Brandy Jensen
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Articles by Brandy Jensen
He’ll Take The Elevator: Defector Reacher Creatures On ‘Reacher’ Season Four
The fourth season of Amazon's Reacher, which was based on Lee Child's book Gone Tomorrow and set largely in Philadelphia, came to a close earlier this week. Defector's elite Reacher Creature team was convened to discuss this unusually brutal and mostly quite good season of the show; you can find our discussions of previous seasons here and here. The post contains a bunch of spoilers. David: Reacher Creatures, how are we recovering from Reacher Season 4: Showdown At Hoagie Junction?
CBS News Now Performing Oafish Racism On Behalf Of Bari Weiss
It did not take a lot of special insight to suspect that recently installed CBS News boss, Bari Weiss, played some role in the production of a story the outlet ran on Monday, headlined "Michigan Democrat Abdul El-Sayed's deleted tweets on Sept. 11 attacks invite scrutiny of past remarks." If you know even a little bit about Weiss, you know that such a story combines two of her favorite things: talking about people's old tweets and blatant Islamophobia.
Don’t Forget The Nails
Most people think of the tits. That’s understandable, given they would enter a room some not-insignificant amount of time before the rest of her. But there was also the hair, often high enough to occupy a distinct micro-climate, or the rhinestones, which reflected enough light to obscure everything save the tits and the hair. Saying Dolly Parton had a signature look is a bit like saying water has a signature wetness. What she had was a constitutive way of being.
A Brief Consideration Of Some Fictional Big Boys
Reacher is back, and in the first few episodes of Season 4 our enormous friend seems to be in fine form. He's smooshing guys in libraries, escaping a CIA blacksite, and making sure a tiny kitten finds a good home. While Reacher may be our current moment's most beloved answer to the question "What if a guy was really big?" he is by no means the only one. Plenty of authors have explored the possibilities inherent in hugeness. Fantasy writers in particular are enamored of this device.
Should I Sell My Ludicrously Valuable World Cup Ticket?
Time for your weekly edition of the Defector Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're talking money, U2, lasagna, and more. Hello! I'm happy to be back guest-hosting the Funbag while Drew is off. Let's get to it. Adam: So I was lucky enough to get lottery tickets to the Round of 32 in "the San Francisco Bay Area Stadium." (As an aside, fuck FIFA.) Since USA clinched the group with Paraguy's miracle win over Turkey, the value of my ticket is over ten times what i paid for it.
Finally, An Austen-ish Adaptation Worth Watching
Mary Bennet, middle of five, has few virtues to recommend her. Unlike her eldest sister, Jane, she is not beautiful. Nor is she witty, like second-eldest Elizabeth. Her younger sister, Kitty, may be frivolous but at least she is good-humored and has a fun nickname. Youngest daughter, Lydia, meanwhile, is disastrously reckless, but you can’t deny she has spirit.
‘Last One Laughing: UK’ Is Absurdly Funny
The premise of Last One Laughing: UK is simple and diabolical: stick a bunch of professionally funny people in a room together for six hours and forbid them from laughing. Crack once and you get a warning, break a second time and you’re out.
The Patron Saint of Oddballs and Delinquents
“One deception can be traded for another, greatness and betrayal lie beside each other closely intertwined,” Lemann writes early on in her next book, “The Ritz of the Bayou,” suggesting that she has learned a few things.
Adulterous Norwegian Biathlete’s Appeal Denied
It is so easy to yield to temptation. My head might know a path leads only to shame and regret, but my heart urges me to take one step, and then …
Adulterous Norwegian Biathlete’s Appeal Denied
It is so easy to yield to temptation. My head might know a path leads only to shame and regret, but my heart urges me to take one step, and then another. It started on Tuesday, with news that Norwegian biathlete Sturla Holm Lægreid chose, for some reason, to use the occasion of his bronze medal–winning performance in the men’s 20km to confess on live television that he cheated on his girlfriend and desperately wants her back.
