Doug Elfman
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Articles by Doug Elfman
How To Honor The Dead Of 9/11
How To Honor The Dead Of 9/11 Press enter or click to view image in full size 9/11. Here's to the heroes which includes all of us but especially first responders and medical people and researchers and teachers who had to raise kids at the time (because there are so many shitty parents who don't raise their own kids). Plus the good parents at the time were the heroes. And almost none of the politicians except Bernie was a hero.
Jimmy Carter - The Good American
Doug Elfman · Follow 3 min read · -- In 1976, my mom took me to the Democratic headquarters in Athens Georgia to celebrate Jimmy Carter’s victory. That was my political awakening as a little kid. Later, I found out in history class Carter was one of the only presidents who didn’t wage war. As Carter said: "We kept our country at peace. We never went to war. We never dropped a bomb. We never fired a bullet.
Reasons Why I Switch Between Sucky Apple And Sucky Google Every Year Or Two
Fuck Apple and fuck Google. I switch from suck-ass iPhones to suck-ass Google phones every year or two, just to get the stink of one of them off of me, while I return to the stink of the other. First up: Apple. Things that suck about iPhone: 1) Animations slow everything down. Android has animations, but you can go into the developer options and turn them completely off and this makes Android phones seem a million times faster and more efficient than clunky ass iPhones.
How I’m living now
I belong to no fan clubs of celebrities, sports or products. I put all my time and energy into loving friends, lovers, family, strangers, sex, laughs, healthy living, a happy contented life, animals, art, people of good character and fun personality, existence, and my plant named Plant. I don’t begrudge anyone who fanboys or fangirls stars and stuff, because life is hard and whatever gets you through it is all right by me. I just decline being a free publicist for pop culture.
What’s The Temperature Of Hell?
What if hell is not hot? What if hell is freezing? I’m only asking this because I am much more miserable when I’m freezing than when I am burning up. I know this makes me a certain kind of person because there are lots of people who prefer the cold to the heat. Personally, I think those people are out of their fucking minds. As long as I have thought about hell, I have imagined that if it existed, it wouldn’t necessarily be hot or cold.
Some People Are Foodies. I'm A Sexie. Are We A Match?
Married people are like: "I married my best friend." Not me. I only get engaged to people who want to have copious amounts of good quality sex 24/7/365. Do you know what bonds best friends for real? Sex. Nothing but sex. Not food. Not bad vacations to terrible cities. Not shopping for shams. Sex, sex, sex. Sex sex sex sex sex. Sexity sex sex. Sex to the sexth degree. Flagrant embarrassing humiliating amounts of sex and masturbation where no one ever says "no" unless they have the flu.
MY DAILY MORNING WORKSHEET
What am I grateful for today? I forgive myself ... for what? List 12 things I forgive myself for, not just things that were my fault but also things that were absolutely not my fault, just to see how it feels to let them go. If today were my birthday, what would I do and say and think and feel and want and plan and be? How will I live for today and plan for tomorrow? What do I fear losing today? What will I accomplish today? What am I becoming? What do I not want to become?
Smiling gorgeous nice girl wants to do it with you again (THE SEX DORK Q&A with SAGE PILLAR)
Smiling gorgeous nice girl wants to do it with you again (THE SEX DORK Q&A with SAGE PILLAR). SAGE PILLAR (looking at her butt on a screen behind her): I'm probably going to keep looking at my butt. SEX DORK: You can do it. You like....
Professional Masturbator Is A Safe, Viable Career Option)
Porn is the greatest invention that has ever happened in the history of the world, according to people who think that porn is the greatest invention in the history of the world. That is a lot of people actually, because the...
Slideshow of my life so far
By Doug Elfman Today I finally finished making this video slideshow of photos from my life and loves so far. Unfortunately, I don't have photos of many loved ones from my childhood and adulthood. But this is what I have. I did my best. And it will have to be enough. I am enough. You are enough. We are enough. I love you very much, even if you don't think I do...
Punching THROUGH Faces
My Mike Tyson Timeline 1. Was amazed by Mike Tyson's young boxing fists smashing through skulls and knocking people out in like one minute. He didn't just try to punch faces. He punched THROUGH faces like he was aiming at the backs of their skulls. It was shocking to watch that much extra brutality in a sport that crystallizes brutality. Plus I thought: I guess that's how you win at anything in life - you aim beyond your...
