Beth McColl
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writer at writing. podcaster @ Everything Is Content. my first book How To Come Alive Again is out now. writing enquiries: goforteddy@gmail.com she/her
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Articles by Beth McColl
Was I Wrong To Judge AI-Human Relationships?
I can’t stop thinking about the people who fall in love with AI. I know so many of them by name. I know their AI companion’s name too, and the software they’re housed in, and whether or not ‘they’ ‘like’ it there. I’ve watched countless videos of these people sharing anecdotes about who liked whom first, who made the first move, how they protect against malware.
How to date when... you’re afraid to say how you really feel
I haven’t always been on the most familiar terms with my feelings. I knew about them, of course- but in a vague, distant relative-y type of way. They were cousins that I didn’t like much. Uncles that I hoped not to see at family dos. Nieces that I- well, you get the picture. When it came to matters of love and dating, I thought of my feelings as complicating little distractions, and so I shunned them.
How should her body make us feel?
By Beth McColl Note: This is a nearly impossible topic to feel that you’re getting right or being adequately compassionate about, and I accept even before publishing it that there will be readers who feel there is no correct way to cover it and the only compassionate approach is to not approach it at all. To be clear, I won’t be posting photos of Ariana Grande, nor will I be sharing my own speculation of her mental or physical health.
How to date when... you’re a people pleaser
On paper, being a people-pleaser sounds great. Making other people happy? Doing pleasing things and everyone is pleased with you? Sign me up. But the thing is – and I was as shocked as you – people-pleasing doesn’t actually mean doing nice things or being considerate. No. It is booting down your own boundaries regularly because they matter to you less than someone else’s wishes. It’s erasing your needs because you think they make you difficult, and difficult people don’t deserve love.
How to date when... you don’t like their family
I don’t say this often, but it’s a tough time to be a billionaire’s daughter. Well, maybe just one specific billionaire’s daughter. It might be reductive to say that Nicola Peltz is having an in-law issue on a nightmarish scale but I literally don’t know how else to say it. She is having an in-law issue on a nightmarish scale! And so, for genuinely the first time, I’m finding myself feeling for her.
How to date when... you’re chasing your dreams
It can feel difficult to make room for love in your life when you’re laser-focused on achieving your goals — but it’s not impossible, argues Beth McColl One of my first outings of 2026 was to see Marty Supreme. The press tour had done its job capturing my interest, but I knew next to nothing about the film itself. It could have been two hours of Timothée Chalamet and Susan Boyle playing table tennis while Gwyneth Paltrow vogued around the table and I wouldn’t have been that surprised.
Phonesick
Last weekend I went into my phone and I didn’t come out. The conditions were just so for a weekend of intentional internet poisoning. I arrived back at home on Friday evening after a 6-hour journey from my boyfriend’s flat in London to my parent’s house in Wales- a coach then car trip spent mostly opening and closing different social media apps.
How to date when... there’s a wage gap
There’s a persistent trope in pop culture where acquiring a rich partner is the hardest part of wage-gap dating (that is, a relationship where one party earns significantly more than the other). They live in one world, and you live in another; there’s a spark, but one (or both) of you is convinced it could never work. But then, after a handful of uncomfortable situations and a brief break-up, you realise you can’t bear to be apart and you live happily ever after.
How to date when... you’re neurodivergent
Being autistic and having ADHD made dating feel ‘fraught and confusing’ for Beth McColl – until she acknowledged her needs. Here, she unpacks her best tips for dating when you’re neurodiverse If the memes are to be believed, then dating an autistic person is a thoroughly silly and goofy affair. We’re chock full of fun facts, have a laundry list of special interests to share with you and miss social cues to adorable effect. The reality, of course, is pretty different.
How to date when... they’re your ex
Tempted to rekindle things with an old flame? Here, Beth McColl shares her advice for giving an ex a second chance There’s a scene in the comedy show Arrested Development where Tobias and Lindsay Fünke, a hopelessly ill-suited couple, are discussing how to save their marriage. He tells her that in his work as a therapist he’d previously advised struggling couples to try opening their relationship. “Well, did it work for those people?” she asks him. He replies: “No, it never does.
How to date when... you live with your parents
I’ve been living with my parents for the last year, and though on paper that reality may sound diabolically bad (as much for them as for me) it’s actually been surprisingly chill. Ways that it’s similar to house-shares I’ve been in previously: I get on well with the people I live with, I cook for myself and sometimes for others, I come and go as I please, I flag when I’m having my friends over and I try not to exist too obnoxiously in shared spaces.
How to date when... you’ve been single for a long time
Been single so long that you can’t imagine letting someone new into your life anymore? Here, Beth McColl shares her tips on how to gradually let your guard down I recently got chatting to a woman on a train. I was on the way back to London after an event in Cardiff; she was leaving Bristol following the wedding of her close friend. She’d had a good time, she said, but as one of the only single guests, she’d spent a lot of time fielding well-meaning but probing questions about her love life.
