Erica Lies
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Wry muppet. Writer. 📝 in @newyorkerhumor, @vulture, @bust_magazine, @mcsweeneys, @PostOutlook, @austinchronicle, @sightlinesmag she/her/lei
Articles by Erica Lies
My Annual Performance, as Reviewed by My Dog
Please rate Erica on a scale of 1-5 on how she demonstrates the following: CONSISTENCY: 5 Erica does fantastic treat work, always offering me a tasty morsel after walks, even though she doesn’t contribute to our daily quota for eating grass. PUNCTUALITY: 2 Erica often delays leaving the house because of something she calls a “job,” which, from the best I can discern, is just staring at (and sometimes talking to) a glowing screen.
Rice Krispies Treat Strawberry Ice Cream Sandwiches
There are innumerable ways to cope with the particular malaise of job burnout. Some people do spa treatments, others prefer the endless scroll of TikTok, but personally, I turn to unfettered capitalism. There is no work stress that I cannot numb under the bright lights of a Target, staring at a KitchenAid mixer as if it could fix me. More recently, my burnout salve has been pining for tasty treats at high-end grocery stores.
Reviews of New Food: Trolli Gummi Pops
As a child, my secret “cool kid” skill was the ability to eat the sourest candy—the kind that children only pop into their mouths when dared by the neighborhood bully—and shrug it off like it was absolutely nothing. The mean kids would encourage me to eat yet another Warhead or Tear Jerker, but I’d wolf it and stare back at their surprised faces without so much as an eye twitch. I not only tolerated the sourness well, I reveled in it.
What Your Favorite Houseplant Says About You
You stopped dyeing your hair to let your natural greys come in and now it’s strictly 25-year-olds who message you on Hinge.
It's Not that I'm Not Listening, It's That Women's Voices Just Sound Like "Squawk Squawk Squawk!"
By Erica Lies I hear you one-hundo-P when you say "You're not listening, Greg." Granted, those are the only words I can understand. I'm trying desperately to hear you, Susan. Photo by fauxels via Pexels. Louise, you and my other female coworkers - "the girls," as I like to call you - say I'm not listening to...
If Zeus Had Instagram
ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE Young reader in your life? Subscribe to Illustoria magazine today. Recognized by The New York Times as a best gift for kids! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Please help support our writers and keep our site ad-free by becoming a patron today! ➤ ➤
Top-Secret Messages About Curly Hair-care, Declassified
Co-written by Kerry Elson and Erica Lies To: ERICA From: KERRY Good morning, ERICA. I'm passing you this secret note after Pilates because we both have curly hair and your aid is needed. You have loose, springy curls, like Bernadette Peters or Tracee Ellis Ross. My own curls resemble a construction helmet, need intervention. But subterfuge is abundant; market is dominated by stylists disguised as "curl experts" who only trim hair into a clown-wig mullet.
Taylor Swift Friendship Bracelets for Beatles Lovers
Enter the Cartoon Caption Contest for a chance to appear in the magazine. Follow @newyorkercartoons on Instagram and sign up for the Daily Humor newsletter for more funny stuff.
If Ebenezer Scrooge Had Instagram
Enter the Cartoon Caption Contest for a chance to appear in the magazine. Follow @newyorkercartoons on Instagram and sign up for the Daily Humor newsletter for more funny stuff.
Spells to Ward Off the Sunday Scaries
To Repel Evil E-mails From Tomorrow’s In-box Set your laptop to its lowest brightness setting.
The House of Inner Torment
Climb the darkened path through thunder and rain to the home overgrown with gnarled weeds and prepare to have your spine tingled and your life path judged. Careful - many visitors get trapped here inside their doubt. You push aside rotting Amazon boxes and enter the garage. The door creaks open. Car headlights blind you. You're in Stephen King's "Christine"! Wait, this is a 2002 Honda Civic - your car.
Austin humor writer Wendi Aarons isn’t afraid of middle school — or middle age — Sightlines
“I’m so embarrassed that I thought I was a failure at age 30,” Austin comedy writer Wendi Aarons told me over Zoom recently, recalling how she’d let go of her Hollywood writing dreams in her late 20s. What she didn’t realize then was just how much writing she’d do in the decades to come. Now in her 50s, Aarons is releasing her second book within four months. The first, “Ginger Mancino, Kid Comedian,” a middle-grade book about the challenges of middle school, was released in June on Bookbar Press.
