Devorah Heitner
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Author of national bestseller, Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World. Keynote Speaker.
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Articles by Devorah Heitner
Back to school phone bans
School phone bans are all the rage right now with more than 20 states and several countries adding new policies. I don’t hold out a lot of hope that banning cell phones will magically fix everything – but I can understand the concerns behind the bans. I’m just wary of putting all of our eggs into a Yondr pouch, especially if it lets lets us feel like we are off the hook and can forget about teaching kids HOW to use tech–or cultivating school environments where students can thrive.
What's the Worst Parenting Advice You Ever Received?
I told this story quickly on the podcast last Thursday: When my older daughter was about 3, I reported a story for a now-defunct parenting magazine about kids and screen time. Some of the advice (from folks like !) was incredibly sensible and helpful. But then I interviewed a Harvard-based screen time researcher — who my editor and I both expected to be the leading voice in the piece, though now I realize we were both responding to “Harvard” and “white man” more than umm, anything else.
How it's different now
Hi - Happy freaking September, people. My favorite month. Today’s newsletter is somewhat of a roaming ramble about what’s on my mind and heart as I process this summer. But first, three things: September is National Recovery Month, and to celebrate, we’re hosting a series of free support meetings this week at The Luckiest Club. I’m leading the meeting TODAY at 3 pm ET.
REPLAY: Teens and Their Phones: Help!
Devorah Heitner, PhD is the author of Growing Up in Publicand Screenwise. Drawing on her extensive work with parents, kids, schools, and clinicians, Devorah offers research-backed advice on what we should worry about, what we shouldn’t, and most importantly, how we can maintain the connection to our kids, build trust and mentor them instead of monitoring their every move. Devorah can be found on her website, Instagram, and here on Substack. This conversation is for paid subscribers only.
Teens and Their Phones: Help!
Join me in conversation with Devorah Heitner, PhD, author of Growing Up in Public,today to discuss navigating tweens, teens, and technology with sanity. Learn how to draw boundaries, keep your connection, and build trust with the kids in your life while navigating social media and connection stress—yours and theirs.
Devorah Heitner - "Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World" - Natalie Moore
Thursday, March 21, 2024 - 6:00pm - 7:00pm Devorah Heitner will discuss Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World. She will be joined in conversation by Natalie Moore. A Q&A and signing will follow the discussion. At 57th Street Books.
Expert on kids and social media to speak at SCH - The Chestnut Hill Local
You have 2 free items remaining before a subscription is required. Subscribe now! | Log in Posted 3/7/24 Heitner is considered an expert in social media and mental health, online hate speech and bullying, internet safety, digital culture, sexting and digital citizenship. This item is available in full to subscribers. E-mail Password Print subscribers If you're a print subscriber, but do not yet have an online account, click here to create one.
Expert on kids and social media to speak at SCH - The Chestnut Hill Local
Posted 3/7/24 Heitner is considered an expert in social media and mental health, online hate speech and bullying, internet safety, digital culture, sexting and digital citizenship. This item is available in full to subscribers. E-mail Password Print subscribers If you're a print subscriber, but do not yet have an online account, click here to create one. Non-subscribers Click here to see your options for becoming a subscriber.
Teen Health Today's Favorite Books Of The Year
Hi readers - thanks for all the feedback and support - it means a lot! Today’s newsletter is a special one for me, because I’m in the middle of writing a book, so I’ve been paying close attention to the books that were released this year. Here are eight that I think are especially wonderful. I hope you get a chance to check them out! — Christopher What’s this book about?
Teach Your Teen About Sexting Safely, Because It's Going To Happen
Even the most “sex-positive” parents know that when you combine adolescent sexuality and impulsivity with lightning-fast technology, things can get tricky. Parents are understandably terrified by the thought of explicit images of our teen or tween circulating out there. If we learn that our teens are sexting, it forces us to see their emerging sexuality in ways that are uncomfortable for many parents, and profoundly cringey for your kid, too — if they know that you know — or worse, have seen.
Can We Quiet Quit Social Media?
As I said on the podcast yesterday, I stopped tweeting (x-ing?) last month and feel great about that decision. In the past year, I also deleted my LinkedIn and my public Facebook page and miss them not at all.
Here's why your teen overshares online, and why that could be good Original
For many young people today, sharing their gender or sexual identity online doesn't always involve a big announcement. REUTERS/Dado Ruvic/Illustration/File Photo Published 20m ago | Published 20m ago By Devorah Heitner When Rose came out as a lesbian at age 14, she shared in person with the people who matter most - her parents and close friends. She also shared on Instagram.
