English writer living in the U.S. Opinions are my own and do not represent those of my employers.

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@beardjones — 28,977 followers, 806 tweets

RT @caro: This President's Day, let us commemorate the first and so far only presidential pet raccoon, Rebecca. Here she is w… https://t.co/NvacnFTec6
Roses are red. Violets are blue. This AI-generated candy heart says ‘SWEAT POO.’  https://twitter.com/futurism/status/963902453660966916 
@JanelleCShane 'love 2000 hogs yea' made me believe in romance again
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