Alex Kiester's ‘The Truth About Ben and June’ shares truths about early parenthood and creative grief — Sightlines
“A lack of honesty and truth is at the core of what’s broken in their marriage,” Austin author Alex Kiester says of the main characters in her new book, “The Truth About Ben and June.” Kiester’s second book (though it’s her debut in print) comes out June 28 from Park Row Books. The novel begins when the titular Ben wakes up to a disturbing sound. His infant son is wailing, and his wife, June, is nowhere to be found.
Password Recovery Questions Written by Beth, Your High School Frenemy
What was the name of your 9th grade best friend? What was the last name of that English teacher whose ass you always kissed? Name the beach where our families vacationed together when we were 12 and I kept introducing you as my servant. What nickname did I give you because of your bushy hair that looked like a bird's nest? Name the make and model of the loud, rusty car your dad picked you up from school in. What was the name of your totally real boyfriend who lived in Canada and was a “star fencer”?
Dissertations Written by Someone Who Has Friends with Kids
“ ‘I Can’t Change a Diaper, but I Can Carry the Diaper Bag’: On Being a Thirty-Five-Year-Old Woman Going to the Park with a Friend and Her Baby” “My Classmate from High School Can Lactate: A Review of the Literature” “Mother Knows Best: A Meta-Analysis of Handing Baby Azalea Back to Christine When I Feel Wetness on My Hands” “Expanding Foucault’s Panopticon: Buying Christine a Top-of-the-Line Baby Monitor so That We Can Still Have Girls’ Movie Night” “ ‘I’ll Stand and Watch’: Procedures for...
Our Subscription Service is Reinventing Sending Premium Dead Leaves in the Mail
Image from Pexels by Pixabay We’re busy people these days — no one has time to run to the store every time they need a new pile of dead leaves. That’s why we’ve created Dry’d, a subscription service that sends luxuriously delicate dead leaves directly to your door! Our founders, Vander and Soleil, created Dry’d when they just couldn’t find affordable prices for high-end dead leaves to crunch under their feet or use as kindling in their many Nordic cabins.
A Taxonomy of Migraines
The Sardine Can Feels like: The bone protecting your thought ball has been peeled back and a thousand grackles are pecking at your exposed brain. Cause: Five minutes on a computer. The “Star Wars” Feels like: Your skull is the Death Star’s trash compactor, and Leia, Luke, Han, and Chewie are your noggin. Cause: You didn’t eat your 10 A.M. snack. The Puddin’ Pop Feels like: Your brain is a gelatinous substance held together by a skull made of dollar-store construction paper.
List: For Sale: Gently Used Dog Food
Like new! Minor signs of wear. Hardly smells at all. Has been inside a dog for less than five minutes. My Corgi didn't like it, but your dog might. $100 or best offer. This is premium-brand stuff, people. It's organic now, too. For $5 extra, I will put it in a bag before I mail it to you. Call now for this once-in-a-lifetime offer. GET NEW COMEDY TO YOUR INBOX MORE LIKE THIS Sarah Totton Sarah Totton writes weird stuff.
List: 15 Ways to Make the Filibuster More Painful
“The filibuster should be painful, it really should be painful and we've made it more comfortable over the years. … Maybe it has to be more painful.” —Senator Joe Manchin (D-WV) 1. The “Talking” Filibuster — The filibustering senator would be required to speak during the duration of the filibuster. Once the senator can speak no longer, the filibuster ends. 2. The “Dancing” Filibuster — Like a 24 hour dance-a-thon, the filibustering senator must be dancing the entire time.
I’m Not a Bad Person, I’m a Performance Artist
If I failed in this life then it is purely because our society is designed for artists like myself to do so. What may appear to be a lifetime of poor decision-making and selfish acts has actually been one long piece of satire designed at taking down the entire system. Allow me to explain. You see, when I was fired from my job at Target for stealing money out of the register, it was actually a clever commentary on American capitalism. Quite subtle, I know.
Taoist Truisms for the Age of Surveillance Capitalism
Act by not acting. Do by not doing. Sit. Slow your breath. Now Fitbit cannot collect and sell your heart rate information for Google. Release the need for meaningless trivia and you will never Google again. If you still thirst for knowledge, there’s always DuckDuckGo. Reduce selfishness; make few your desires. Follow the Tao, and targeted ads for mint KitchenAid mixers won’t effect you. (Though the Tao agrees: that color is really cute.) Detach from your ego. Let go of need for recognition.
