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Articles by Marie Hartwell-Walker
Narcissistic Personality Disorder vs. Normal Narcissism
In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a proud young man who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. He was so enchanted by his image that he couldn’t leave it, so he starved to death. Now, if he had just looked into the pool (as many of us do when we check the mirror as we go out the door in the morning), said to himself something like, “Lookin’ good, dude” and moved on, he would have been okay. That quick check in the mirror is normal, healthy narcissism.
How to Keep Yourself from Cheating
It can be tempting to cheat, I know. After over 40 years as a therapist, I’ve heard many, many reasons that people (even people who say they love their partner) give for cheating.
Ask the Therapist
Home » Ask the Therapist » Is It Wrong to Be Attracted to My Daughter’s Boyfriend’s Single Dad? Asked by Aliros on 2020-08-15 with 1 answer: From a woman in the U.S.: My 27 year old daughter and her 34 year old boyfriend have been together for almost 7 years. Recently his father came for a visit and he was instantly attracted to me and we did hit it off even though I kind of felt that it was wrong.
How to Talk Politics So Others Will Listen
When decisions and actions of a significant part of a community are experienced as dangerous, threatening, or unjust by others, that community (or family or nation) is forced to figure out what it stands for. That’s what is going on now in America. Our conversations about how to handle the pandemic and how to come to terms with our nation’s systemic racism are surfacing long simmering disagreements and resentments about who we are.
Should I Worry that I Think about Murder?
Asked by Kiwye on 2020-07-30 with 1 answer: From a 13 year old girl in the U.S.: 1. I like the thought of concerning things (murder, torture, harming myself), should I be worried? I’ve never acted out on these things, except for the self-harm- but I haven’t done it in a really long time.. 2. I have desires to do concerning things (running away, doing cannabis/marijuana, preform in sexual acts), I’m not sure why, but I really do want to do these things. 3.
Ask the Therapist
Asked by Sassyzoey102 on 2020-07-24 with 1 answer: From a young woman in the U.S.: Over the past 2 years my wife has left me about 6 times and came back each time. It’s always about the same thing and around the same time. She’s lost herself, she doesn’t know if she wants to be with me, she loves me ONLY when I’m with her. I’m at my wit’s end. I told her I’d file for divorce and she tells me she doesn’t want a divorce. So I’m a little confused as to what to do or what is going on.
Is Asperger's Your Superpower?
Do you think maybe you have some of the characteristics of people with autism? Did your score on the Autism Quiz on this site suggest that you might be autistic? Has someone suggested that your behaviors are a little or a lot unusual might be “spectrumy”? Are you worried that having autism can be stigmatizing or that it makes you crazy? Not so fast. Get the facts.
Is Asperger's Your Superpower?
Do you think maybe you have some of the characteristics of people with autism? Did your score on the Autism Quiz on this site suggest that you might be autistic? Has someone suggested that your behaviors are a little or a lot unusual might be “spectrumy”? Are you worried that having autism can be stigmatizing or that it makes you crazy? Not so fast. Get the facts.
Maintaining Sanity while Working at Home with Kids
I have been talking with neighbors, friends, and friends of my adult kids to see how COVID-time has impacted working parents with children. Some parents love working from home. They find they are more productive and more creative than ever. They are enjoying having so much family time. They hope and wish that they will never have to go back to 9 to 5, five days a week. “What’s not to love about working remotely?” they ask. No commute. Working in sweats. No distractions from difficult coworkers.
Ask the Therapist
Asked by Donut7 on 2020-07-6 with 1 answer: From a 14 year old girl in the U.S.:Â Hi. I think a year ago, I did something horrible that could have killed me and maybe even my family. Fortunately, nothing came out of it and everything is ok, except for myself. I actually buried the memory until a while after it happened, when I remembered and I felt horrible. It seemed like for a while I was just waiting for myself to commit suicide, and I felt like I had already ruined my life.
Ask the Therapist
Asked by beechor27 on 2020-06-27 with 1 answer: From a teen in the U.S.: I currently have a therapist that I’ve known for about 3-4 years, and have had good communication and have been able to work through some stuff. However, it seems no matter what I can do, I never receive a diagnosis or know what I’m dealing with specifically. Since I was a child, I’ve known there is something wrong with my brain in the way I behave and think.
