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Joanna Borns on Muck Rack

Joanna Borns

New York
As seen in: Medium, HuffPost, BuzzFeed, BuzzFeed Japan, BuzzFeed News, McSweeney's, buzzfeed.com.br, Points in Case
Writer / Producer. jborns@gmail.com
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Articles

You Don’t Eat Enough Protein and It Sickens Me

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By Joanna Borns
| McSweeney's Verified
Do you eat enough protein in a day? Don’t even bother answering, because I know the answer is no. But don’t worry, I’m kind of a protein guy. I can give you all the guidance you need so you can stop being such a weak little bitch. I eat three hundred times my recommended daily allowance of protein. So as you can imagine, my life is perfect. I can crush a fifteen-gallon stainless-steel trash can with my thighs. I could lift your sofa above my head and throw it so far you’ll never see it again.
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Introducing Our New Whole-Body Deodorant Because You Are Gross and Disgusting

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By Joanna Borns
| McSweeney's Verified
Life can be pretty smelly sometimes. And that’s totally normal, so don’t worry. Our company is here to save you with products that will cover up your stench. We all know that traditional deodorant goes on your armpits. But other parts of your body smell, too. Obviously, we don’t like to talk about or even think about those body parts because they are humiliating. You probably thought you had to do things like shower to stay smelling fresh. Wow, you are smelly and dumb.
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Encha uma piscina com comida e diremos sua melhor qualidade

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By Joanna Borns
| buzzfeed.com.br
Katarzynabialasiewicz / Getty Images Escolha com sabedoria. Você é otimista e leva energia positiva a situações negativas. Nem todo mundo consegue fazer isso. Você sabe que às vezes as coisas ficam ruins, mas não deixa que isso te atrapalhe. Compartilhar resultado Você entende o que está acontecendo. Muitas pessoas têm expectativas fora da realidade ou não têm a menor ideia do que está acontecendo, mas você é realista e consegue ver os fatos sem tentar disfarçá-los.
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