Defector Reads A Book Is Tackling ‘Wuthering Heights’
Have you heard the news? British director Emerald Fennell is making Wuthering Heights, an adaptation of the Emily Brontë classic loved by depressed and horny girls everywhere. Or, more precisely, she is making "Wuthering Heights," because, as she explained in a recent interview, "it is Wuthering Heights and it isn’t—but really I'd say that any adaptation of a novel should have quotation marks around it." Well, OK! Since it's Emerald Fennell, the movie is sure to have some weird sex stuff going on.
Against "Slop" | Defector
Time for your weekly edition of the Defector Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. You can also read Drew over at SFGATE, and buy Drew’s books while you’re at it. Today, we're talking LLMs, bandwagon fans, and more. Hello! Drew is still on vacation, so I will be fielding your questions this week. How fun! Shane: After a funbag is posted, it is made public that every single answered question was created by ChatGPT. Would you mind? Would you feel the need to respond?
Some Thoughts On ‘Heated Rivalry,’ Including, But Not Limited To: Ahhhh, Mmmm, And [Crying Emoji]
Brandy: Hello Kelsey, I hope you had a lovely Christmas. Kelsey: Hello Brandy, if by “Christmas” you mean “the season finale of the hit show Heated Rivalry starring Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams which aired on December 26,” I sure did!! Brandy: December 26 is Boxing Day, a very real and important holiday for my people (Canadians), who also brought you this wonderful show.
American Cant | Defector
Dante Alighieri thought he could write himself out of exile. In 1300, while serving on a governing committee in his beloved Florence, the poet was involved in a factional dispute among city leaders. The following year, while in Rome on a diplomatic mission, he found his own faction on the outs, was charged with corruption, and sentenced in absentia to burn at the stake should he ever return.
Access Insights Conference Concludes with Record-Breaking Attendance, Illuminating Future of Data Access and Analytics Original
PHILADELPHIA--(BUSINESS WIRE)--IntegriChain, the leading provider of pharma revenue optimization technology and insights, today announced the successful conclusion of its Access Insights Conference, co-hosted by Blue Fin Group, an IntegriChain company.
IntegriChain Launches Comprehensive State Price Transparency Reporting System to Support Evolving Regulatory Landscape Original
PHILADELPHIA--(BUSINESS WIRE)--IntegriChain, a leading provider of pharmaceutical revenue optimization technology and data intelligence, today announced the launch of its AI-powered State Price Transparency Reporting (SPTR) system. As state-level price transparency mandates continue to expand and evolve, IntegriChain is meeting the moment with a comprehensive, market-leading solution built on deep regulatory expertise, combined with advanced automation and real-time analytics.
Not Every Documentary About A Crime Needs To Be A True Crime Documentary
The events outlined in the Netflix documentary Unknown Number: The High School Catfish are undoubtedly salacious. In October 2020, Lauryn Licari and her boyfriend Owen McKenny, two teenagers in the small town of Beale City, Mich., start receiving texts from a number neither recognizes. The mysterious texter seems set on driving a wedge between the young couple—“Owen is breaking up with you; it’s obvious he wants me”—and undermining the self-esteem of Lauryn, in particular.
Thank You, Melvyn Bragg
Melvyn Bragg, host of the BBC Radio 4 programme In Our Time since its very first episode back in 1998, has greeted me in the same delightfully brusque manner hundreds and hundreds of times. Hello. In 1911 the Dutch physicist Haika Kameling-Honors made a remarkable discovery that nobody predicted and that none can since fully explain—it's called superconductivity. Hello. Until twenty years ago, dinosaurs were widely assumed to be large, lumpen lizards that became extinct millions of years ago. Hello.
IntegriChain Appoints Strategic Leader to Drive Innovation, Deepen Product Focus, and Enhance Customer Experience Original
PHILADELPHIA--(BUSINESS WIRE)--IntegriChain, a market leader in net revenue optimization technology and insights for the life sciences industry, today announced a strategic leadership evolution within its Product and Technology organization, underscoring the company’s commitment to innovation. Shai Fiss has been appointed as the new Chief AI and Technology Officer (CAIO & CTO), effective August 18, 2025.