Andie Flores Makes Little Ugly Goblin Evil-Doers Beautiful — Sightlines
In an Instagram video from drag performer and comedian Andie Flores (@bidibidibummer), she wears a giant gold star — so giant it covers her almost to the waist, her face in the center like a glam version of the Teletubby sun.
Dionysus’ 2020 Year-End Cocktail List for Your Stay-at-Home Bacchanal
Party Solo and Party Safe! tipping a glass to you for making it through 2020! Written by Caitlin Kunkel and Erica Lies Hey there sluts, ragers, and boozehounds, it’s Dionysus, God of the Vine and Party Boi Supreme. Look, I love nothing more than partying hardy as the god of wine and ecstasy (the feeling AND the pill), and I definitely miss retreating to the mountains with my followers to drink ourselves to madness and create frenzied pleasure chaos.
Dionysus’ 2020 Year-End Cocktail List for Your Stay-at-Home Bacchanal
Party Solo and Party Safe! tipping a glass to you for making it through 2020! Written by Caitlin Kunkel and Erica Lies Hey there sluts, ragers, and boozehounds, it’s Dionysus, God of the Vine and Party Boi Supreme. Look, I love nothing more than partying hardy as the god of wine and ecstasy (the feeling AND the pill), and I definitely miss retreating to the mountains with my followers to drink ourselves to madness and create frenzied pleasure chaos.
Call for Submissions: Equality after Election Day?
Can equality and relationships be salvaged? On the morning of November 4, will Americans wake to wipe the sleep from their eyes, amble out of their homes and into the streets, join hands, and sing “I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke” while basking in the warmth of the rising sun? Will all be forgiven in the name unity? Gotcha! Even I am not that naive, but you have to admit I had you going for a second.
Film review: “Fugitive Dreams” Offers a Tempered Hope in Trying Times — Sightlines
Still from Fugitive Dreams At the opening of “Fugitive Dreams,” the directorial debut of Salvage Vanguard founder, Jason Neulander, a drifter (April Mathis) is on the verge of taking her life. That is, until another drifter (Robbie Tann) barrels into the gas station bathroom where she’s holding a piece of glass to her wrist and stops her, both literally and metaphorically.
Revamped National Lampoon Radio Hour Goes Full 2020
In this age of perpetual reboots, there's a comeback on the horizon, and it's not always the one you expected. National Lampoon, that storied Seventies and Eighties comedy brand that brought us Animal House and a million Chevy Chase movies, is back with a reboot of the irreverent National Lampoon Radio Hour.
At No Lights No Lycra, You Really Can Dance Like No One's Watching
A glimpse of No Lights No Lycra in action (Photo by David Brendan Hall) Entering No Lights No Lycra – Austin's weekly sober dance party in the dark – feels at first like you're in a sensory deprivation chamber. Walking into the community room at Guan Yin Tea House, NLNL's home for the last year, you feel a sense of the space's expanse, but until your eyes adjust, it's hard to tell how many people are in the room. No Lights No Lycra is a DJ night that's sonically loud but visually quiet.
Welcome Aboard Our Newest Roller Coaster, the Freelancer
Buckle up and prepare for the ride of your life! We have some of the world’s most income-stability-defying heights, plus thrilling twists, turns, and retainer contracts. Please take a seat and hang on tight. Our passengers do get thrown back into Uber driving on the reg. We’re beginning the climb! Feel the pleasant breeze of avoiding rush-hour traffic and the joy of gliding through an empty grocery store at midday or taking leisurely walks with your dog whenever the hell you want.
Qmmunity chats with the writer, actor, creator about his latest work
Qmmunity chats with the writer, actor, creator about his latest work By Erica Lies, 12:45PM, Wed. Dec. 11, 2019 Everythingâs Gonna Be Okay, Josh Thomas (r). (Photo provided by Freeform) Australian phenom Josh Thomas â whose first show, Please Like Me, you may have encountered on Hulu â is back with a new series, this time in the olâ U.S. of A. Out on Freeform Jan.
Grab BUST's July/August 2019 Issue With Awkafina On Newsstands NOW!