I Feel like Getting Revenge
Asked by princess24 on 2020-06-27 with 1 answer: From a teen in the U.S.: Last year, I had my nudes exposed by this girl, and this year I want to press charges. But I couldn’t because I didn’t have enough evidence. I thought long and hard about this and came to the conclusion that I would sort this out myself. I spoke to her and we had a good talk. She confessed though and I had said I wouldn’t press charges, more like I lost the will since I was vulnerable, but now I do want to press charges.
Racism Awareness Is Not Enough
The recent turmoil following yet another murder by police of a Black man has made it clear that systemic racism is embedded in our history and our culture. Yes, there have been real efforts to effect change over the last 50 years: Diversity trainings have been annual events for corporations and educational institutions for decades.
Can a Relationship Recover from a Lie?
Asked by sadgf on 2020-06-23 with 1 answer: From a young woman in France: I have been with my boyfriend in a long distant relationship for a year and half, we met through a dating app. We were aware that we dated other people in the past. In the beginning of the relationship, he wanted to know more details, such as the number of guys I hooked up with. I was ashamed of myself and scared of the judgement, plus I really had bad memories of this period of my life.
To Single Fathers on Father's Day
I suspect that when most people think about single parents, they think about single mothers. And, yes, single moms have many challenges and should be seriously thought about. But sometimes what gets lost in the shuffle is the reality of single Dads. If you are raising children alone, Father’s Day may highlight how alone you feel.
What the Long-Married Have in Common
I have been fortunate to know many couples who have been married 40 years or more. In some couples, the two are like the proverbial two peas in a pod. Sometimes the two are so different, it makes other people marvel that they have been together for decades. Over the last year, I’ve been talking to 7 married couples who are happily together after many, many years to see if there are any identifiable commonalities among them. There are.
Managing Quarantine Fatigue
Someone gave it a name: Quarantine Fatigue. It’s not a diagnosis, but it surely does label what many people are feeling now that we’re 7 – 8 weeks in with stay at home guidelines/orders. People are by nature social creatures. We desire connection. We thrive on relationships. We need to be with other humans to be human. There are even studies that show that people would rather experience physical pain than loneliness.
Why Do I Have No Feelings for My Sister?
Asked by allystarks on 2020-04-21 with 1 answer: From a young woman in Greece: Hello, Hope you are all fine. I have a problem that is consuming all my energy years for now. In the beginning i thought it isn’t permanent and will pass, but now, after living with her for 8 months alone i can say it is obvious. From an early age i used to envy her so much, and sometimes did the best to have the spotlight on me and only. I didn’t like her to be better than me in life.
Why Did My Boyfriend Drastically Change?
From an adult woman in the U.S.: Dating 2yrs, living together 6m. He made a friend (20yrs his jr with a live in bf of her own) 8m ago. Since then, he’s been laid off from work. Then they started sleeping together. Then she convinced him to dump me. Then he got verbally abusive. Stuck in lease another 6 months. Finally, two weeks ago, after coming home from a date with her, he physically assaulted me. This is a man who NEVER even raised his voice to me.
How Do I Handle Fear of Flying?
Asked by Daya17 on 2020-04-17 with 1 answer: From a young woman in the U.S.: I have been avoiding taking a flight back home. I am from Puerto Rico and I am currently in Michigan studying my doctorate. I would like to visit my family, but since May 2019 I have not traveled again because it causes me a lot of anxiety when I am up there. The last time I traveled to Puerto Rico I felt that my heart was beating very fast and I was sweating throughout the flight.
Why Do I Push Away Everything I Love?
Asked by Jjhayes on 2020-04-1 with 1 answer: From a teen in the U.S.: I cannot stand the feeling of loving something.I avoid the things that I love doing, because I hate the feeling I get. Like, for instance, if I’m watching a TV show and I’m enjoying it too much, or if I really love one of the characters, I won’t watch the show anymore.
