Tim Lahan
As seen in:
The New York Times,
Süddeutsche Zeitung Magazin,
VICE,
Die Zeit,
GQ,
Bon Appetit,
McSweeney's
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Articles by Tim Lahan
Warum niesen Männer so irre laut?
Mitte Juli bin ich nahe Berlin in einen Orkan geraten. Die Windgeschwindigkeit erreichte an die 160 Stundenkilometer, der Sturm toste fast 120 Dezibel laut, dazu ergoss sich ein feiner Nasensekret-Schauer durch das Ruheabteil des ICE-Waggons. Mitten in die Stille hinein hatte ein Bahnfahrer dermaßen laut und markerschütternd geniest, dass der Zug aus dem Gleis zu springen drohte. »Wieso niesen Männer so irre laut?«, fragte eine Frau vor mir ihre Sitznachbarin. Berechtigte Frage. Und: Sorry.
Wie ein Mann mit Zwangsstörung versucht, ein guter Vater zu sein
Ein Mann stellt sich vor, seinen Sohn umzubringen. Immer wieder. Heute weiß er, dass er unter einer Zwangsstörung leidet. Kann er trotzdem ein guter Vater sein? Anders als aus einem Albtraum kann man aus Zwangsgedanken nicht einfach aufwachen. Je stärker Betroffene sie vertreiben wollen, desto hartnäckiger bleiben sie. er muss keine Polizei und kein Gericht überzeugen, sondern nur sich selbst, aber das ist schwer genug. Also führt er die Beweise, die für seine Unschuld sprechen, immer wieder auf.
Staffing 'The Weekly'
We are looking to hire first-rate narrative storytellers to help bring the The New York Times’s new weekly TV news show to life. Experience in television is not a must; strong news judgment, a strong collaborative approach and meaningful experience in narrative storytelling are far more important. The Story Editors should be able to collaborate with journalists across the newsroom to help turn their reporting into gripping, can’t-miss stories that people watch from beginning to end.
Your April Horoscope, Now with 100% More Pizza
We could talk about the weather getting nicer, flowers blooming, bees buzzing dangerously close to your shins—all that scenic spring stuff. But we know you’re here for something that transcends seasons: pizza. And your imminent future via this pizza horoscope . Which toppings represent who you really are, inside ? Are you a stuffed crust over-achiever? A classic pepperoni pie who never strays from the status quo? A bold, salty anchovy lover?
These Are the Old School Grooming Rules You Should Be Breaking
One grooming writer comes clean about the rules he follows and the ones he doesn't. But I don’t follow all of these rules. Because, as things often go, once you know the rules, you also know how to break them. And, while some of the following things may sound surprising coming from a GQ grooming writer, I suggest you try breaking these rules too, just to see if the result works better for you.
The New York Times is hiring a California Today Correspondent
We may be The New York Times but we care deeply about California, a state that drives some of the most urgent issues of the day and is full of people who devour Times journalism. California is a leader when it comes to climate change, immigration, technology and so much else. Its big stories, from natural disasters to politics, regularly attract huge audiences.
The Origins of Labor Day
This comic was originally published in September, 2014.
Join the Washington Bureau of The New York Times
The Trump administration has been an extraordinary, demanding story, and Times journalists are covering it aggressively. Over the past several months, we’ve added a new Washington Investigations Team as well as a record six White House reporters. And to ensure that we continue to deliver the in-depth and innovative journalism our readers deserve, we’re continuing to expand.
We’re Hiring a Motion Designer/Video Editor
The Digital News Design group at The New York Times seeks a Motion Designer/Video Editor to join our award-winning multimedia editors on the team that creates the weekday edition for Snapchat Discover. The ideal candidate must have strong design and animation skills; demonstrated experience with video and sound editing, a familiarity with Snapchat Discover and social media; solid editorial judgment and a metabolism to match a relentless news cycle.
Join Digital News Design at The New York Times
We are seeking technology-savvy interactive designers and editors to join our award-winning team in The New York Times newsroom. Team members are expected to work with reporters, editors, designers and developers at The Times to craft rich story experiences for a wide range of projects, including news and enterprise, across multiple platforms.
New York Times Expands Climate Team
We are no longer accepting applications for this position. Please visit our careers page for other opportunities at The Times. As the earth’s temperature continues to break records, climate and environmental reporting is taking on new urgency.
We’re hiring four journalists to shape Opinion video
A signature voice on staff and a network of contributors who can express fresh and smart perspectives about news, current affairs and issues of the day in creative digital video formats. The commenters should bring a distinct and high-energy voice, and an informed point-of-view that can help our audience navigate complex issues and challenge assumptions on a range of issues.