I made this short film for you because I love you
Here are two funny reactions I’ve heard after publishing my first short film. “Are you planning on making a whole movie?” “Are you trying to hypnotize me?” The answers are, of course, yes, and yes. The ease with which I find storytelling visually is astonishing to me. I’m not bragging. I’m saying, we all have natural inclinations. I can’t, for instance, rebuild an engine, shoot someone in the face for America, or do a backflip. But I can point a camera and tell a story.
Howard Stern show royalties? The joke’s on Martling
It’s been 15 years since Jackie “The Jokeman” Martling exited Howard Stern’s radio show over money, and at age 68, the Jokeman is still looking for retirement cash. Martling says he’s got enough money to live nicely to age 75. “But with my luck, I’ll live to 95 and I’m going to be broke,” he jokes. “Every time you live a couple of more years, you look at your bank account to see if more interest has accrued, like, ‘Wow, I can push that (death) date back a little bit.’” Wait a minute.
Gonna start clanking a metal water cup against my jail bars during international house arrest
I think we are all painfully aware now that we are stuck in the mortifying hellscape known as international house arrest due to the covid-19 flu virus monster bug which is killing ever so many people from China to Italy to America and probably eventually on the moon and Mars just as soon as Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos rocketships wealthy CEOs to our cold and distant cousin orbs out in the radiated space dust of existence and non-existence whence we hath been born and to which we shall return for...
Ela Darling: The Origin Story of a Librarian Pornstar | Sex Dork
Ela Darling might be the only pornstar with a Ted Talk. She was a real librarian — with a master’s degree — when she went into porn and co-created virtual reality sex camming. Watch our interview, or scroll down for the best bits in our abbreviated edit. Ela Darling: I have the Dewey Decimal number for Harry Potter on my back. Origin Story: How She Got Into Porn Ela Darling: I had some shitty asshole threaten to leak nude photos of me when I was still a librarian.
‘Some Days I Have 15 Orgasms’ – Doug Elfman – Medium
‘I Am My Own Business, Building Connections With People All Over The World’ Venus Noire is in her first year as a camgirl after studying writing and theater in college. Watch her interview (at the AVN porn convention at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas)— or scroll down to read the best bits. She’s new to camming, and loving it Venus Noire: I’ve only been camming with MyFreeCams for about four months. What got her started? Venus Noire: Actually, my sister.
How Whitney Wright went from Oklahoma to step-sister pornstar | Sex Dork
Millions of people have masturbated to Whitney Wright in the few years she’s been in porn. Watch her. Or scroll past the video to read the best bits. Sex Dork: How do you juggle fetishes in a relationship? Whitney Wright: Why not find out (each other’s fetishes) as soon as you get into the sex? I was with a guy for years. And I didn’t have any (fetishes). But as time went on, I wanted to try some things.
How To Date A Cam Model Better – Doug Elfman – Medium
Taylor Stevens answers your real questions. Watch the full interview via this YouTube link or scroll to the bottom of this page. Cam model Taylor Stevens XXX is a previous winner of AVN’s Biggest Web Celebrity, and she’s a self-described owner of HH boobs. How Did Previous Guys Get You To Date Them? It was their confidence, not cockiness — a very fine line that a lot of men don’t understand. It was their sense of humor, because I love to laugh.
How Many Orgasms A Day, Cory Chase? (Whoa) | The Sex Dork
paypal.me/yesdoug Porn star Cory Chase is one of the most famous stepmoms in America’s hyper-popular category of Family Role Play. She’s also famous for lesbian porn, cam modeling, cosplay, masturbating, and femdomming (femmes dominating sex partners.) Oh, and she’s the porn star Ted Cruz jerked off to, on Twitter, if you remember that weird story.
America Wins - Doug Elfman - Medium
“WHAT DO YOU think of the game so far, Will?” “You know what, Bill? The crazy thing isn’t that the Red Hawks keep throwing the ball in the end zone every single play. The crazy thing isn’t that the fans have turned on each other in the stands and are attacking each other with cleats. The crazy thing is that the Blue Hawks don’t even understand what football is.” “What do you mean by that, Will?” “Well, look at the Blue Hawks coaches and managers on the sidelines.
Even before digital cameras, Las Vegas was most popular for photos
VEGAS > DISNEY In ye olden days, before we took photos on our phones for cloud storage, humans took photos like apes: We pointed an analog camera at something, captured an image on something archeologists call “film,” and then we paid “photo booth people” to develop “negatives” into photos. For 26 years, people have been sending such analog photos to a company called ScanMyPhotos.com, which scans customers’ old analog photos into computers and turns them into digital pictures.