Why A Bunch Of Real Dicks Keep Throwing Fake Ones
Every misogynist joke poses a question to its female audience: Can you laugh along? Will you be chill or are you going to make a big deal out of this? Are you going to be a bitch about it? Arriving in the form of a dildo, the joke that is also the question becomes a double entendre: Can you take it? The first time someone threw a sex toy onto the court, during a July 29 game between the Golden State Valkyries and the Atlanta Dream, many players were inclined to say yes, we can laugh about this.
And Just Like That... It’s Over
It’s pretty common these days for a television show to hold its viewers in contempt. Most “big-hearted comedies” treat you like a child, most crime shows assume you are very stupid, most dramas take for granted that you are easily manipulated. It’s not unusual to feel like whoever wrote the show you’re watching hates you. The Sex and the City sequel And Just Like That…, which HBO execs announced would be ending this Thursday after just three seasons, is different.
The Art Of Reading
Brandy: This was my first read of The Art of Fielding, though I do have memories of it being like, A Book You Should Read back in the day. I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting but I found it quite winsome! It has an undeniable charm and there is a certain quaintness to it that I enjoyed a lot. Less baseball than I thought there would be, maybe. Am I the only one who was reading it for the first time?
The New York Times Clarifies That A Starving Child In Gaza Also Needs Medical Care
People are starving in Gaza. They are starving because the Israeli government is not allowing enough food to enter, and because what food becomes sporadically available can be claimed only by those willing to enter the death traps engineered by the Gaza Humanitarian Foundation, an American and Israeli-backed private food distribution system.
Tim Krabbe’s ‘The Rider’ Won Us Over By Losing
Brandy: Let me start by saying thank you, Patrick, for picking this book. I enjoyed it enormously. I will also now immediately display ingratitude by ignoring what you said in your lovely introductory essay and say that I read this book as a metaphor.
‘The Settlers’ Makes Louis Theroux Say What He Thinks
In order to watch The Settlers, I first had to fraudulently assert my right to do so. The latest film by much-lauded documentarian Louis Theroux was broadcast earlier this week on BBC Two, and is available to stream via BBC iPlayer, which you can only access with an IP address in the UK (an international release date is apparently coming soon.) So I lied in order to have the thing I wanted, which seemed fitting enough.
I Will Take An Annoying World Over A Sterile One
This week we're running a small package of essays on the topic of nuisances. Why? That's an annoying question. Last year, I started an essay with the following sentence: "Too often these days I find myself in the position of defending someone I think is annoying from someone I know is dangerous." That essay went on to include many other sentences, some of which were well-received, but that one, the very first one, seems especially to have struck a chord.
Which Chore Gets Forgotten The Most Often?
Hello! Let me start with a confession: When I was asked to guest-host the Funbag I figured it would be pretty easy, given the fact that I’ve written an advice column of my own on and off for the past six or seven years. How different could it be?
I'm In Charge Now
Hello, I hope everyone had a restful and enjoyable long weekend. As Tom mentioned on Friday, I’m Brandy Jensen and I’m very excited to be Defector’s first ever guest editor this week. Let me begin with a small confession, to build trust between us: I don’t know much about sports. I try to maintain a sufficient level of understanding to get the funny tweets about, say, Jokic and his horses, but beyond that I’m generally pretty lost.
Brandy Jensen: "The Polycrisis"
Books Brandy Jensen Polyamory sometimes seems like a practice made to generate conversations, writes Brandy Jensen. Getty Images Too often these days I find myself in the position of defending someone I think is annoying from someone I know is dangerous. Most recently this happened with polyamorous people, the existence and behaviors of whom many readers claim to be tired of talking about, only to gleefully comb through every new book or magazine profile.
Dear Fuck-Up: How Do I Feel Worthy of My Partner?
