The following prompts were submitted to an image-generation service over the course of a century. The user has since been suspended. Prompt 1 Create a timeless late-Victorian oil painting of the most beautiful boy in the world (me). Comely features. Lovely. Fair. Debonair and aristocratic. Use only the finest materials—expensive primers, paints, rare pigments—to conjure an illusion of wealth.

Forgive me, Padre, for I have binged. Kissed brimstone. Huffed hellfire. Made a $5.99 deal with El Diablo for a five-pack of chicken nuggets. In the back booth of a Taco Bell Cantina, I plop down my tray like I’m late to the Last Supper. Spread before me: an unholy communion. Nuggets instead of wafers. A chalice of consecrated Baja Blast. Illuminated above me: not stained glass, but a neon-purple sign promoting a timeless fast-food parable. LIVE MÁS.

Failed Attempts to Get My Doctor to Prescribe Ozempic Spiraling in pursuit of skinniness April 30, 2026 by Dan Hass Leave a Comment Asking how much weight I’d need to gain to tip the scales. Presenting a food journal of every Hostess product I’ve consumed this year, along with an addendum of DoorDash receipts. Suggesting we go halvsies on the prescription and split the injections 60/40. Giving her a Zoom tour of my pantry—stocked with nothing but saturated fats.