Please, Please Call Back
A friend of mine went into crisis recently. Much to her surprise and distress, she was feeling unsafe and desperate. Fortunately, she called me and agreed to come over. My husband and I listened and kept her safe for a couple of days until she could settle down and start thinking more positively. I know better than to try to be a therapist for a dear friend. I can love her. I can support her.
How do I leave home when I have disabled siblings?
Asked by Luna2007 on 2020-03-2 with 1 answer: From a teen in Argentina:Â I suffered from eating disorders since I was 13 and bullying since I was 7. I used to be a very calm person, Now I get angry over small things or depressed, I don’t show it though. Usually I bottle up all my feelings inside. My mother and I usually fight over stupid things as I’m usually nervous or depressed and I think she is too.
How Do I Effectively Co-Parent my Son in Divorce Situation?
Asked by betterdad79 on 2020-02-7 with 1 answer: From a man in the U.S.: I am a single father that is trying to co-parent my son. last night he slapped his mother in the face and then punched her. He is mostly a great kid, good grades As and Bs, plays sports, etc. When he is with me he is mostly good. When he is with his mother is when there are issues. I don’t even know the full story honestly because his mother feels I am taking his side. I don’t condone violence in any way.
Would it be entirely irresponsible if I started trying to date?
Home » Ask the Therapist » Would it be entirely irresponsible if I started trying to date? Asked by mksmrs on 2020-01-26 with 1 answer: From a man in Canada: Should someone who has avoidant personality disorder enter a relationship? I have had anxiety and depression for about 15 years now, and within the last 10 years, I have been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder.
Can My Boyfriend and I Ever Be Happy Together?
Asked by Amberchik33 on 2020-01-10 with 1 answer: I recently have been having a hard time moving on from an emotional, physical, and mentally abusive relationship. My fiance kicked me out of our home to move in his brother’s baby mother, he is 39 and she is 19! The 19 year old had just had a baby for my fiances brother. My world was shattered, and my heart was so broken, as I am 33 never been married and never had any children. This made my schizophrenia worse, after a long time it had been good.
7 Ways to Extinguish Gaslighting
The term “gaslighting” has been coined from a 1944 movie in which a husband who is trying to steal his wife’s inheritance convinces her that she is imagining things when she starts to notice odd and furtive behavior on his part. Their gas lights flicker whenever he is in the attic, searching for jewels he thinks are hidden there. He convinces her that she’s imagining things. Gradually, his lies and manipulation make her, and other people, question her sanity.
How Clinicians Can Support Military Families
If you don’t live near a military base, you may not think that developing skills for helping military families is a concern for your practice. But here are the facts: As of February of 2019, there were almost 1.4 servicemembers in active duty with another almost 800,000 in reserves. Those 1.3 million active-duty service members have 1.6 million immediate family members. In addition, there are 18.2 million veterans in the United States.
How Can I Force Myself to Sleep?
Asked by ComD on 2019-12-22 with 1 answer: From a teen in the U.S.; I don’t want to sleep because before I do, I think about the organization I left which I feel like let a lot of people down. Often, once I fall asleep, I have stressful nightmares about re-joining and all the consequences that would come with. I don’t want to sleep because if I don’t sleep I can occupy myself with other things. How can I force myself to sleep? How Can I Force Myself to Sleep?
How Do I Get Help for ADHD?
Home » ADHD » How Do I Get Help for ADHD? Asked by LifeProblems on 2019-12-19 with 1 answer: From a young woman in the U.S.: I’m 100% certain I have ADD/ADHD. How do I talk to my doctor without seeming like a drug seeker? I need help with this disorder and I keep getting brushed off. The more doctors I see the worse the stigma seems to get. How Do I Get Help for ADHD? Answered by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker on 2019-12-19 - Link A. I’m so sorry you are having difficulty getting the help you need.
How to Tell My Mom I Cheated on My BF
Asked by Singermo on 2019-12-19 with 1 answer: From a young woman in the U.S.: Back in June I cheated on my bf I immediately came clean to him about it the very next day. My bf and I are working on things there have been many hiccups along the way since I cheated due to my anxious attachment style. While I do admit we have a ways to go we’ve made large strides in having a healthier relationship. He stated that he would like his name cleared and for me to come clean to my mom about me cheating.