The Very Common, Very Harmful Thing Well-Meaning Parents Do
A few years ago, I gave a talk about raising kids in the digital age at a public high school in an affluent suburb on Chicago’s North Shore. During the Q&A session, a father stood up and spontaneously shared that he wasn’t taking any chances: He tracked his son’s and daughter’s locations on their phones. In fact, he still tracked his eldest, 19, who was away at college in another state.
Advice | Here’s why your teen overshares online, and why that could be good
When Rose came out as a lesbian at age 14, she shared in person with the people who matter most — her parents and close friends. She also shared on Instagram. “I made an Instagram post about it because that’s honestly the easiest way because then you don’t have to tell people in person constantly,” says the suburban Chicago teen.
Here’s why your teen overshares online, and why that could be good
Here’s why your teen overshares online, and why that could be good When Rose came out as a lesbian at age 14, she shared in person with the people who matter most — her parents and close friends. She also shared on Instagram. “I made an Instagram post about it because that’s honestly the easiest way because then you don’t have to tell people in person constantly,” …
How 'sharenting' boundaries on social media protect kids' privacy and trust
For parents raising children in a world entwined with digital culture, posting about our kids on social media is fun, but it can be a field of landmines requiring careful approaches. When I visit schools as a guest speaker on digital media and technology, I'll ask students to step into a circle if their friends have ever posted something embarrassing about them on social media. About half the kids usually step in.
Mentoring vs. Monitoring Your Kids on Social Media | Brightly
Mentoring vs. Monitoring Your Kids on Social Media | Brightly These days, kids can join digital communities in anything from Roblox and Minecraft to classroom apps in elementary school. Some kids are in group …
Funny Books, Cats, and Back-to-School Barbie
Welcome to the monthly links roundup for the month of August! It has been a bit of a month so I am in need of more funny distractions. One department I am currently lacking in is funny TV. If you have a show that has been making you laugh, let me know. Before we get to the funny stuff I’m also going to put a plug in for donating relief funds for the Maui wildfires. I’ve spent a good chunk of time in West Maui and was just there (including spending some time in Lahaina) at the end of July.
Summer Reading Lists!
We somehow haven’t done a book-related Friday Thread since March (how!) and this is probably my favorite recurring Thread question to ask. (OK, tied with what’s for dinner, and yes we’ll do that one again soon too!) And summer reading is always so much fun, whether you define that as beach read or Big Project Read or something else entirely.
Instead of Spying on Kids' Texts, Try These Six Conversation Starters
Last week, I was at a school and a mom asked whether she should be reading her teen’s texts. She had no specific reason for concern, just a general feeling that he wasn’t sharing as much with her. As you know, I‘m a big fan of mentoring over monitoring. If you do monitor, be sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Not just because your 15-year-old is less open with you about his life than he was when he was 11.
Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World|Hardcover
The definitive book on helping kids navigate growing up in a world where nearly every moment of their lives can be shared and compared With social media and constant connection, the boundaries of privacy are stretched thin. Growing Up in Public shows parents how to help tweens and teens navigate boundaries, identity, privacy, and reputation in their digital world.
I've been talking to kids about social media for over a decade...The Social Media Laws in Utah are dangerous
Utah’s governor, Spencer Cox recently into law a significant measure that gives parents much greater control over their children’s access to these apps and their posting and messaging features. As of next year, will need parental permission to open social media accounts. This bill gives parents access to kid's entire world–their teen’s messages, posts and responses. It also prevents kids from using social accounts overnight from 10:30 p.m. to 6:30 a.m without explicit parental permission.
Dear Mom, Please Ask Us First Before You Post About Our College Decisions
Recently, a mother named Angie spoke to me about the importance of obtaining consent before sharing news about our children on social media. Angie is usually thoughtful about asking her daughter’s permission before posting, but her excitement over her daughter’s college scholarship got the best of her, and she posted about it without checking with her daughter first. Her daughter was not happy about it. “It was my bad,” Angie said. “We had a conversation about it.
Do smartphones "make kids stressed?"
Everywhere I speak, someone inevitably asks me about "research that says smartphones make kids depressed/anxious/lonely." Or even that it “changes the brain.” Teens getting more sensitive to social rewards you say? Doesn’t that sound like…adolescence? From the article: “The study has important limitations, the authors acknowledge.
Good news about kids and tech!
One of the reasons I wrote Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive and Survive in Their Digital World was to counteract some of the panic-based messaging about kids and tech. Don’t want to read all about the latest research or my frustrations with techno-panic and just want pragmatic tips for mentoring and connecting with your tech-immersed kids? Scroll down to to “But How Do I mentor my Kids” Headlines like “Are Smartphones Destroying a Generation” cite research, but sometimes take correlation for cause.
