Nicole Whitaker

The Starfish It’s in your DNA to live your best sprawled-out life—slowly extending limbs across every inch of the bed, and whoever’s in it. Like your marine mascot, you’re sensitive to disruptions in your environment but, unlike the starfish, you just don't care (that you’re hogging the blankets). Your harshest critics say that you have no backbone or brain, but you demonstrate moments of selflessness. For example, when kicked or shoved, you’ll scoot over two inches.

Tiredness (due to thinking about COVID-19) Anxiety (about catching COVID-19) Exhaustion (from panicking about COVID-19) Now, I understand that their gift is their song, but that wasn’t really what I had expected as a housewarming present when I invited Elton John and Bernie Taupin to a party at my new home, especially after I specifically asked them to bring ice. You’re a visionary who lives by the maxim “There’s got to be a better way.” And that way is yours.

Your ability to make life more difficult is unmatchable. If an easy solution is available—and I mean a mind-numbingly obvious one—you decide that maybe the fix can’t be so simple and that you’d better let things marinate for a few days, at which point, yes, they’ve now become the nasty thing that you imagined, seeped in a rancid cesspool of indecision and procrastination (and, literally, rotting food).