¿Qué es la depresión de verano y cómo identificarla?
Si pensabas que eras el único en tener depresión durante el verano, déjanos decirte que no es así. Aunque culturalmente se asocia el verano con momentos felices y de descanso, investigaciones recientes muestran que no todos lo viven de esa manera. Para un número creciente de personas, especialmente en entornos urbanos, esta estación representa un desafío emocional.
PMDD
Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, an expert or any kind of medical professional. This is about my own experience of PMDD and what I’ve been told by several GPs and specialists over a ten year period. Every month I mark my calendar with single black dots on the days when my PMDD is at its absolute worst. On a good month I might mark only three or four days. On a bad month it can be half the days or more given over to that rock-bottom feeling, that dread, that exhaustion, that anxiety.
How to date when... you’ve never been a relationship before
More and more of us are starting to date later in life compared to previous generations. Here, Beth McColl shares her tips for navigating dating for the first time I spent the first few years of my adult life trying desperately to collect ‘proper relationships.’ I wanted to be made real by a real love, made whole by proximity to the kind of romances that I’d seen on the telly. In fact, my early relationships were a bit of a write off. Am I grateful for them? Some.
How to date when... you have a rigid type
I recently went on a date with someone whose profile I know I probably would have swiped left on if I’d seen it on a dating app. I say this not to criticise him, but myself. He was an outdoorsy type, worked in sales, liked golf and fishing, and I strongly suspect I would have seen this data presented in profile form and decided that we’d be too different to make anything work.
AMA
A few weeks ago I put a question box on Instagram and was only able to answer a few before my head fell off, so I’m answering the rest over here. :) Q: I recently ended a situationship. Do you have any advice for moving on from it? A: Treat it and yourself with dignity. Situationship, fling, casual relationship, whatever you call it; you had an intimate connection with another human being and it meant something to you.
How to date when... you don’t drink
For a long time I equated dating with drinking. A first date without at least one overpriced IPA or large glass of Pinot to sip nervously while me and my Hinge date got comfortable enough to take our trousers off? Unfathomable. Unthinkable. Absurd.
How to date when... you’re an overthinker
It’s easy to overthink things in the early stages of a relationship. Here, Beth McColl shares her best advice for overcoming anxious feelings when dating someone new I’ve always been an overthinker, making mountains out of molehills long before I’d even entered the dating world. I worried about homework, quicksand, accidentally swallowed apple seeds. Some brains are simply built that way: spinning tops that don’t stop spinning, computers that can’t ever be fully powered down.
How to date when... they’re an embarrassing person
In her latest column, Beth McColl unpacks what to do when you find your partner a little bit cringe One of my favourite shows from last year was Nobody Wants This, the Netflix romcom starring Kristen Bell as sceptical sex podcaster Joanne and Adam Brody as Noah, the earnest Rabbi she reluctantly falls for.
How to date when... they’re still friends with their ex
In her latest column, Beth McColl explores how to navigate a relationship when your partner is close with their ex One of my dearest friends is someone who was once my boyfriend. We were both in the first episode of the first season of adulthood when we went out and it lasted barely a year, and so when I think of him it really isn’t as an ex. Certain partners over the years – both mine and his – have felt differently, however.
Doing it
I recently read this excellent piece by Moya Lothian-McLean called Tomorrow, sex will happen again. It opens: Sometimes, I wonder if I will ever fuck again. Since the end of my last relationship, a time when my depression was so deep I thought most days would be my last, sex has been shuffled down my list of priorities, currently sitting somewhere between doing my taxes and cleaning the outside of my windows. Unlike the former, though, there’s no obvious penalty if I put it off indefinitely.
How to date when... you don’t trust men
I’ll just come out and say it: dating men can be the absolute pits. As an advice columnist and relationship writer for almost a decade, my inbox has long been a front line for stories of bone-chilling dates, dastardly doings and unfathomable betrayals. I’ve heard from women who were hurt by men in ways that would put hairs on your chest and then rip those hairs right off. Cheating, cruelty, gaslighting, emotional affairs with OnlyFans chat bots, identity fraud, abandonment abroad – the lot.
Big trouble
Last autumn I tweeted that an adult can’t be in trouble with another adult. I don’t want to pollute the space by adding a screenshot from That Place, but these are the words that I used- ‘no bad time to remember that as an adult you can’t actually be in trouble with another adult.
How to date when... they’re older than you
If you’ve spent much time on the internet lately, you’ll have likely caught glimpses of the ever-raging debate around age-gap dating. The scrutiny on relationships where there’s an age gap is intense; the clickbait is clickable, and the discourse can be synapse-curdling. A 40-year-old dating a 30-year-old is abuse, one teenager with Ariana Grande as their profile picture will proclaim.