Man says he’s exposing David Copperfield illusion in slip-and-fall lawsuit
Gavin Cox, who is suing David Copperfield and MGM over a slip-and-fall, is now claiming to reveal an illusion the same week the magician is getting press as a co-producer of “Now You See Me 2,” which opens in theaters Friday. A London chef who once cooked for the queen of England is exposing a big David Copperfield illusion, while suing the MGM Grand and its star. Copperfield has a vanishing-crowd routine called “Lucky #13,” according to legal papers obtained by the RJ. The illusion goes like this.
Unbroken - Doug Elfman - Medium
I will not stop until Republicans bend to our will. Fifty years ago, Republicans chose to fan the flames of racial ire in the cotton-pickin’ South. Because Democrats had orchestrated the Civil Rights Act, promising equality to black Americans.
Bill Murray is better at talking than the rest of us
Bill Murray and Kerry Simon worked together in a pizza shop as kids. All these years later, Murray came to Vegas Thursday night to help his longtime friend, Vegas chef Simon, raise hundreds of thousands of dollars at Simon’s fundraiser for MSA research. Simon recently announced he is battling MSA. Many celebs went to Thursday’s fundraiser to raise cash and to perform.
Kellie Pickler is kicking the flu in time for ‘The Chew,’ Las Vegas
Kellie Pickler is finally getting over a bad flu, which is good because she is cooking on ABC-TV’s “The Chew” today, and then she’s singing here in Vegas this week. I called her in Nashville on Monday and asked how she felt. “I can breathe out of both nostrils now, so that’s good. I still have a little bit of a cough,” Kellie said in that awesome North Carolina accent. Kellie was so sick, she was nursing a “bronchitis-type cough,” and she had to cancel a concert in Mississippi last week.
Mannequin Challenge brings everyone to standstill in latest silly social media fad
A few years ago, everyday Americans got caught up doing flash mobs (dance videos in public), then they planked (posing online like a plank of wood) and did the Harlem Shake (posing as if frozen then bursting out in dance). Now, as many people deal with post-election shock, others are acting as if a normal life is going on, by engaging in the newest social-norm fad called the #MannequinChallenge. The Mannequin Challenge goes like this.
Try YouTube for concert research
Years ago, after I’d been a concert reviewer for a decade, I came to one unmistakable conclusion: Most concerts worth going to are by musicians you already love. There were great exceptions to that rule. I saw the light on how incredible Rufus Wainwright was, only because I saw him perform live. Phish, too. Puff Daddy shocked me with a very fun live show. And so did the Dixie Chicks. Exceptions are real.
Check YouTube before shelling out for concert tickets
Years ago, after I’d been a concert reviewer for a decade, I came to one unmistakable conclusion: Most concerts worth going to are by musicians you already love. There were great exceptions to that rule. I saw the light on how incredible Rufus Wainwright was, only because I saw him perform live. Phish, too. Puff Daddy shocked me with a very fun live show. And so did the Dixie Chicks. Exceptions are real.
It’s better together: Music stars combining forces in Vegas shows
The business of live performance has changed so much that the new normal is: Famous people team up to compete for attention in a world exploding with content. That’s why music festivals have multiplied. That’s why classic rock and classic hip hop acts tour together instead of separately. And it’s why Vegas nightclubs and dayclubs do well by paying multiple performers to appear on the same stage.
Tommy Chong to visit Las Vegas Tuesday to promote Question 2
When Tommy Chong served nine months in prison for selling bongs, prison executives used him and other famous prisoners as sightseeing stops on metaphorical map-of-the-stars tours for visiting dignitaries. Similarly, Charles Manson and Bernie Madoff were sightseeing stars in their prisons, said Chong, who will be in Vegas on Election Day to promote Nevada’s legal-marijuana Question 2. “People come to visit the prisons — people in the industry — and when I was in there, they’d trot me out.
Tommy Chong to visit Las Vegas to promote marijuana ballot issue
When Tommy Chong served nine months in prison for selling bongs, prison executives used him and other famous prisoners as sightseeing stops on metaphorical map-of-the-stars tours for visiting dignitaries. Similarly, Charles Manson and Bernie Madoff were sightseeing stars in their prisons, said Chong, who will be in Vegas on Election Day to promote Nevada’s legal marijuana Question 2. “People come to visit the prisons — people in the industry — and when I was in there, they’d trot me out.