Ask the Therapist
Asked by Bobo1990 on 2019-12-19 with 1 answer: From Italy: I’m kind of a shy guy. i’m 26 years old, and i’m attracted to huge massive and masculine female bodybuilders. All the people around me, judge me for this, and keep telling me that they are not the right choice, they would be the man in the relationship, and they would also be aggressive. I met recently a very huge female bodybuilder, but the people around me judge me for this. Why am I attracted to such a woman?
Am I Too Dependent on My Boyfriend?
Asked by YOKOLEA on 2019-12-16 with 1 answer: From a teen in Morocco: I really love my boyfriend but I think there’s something wrong with me. I don’t have friends I trust no one except my boyfriend, we’ve been together for 2 years now almost three and I love him a lot. We spent the whole previous year together in the same house and all, but he had to go abroad to study. I don’t think that I’m coping with this very well, it has been 2 months since he left and I think I’m going crazy.
My Friend Is Too Attached to Me
Asked by nakayuz on 2019-12-15 with 1 answer: From a teen in the U.S.: I have a friend I met about last year who is a year younger than me. She lives in a different state than me, so we met online. She has had quite the upbringing and ultimately suffers from a variety of issues including abandonment issues. She also struggles to accept change and constantly overthinks and doubts herself.
Do I Need to Seek Help?
Asked by notfine on 2019-12-13 with 1 answer: From a young woman in Malaysia: I’ve always felt like at some point after high school I’;m no longer the same hardworking student who’s always eager to learn new things. My college and uni life consist of me wishing the classes of the day would be over soon so I can get back to scrolling through my phone on the bed in my room. I can’t even remember the last time I actually sit down facing a desk to study.
Destressing Holiday Travel
“Over the meadow and through the woods. To Grandmother’s house we go…” It’s a wonderful, nostalgic song about traveling by sleigh to the grandparents’ house for the holidays. But make no mistake: The song and reality seldom matched. That sleigh ride in midwinter snow was cold! Bitterly cold. The horse could flounder in the drifts. The sleigh could get stuck or slip off the trail. Meanwhile the kids in the back were saying, “Are we there yet?” Travel these days should be easier, but it’s often not.
Am I Schizophrenic?
Asked by flobber on 2019-12-13 with 1 answer: From a young woman in the U.S.: I want to start off by saying that I experienced a lot of abuse as a child. A way that I learned to cope with this abuse was by creating friends. I could never physically see these friends or hear them, but they spoke to me through my thoughts. One particular friend I created is named Rosie. Sometimes when my abusers would come to harm me she would step forward and I wouldn’t remember what happened.
Do's and Don'ts for Buying Christmas Toys
It was a total Christmas fail. With great fanfare, my well-intentioned brother-in-law gave my 2.5 year old son a 2-foot tall robot for Christmas. It was jet black. It had red flashing eyes. It shot a ray gun with a rat-a-tat-tat. My brother-in-law was so excited when he pulled it from the box — but my son was terrified. He ran behind me and peered out at the thing, saying “No! No! No!” His favorite uncle was crushed. He thought he’d brought him the perfect toy.
Why Is My Boyfriend Distancing?
Asked by Noelly216 on 2019-12-10 with 1 answer: From the U.S.: I met my boyfriend 3 years ago in high school, he was my first love and I thought would be my only love. My boyfriend has had a rough past jumping from foster home to foster home then landed in an abusive adoptive home. I helped him get out of that situation and he now lives with a family who has taken him in as his own. Since then we have had about three major incidents where he would just break up with me.
Why Have I Changed So Much in the Past Year?
Home » Ask the Therapist » Why Have I Changed So Much in the Past Year? Asked by Taytalila on 2019-12-9 with 1 answer: From a teen in the U.S.: I’m 16 and feel like I’ve changed and I don’t know how to get back to how I was before. I’ve always felt a certain way and I can only describe it as sad or empty. But I’d still talk to people and have some kind of enjoyment. But as of last year and now I feel so lonely and detached from everything. I stopped talking to my friends and my family.
How Do I Help My Friend Who Is Being Abused?