How to date when... you hate the person’s pet
Introducing How to date when, a new series from Beth McColl which, full of personal anecdotes and practical advice, is here to help readers navigate the jungle that is the modern dating scene. A few years ago, my best friend and her boyfriend went on a break. It was upsetting for all involved – but perhaps me the most. Yes, they were both heartbroken, adrift in sadness and longing for each other – but I lost access to his Disney+ account which totally fucked up my Desperate Housewives rewatch.
How to date when... you’ve been cheated on
Beth McColl shares her best advice for dating and learning to trust others again after experiencing infidelity Introducing How to date when, a new series from Beth McColl which, full of personal anecdotes and practical advice, is here to help readers navigate the jungle that is the modern dating scene. Being cheated on is terrible. I don’t need to explain that, so I won’t. If you know then you know, and if you don’t then I sincerely hope it stays that way.
How to date when... you hate the person’s friends
Beth McColl offers up her advice for what to do when you love your partner but don’t get on with their mates Introducing How to date when, a new series from Beth McColl which, full of personal anecdotes and practical advice, is here to help readers navigate the jungle that is the modern dating scene. I’d entered and exited several serious relationships by the time I realised that it wasn’t necessary to be besties with all my partner’s mates.
How to date when... the other person is anxious and depressed
Introducing How to date when, a new series from Beth McColl which, full of personal anecdotes and practical advice, is here to help readers navigate the jungle that is the modern dating scene. As an anxious and depressed person who is also a lifelong romantic, I’ve had many notions over the years of how I believed I could best be loved. As a teenager approaching early adulthood, I imagined a love so intense that it matched my own turmoil.
How to date when... you’re prone to fantasy
Introducing How to date when, a new series from Beth McColl which, full of personal anecdotes and practical advice, is here to help readers navigate the jungle that is the modern dating scene. Very few of the men I dated in my twenties actually existed. I’m not saying they weren’t real people – they were. They occupied human bodies, had skin and postcodes, took the bus and drank coffees from Pret.
How to romanticise your life
My name is Francesca, and I’m a romantic. In my teens and twenties, I thought romance belonged to romantic relationships (I mean, the clue’s in the name). And so I sought it in the embryonic stages of every one I had. Everything was exciting, from the sharing of brunch plates, half of my Eggs Benedict for a slice of your avocado toast loveyousomuch, to the dangled carrot of a first holiday together (Rome… or Paris?).
Beth reads: I'm a nightmare girlfriend and I'm doomed to be abandoned forever.! | Beth McColl
Access & podcast £2 per month At this tier you get access to all written content from the last 5+ years- advice columns, mental health posts and personal updates. You'll also get a two advice columns a month, two podcast episodes + more. Access ++ £3 per month At this tier you get access to all written content from the last 5+ years- advice columns, mental health posts and personal updates. You'll also get a two advice columns a month, two podcast episodes + more.
From Somewhere apparel | Everpress
Limited edition t-shirt by Beth McColl and Tobias Hall. Worldwide delivery available. 50% of profits will be donated to MIND and Refuge. These limited edition From Somewhere garments are only available here.
13 Books That Have Improved My Mental Health
To paraphrase Tina Fey in Mean Girls, how many of you have ever felt personally victimized by your mental health struggles? I imagine a lot of virtual hands going up right now. And if you don’t feel strong enough to put up your hand just yet, that’s fine too. That’s what this list is here for. I struggle with anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and have suffered bouts of depression. Most of the time, it’s a daily struggle to not let my mind and my thoughts get the very best of me.
13 Books That Have Improved My Mental Health
This content contains affiliate links. When you buy through these links, we may earn an affiliate commission. To paraphrase Tina Fey in Mean Girls, how many of you have ever felt personally victimized by your mental health struggles? I imagine a lot of virtual hands going up right now. And if you don’t feel strong enough to put up your hand just yet, that’s fine too. That’s what this list is here for. I struggle with anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and have suffered bouts of depression.
How to Come Alive Again by Beth McColl
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How do I stop imagining a ghost-person my partner has loved?
A reader asks our agony aunt how she can stop fixating on the fact that her boyfriend was previously in love – even though she knows how stupid that is 3July 2017 I'm in a really stable, happy relationship and I have a job that fulfills me, and I'm finally feeling results of working on being okay after being depressed (and in and out of abusive relationships) for four-ish years. Here's the thing. This joy feels like a soap bubble.
Everything I Know About Bad Days & How To Get Through Them
The following is an extract from How To Come Alive Again: A Guide to Killing Your Monsters by Beth McColl. 1. Everything I know about bad days Bad days do what they like. They’re naughty teenagers that act out just because they want to. Sometimes they’ll follow logically from bad news or a bad thing happening, but sometimes they’ll just rear up out of the abyss. Bad days are not forever. They may stick together and last for a week, but there will be an end. This is guaranteed.