Some clubs take a little time off during holidays for refreshening
All three Wynn hotel nightclubs will close for a week or two in December, which might startle clubbers, but the clubs say they’re just using traditionally slow December business days to refresh interiors. XS will close during Thanksgiving week of Nov. 25, 26 and 28 with a reopening Dec. 2, and then close again Dec. 12-26 with a Dec. 30 reopening. Surrender will close Nov. 25 and 26 and reopen Nov. 30, then close again Dec. 16-24 and reopen Dec. 28. And Intrigue will close on Thanksgiving (Nov.
Some Las Vegas clubs take a little time off during holidays for refreshening
All three Wynn hotel nightclubs will close for a week or two in December, which might startle clubbers, but the clubs say they’re just using traditionally slow December business days to refresh interiors. XS will close during Thanksgiving week of Nov. 25, 26 and 28 with a reopening Dec. 2, then close again Dec. 12-26 with a Dec. 30 reopening. Surrender will close Nov. 25 and 26 and reopen Nov. 30, then close again Dec. 16-24 and reopen Dec. 28. And Intrigue will close on Thanksgiving (Nov.
Mark Consuelos sends a pro-Hillary message to Las Vegans
Mark Consuelos never got involved in politics until Donald Trump said Mexico was sending “killers” and “rapists” to America, and that’s why he spent the weekend campaigning for Hillary Clinton in Las Vegas. “My father came here from Mexico,” said Consuelos, 45, star of Fox TV show “Pitch.” “I’m a father of three Mexican-American kids” with his wife of 20 years, morning TV host Kelly Ripa.
Britney brings in the dough for Nevada Childhood Cancer Foundation
Britney Spears has raised $533,130 for the Nevada Childhood Cancer Foundation. Spears donated $200,000 of her own money, and she’s collected $1 per ticket at her Planet Hollywood show for the charity. On Thursday, fans with disposable income paid thousands of dollars to ride next to her at Xcycle spin studio in Boca Park. At the gym, she held up a giant check filled out for $533,130. She wants to get that donation up to $1 million in coming months.
Love is in the air for Jessica Moore, Rehan Choudhry
Inside scoop for fans of TV news and music festivals: Former Las Vegas newscaster Jessica Moore is engaged to Life is Beautiful founder Rehan Choudhry. She was a popular fixture on KSNV-TV, Channel 3, for six years until she took a big step up to WCBS-TV in New York in July. Moore and Choudhry have been a couple for a year. They fly back and forth to homes in Vegas and New York. He proposed on their couch in New York.
Liam Payne finds some direction at Wynn’s Intrigue
This one’s for forlorn One Direction fans: Singer Liam Payne joined DJZedd on stage at the Wynn’s Intrigue nightclub Saturday to hype the crowd and sing along. Fans tried to grab him. Zedd took selfies while they appeared like a couple of bros doing their pro gigs.
Paulina Gretzky takes time to party in Vegas
Paulina Gretzky — daughter of hockey hero Wayne Gretzky, and fiancee of golf champ Dustin Johnson — has been partying in Las Vegas. She Snapchatted video of herself dancing on a pole in a Vegas nightclub, with her brother in tow. Johnson wasn’t partying in the club with her, which would be notable because he has spoken publicly about quitting alcohol and vowing he never had an issue with another substance.
Is Trump giving ‘politically incorrect’ a bad name?
Comedian Bobby Slayton is going to Wednesday’s Rolling Stones show instead of UNLV’s presidential debate, because “I don’t want to see Donald Trump talk, I have no sympathy for the devil.” Slayton isn’t a political comic. Fans who go see him perform stand-up Thursday-Sunday at the Laugh Factory will hear no election routines.
Comedian thinks Trump is giving ‘politically incorrect’ a bad name
Before they canceled, comedian Bobby Slayton had plans to go to Wednesday’s Rolling Stones show instead of UNLV’s presidential debate, because “I don’t want to see Donald Trump talk; I have no sympathy for the devil.” Slayton isn’t a political comic. Fans who go see him perform stand-up Thursday-Sunday at the Laugh Factory will hear no election routines.
Nick Young, Lakers and Warriors made their weekend mark on Las Vegas
Los Angeles Lakers’ Nick Young played a trick on fans and on his very recent ex, pop star Iggy Azalea, by posting a photo online of a Vegas wedding chapel brochure while suggesting he proposed to his new girlfriend. “She said yes,” Young posted Friday in reference to girlfriend Paloma Ford, sending entertainment writers scrambling to launch a new tirade on him, since he famously cheated on Azalea to the point that her heartache has delayed upcoming new songs.