Asked by alienenthusiast on 2019-12-9 with 1 answer: From a teen in the U.S.: A friend of mine has a son, and we’re both 17, so she lives with her boyfriend and father of the son. She’s been coming to me recently to rant that her boy friend is constantly drunk and threatens to hit her or her dog. He’s never threatened to hit the son before, but if he’s okay with hitting his girlfriend, I don’t think he’s much higher than that.
Making Christmas Merry for Children with Separated Parents
If there is any time of year for parents of children who are separated or divorced to be their most adult selves, it’s Christmas. Whether amicably divorced or still fighting, if you both are looking forward to having time with the children during the holiday season, it’s the time of the year for you to think especially hard about the children’s feelings and needs ahead of whatever plans and wishes you may have. For young children, Christmas is complicated.
How Do I Stop Being Angry?
Asked by Angrymess on 2019-12-6 with 1 answer: From a teen in the U.S.: The smallest things set me off and I go into this raging fit of anger I never know what it is that actually set me off but I take my anger out on the people I love most it is starting to seriously affect my relationship with my boyfriend and I don’t want it to ruin us I usually tend to cry while angry as well I feel like I need to cry most times but nothing ever comes out and when I do cry I can only cry for a few minutes...
Ask the Therapist
Asked by cced92 on 2019-12-6 with 1 answer: From a young man in the U.S.: I’m dealing with my boyfriend. He’s a veteran with PTSD and has either bipolar or BPD. He believes it might be bipolar. It’s difficult in a relationship with fights out of no where. Double standards on checking in or responding to texts. And impulsive sex with random people. Most recently in a fight, I ended by saying that I was done while he said “calm down we will talk tomorrow”.
I Think My Mom Is Cheating
Asked by bella1124 on 2019-12-4 with 1 answer: From a teen in the U.S.: i was waiting for my mom in the car and she left her phone, she’s been acting by suspicious so i checked her phone and found messages from the father of some old family friends that we no longer speak to. she always speaks very fond of him even thought we do not like him and i found sexts and bad messages.
Why Do People Make Fun of Me?
Asked by Robot5000 on 2019-12-4 with 1 answer: From a young man in the U.S.: A couple years ago I was diagnosed with borderline bipolar disorder. It got really bad to the point I couldn’t work and it took a toll on my marriage. Luckily, I found a medication, along with natural supplements, that help me a lot. I have always been more of an extrovert when it came to talking to people and making friends. For some reason, my whole life, it seems, people have always made fun of me.
How Do I Stop Family Member with ADHD from Being Inconsiderate?
Asked by MrsA on 2019-12-4 with 1 answer: From an adult woman in the U.S.: I believe someone in my family has ADHD and or some other mental illness. I realized this after several decades of bullying, and irresponsible and reckless behavior, extreme clumsiness and some violence over the years. This person is not willing to get help and I have to live with them for the forseeable future.
Why Am I Having Constant Flashbacks
Asked by straggardh on 2019-12-4 with 1 answer: From a woman in the U.S.: This has happened one other time and I’m not sure if it is part of dissociation or something else, and I have not been able to find information anywhere. I am having constant flashbacks of things that seem like snippets from dreams I’ve had. When I say constant, I mean every few minutes I feel like I am having deja vu.
Negative Thoughts Take Over My Everyday Life
Asked by tacoseatem on 2019-12-2 with 1 answer: From a young woman in the U.S.: I have negative thoughts everyday for hours on end. It only temporarily subsides when i sleep, even then ive been having nightmares. I cannot focus at work because of the negative thoughts. I try to distract myself with music which i love but that doesnt help. I feel myself slowing down at work, and forgetting my memory. Or forgetting things very easily. I even feel like people watch me ever single where i go.
Am I Maladaptive Daydreaming?
Asked by JaneDoe17 on 2019-11-29 with 1 answer: From a teen in the U.S.: I started googling about something that I do, and have done for years, to see if anyone else on the internet has posted about it or mentioned it. The closest thing I could find was some stuff about Maladaptive Daydreaming. I’m almost certain this isn’t it because, it’s not necessarily stationary daydreaming or pacing, per say, like everyone else describes.
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