Details BY BUST Magazine IN Entertainment Published: 01 July 2019 Sizzling summertime has arrived at BUST! And to celebrate, we’ve nabbed one of Hollywood’s hottest rising stars, Awkwafina, for our July/August 2019 cover! Inside, we’ve got revealing interviews with Beanie Feldstein from Booksmart, legendary Teen Vogue editor Elaine Welteroth, and Pose’s Billy Porter; a peek inside the world of women living that #VanLife; an exploration of Korea’s emerging feminist movement; and more.
This Is Not a “Breakup,” It’s a “Pivot Toward Life Without Denise”
TO: Tanner Connors FROM: Denise Overton SUBJECT: Our Product/Market Fit Dear Tanner: Due to changing projections in my quarterly emotional needs model for the fiscal year, I am pivoting our relationship from a domestic partnership to an acquaintanceship. This revolutionary new policy is effective immediately.
There’s Never Been a Better Time to Watch Charlie Chaplin’s ‘The Great Dictator’
As the ugliness of the Trump administration’s nationalism and hate has roared into office in the last six weeks, it’s drawn more than one comparison to the world’s worst dictatorships and their respective roads to power. And since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Charlie Chaplin’s 1940 film, The Great Dictator. Given our country’s increasing nationalism and fear of the Other, Chaplin’s masterpiece is worth a rewatch.
10 Things We Learned At The Simpsons Panel at the ATX TV Fest
The Simpsons is officially the longest-running entertainment series in U.S. television history, and this past weekend, the ATX Television Festival hosted Simpsons writers and previous/current showrunners Al Jean and Matt Selman and animator/director David Silverman for a panel on the show’s evolution over its impressive 25-year tenure. Joining them on the panel was Simpsons co-creator, James L.
‘Great News’ Will Fill the ‘30 Rock’-Sized Hole in Your Heart
In this era of “peak TV” it’s easy for genuinely great comedies to fly under the radar. But as more and more streaming shows create tons of edgy buzz or controversy, network sitcoms can feel far more ignored than they used to be. So maybe that’s why it took a friend’s suggestion for me to watch NBC’s Great News. I had barely even heard of it prior, but after binging all of season 1 (thanks, Hulu) in less than 24 hours, I was so grateful that he did.
Remembering Lashonda Lester, the Funniest Person in Austin
A wave of shock and grief swept through the Austin comedy scene yesterday as news spread that 2016’s Funniest Person in Austin winner Lashonda Lester passed away unexpectedly. Known for her ease on stage, Lester was a consummate professional in both her writing and delivery with jokes that never had an unnecessary word and yet somehow seemed off-the-cuff. Lester was diagnosed with kidney failure almost two years ago immediately following the 2015 FPIA contest.
’Silicon Valley’s Skewering of the Tech Industry Feels Spot-On
A few weeks ago, South by Southwest offered an advance screening of the first two episodes of Mike Judge’s new sitcom, Silicon Valley. It was shown as part of the festival’s Episodic section, a new addition this year. Janet Pierson, Head of SXSW Film, stated the decision came after seeing how well the premiere of Lena Dunham’s Girls did in 2012, and she viewed it as a way to broaden the festival’s offerings – and stay vital – at a time when TV is offering so much interesting work.
Out of Bounds Preview: Now connecting to Switchboard
The Out of Bounds Comedy Festival is officially underway, and comedians from across the country have descended upon Austin. Among the better-known names and faces appearing this week is a headliner that—if you aren't a die-hard improv fan or an improviser yourself—you likely haven't heard of before, but that you do not want to miss. Switchboard is a three-woman improv group composed of comedy veterans Jean Villepique, Rebecca Sohn and Debra Downing-Grosz.
SXSW premier preview: Italy Love it or Leave It offers a nuanced portrait of the duality of contemporary Italy
To Americans who primarily know Italy as a tourist destination, the country's recent dour economic headlines — not to mention the scandals of its former prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi — have been a window into its ludicrous political landscape. Add to this an already high unemployment rate further exacerbated by companies moving jobs abroad, and the outlook for young Italians is bleak. In fact, many of them are leaving Italy for other European countries.
5 Reasons to Watch Tig Notaro's One Mississippi on Amazon Prime
Tig Notaro’s half hour comedy One Mississippi dropped its first full season on Amazon Primethis month, and it’s well worth a watch. The series follows Notaro as a fictionalized version herself as she returns to her hometown when her mother dies very suddenly. Much like the real-life Notaro, her character has recently experienced an avalanche of tragedy and bad news, having lived through breast cancer and a double mastectomy, followed immediately by a debilitating intestinal disorder, C-Diff.