Dear Fuck Up, I am in a wonderful relationship with a person I love very deeply, and we plan to spend the rest of our lives together. Our relationship is wonderful in many ways, but there is one issue that I need and want to resolve. The problem is that I feel like I’m not good enough for my partner.
Dear Fuck Up: Do I Have to Be Friends With This Person?
Dear Fuck Up, A friend I briefly knew in college (approx. 10 years ago) keeps reaching out over text and social media, eager to catch up and discuss our personal lives, but I am not interested. Am I being unkind? Or is it better to not reciprocate when I know I’m uninterested in a close friendship? For background: We were very casual friends in college. We might cross paths in the library or at cafes and have nice conversations.
Dear Fuck Up: Transitioning Would Blow up My Life
Dear Fuck Up, I find myself in my mid-thirties with a good and stable life: I have a career that I can tolerate, friends, political work I find interesting, and a husband whom I love very much. At the same time, I'm often bored and restless: a few years ago we left New York City for a suburb to be closer to my husband's job, and I miss my life in the big city and the feeling of freedom I had when I was single in my twenties and felt like my options were limitless. I feel ripe for a midlife crisis.
From The Archives: Oh Shit I Think I Want to Fall in Love
Dear Fuck Up, I am in my mid-twenties, and through a combination of execrable self-esteem (I'm objectively conventionally attractive but you can’t tell the lizard part of my brain shit), what I would describe as a severe lack of interest from other parties, and what my therapist would describe as pretty meticulous avoidance of anything sexual or romantic in favor of areas where I could exercise control, I have not had a romantic partner and have never had sex.
Dear Fuck Up: I Thought I Was Over My Ex
Dear Fuck Up, I was so excited to see that you're writing again. I've read bothyour pieces about getting over an ex, and I'm hoping you can talk me down here. Everything you've told other people makes sense, but I keep believing my ex and I deserve special pleading. We started dating in high school, but this wasn't just a teenage fling. We stayed together all through college, even though we didn't attend the same school.
Dear Fuck Up: How Do I Start Over After Nearly Dying?
Dear Fuck Up, A couple years ago, a big calamity happened to me. I almost died. Recovery took a long time. It basically fucked up every part of my life except my relationships. Now I'm at the point where I can probably start trying to move forward with my life and I'm finding it really hard to do. On a personal level, calamities aside, my life is pretty good. I'm in a happy relationship and I have a lot of supportive friends and family.
Dear Fuck Up: Should I Tell My Friend I've Fallen for Them?
I suppose it’s a bit fitting that I should start my first real column with an apology for failing to live up to expectations. I had hoped to have this post up last week, but a combination of factors — some logistical (not a lot of questions yet) and some world-historical (feeling like there are much better and more important things for everyone to be reading right now) — conspired to get me here, shamefully late. There is also the fact that I am not very good at being my own boss.
The fuck up returns
A few years ago, I had the idea to write an advice column based on the premise that I was qualified to do so in large part because I can hardly judge other people’s mistakes too harshly when I’ve made so many of my own. I called it Ask a Fuck Up, and I would like to note that this was just before what I think of as the sassy self-help trend really took off in book publishing, and airport bookstores everywhere became lousy with sweary titles like Get Your Shit Together, Girl! or whatever.
With 'The Righteous Gemstones,' Walton Goggins Continues to Be TV's Favorite Complicated Man Original
Plenty of actors are capable of stealing a scene—Walton Goggins will convince you it belonged to him the whole time. He has one of those faces you never want to take your eyes off. It’s unpredictable; you never know what it might unleash next: malice, tenderness, a smile with those teeth that don’t look quite suited to a human mouth. It’s a good face for a villain, like racist cop Shane Vendrell on The Shield, the role that first brought Goggins television acclaim.
Walton Goggins, TV's Favorite Complicated Man
No offense to Carrie and the girls over on And Just Like That …, but there’s no fashion on HBO-slash-Max right now quite like that of The Righteous …
Dead Cats: A Conversation on Romance and Rejection
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12 Days of Gift Guides: Ursula Le Guin Le Gift Guide
Recently, I was telling a friend that there’s a list of things I’ll probably never write about because I love them in a way that does not abide critical distance, which doesn’t really make for interesting writing. Somewhere near the top of that list is the work of American science fiction and fantasy author Ursula K Le Guin, who died in 2018, leaving behind over 20 novels, seven essay collections, a dozen books of poetry, and more than 100 short stories.