Kim Kardashian West cancels Vegas gig while she recovers from trauma after robbery
Traumatized Kim Kardashian canceled a Halloween weekend gig at club Hakkasan because she’s emotionally recuperating from an armed robbery. Pop/DJ act The Chainsmokers (“Closer,” “Roses”) will perform instead on Oct. 28. Kardashian is expected to schedule a replacement event at the club at some point in 2016, as it’s said Hakkasan possibly pays her $250,000 per appearance. On Oct. 2, five gunmen dressed as police strong-armed past apartment building security in Paris, where she was staying.
Kim Kardashian cancels Vegas gig while she recovers from trauma after robbery
Traumatized Kim Kardashian canceled a Halloween weekend gig at club Hakkasan because she’s emotionally recuperating from an armed robbery. Pop/DJ act The Chainsmokers (“Closer,” “Roses”) will perform instead on Oct. 28. Kardashian is expected to schedule a replacement event at the club at some point in 2016, as it’s said Hakkasan possibly pays her $250,000 per appearance. On Oct. 2, five gunmen dressed as police strong-armed past apartment building security in Paris, where she was staying.
Shia LaBeouf’s Vegas Elvis wedding is for real
Shia LaBeouf got married in Las Vegas Monday, causing female fans to cry online, “My life is over,” and “At least I was prepared for this possibility and got two cats.” An Elvis minister asked them well-trodden Elvis questions: “Do you both agree to adopt each other’s hound dogs, not to wear your blue suede shoes in the rain, to always be each other’s teddy bear, and to give each other a hunka-hunka, burnin’ love?” LaBeouf and Goth met while co-starring in Lars von Trier’s acclaimed 2013...
Toy car pros race for world title in Las Vegas
There’s usually something going on in Las Vegas you’d never guess existed, and on Saturday it was a world championship for people who race toy cars. Apologies for calling the little buggies “toy cars,” but that’s what they might have looked like to passersby at the International Federation of Model Auto Racing. From Sept. 30 through Saturday, competitors from around the world took over the Gene Woods Racing Experience Go-Kart excursion next to McCarran Airport.
Watch where you sit if you’re ever invited to David Copperfield’s place
Do you like pranks? Because MGM headliner David Copperfield has a collapsible chair he’ll let you sit in until he pulls a hidden string and sends you to the floor. Copperfield pulled this prank on Wall Street Journal reporter Candace Taylor while she was interviewing him for a Thursday feature on his fancy homes. “CRASH,” she wrote in the WSJ.
WWE villain Natalya loses two front teeth but not her smile
WWE wrestling is all fun and games until you lose your two front teeth. Former champ/WWE villain Natalya was rushed to a dentist this weekend after getting her top grill knocked out during a two-on-one wrestling match with “SmackDown” rivals Alexa Bliss and Carmella in Las Vegas. On Sunday, Natalya (Natalie Katherine Neidhart, 34) Instagrammed a “before” photo of herself happily smiling with a big gap. “Just grabbing two new front teeth!” she wrote.
Jellyfish serves up something special for Gordon Ramsay
A jellyfish stung the “(expletive) hell” out of the sex organ of Vegas celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay while he was vacationing with his family in Sardinia, but he’s recovered, says London’s Daily Star newspaper. Ramsay, who was recently in Vegas to oversee his several restaurants, told the Star he was scarred and couldn’t urinate for some time after the incident in the Mediterranean Sea.
Life is Beautiful founder Rehan Choudhry wants to cool off online haters
Rehan Choudhry was born in America and founded the Life Is Beautiful festival after consulting for the Department of Homeland Security, yet he received this ominous Facebook message: “HOW DID YOU GET IN THIS COUNTRY YOU FILTHY PAKISTANI TERRORIST.” Choudhry is a Chicago native raised in Virginia, with Pakistani heritage. He is familiar with such haters. Recently he was visiting a friend in Chicago who was saying he didn’t believe racism is prevalent.
Life is Beautiful co-founder Rehan Choudhry wants to cool off online haters
Rehan Choudhry was born in America and co-founded the Life is Beautiful festival after consulting for Homeland Security, yet he received this ominous Facebook message: “HOW DID YOU GET IN THIS COUNTRY YOU FILTHY PAKISTANI TERRORIST.” Choudhry is a Chicago native raised in Virginia, with Pakistani heritage. He is familiar with such haters.
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