Is: A thank-you letter to my daughter as she graduates from college
Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Wednesday May 15, 2019 at 10:54 AM May 15, 2019 at 10:55 AM Dear Riley, Well, baby, here we are. Tomorrow, you graduate from college. So, I’m sure it comes as no big surprise that I’ve got a few things to say. And because you know how I’m wired on the inside, you know it’s apt to get a little drippy, so bear with me. Now I know you’re happiest when you’re not the focus of my column and I totally understand why you feel that way. Privacy, anonymity and all that.
It Is What It Is: For Gen Zers, telephonophobia is a thing
Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Tuesday Apr 23, 2019 at 10:10 AM Apr 23, 2019 at 10:10 AM I’m just gonna dive right in. Generational cohorts are quirky little things. You know the ones I’m talking about, right? Those unique groups of people who were born around the same time or during a specific period in history, like Baby Boomers or Gen Xers or Millennials or Gen Zers, like my kids.
IT IS WHAT IT IS: My mom raised me. I raised my kids. Now it’s OUR time.
By Lisa Sugarman Friday Apr 5, 2019 at 12:02 PM Apr 5, 2019 at 12:02 PM The mother-daughter relationship is a unique one. We go from being cute and sweet and little and dependent on our moms for everything to sort-of grown and sort-of cute and sort-of independent to fully grown and fully independent and responsible for our own little people. And then, ultimately, when our moms start to slow down and need someone to lean on, the circle of life laps itself and it’s our time to take care of them.
It Is What It Is: Now it’s our time
Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Monday Apr 1, 2019 at 11:38 AM Apr 1, 2019 at 11:38 AM The mother-daughter relationship is a unique one. We go from being cute and sweet and little and dependent on our moms for everything to sort-of grown and sort-of cute and sort-of independent to fully grown and fully independent and responsible for our own little people.
IT IS WHAT IT IS: How would I handle becoming a mom at 50?
By Lisa Sugarman Friday Mar 1, 2019 at 12:02 PM Mar 1, 2019 at 12:02 PM Easy, relax, I’m not preggers. I just wanted to get your attention. Actually, I couldn’t be further away from becoming a mom again. You know, grown kids and all. But I’ll be honest and admit that sometimes I wonder if I could do it all over again if it happened at this point in my life. I mean, what if?
It Is What It Is: How would I handle becoming a mom at 50?
Lisa Sugarman More Content Now Tuesday Feb 26, 2019 at 9:28 AM Feb 26, 2019 at 9:28 AM Easy, relax, I’m not preggers. I just wanted to get your attention. Actually, I couldn’t be further away from becoming a mom again. You know, grown kids and all. But I’ll be honest and admit that sometimes I wonder if I could do it all over again if it happened at this point in my life. I mean, what if?
IT IS WHAT IT IS: When both of your college kids are home sick
By Lisa Sugarman Friday Feb 1, 2019 at 9:11 AM Feb 1, 2019 at 9:11 AM Certain things in life are just serendipitous. Like when you find a $50 bill in a wallet you haven’t used in three years. Or when someone discovers a cure for one disease when they’re really trying to cure a different one. Or when John Cusack writes his phone number on a $5 bill and Kate Beckinsale finds it years later, so they know they’re meant to be together.
It Is What It Is: This New Year, don’t let fear stand in your way
By Lisa Sugarman Monday Dec 31, 2018 at 3:00 PM Dec 31, 2018 at 3:01 PM Here we are, on the outermost edge of another new year. A fresh, unspoiled runway of time and space for us to forge ahead in new directions and take risks and make things happen. And I don’t know about you, but I’m excited and inspired and ready to do all the things. Because the New Year is a crisp, clean, blank canvas, and we each get to paint it as vividly as we want.
IT IS WHAT IT IS: How to access our gratitude all year long
It’s been exactly one week since Thanksgiving. You know, that special day when most of us can easily access all our feelings of thankfulness and gratitude. That day, or few days, when we’re usually surrounded by those who we love the most, doing all the holiday-type things, so it’s easy to feel all the feels. And since Thanksgiving more or less ushers in the holiday season, we find ourselves dripping with spirit and joy and excitement pretty much straight through the New Year.
Untying Parent Anxiety (Years 5-8)
Raising the perfect child...it's our dream as parents. But the reality is: the perfect child doesn't exist. Yet parents everywhere are putting the full-court press on their kids to be perfect, fixating on raising them to be smarter, faster, more successful, and more popular than their peers. And that's making today's parents and their children crazy. In Untying Parent Anxiety, nationally syndicated humor columnist and author Lisa Sugarman reminds us that our kids aren't supposed to be perfect.
IT IS WHAT IT IS: How to ground your inner helicopter parent and learn to embrace your perfectly imperfect kid... and be OK with it
Anxiety. It’s one of the scariest and most challenging issues facing today’s parents and kids. With youth depression, suicide, and anxiety at an all-time high, we’ve become a culture of helicopter parents, hovering over our kids and micromanaging their every move to ensure that they survive. We step in and take the lead and do all the talking and fix all the mistakes, because none of us wants our kids to fail. But that’s not doing anyone any good, least of all our kids.
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