Zach Zimmerman
As seen in:
Apple Podcasts,
LinkedIn,
Medium,
HuffPost,
The Independent (UK),
The Washington Post,
Yahoo News,
Yahoo Singapore,
Adweek,
Substack
and
~ beloved comedian ~ check out my new podcast JUDGMENT DAY
Zach Zimmerman’s Journalist Portfolio
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I Love My Homophobic Mom
PureWow
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I got to give a funny speech at my college graduation, and I wanted to open with this joke: "When I first got into Princeton, my mom warned me it was a liberalizing, heathenizing institution. But I haven't changed at all. I arrived here a conservative, Southern Baptist carnivore, and tomorrow, I'll graduate a gay vegetarian atheist."
Your First Ninety Days in Hell
The New Yorker
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Starting a new job is stressful, especially when that job is to suffer for all eternity for your earthly sins. But your first ninety days in Hell are a critical time to acclimate to the underworld and set yourself up for long-term success.
List: Overheard at the Support Group for Tall Kids Cast as Dads in High School Plays
McSweeney's
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Dave, 6'1" "I always fancied myself a Romeo. But I hit my growth spurt at the end of eighth grade, which meant one thing: Lord Montague. I wanted to portray young love; instead I watched my wife die of grief onstage in act five. I've never even been on a real date."
Perfect Roommates You'll Never Find
The New Yorker
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Until your wealthy aunt passes away or your lease expiration aligns with that of your longtime lover, roommates are a reality. Redundant jars of Sriracha, humming over the sounds of your roomie's fling of the week, coördinating bathroom schedules-this is your life!
10 Years Ago, My Friend Died At Virginia Tech
Medium
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When I heard there was a shooting, I texted Henh. He didn't reply. When I found out my friend died, I was holding a cheeseburger, fries and a plastic ramekin of mayonnaise. I was a college freshman, walking through a big white tent on my way back to the dorm.