The New York Times is seeking a culture editor for Europe
The literary debate over unmasking a best-selling, pseudonymous novelist. The exodus of black actors from the United Kingdom to find work in America. An exploration of the bizarre world of Hieronymous Bosch. Anti-globalization and its effect on art. At home with Bjork. Culture stories abound in Europe, and The New York Times is seeking an imaginative editor to expand our coverage as part of the organization’s global push.
The Nosyhood - The McSweeney's Store
THE NOSYHOOD In this debut picture book by award-winning artist Tim Lahan, a happy couple moves into a new apartment and is promptly visited by a steady stream of jolly uninvited well-wishers—a baker, a surfer, a cop, an elderly weightlifter, and more. Soon, there are so many housewarmers that people begin standing on top of one another, creating a human house of cards. Just when it seems that the packed space will burst, a gigantic nose enters the scene and sneezes the building off the page.
Chicago-Style Hot Dog - Lucky Peach
For all you hear about Chicagoans and their midwestern-bred congeniality, ask them for ketchup on a hot dog and watch their expression turn. Bad idea. You may as well have spit on Michael Jordan and told him he carried Pippen’s jockstrap. In Chicago, civic pride and decades of unwavering tradition have fenced off ketchup as sacrilege. The reasoning: It doesn’t belong on a Chicago-style hot dog, which is to say, the one true hot dog. They have a point.
Coming to terms with my Lumbersexuality
“You look like a real man!” she exclaimed. I had just returned to my senior year of high school following Christmas break, donning, for the first time in my life, a chinstrap that fully connected and served to accentuate my undefined jawline. “Oh, the chin strap? I just got lazy over break,” I casually responded. “It’s just something I’m trying out.” Like most lies, this one was built on a foundation of insecurity and fortified with the uncertain arrogance only a sixteen year old possesses.
Bookmark / Tim Lahan
Item of utility or cosmic reminder, your choice.
Giving Stand-Up a Try
Six months ago, when I started doing stand-up at the age of 58, it wasn’t about entertaining people. See, several thousand years ago, two elderly women approached me on Second Avenue. “Excuse me, young man,” one said. “Do you find Steve Martin funny?” “Uh, yeah. He’s hysterical.” “See, Margie? The kids love him.” They were lovely ladies. Six months ago, I was overcome with the fear of being them. That’s why I started doing stand-up. Signs of my humor obsolescence were there.
Take a Stance | Five O' Clock
One December, a few days shy of catching the holiday spirit, I got into a car accident. Up early on a Saturday morning to run errands before a busy day, I dropped the dog off at daycare and headed to the farmers market. Ongoing construction combined with the rush of weekend tourists had turned the road into a bit of a mess, but I kept hitting lights and breezing through my drive, making great time. Then it happened.
Thin (H)air: A Portrait in Courage
It started, as many personal crises do, in front of a mirror. I was a sophomore in college, and stark light from the naked incandescent bulb was bouncing off a part of my scalp I’d never seen before. I peered at it curiously in the glass. Before that very moment, my forehead was a finite plane: from my heavy Marx Bros. eyebrows, it had always ascended a moderate few inches up to a sheaf of tousled, wavy chestnut-brown hair. My grandparents always doted on the thickness of my hair. Healthy hair.
My Take: Ban Sundays
Monday’s misery is easy. It’s emails that don’t stop, treadmills that won’t start, commutes that never end. I can comprehend Mondays, and I can beat them. But I don’t understand Sunday’s anguish. How can I defeat something I don't understand? So no matter how many Mondays I meet head-on, six days later I’ll slide headfirst into the hazy slough of Sunday despond. I’ll skate through apprehensively, wondering how I got there, and what “there” even is.
In So Many Words: Coffee
Mornings. In Verse. “Always add Splenda, Mornings are bitter enough.” The barista said. Coffee was given To us by something larger. You know, a big plant… “Need dating advice? Stand in line,” the young man said “Pretty girls love coffee.” French Press and laptops. Single origin yupsters, Taking all the seats. Humans and coffee What is it? Like bees, we are All for a good buzz. “Two sugars. One cream.” Ah! If the rest of the day could be so simple...
Avery Fisher Hall, in Search of a New Name
I can sympathize with the management of the New York Philharmonic as it searches for a donor after whom it can rename a renovated Avery Fisher Hall. Raising money for a nonprofit performing arts company is no easy task. But I also have a fantasy regarding the outcome.
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