Two questions to ask yourself before posting about your kids
When I ask kids in my student workshops if their parents have ever posted something embarrassing about them, they almost all raise their hands. It’s not just embarrassing pictures, kids tell me. It can also be details and stories about them…shared intentionally or inadvertently. Another post: Both of these posts were from well-meaning parents who need information and are attempting to crowd-source it from people in the know–fellow parents in the community.
Want to learn about teens and their connected lives? Read ‘Behind Their Screens’ and watch ‘Heartstopper’ Original
By Devorah Heitner 3 minute Read How many times have you heard your colleagues bemoan the tech habits of younger team members? How many times have you heard teachers or parents talk about how “kids today can’t pay attention” because their attention is the length of a TikTok video?
How To Help Your Kid Make Friends - Especially If They Don't Have a Phone
We moved last summer and we’re still getting to know our new town and neighborhood – Thanks pandemic! My kid was in fifth grade when the world shut down and reentered in-person school in seventh grade. A few crucial social milestones have passed since elementary school. Kids are making their own plans (with some scaffolding and checking in – “Am I free on Saturday?” type questions and “Can you drive me somewhere” kinds of requests).
Watching TV with our kids can be a GOOD thing.
Hi there, Maybe you are feeling a bit of screen time angst, especially if you are on social media watching other families kayaking, hiking, camping out, etc. Remember, that's just the highlight reel. We kayaked too. In the San Juan Islands. It was gorgeous. But my kid would have preferred to stay home and let it be known. Teenagers, #amiright? Honestly, sometimes a satisfying summer day ends with our family watching a show together.
Worried that Screens Will Eat Your Summer Vacation?
When we see our kids using screens more than we’d like, it’s easy to jump to conclusions or assume the worst. But these days, kids can use devices for almost everything, so what might look like mindless scrolling or binge-watching could actually be a Youtube video about pollinators, a group chat with their cousins planning to meet up, or designing a roller coaster track using basic physics. As we put together our plans for summer screentime, let’s remember that not all screentime is created equal.
Devorah Heitner, PhD
Parenting tweens gets a bad rap. In my work helping parents and schools with kids and social media, I hear a lot of complaining about kids between 9 and 13 “growing up too fast,” being “immature” or “distracted.” My digital citizenship workshops with kids this age have given me a window into their creativity
Strategies for Success with
Frequently Asked Questions When does the course start and finish? The course starts now and never ends! It is a completely self-paced online course - you decide when you start and when you finish. How long do I have access to the course? How does lifetime access sound? After enrolling, you have unlimited access to this course for as long as you like - across any and all devices you own. What if I am unhappy with the course?
Things to Be Afraid of (In a Pandemic)
99 Problems Published on March 30th, 2021 | by Devorah Heitner Fifteen days before: Fear of Flying I fly to Miami to speak at a fancy private school, relishing the escape from Chicago winter. Soon, my whole speaking calendar for the year will fall away, but I don’t know to be worried, yet, about my livelihood. I am nervous about the flights, though. My flight home is crowded, and I make friends with my seatmate, Priyanka. Her consulting gig in the cruise industry may not last, she explains.
Remote school is stressing parents out
Kathy Koester feels judged. After an intense day cajoling and encouraging her 7-year-old — who has special needs — through remote school, getting a critical alert about missed assignments makes Koester feel like she is “in trouble.” Koester, who lives in Mundelein, Ill., acknowledges that teachers are trying to be supportive, but she still feels criticized: “I am 110 percent engaged [and] giving everything I have.
Perspective | Remote school is stressing parents out. Here’s how to tame the anxiety.
Kathy Koester feels judged. After an intense day cajoling and encouraging her 7-year-old — who has special needs — through remote school, getting a critical alert about missed assignments gives Koester the sense that she’s “in trouble.” Koester, who lives in Mundelein, Ill., acknowledges that teachers are trying to be supportive, but she still feels criticized: “I am 110 percent engaged [and] giving everything I have.
Opinion: Kids pay the price for adults' failures to act against racism Original
(CNN)In recent years and especially since the death of George Floyd, high school and college students have been using social media to expose everyday racism they confront at school. A recent story in The New York Times about two high school graduates from Virginia was particularly dramatic. According to the Times, one student, Jimmy Galligan, shared in June 2020 a three-second Snapchat video of his classmate, Mimi Groves, using a racial slur.
Meeting “Your Own Inner Middle Schooler”: A Conversation with Judith Warner
SEPTEMBER 25, 2020 WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER about middle school? Do you think any of those memories have haunted you, or shaped your actions in the present — even without your knowledge? According to journalist and astute observer of human behavior Judith Warner, it may be more likely than you think. Warner got curious after seeing the parents of her daughter’s middle school peers act in mysterious ways — as if the parents themselves had “inner 12-year-olds” pulling the strings.
