Desai, 20, says heâ€™s thought of suicide since he was 17 and thinks he probably suffers from depression. A Washington writer and rapper was in "such a bad space" last October, he wrote a poem that he thought he'd leave as a suicide note. The man, who goes by Desai, is now 20 and has thought about suicide since he was 17. Now, however, he hopes to go to college and continue working on his passions. "Recognizing that I can write, keeps me here," says Desai. "It gives me something to work towards."