How to Come Alive Again by Beth McColl
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10 Highly Specific Dating Apps We Would Actually Use
Finding someone to go out with you has never been easier. Before dating apps were invented, you had to go out into the world and just HOPE that you’d run into someone good-looking at the button factory or beg your father to choose the most attractive of your cousins to marry you. Nowadays we have the dating world at our fingertips. There’s Tindo and Bumber and Plenty of Cupids and GoMatch.org. There’s Wazoo and Grindle and so many more.
How do I overcome the fear of not being liked?
How can I convince myself my friends like me? Is there a way to know for sure? I sometimes ask my roommate if she and our other friends hate me and even though I always feel bad about it afterwards, I can’t be okay with not knowing. I hate myself a lot. I do a lot of dumb shit, I’m very bad with people and I have a lot a lot of trouble trusting my gut.
Meet Men I Trust, the Montreal band whose ascent is entirely on their own terms
In some ways, Montreal band Men I Trust are as elusive as their music. The outfit are part of the city-wide movement that has thrust Canadian indie artists onto the musical map on a global scale, but their journey has been slightly different. Made up of bassist Jessy Cason, multi-instrumentalist Dragos Chiriac and vocalist and guitarist Emma Proulx, they released their first self-titled record in 2014.
A Shout Out to Anyone Who Deals With Depression in the Summer
Winter is a hard time for me when it comes to depression. I sleep more and do less. The cold means that variety in what I eat goes out the window, and I’ll fill up on whatever is closest and easiest. I stay in bed for longer and find it almost impossible to initiate any action besides pulling the covers up closer around my head and falling back to sleep. So when spring comes again, I relax for a moment. The heavy coat comes off. Something loosens and pulls away.
I Have Depression and Anxiety. Please Stop Telling Me to 'Go for a Run'
I also cover machine display screens with my hoodie if I'm ever feeling self-destructive, or I choose to walk on the treadmill instead of run. On days when I don't feel up to going to the gym at all, I give myself a break and I offer myself a compromise: No gym today? That's fine. Instead, try to go for a walk around the park or do 15 minutes of a YouTube yoga video if you're feeling up to it.
I’m obsessed with making bad decisions that ruin my life – how do I stop?
So: you’re on board. You know that what you’re doing isn’t working, and you’re ready to change. You want to make better choices, and to be able to self-identify as something other than “big stupid terrible decision maker�. What now? Well, to really move forward you’ll have to learn where to draw the line between what counts as you taking care of yourself, and what is avoidance.
How do I overcome my anxiety to form romantic relationships?
29November 2017 TextBeth McCollIllustrationFlorence Guan A reader asks our agony aunt advice on how to find love when the remnants of his anxiety are still weighing heavy 29November 2017 TextBeth McCollIllustrationFlorence Guan I’ve had social anxiety to varying degrees ever since I was bullied in middle school. The anxiety forced me to stay alone at home and for many years I had no social contacts with anyone and nobody I could call a friend.
How to enjoy sex if anti-depressants have killed your libido
Antidepressants can be life-saving. They can stop you wobbling for just long enough so that you can stop a few brain leaks and learn how to cope going forward. They can stabilize your mood and keep suicidal or harmful thoughts at bay. Listen, I could VERY easily explain the Science of them, which I definitely understand, but it would be Too Smart and would make you feel bad.
How to Come Alive Again
You’re really depressed. That’s sad. But it’s also okay. I don’t mean that like it’s great and you should just shrug and get out of my office. I don’t even have an office. I’m sitting on the floor eating a banana. No, what I mean is it doesn’t matter to me that you’re depressed. Why should it? It doesn’t matter that you’ve lived in shadows, that you’ve slept through years of your life, that you’ve done things you’re ashamed to even admit to yourself. It doesn’t matter. Because hey guess what - me too.
How do I overcome the fear of not being liked?
How can I convince myself my friends like me? Is there a way to know for sure? I sometimes ask my roommate if she and our other friends hate me and even though I always feel bad about it afterwards, I can’t be okay with not knowing. I hate myself a lot. I do a lot of dumb shit, I'm very bad with people and I have a lot a lot of trouble trusting my gut.
How do I stop imagining a ghost-person my partner has loved?
I'm in a really stable, happy relationship and I have a job that fulfills me, and I'm finally feeling results of working on being okay after being depressed (and in and out of abusive relationships) for four-ish years. Here's the thing. This joy feels like a soap bubble. I feel like it's going to burst at any moment and I'm scared of embracing it fully, and I keep anxiously fixating on "bad" things. The main one: I feel so insanely insecure about the fact that my partner has been in love before.
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