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Stephen Statler on Muck Rack

Stephen Statler

San Francisco
As seen in: McSweeney's, Points in Case
Comedy Writer/Father/Husband. My novel, Gods of Glenhaven koehlerbooks.com arrives June 2025. www.mcsweeneys.net/authors/stephen-statler

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Stephen Statler’s Biography

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Stephen Statler is a writer whose work appears in McSweeney's, Points in Case, Bull and other magazines. A screenplay, Big Time, co-written with Mouncey Ferguson, was recently optioned by Gulfstream Pictures.

He is currently at work on a comedic novel entitled "Mysteries of Glenhaven."

Stephen Statler’s Journalist Portfolio

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It Looks Like I'm Gonna Be Super Busy Til I'm Dead

It Looks Like I'm Gonna Be Super Busy Til I'm Dead

Hello Sam! How long has it been? We HAVE to get together. I miss you so much. I am clearly just the Uber driv…

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A Week of Radically Honest Pillow Talk

A Week of Radically Honest Pillow Talk

HER: I notice that your towel stinks after one shower. I worry that if you stink that bad on the outside, you…

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List: How Little League Baseball Turns Dads Into Assholes: A Mathematical Equation

List: How Little League Baseball Turns Dads Into Assholes: A Mathematical Equation

Where x = batting average of son y = dad's personal dreams unfulfilled m = years left in dad's marriage with …

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Dad, Can I Please Get Machine Gun Your Face 4 for Christmas?

Dad, Can I Please Get Machine Gun Your Face 4 for Christmas?

Dad, can I please get Machine Gun Your Face 4 for the Xbox? Logan has it and Caden has it. It's way less viol…

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It May Be Your Sabbath, But It's Our 3rd Grade Championship - Punchnels

It May Be Your Sabbath, But It's Our 3rd Grade Championship - Punchnels

Dear Ben, I totally respect that your particular religion requires you to abstain from sports on Sundays. But…

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Questions and Answers from Donald Trump's IQ Test

Questions and Answers from Donald Trump's IQ Test

President Donald Trump suggested he's smarter than Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, saying in an interview p…

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Articles

We Seem to Pee at the Same Time, Fellow Coworker-Now We’re Best Friends

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By Talia Argondezzi, Dan Gutenberg, Stephen Statler, Conner L Jackson
| Points in Case
My former best friend used to always say, “Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a pattern.” Mom was filled with little nuggets of wisdom like that. Sadly, it was that very catchphrase of hers that led to her downfall. When I saw you in the bathroom at around 10 am last Tuesday, I didn’t think anything of it. I assumed you had to relieve yourself after that never-ending seminar from HR, just like me.
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Nah, You Wouldn’t Want to Sign up for My Class on Reverse Psychology

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By Jordan De Padova, Noah Feldman, Tommy Smith, Stephen Statler
| Points in Case
Clearly, you just don’t have what it takes. Only the best and brightest sign up for THAT class. Check the Psych Department’s course catalog—I’m sure you’ll find something more your speed… Consider auditing Professor Lipton’s lecture series on conformity. After all, everybody’s going. Pavlovian Conditioning is pet-friendly. Dr. Krüger is leading a tutorial on psychoanalysis.
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Have You Dined with Us Before?

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By Dan Gutenberg, Stephen Statler, Tyler Gooch, Talia Argondezzi
| Points in Case
No? Well, welcome! Since you’re first-timers, I’ll walk you through what’s happening. That booklet in front of you on the table is the “menu.” It lists all the food options available, as well as the prices. Select what you want from the list. Then I’ll tell the kitchen, and they’ll make the dishes you’ve chosen. The kitchen’s behind that door. Craig, our cold dishes chef, will sulk if you don’t order any salads.
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