5 Reasons to Watch Please Like Me
It’s likely that you haven’t heard of Please Like Me. It’s okay—I only found it by chance myself. But this sitcom imported from Australia is a fantastic comedy with realistic characters and refreshing takes on topics not often seen on television. Please Like Me is the creation of Australian actor and comedian Josh Thomas, who plays the main character, also named Josh. Josh is in his early twenties, and when the first season starts he’s just been dumped by his girlfriend, Claire (Caitlin Stasey).
9 Things We Learned About Drunk History At the ATX Festival
During the ATX Television Festival in Austin, Texas, a line of fans snaked down Sixth Street to get into the Alamo Drafthouse Ritz for a Friday afternoon panel on Drunk History’s history. Inside, the audience was treated to stories about the show’s beginnings, hilarity from series creator Derek Waters and future and past narrators Duncan Trussell and Dan Harmon, and a sneak peek at what viewers can expect in season three.
Getting ‘Lady-Like’ with Stephanie Simbari
You may have caught standup Stephanie Simbari on @midnight or in the ensemble of Oxygen’s 2015 reality series Funny Girls, or heard her co-host her popular wellness podcast That’s So Retrograde. The New York native has a lot of projects right now, including a role on Jay Pharoah’s Showtime series White Famous. And now Simbari’s stepping out in her first starring film role with Lady-Like, which debuts on iTunes today.
Looking at the Dark and Absurd Sci-Fi Comedy of ‘Space Station 76’
The Jack Plotnick-directed Space Station 76 takes place in a 1970s vision of the future. You might ask what exactly that means, but it’s a fairly straightforward description: imagine the 1970s. Now imagine them in space. That’s what Space Station 76 looks like, with beautifully cold space station sets, throwback ‘70s costuming, and robots resembling R2D2.
Breaking Down ‘Silicon Valley’s Flawed Characters and Promising Debut Season
Silicon Valley’s fourth episode, “Fiduciary Duties,” ends with Richard and Erlich as they leave Peter Gregory’s office, where they spy an old photo of Gregory with Pied Piper rival, Hooli CEO Gavin Belson. In the image, they’re about the same age as Richard and Erlich, who turn back to Gregory. “Is that you and Gavin Belson?
Netflix’s ‘GLOW’ Is an Ensemble Comedy Triumph
GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling) opens on a close-up of Ruth Wilder’s (Alison Brie) face at an audition giving a rousing speech that makes her look like a shoo-in for the role. The punchline, of course, is that she’s actually been reading the man’s part. Her line? “Sorry to interrupt, but your wife is on line three.” It’s the perfect framing for a show that’s about to spend ten episodes upending that well known, tired gender dynamic.
The Gig Economy in ‘Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt returned to Netflix on Friday with season 3 picking up for the most part where it left off. At the start, Kimmy (Ellie Kemper) is deciding whether to pursue college and taking her opportunity to make the Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne (Jon Hamm) miserable by refusing to sign his divorce papers.
Inside Season 2 of ‘Lady Dynamite’ with Ana Gasteyer
Maria Bamford’s Lady Dynamite returned to Netflix with its second season last Friday, and it’s turned up the absurdity on Maria’s world even higher. Now with flashes back to 1987 Duluth and flash forwards to Maria creating a meta version of Lady Dynamite itself, audiences get a deeper look into the various personalities in Maria’s life that walk all over her as she and lovable new beau, Scott (Ólafur Darri Ólafsson), learn each other’s foibles as Maria learns to assert and stand up for herself.
5 Reasons to Watch Silicon Valley
In its second season, Mike Judge and Alec Berg’s Silicon Valley just keeps getting better, as it follows tech genius Richard Hendricks (Thomas Middleditch) as he gets his data compression startup off the ground. At first the show’s premise may sound like a glance inside an insular world, but Silicon Valley is the broadest comedy on HBOin the best sense of the term.
’Girls’ Season 2 Review: Things Get Dark
Over the course of its second season, Girls has solidified itself into the most analyzed show on the internet, with each episode bringing up a whole host of issues and a mountain of blog posts. While season two started out on upbeat notes with each of the titular girls going after new beginnings, the second half of the season took on darker material, turning the show from a comedy with satiric edge to more of an out-and-out drama with humorous elements.
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