Dear Fuck-Up: When Does Flirting Cross the Line?
I slide into someone's DMs every now and then, but never with the intention to cheat Carol Yepes/Moment/Getty Images Dear Fuck-Up, I have been in a committed relationship for a little over a year now, and I am fairly confident that I will be with this person for the long haul. However, I still find myself occasionally wanting to engage in harmless (?) flirting with other people, usually in the form of DM-sliding and Snapchat-sending.
Some Euphemisms for Sex I've Seen While Shopping for a Bed Frame
Heritage Images/Hulton Archive/Getty Images I recently purchased a bed frame, which used to involve going to a furniture store and saying “that one looks nice” but has been made both much cheaper and much worse through the necessity of having to spend time on the computer.
Dear Fuck-Up: Can I Beg My Brother to Forgive Our Alcoholic Mom?
I am distraught at the thought of losing my family. Diego Eidelman / EyeEm/EyeEm/Getty Images Dear Fuck-Up, I come from a fucked-up family: both my parents are alcoholics, and my brother and I both have a collection of mental illnesses resulting from assorted childhood traumas. For a long time I lived at home and longed to get out, but now I have a good life for myself; in a few months, I'm getting married. My brother has had a rough go of it, though, and he's living with me and my fiance.
Dear Fuck-Up: I Found Out My High School Bully Became a Teacher
Dear Fuck-Up, When I was a freshman in high school, I had my own type of oblivious that made me a really vulnerable target to bullying. In particular, there was one senior who seemed to delight in humiliating me in front of groups. He asked me at least once that I remember if I had ever seen a penis before—I was only 14 then, and I think this might have happened multiple times—and lied to me for asking “stupid” questions.
Dear Fuck-Up: How Do I Stop Obsessing Over My Ex?
Dear Fuck-Up, I had a rather dysfunctional year-long relationship with a man—let’s call him James—that ended more than two years ago. Among other issues, I felt that I was very in love with him and he just... didn’t love me. I felt like I was always dancing for his attention—trying to be clever and interesting and sexy—and it was such a fucking high when I succeeded. I never really understood why he stayed with me so long, and why he ended it when he did.
Dear Fuck-Up: I Feel Guilty That I Reneged on My Best Friend
Dear Fuck-Up, I met my best friend in college almost 20 years ago. After we graduated, due to life and career choices we have never lived in the same city, but stayed extremely close. We talk every day and have made an effort to see each other in person at least once every other month. Our friendship has always been effortless, supporting each other through life and knowing the other will be there when we need them.
In Praise of Dangerous Ideas
Illustration: Getty (Getty Images) The pillars upon which Western liberal democracy has been built—reason, the free exchange of ideas, commitment to truth-telling—grow more unstable by the day. Hacked apart by a ravenous mob of woke warriors, even the politicians, intellectuals, and writers traditionally tasked with their defense and maintenance either stand idly by or join in the revelry and plunder.
I Have a Genius Idea for Small Kitchens and No, I'm Not High
Image: Getty (Getty Images) I moved a few months ago into an apartment that has one of those big vintage sinks with a drainboard on either side, and I have come to love it very much. What it lacks in storage it makes up for in ease of maintenance and general, reassuring sturdiness. This is a sink that has weathered many human joys and tragedies over the years—all the cut flowers and burned lasagnas that make up a life. It is chipped in places but who isn’t.
My Year With Jack Reacher
I am not, generally speaking, a person who looks on the bright side of things. I view cheerfulness in the face of calamity with a lot of suspicion, if not outright contempt, and have done since childhood—I remember watching Pollyanna with my Nana and telling her that I wouldn’t like to be friends with a girl like that.
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