Remote learning exacerbates inequality. Here’s how we must support the most vulnerable kids
By Devorah Heitner6 minute Read My son finished elementary school at our local, Title 1 public school this spring. Distance learning under emergency conditions was a challenge. For some it was especially tough. Some kids never made it to class meetings. Other students shared one device among three or more siblings. The experience highlighted the significant challenge in making remote learning equitable in a country with deep economic stratification.
Heitner: For Kids, ‘Doing School’ at Home Can Be Difficult. Some Ways That Parents and Teachers Can Help
Devorah Heitner is the author of “Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive and Survive in Their Digital World.” She speaks about social-emotional learning and technology at schools and has been published in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Time and Education Week.
Heitner: For Kids, ‘Doing School’ at Home Can Be Difficult. Some Ways That Parents and Teachers Can Help
We’re in month two of staying at home, and parents are reaching a breaking point. At the schools I’m Zooming into, parents look tired. “We want the teacher to know we have three kids of different ages and we are working full time too … this just isn’t possible,” they tell me. “I’m worried that I am hurting my relationship with my child as I am alternating between neglect (I have to work!) and nagging.
Put ‘Screen Time’ Debates to Rest by Making Kids Leaders - EdSurge News
In the last six weeks, I’ve spoken with educators and parents all over the country, conducting virtual workshops to help parents, teachers and administrators manage this new reality. Even those who are excited about distance learning have understandable concerns about the amount of screen time kids are experiencing these days.
Should you let your kid get that app? Here's how to set boundaries during social distancing.
Devorah Heitner, The Washington Post Published 8:30 am CDT, Monday, April 27, 2020 When our kids are cooped up at home, they're going to turn to tech. For many households, this is where the battle lines are drawn. New tech is tempting, and our kids will always be asking for the next thing on their tech horizon. Your 8-year-old wants a Nintendo Switch. Your 10-year-old wants a smartphone. Your 12-year-old wants to use Snapchat. And all the kids want to be on TikTok.
Perspective | Should you let your kid get that app? Here’s how to set boundaries during social distancing.
When our kids are cooped up at home, they’re going to turn to tech. For many households, this is where the battle lines are drawn. New tech is tempting, and our kids will always be asking for the next thing on their tech horizon. Your 8-year-old wants a Nintendo Switch. Your 10-year-old wants a smartphone. Your 12-year-old wants to use Snapchat. And all the kids want to be on TikTok. How do you know if you should say yes or no?
Is your child ready for a cellphone? Look for these independence milestones. | All4Women
There is no perfect time for a phone, and ideally this is a transition you build up to with an eye toward increasing independence in self-care, common sense, organization and empathy Your child is begging for a smartphone, but are they ready? Are you ready? Since writing Screenwise, the most frequent question I get from parents is: “What age is right for a phone?” But getting your child a smartphone – or any connected device – is a huge turning point.
Is your child ready for a cellphone? Look for these independence milestones. | Produced by Advertising Publications
Your child is begging for a smartphone, but are they ready? Are you ready? Since writing “Screenwise,” the most frequent question I get from parents is: “What age is right for a phone?” Getting your child a smartphone — or any connected device — is a huge turning point. It gives them access to the entire digital world — good and bad — and will put them at the center of a powerful communication hub.
Is your child ready for a cellphone? Look for these independence milestones.
Devorah Heitner, Special to The Washington Post Sunday Dec 22, 2019 at 7:33 PM Devorah Heitner, Special to The Washington Post Your child is begging for a smartphone, but are they ready? Are you ready? Since writing "Screenwise," the most frequent question I get from parents is: "What age is right for a phone?" During the holiday season, this question is laden with urgency, because it could make the perfect gift.
Is your child ready for a cellphone? Independence milestones are important
By Devorah HeitnerThe Washington Post Tues., Dec. 17, 2019timer5 min. read Your child is begging for a smartphone, but are they ready? Are you ready? Since writing “Screenwise,” the most frequent question I get from parents is: “What age is right for a phone?” During the holiday season, this question is laden with urgency, because it could make the perfect gift. But getting your child a smartphone — or any connected device — is a huge turning point.
Perspective | Is your child ready for a cellphone? Look for these independence milestones.
Your child is begging for a smartphone, but are they ready? Are you ready? Since writing “Screenwise,” the most frequent question I get from parents is: “What age is right for a phone?” During the holiday season, this question is laden with urgency, because it could make the perfect gift. But getting your child a smartphone — or any connected device — is a huge turning point.
“An Arm and a Leg” Reveals the True Cost of Healthcare - Wil Williams
An Arm and a Leg A show about the cost of health care that’s more entertaining, empowering, and occasionally useful than enraging, and terrifying and depressing. We may be screwed but we’re together. LET’S TALK. Press inquiries: email us.
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